The Best 64 Religion Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Religion jokes. There are some religion faith jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these religion throats puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Religion Jokes and Puns

What is the difference between a cult and a religion?

In a cult the main person knows it's all bullshit. In religion that person is dead.

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."

OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?

Religion joke, After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

Jesus loves all the children of the world

But then again, so do priests

Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.

While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.

After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.

Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.

God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.

They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".


A muslim woman is getting arrested

The police officer handcuffs her

You have the right to remain silent he says.

She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior.

Why, you see, I'm just happy to finally have a right!

If Jesus was real they wouldn't call it the crucifixion...

They would call it crucifact.

Religion joke, If Jesus was real they wouldn't call it the crucifixion...

It's said that Jesus could walk on water...

Thats nothing! Stephen Hawking ran on batteries

Jesus Crust

A priest and a Zen master are making toast.

The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"

The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

How did the Virgin Mary know it was time to give birth to Jesus?

Her wine broke.

My son thinks the land of the Jews is fake.

I told him it Israel.

You can explore religion christian reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean religion pilgrimage dad jokes. There are also religion puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So the pope is SUPER EARLY for his flight


He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.

Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.

Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."

Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"

Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."

Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"

Cop: "More important, sir."

Chief: "A major politician?"

Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."

Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"

Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."

There's a new type of Heroin on the market that's called "Jesus Christ"

Finally a way for people to feel good after taking the lord's name in vein

A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.

A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.

The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?

The customer says, Female.

The counter guy asks, Black or white?

The customer says, White.

The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?

The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?

The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.

Religion is all about who you DON'T recognize.....

Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God, Protestants don't recognize the Pope, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

A Muslim walks into a bar with a bomb...

He asks the barkeep "why does this bar have a bomb?"

The barkeep replies "don't worry, it's just for decoration. This bar, Paradise, is a wartime-themed bar"

"Well I'll be!" exclaims the Muslim. He takes a seat and orders a virgin Mary, as his religion forbids him from imbibing alcohol, but encourages the enjoyment of virgins in Paradise.

Religion joke, A Muslim walks into a bar with a bomb...

Reincarnation

I told my wife that in the Hindu religion she could come back as something completely different. She said she wanted to come back as a cow.
I told her she wasn't listening.

How do religions reproduce?

They have sects.

What religion do ghosts practice?

Boo-ddhism


I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...

...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Islam is a religion of piece.

There's a piece of you over there, a piece over there, another over there..

Islam is a peaceful religion

A piece over there, a piece over there, a piece over here

Science flies you to the moon

Religion flies you into buildings

What's the most popular religion for addicts?

the Crystal Methodists

When I found out my wife was having an affair, I was heartbroken. I turned to religion to cope.

Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow.

College Assignment: Short Story

So, the assignment in a college writing class was to compose a short story using as FEW words as possible, but in order to be accepted, the story had to include discussion of three things:

1) Religion

2) Sexuality

3) Mystery

The winning entry:

"God God! I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it."

A Jewish man was talking to a Hindu man

Jew: Yeah, so in my religion we only believe in one God.

Hindu: No way!

Jew: Yahweh

Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.

He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.

When I found out my wife was cheating on me, I was devastated. I turned to religion to cope.

Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow.

Islam is a religion of piece.

A piece of you here, there, everywhere.

The 2 Golden Rules of Religion

1) Be kind to other people.

2) KILL THE FILTHY INFIDELS!!!!

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

What's the main religion of most ghosts?

Boo dism

Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb,

But you do need a religious person to set it off.

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.

The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:

1: Religion

2: Sexuality

3: Mystery

Below is the only A* essay.

"Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."

There is a new terrorist religion that hates addition

The Tally Ban

So I walked into a sex shop the other day...

Me: I'm looking for a blow up doll

Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender?

Me: I'd like a female.

Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim?

Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What's the difference?

Manager: Well, there really is none between the Christian and Protestant. However, the Muslim will blow itself up.

Science makes you fly to the moon

Religion makes you fly into skyscrapers

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

There are three truths in religion:

1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

Science built skyscrapers and airplanes

But only religion can bring the two together.

A child with an imaginary friend is normal

An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,

And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.

What is a ghost's favorite religion?

Booddism.

Whats the difference between engineering and religion?

Engineering build planes and buildings. Religion brings them together.

[Religion]A man sees a boy with a box of kittens

The man goes over and says "Oh what cute kittens!" The boy replies "Yes they are Christian kittens". About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. Once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!" The boy replies "Yes, they are atheist kittens" The man asks "wait, weren't they christian before?" The boy looks at the man and says "Yeah but they have their eyes open now.

I got a job talking about religion

So far it's been very prophetable.

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

A New Car

A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together. The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the car wash because in his religion it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism. The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the exhaust pipe

There was a writing competition for a story that had: religion, sex and mystery.

The winner was "Oh god I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it".

Religion is a lot like sex

You really should not force it on children.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."

A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.

What religion do ghosts adhere to?

Boodhism

If the mantises are always praying, what is their religion?

It varies, they're all in sects.

Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion.

They're in sects.

I joined a religion where flatbread tells us about god.

Its a naan prophet organization.

I have no idea why this was the first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning.

What's the difference between a cult and a religion?

In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it's all nonsense.

In a religion that person is dead.

Two monks werewere discussing humility.

"I have been praying and fasting, meditating and studying religion for 20 years. I have finally reached the level of humility. I am truly a nothing." said one monk.

The other monk nodded gravely. "I too have spent my life devoted to serving God. I am also a nothing."

At that moment a janitor passed, holding his mop. Overhearing the conversation, and feeling quite spiritual, he interrupted. "You know what, i am also a nothing."

The monks looked away in disgust. "Who the hell does he think he is to be a nothing???"

What's the difference between science and religion? Science flies you to the moon

While Religion Flies You Into Buildings.

A rabbi and a minister decided to buy a new car together.

The day after they bought it, the rabbi found the minister driving it. The minister explained that he had just gone to the carwash because, in his religion, it is customary to welcome a new member with the rite of baptism.

The next day, the minister discovered the rabbi cutting the end off the tailpipe.

I'm going to start a religion with really big hats

that way God can't see what we're doing.

Organised Religion and Mafias have a lot in common...

Both have their respective clubhouses and neither pay taxes

I asked my Arabic friend how he made all his money…

He said it was 3 simple steps:

Step 1: Be named Muhammed.
Step 2: Start a new religion.
Step 3: Prophet.

A blonde visits her brunette friend at her home and finds out that she's sick.

The brunette asks "Could you please call the doctor? I'm too sick to go on the phone."

She does so, and calls a doctor. When the doctor comes and visits, the brunette finds out he is a veterinarian.

Confused, the brunette asks, "Why did you call a veterinarian to come see me?"

And the blonde says, "Well I didn't think his religion would make a difference."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the religion sects jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working religion islam piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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