Religion Jokes
109 religion jokes and hilarious religion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about religion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a lighthearted take on religion? Check out this collection of religion jokes in which religion is depicted in a fun, often irreverent manner. Read jokes and cartoons which draw upon Christianity, Catholicism, and other beliefs. Enjoy the funniest jokes with your family and friends!
Quick Jump To
- Short Religion Jokes
- Religion One Liners
- Religion Bar Jokes
- Religion Teacher Jokes
- True Religion Jokes
- More Religion Jokes
Funniest Religion Short Jokes
Short religion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The religion humour may include short atheism jokes also.
- Why can't you combine religion and science? Because science gives us skyscrapers and airplanes,
Religion combines them together. - Difference between a cult and a religion In a cult, there's a guy at the top that knows it's a scam.
In a religion, that guy is dead. - When I found out my wife was having an affair, I was heartbroken. I turned to religion to cope. Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow.
- A child with an imaginary friend is normal An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,
And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion. - If the mantises are always praying, what is their religion? It varies, they're all in sects.
- I joined a religion where flatbread tells us about god. Its a naan prophet organization.
I have no idea why this was the first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning. - What's the difference between a cult and a religion? In a cult, there's always at least one person at the top who's completely crazy, or who knows it's all a scam...
In a religion, that guy's dead! - Whats the difference between engineering and religion? Engineering build planes and buildings. Religion brings them together.
- A Jewish man was talking to a Hindu man Jew: Yeah, so in my religion we only believe in one God.
hindu: No way!
Jew: Yahweh - What's the difference between a cult and a religion? In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it's all nonsense.
In a religion that person is dead.
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Religion One Liners
Which religion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with religion? I can suggest the ones about religious and bible.
- Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion. They're in sects.
- If a Viking discovers religion Is he Bjorn again?
- If Jesus was real they wouldn't call it the crucifixion... They would call it crucifact.
- Science built skyscrapers and airplanes But only religion can bring the two together.
- What religion do ghost practice? Boo-ddhism
- What's the difference between religion and mythology? A few hundred years.
- What's the main religion of most ghosts? Boo dism
- My son thinks the land of the Jews is fake. I told him it Israel.
- Islam is a peaceful religion A piece over there, a piece over there, a piece over here
- I've found religion after meeting Mike Tyson Dude hit me right in the faith.
- A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew walk into a bar and keep their religions to themselves.
- I got a job talking about religion So far it's been very prophetable.
- What religion do ghosts adhere to? Boodhism
- Science flies you to the moon Religion flies you into buildings
- Why is religion like mobile gaming? Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.
Religion Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny religion bar jokes and even better religion bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Muslim walks into a bar and orders a bacon sandwich and a beer.
"Isn't that forbidden in your religion?" the bartender asks.
"Yes, but my sins will be forgiven in... 9 minutes.. and 30 seconds." - I posted a "Donald Trump walks into a bar" joke to see if it's going to be labelled as "Politics" or "Walks into a bar". Turns out it's "Religion".
Religion Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny religion teacher jokes and even better religion teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A joke my religion teacher told to our class Roses are red,
Violets are blue-ish,
If it wasn't for Jesus,
We all would be Jewish! - My religion teacher asked me what piety was I said "circumference".
- Class teacher: A synonym for 'collective madness'? Student: Religion.
True Religion Jokes
Here is a list of funny true religion jokes and even better true religion puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Islam is the true religion After all, the universe started with an e**....
- Scientists discovered that Islam is the true religion after all The universe began with a big e**...
Giggle-Inducing Religion Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about religion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prayer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make religion pranks.
It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only s**... education...
According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.
After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
What religion do they practice in h**...?
Crispianity.
So I walked into a s**... shop the other day...
Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll
Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?
Me: I'd like a female.
Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?
Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?
Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.
There are three truths in religion:
1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
A priest was hiking in the woods when suddenly a mountain lion appeared…..
…. readyto devour the man whole.
The priest quickly falls to his knees, looks up to the heavens and prays, "Dear God, please teach this lion mercy and give him religion." A chorus of angels is heard as a beam of light shines down on the mountain lion.
The lion then drops to his knees, looks up to heavens and prays, "Dear God, bless you for this food I'm about to receive."
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, s**... and mystery.
The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?
The customer says, Female.
The counter guy asks, Black or white?
The customer says, White.
The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?
The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?
The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.
There was a writing competition for a story that had: religion, s**... and mystery.
The winner was "Oh god I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it".
Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb,
But you do need a religious person to set it off.
A Muslim walks into a bar with a bomb...
He asks the barkeep "why does this bar have a bomb?"
The barkeep replies "don't worry, it's just for decoration. This bar, Paradise, is a wartime-themed bar"
"Well I'll be!" exclaims the Muslim. He takes a seat and orders a v**... Mary, as his religion forbids him from imbibing alcohol, but encourages the enjoyment of virgins in Paradise.
What is the difference between a cult and a religion?
In a cult the main person knows it's all b**.... In religion that person is dead.
An Easter joke.
A priest was arguing with a rabbi.
"What is great in our religion", says the priest, "is that there is room for advancement. A humble village priest can become a bishop, an archbishop, a cardinal, who knows?, maybe even the Pope!"
The rabbi answers: "What about the Almighty? Can he become the Almighty?"
"Certainly not!", responds the priest, "what a sacrilegious thought! No mere mortal man can aspire to become the Almighty!"
The rabbi retorts: "One of our boys made it!"
A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:
1: Religion
2: Sexuality
3: Mystery
Below is the only A* essay.
"Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."
So, this guy at the door trying to push his religion on me says, "Bro, you want this pamphlet?"
And I'm like, "Brochure."
An entomologist walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper.
An entomologist walks into a bar and orders a grasshopper. "We haven't seen you in a while. How is your research going?" the bartender asks. "Great. I've actually had quite a breakthrough. I've discovered that praying mantises don't all follow the same religion," the entolomolgist says. "They're in sects."
Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.
He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.
I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...
...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"
When I found out my wife was cheating on me, I was devastated. I turned to religion to cope.
Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow.
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.
Running from a bear...
A hiker surprises a large Grizzly in the woods. The Bruin gives chase and as the man crashed blindly through the brush, he suddenly finds himself standing on a precipice overlooking a deep canyon. The bear is nearly upon him when the man in desperation shouts to the heavens, "Lord, give this bear some religion!" At that moment the bear drops to his knees in earnest prayer, "Our heavenly Father, Thank you for this meal I'm about to receive..."
Religion is all about who you DON'T recognize.....
Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God, Protestants don't recognize the Pope, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
Islam is a religion of piece.
There's a piece of you over there, a piece over there, another over there..
Best explanation of Star Wars
The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a t**... attack which kills 300'000 people.
Dali Lama said that killing for religion is unthinkable. Thanks a lot, Dali Lama… Nobody ever listens to the Dali Lama.
Reincarnation
I told my wife that in the Hindu religion she could come back as something completely different. She said she wanted to come back as a cow.
I told her she wasn't listening.
A man and an alien are talking
At some point the conversation turns to religion.
The man asks: have you heard of Jesus?
The alien responds: oh yeah, he comes by twice a year.
The man, shocked says
twice a year? We have been waiting over 2,000 years for him to return!
Well maybe he didn't like your gifts, the alien says.
Gifts, the man asks perplexed?
Yeah, every time he comes we give him plenty of gifts and food, the alien says.
What did you do for him the last time he visited you guys?
A girl came into my bookstore and asked...
A girl came into my bookstore and asked, "what are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"
Slim to nun?
The 2 Golden Rules of Religion
1) Be kind to other people.
2) KILL THE FILTHY INFIDELS!!!!
Islam is a religion of piece.
A piece of you here, there, everywhere.
A New Car
A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the car wash because in his religion it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the exhaust pipe
"Science and religion don't mix," said the priests...
...in a desperate attempt to exclude the DNA evidence.
A black Christian man and a white Jewish man walk into a bar...
"That's racist!"
Okay, so a Christian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar...
"That's religionist!"
Okay, so two men walk into a bar...
"That's sexist!"
Okay, so a man and a woman walk into a bar...
"That's homophobic!"
Okay, so two people walk into a bar...
"That's ableist!"
Okay, so two people enter a bar...
"That promotes alcoholism!"
Okay, so two people enter a place...
"Animals have rights too!"
Okay, so two animals, which may or may not be human, enter a place...
"I've heard this one before!"
Religion is a lot like s**...
You really should not force it on children.
What is a ghost's favorite religion?
Booddism.
What's the most popular religion for addicts?
the crystal Methodists
Did you know the first Easter and ther first april fools day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)
Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger.
My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.
Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers.
I am sick
Once I was traveling from Mumbai to Singapore. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sikh person before.
Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady.
Her name was Margarita and she belonged to Spain.
She asked, "what are you?"
I replied, "I am Sikh."
"I am sorry," said the young lady, "hope you get well soon."
I replied,"no dear, I am not sick as that of the body, I am Sikh as of religion."
She shook hands with me and said, "it is nice meeting you, I am also sick of religion."
College Assignment: Short Story
So, the assignment in a college writing class was to compose a short story using as FEW words as possible, but in order to be accepted, the story had to include discussion of three things:
1) Religion
2) Sexuality
3) Mystery
The winning entry:
"God God! I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it."
Science makes you fly to the moon
Religion makes you fly into skyscrapers
There is a new t**... religion that hates addition
The Tally Ban
How do religions reproduce?
They have sects.
What's the difference between science and religion? Science flies you to the moon
While Religion Flies You Into Buildings.
A person who discriminates race is racist; s**...- sexist, age- ageist, disability- ableist, religion-
Realist
Religions are so different. Jews do not recognize Christ. Anglicans do not recognize the Pope.
Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
My wife converted me to religion;
I never believed in h**... until I married her.
What religion do cats believe?
Cat-tholism
How to use religion to your advantage
1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet
Politics and religion is like a d-c**...
you shouldn't force it down anyone's t**... especially your children.
How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?
split them into groups and teach them different religions.
Prayer has no place in the public schools
just like facts have no place in organized religion
Two out of eleven jokes about religion are discriminatory towards Jews...
...the other 9/11, towards Muslims.
Two Jews walk by a Christian church. . .
There is a sign on the door that says, "convert to Christianity and receive $100". One of them speaks up and says, "I'm going in." His friend says "you're really going to change religions for $100?"
"A $100 is a $100, I'm doing it!" And he walks inside.
A few minutes later he walks back out and his friend says, "Well? Did you get the money?"
He replies, "Oh, that's all you people think about isn't it?"
What do you call Kanye after he gave up religion?
Ye of little faith!
A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together.
The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the carwash because, in his religion, it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism.
The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the tailpipe.
superheros and religion are alot more similar than you think
Just a bunch people arguing whose fictional character is the best.
Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.
One prefers to use its head, while the others relies on tales...
Organised Religion and Mafias have a lot in common...
Both have their respective clubhouses and neither pay taxes
