Religious Jokes
140 religious jokes and hilarious religious puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about religious that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Deepen your connection to faith in an unconventional yet enjoyable manner with our refreshing array of Jokes that are Religious. Spirituality and humor may seem like two different realms, but when combined appropriately, they create a harmonious symphony that can light up any discussion.
Whether you're intending to break the ice at a fellowship gathering, introduce wit into your religious study sessions, or simply to enjoy a light-hearted laugh with like-minded acquaintances, our assortment of respectful religious jokes will certainly fit the bill. However, it's important to remember that humor can be subject to interpretation - enjoy and share these jokes with discretion, ensuring they comfort and entertain while respecting diverse beliefs. Welcome to a journey of exploring faith, love, and laughter together.
This article explores a selection of religious jokes, from religious Christmas jokes to religious dark humour. Learn what makes a religious joke funny and read jokes about Christianity, Buddhism and more. Discover funny puns about prays, religious fart and light bulb jokes, and an irreverent take on religious golf and Easter.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Religious Short Jokes
Short religious jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The religious humour may include short religion jokes also.
- My girlfriends parents are very religious. The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
- I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives I will start a religious movement anytime now
- To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"
- My girlfriend and I broke up because of a difference in religious beliefs. She didn't believe I was God.
- I exercise religiously I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.
- What do you call a religious song from Helsinki that describes the end of a Mortal Kombat match? A Finnish Hymn
- I heard my son's girlfriend screaming "Oh God!" in his bedroom upstairs ... Im so glad he found a good religious girl.
- I didn't realize how religious the Japanese are. Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.
- Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb, But you do need a religious person to set it off.
- How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist? Gingerly.
Share These Religious Jokes With Friends
Religious One Liners
Which religious one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with religious? I can suggest the ones about church and faith.
- I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness
- What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water? A religious movement.
- What is the highest religious authority among oranges called? The Pulp.
- Mike Tyson is SO religious That he punches people in the faith.
- I don't drink alcohol for religious reasons. I drink it for other reasons.
- Its Ramadan Now I have a religious reason to be broke and starving
- I don't swear because I'm religious. I swear because I'm angry.
- What do you call religious pasta? Raviholy.
- What do you call an adult with an imaginary friend? Religious
- What do you call people who worship paper bags? Sack religious
- What do you call religious hay? Christian Bale.
- How much religious experience does a woman need to be a part of the church? Nun.
- My religious girlfriend is obsessed with cats. She's a Catholic catholic.
- What do you call a religious owl? A bird of pray.
- How many religious people wear black hoods? Nun
Religious Leader Jokes
Here is a list of funny religious leader jokes and even better religious leader puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call it when somebody kills a perfect circle of religious leaders? A 360 No-Pope
- There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.
- I've been training my dog to alert me when he smells people who follow a creepy pseudo-religious leader who makes them believe that their salvation lies in giving him money. It's sniffacult work.
- Donald Trump had a record amount of religious leaders participate in his inaugural ceremony including: a priest, a deacon, and.... one hundred million people saying "god help us"
- What do you call the religious leader of law enforcement? the popope.
- Who is the supreme religious leader of the corns? Pope corn!
Religious Reasons Jokes
Here is a list of funny religious reasons jokes and even better religious reasons puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't drink for religious reasons. I drink for other reasons.
- I don't eat meat for religious reasons I eat it becouse i like the taste
- What does a muslim man call a woman he wants to sleep with, but can't due to religious reasons? Harambae
- For some reason... I find myself becoming extremely religious right around finals week.
- My wife divorced me for religious reasons. She worshipped money and I don't have any.
- Rumor has it the upper management at my company wants to hire on a religious figure for some reason But that's nun of my business.
Religious Easter Jokes
Here is a list of funny religious easter jokes and even better religious easter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dentist took a look in my mouth and said, "Your gums look awful. I told you to floss religiously." I do, I said, I floss on Christmas and Easter.
- I'm religious about brushing my teeth. I do it twice a year on Christmas and Easter.
- My Doctor says I need to start exercising religiously. So now I hit the gym on Christmas and Easter.
- This year I've decided I'm going to exercise religiously... That means I'm going to work out on Easter and Christmas and I'm done.
Religious Christmas Jokes
Here is a list of funny religious christmas jokes and even better religious christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Charming Humor Religious Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about religious you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clergy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make religious pranks.
A very religious man went on a safari
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
The secret of long life
A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you'll live to a nice, ripe old age."
So the young man did this religiously every day for the rest of his life, and sure enough, lived to the age of 100.
When he died he left behind 6 children, 10 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs
The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**
A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*
The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.
*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Offensive nfl joke. Trigger Warning: Terrorism/World Trade Centre/Religious, anybody who is offended do not open this link
I'm really worried about Tim Tebow taking over the QB position. The last time anybody that religious had control of the Jets 9/11 happened
A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.
On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, "what are you doing?". The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, "looking for a loophole."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A religious traitor
Son: Dad, what's a religious traitor?
Father: A person who leaves our church and joins another.
Son: And what is a person who leaves another church and joins ours?
Father: A convert, son, a blessed convert.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One I came up with today.
Did you hear about the new cult that worships t**...?
They are sacreligious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking across a bridge...
and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
I said, "Well there's so much to live for."
"Like what?"
"Well, are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Baptist or Episcopalian!"
"Baptist."
"Me too! Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1893 or Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917."
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" as I pushed him off the bridge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First Impressions
A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with s**....
Extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, the boy rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help. "First time?" the pharmacist guesses. The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.
Finally, the big night arrives and the boy arrives at the girl's house. As the couple and the girl's parents sit down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself. After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, "I never knew you were so religious!" He looks up at her and whispers back, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!"
A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.
They were wearing robes and sandals, had s**... heads and holding up signs.
One sign read "The End is Near!"
The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"
He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.
He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.
One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said "Maybe we should simply write 'warning: bridge ahead closed'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are three religious truths
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.
So there was a monk...
This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Life is like s**...
Religious people don't want you to enjoy it.
So the church is losing money...
...and the friars decide that they need a new income source. To do this, they set up a flower stand, and do a pretty good business selling flowers in the small village. Unfortunately, there is another floral store that is losing business because of the friars. So, they go talk to the friars, telling them to stop selling flowers, because they are losing money. The friars say "no way man, free country, free enterprise."
The owners of the other floral shop decide to get real about these religious flower sellers, so they hire a hitman to go take them out. The hitman, named Hugh, shows up to the friars' store. Hugh, now, he's about 7'1', and 240 pounds of pure muscle. "Hey," he says, "you guys ought to stop sellin flowers." The petrified friars agree that maybe the floral business isn't such a good idea after all, and promptly shut it down.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heresy
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" and pushed him off.
~Emo Philips
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A devout Muslim entered a cab in London
He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio, because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music, because in the time of the prophet there was no music especially western music, which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab, and opened the door. The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered,
"In the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so get off and wait for a camel!"
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.
At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A preacher is buying a parrot
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you s**... fool!" screeched the parrot.
My religious studies professor assigned an essay about the last days of Christ.
I totally nailed it.
today i mixed holy water and prune juice to make a new drink
it gave me a religious movement
"How much would you say you read the Bible?"
"Well, I don't read it religiously."
Bud-dum tss, I hate myself.
It's a funny thing, when you talk to God, you're religious
but when he talks to you, you're a psycopath
I went on vacation with my girlfriends family - her dad is really religious and said we could not sleep together
Which is a shame cuz he's a really attractive man
I tried to start a religious social media page called Faithbook...
...but it was deemed offensive by the American Lisp Association.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to kermit and his friends
He'd be a pastor of muppets
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy some condoms
The pharmacist takes note and says Big night tonight eh?
The man responds Yeah, meeting the new girls' parents for dinner tonight and I'm trying to get lucky.
He heads to his girlfriend's house later that night and sits down before eating to pray.
And pray
And pray
After a few minutes his girlfriend leans over and says I didn't know you were so religious
He leans over and says I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist
Notice at a religious place
Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!
My wife is a deeply religious cook...
Everything she makes is either a burnt offering or a sacrifice.
45000 feet above the Atlantic, the aircraft engine fails
And the captain declares an emergency. Everyone aboard the plane was scared shitless. A passenger sitting next to the pastor loses it and screams, 'Don't just sit there, do something religious!'.
The pastor promptly took up a collection.....
Why are religious people afraid of Trigonometry?
Cos they are afraid of Sin
What do you call a religious organization that doesn't make any money?
A non-prophet!
My good transgender friend
My good transgender friend doesn't like to talk about growing up in a very religious family.
She was a heathen.
I asked my friend why he only wore a mask when he was in church.
He said his doctor advised him to wear them religiously.
What do you call a group of religious oranges?
Jehovah's citruses.
A religious old lady prayed everyday for wealth...
She had lived a life free of sin and had suffered greatly through no fault of her own. Every day she went to her local church and prayed:
"God, i have been all my life, please, let me win the lottery"
Every day for many years she did this, until one day, the church roof split open and a booming voice commanded:
"WELL AT LEAST MEET ME HALFWAY AND BUY A TICKET!"
Why does Shang Tsung always enjoy a religious song from Finland?
Because it's a Finnish hymn.
What's a religious saying atheists can agree with?
He who fears god has nothing to fear
My Muslim friend doesn't eat Italian sausage
It's not a religious thing, Isalamiphobia
Religious differences
I heard you got divorced? What happened?
Religious differences destroyed our marriage.
Religious differences?
Yes, I wasn't allowed to love my neighbor.
As a Muslim, I really appreciate the Courts upholding religious freedom
Seriously, Praise Be A Law
Religious differences
Judge: Why are you divorcing your wife?
Husband : We have major religious differences!
Judge: What are those differences??
Husband : She thinks she is God, I don't.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My attempt at a s**... math joke
A sine wave and a cosine wave are trying to have a baby. They are deeply religious so the only position they are able to do is m**.... After many attempts they think they might have conceived a child. The cosine wave grabs a pregnancy test, goes into the bathroom, and comes out a couple of minutes later. The sine wave says "well is it negative or positive?" and the cosine wave says "no, it's tangent."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of religious guys knocked on my door trying to sell me vacuum cleaners
They were Jehoovers Witnesses
What did the religious zealots call their gym?
Jehovah's Fitness
Religious people get mad about abortions because they think it's killing babies.
They must've forgotten what passover was about.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of priests stand by the road...
... holding a sign "IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK. THIS PATH IS DOOMED!!" Most people just drive by but then suddenly someone stops and yells at the priests: "No one will belive this religious b**...! You're wasting your time!" After that one of the priests says: Maby we should just write "The bridge has fallen!"?
How did Batman get out of religious jail?
He had to pay Christian Bail
The doctor examining me in A and E asked whether I had any religious beliefs. "None at all," I assured him.
The doctor examining me in A and E asked whether I had any religious beliefs. "None at all," I assured him. He glanced at my notes and said "you might want to reconsider that."
