Relief Jokes
97 relief jokes and hilarious relief puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about relief that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find the best relief jokes to make your stressful day brighter. Whether you are looking for comic relief, stress relief, exam stress relief or just some assistance, you have come to the right place! Enjoy our selection of the funniest jokes, and don't forget to take a paracetamol reliever if needed!
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Funniest Relief Short Jokes
Short relief jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The relief humour may include short relieved jokes also.
- After weeks of speculation that the new pope would be black... ...alter boys at the Vatican are letting out a collective sigh of relief
- My wife said she wants another baby I replied That's a relief, I also really don't like this one.
- My dad said "Always leave them wanting more." That's how he lost his job in disaster relief.
- My girlfriend left a note on my PS4 today. My heart stopped beating because it said "This isn't working" Imagine my relief when I turned it on and it worked just fine.
- Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief.
- My wife said she wanted another baby. 'That's a relief' I said, 'I didn't like this one either'
- Tom Brady just announced that he was retiring from football for good. That's a relief because if he was retiring for evil, then evil would probably win.
- I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.
- Kid Rock announced he won't be running for the Republican Michigan Senate nomination . This come as a great relief to Democratic challenger Kid Scissors.
- I breathed a sigh of relief when I typed the letter "y"... ...when I had to type "analytics" into the search bar during a presentation at work.
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Relief One Liners
Which relief one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with relief? I can suggest the ones about distress and assistance.
- What do you call the feeling of relief after a good dump? Shatisfaction
- What emotion does a tree feel every spring? Relief
- I'm not looking for the #1 constipation relief medicine in the market. A #2 would do.
- A comedian walks into a bathroom It's a comic relief.
- What position does Kool-aid Man play in baseball? Relief Pitcher :^)
- What do you call a Muslim on a toilet? Islamic Relief
- erielf, erilef, reilef, relief I got relief through a vowel movement.
- My friend fell from a hill. Doctors say he's okay now. Phew. That's a huge relief.
- Where's the best place in India to go for topical pain relief? Mysore
- If a tomato's a tomato and a potato's a potato, what's a pea? A relief.
- Just made my first lino print. What a relief.
- New study brings relief to LGBTQ community: Being gay is not hereditary.
- What do you call being fired from a candy shop? Sweet relief
- What do you call a failed unexpected pregnancy test? Relief.
- Im glad Terry Wogan is dead. It's a comic relief.
Pain Relief Jokes
Here is a list of funny pain relief jokes and even better pain relief puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is there no pain relief in the jungle? Cos the Parrots-Eat-Em-All
Comic Relief Jokes
Here is a list of funny comic relief jokes and even better comic relief puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In awkward situations I'll sometimes break out my braille version of Calvin and Hobbes. You know - comic relief.
- What do you get when a superhero has to use the restroom? A comic relief.
Giggle-Inducing Relief Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about relief you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ease jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make relief pranks.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
A burglar
While robbing a home a burglar hears someone say "Jesus is watching you."
To his relief he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something he heard. The burglar asks the parrot "What is your name?"
The parrot says "Moses"
The burglar goes on to ask "What kind of person names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot replies "The same kind of man that names his rottweiler Jesus."
What a relief!
I went out with this one girl, and she scared me. One day she says to me "Soon you're gonna hear the pitter-patter of little feet!" and I'm thinking, "Oh Lord, she's pregnant"...
She ended up leaving me for a midget.
Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...
So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
Polishing my shoes
I was walking downtown when I saw a black man carrying a tv set, and it looked just like mine. So I ran back home and to my relief mine was still there polishing my shoes.
A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief...
Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed.
My Uncle
When I was a young boy, my Uncle would always tell me "Always leave them wanting more"
Which is probably why he lost his job in famine relief.
are you sure I'm drunk?
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."
The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."
My heart sank when I received the text message "I am breaking up with you. It's over between us" from my partner.
But "Sorry, wrong number baby" came afterwards. Whew, what a relief!
A woman gives birth to twins and then goes into a coma
When she wakes up, she realises that she is yet to name her child.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry about that miss. Your brother was here while you were unconscious. He named your children.
Mother: What!? My brother is a complete idiot! Oh God, what did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Mother: Oh, I guess that's not too bad. What a relief. And what did he name my son?
Doctor: ....Denephew
A farmer was worried when he counted only 196 cows...
...but when he rounded them up, much to his relief, he had 200.
Mum, father hanged himself!
A little boy runs to his mum crying: "Mum, Mum", he screams, "Father hanged himself!"
"Where is he hanging?", his mum asks.
"In the attic!", the boy says.
So the mum and her son go to the attic but nobody's there.
"But he isn't there", says the mum in relief.
Then her son says: "April Fool! He's hanging in the basement!"
The US has avoided disaster..
by electing Donald Trump, our country's cumulative sigh of relief that surely would've thrown our planet out of its orbit and into the sun, has been avoided.
One day David Duke was walking home from the supermarket...
He saw a black man running down the street with a TV and immediately became nervous.
"Wait, is that mine? I can never tell the difference between those d**... things", he said to himself.
He quickly rushed home,
and breathed a sigh of relief.
His was still there; polishing his shoes.
Bob suddenly realized his wife had fallen off her horse
Which was quite a relief as just an hour ago he'd thought he'd gone deaf
Today the principal at my school incorrectly let go of our school's cherished relief teacher.
Whoops, wrong sub
I was a bit paranoid about my s**... prowess after catching my wife filling in a Cosmopolitan questionnaire -
"Is Your Man Bad In Bed?".
"It's just something to do when I'm bored" she protested.
"That's a relief," I replied, as I carried on thrusting.
Vomiting is like s**......
It's sometimes better to just bend over and let it happen.
When it comes it comes.
You usually feel g**... afterwards, but there's still a sense of relief.
A fencing instructor came back to the academy after a well deserved holiday
Only to find that the relief instructor had been teaching his students nothing else but to parry and counter.
Apparently all the sub could do was riposte.
National disasters really turn my wife on
Everytime I come home from disaster relief efforts she is pregnant
BREAKING NEWS: Snails in Puerto Rico losing their homes just as badly as the people.
But with limited relief resources, they will have to slug it out for awhile.
Message from my girlfriend:
"It's over! Your d**...'s too big. - It hurts me."
I was heartbroken and sad. But, when I came home she was there!
She said: "Forget the message! It was meant for someone else."
Can't describe the relief I felt. Everything feels good again.
Two friends were climbing a mountain
When suddenly one of them took a false step and fell from the top, disappearing from the other's sight.
As they were equipped with radio equipment, the other tried to contact him immediately with his, "Well, well, are you okay?"
"I'm fine!"
The friend sighed in relief, and kept asking, "Do you have a fracture?"
"No, none!"
"Then go back up and I'll wait for you here."
"Sure, as soon as I get to the bottooooooom!"
A nun in sunday school asks a girl what she wants to be when she grows up
"A p**...!" she says.
The nun is appalled.
"young lady, WHAT did you say?!"
the girl replies "A p**...".
the nun lets out a sigh of relief
"oh thank goodness, I thought you said 'protestant"!
A serial r**... was caught and put on trial
and the prosecutor asked the r**... "What inspired you to do what you did?"
He replied, "Your honor, I couldn't have r**... those women because I am gay!"
A look of relief spread across the judge's face and he leaned back contently in his chair... "Finally, some biblical justification to punish you!"
A very plane joke
Pilot: We are going to die.
Passengers: *starts freaking out*
Pilot: haha don't worry we will all die one day.
Passengers: *sighs in relief*
Pilot: But we'll all probably die when we hit that mountain.
Someone told me you are what you eat...
It's a relief to know that I'm human.
Edit 1: Pretty sure this is OC
How many relief aid workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The task should be left to the indigenous population to carry out themselves.
Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.
The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup
An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. Doctor says, Okay I've got bad news and really bad news. Old man: Well, okay. what's the really bad news? You've got cancer. It's extremely aggressive and I'm giving you two weeks to live. Oh god....what's the bad news? You've got Alzheimer's disease. Oh what a relief! I though you were going to tell me I had cancer!
I started a charity that raises funds for disaster relief via s**...-work...
I call it: Thots and Prayers
Beads of sweat were running down her cleavage. Her breathing was hot and heavy.
She moaned as she gained momentum by rocking her hips harder and harder, preparing for the final climactic effort she knew was coming soon. Then, in one final full-body t**..., it was all over, and she breathed a deep sigh of relief and satisfaction. It's always a struggle when the wife gets up off the sofa.
I said to the wife 'I've got a problem.
' She replied 'No, we have a problem, we're a couple, we're married, were a unit, your problem is my problem were in this together.'
Overwhelmed with relief I said 'its hardly worth mentioning now.'
But she was insistent on knowing, 'what's is the problem?'
I then had to explain to her that 'we have got your sister pregnant!.'
A completely drunk man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?""Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle's house.
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle's house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century! The boy sagged in relief: Oh, good that it wasn't new.
My car broke down on the side of the road at night. Just my luck, some shady hoodlums approached my vehicle after only a few minutes...
What a relief, they totally jumped me!
Last night I rode my bike to the store and they had my favorite whiskey on sale!
I had to ride my bike home with the bottle in my jacket. On the way back I hit a p**... hole, fell down and immediately felt some wetness under my jacket. You can imagine my relief when I realized it was just blood!
A girl and guy are laying in bed after s**...
She turns to him and says,
"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian."
He said:
"That doesn't bother me any!"
She responded:
"That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."
I needed money to pay over due bills
So my wife found part time work as a teacher.
That's a relief.
A girl and guy are laying in bed after s**...
She turns to him and says,
"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be Christian."
He said: "That doesn't bother me any!"
She responded: "That's a relief, I much prefer being Christine."
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $300 to a poor guy.
You wouldn't believe the immense happiness and relief I felt as he slid the p**... back into his waistband.
TIL the government has a minimum height requirement for workers to receive Coronavirus relief payments. I was so angry...
but I'm over it
A guy is in a job interview...
And the interviewer says to him "your work history looks good on your resume, but notice there's a four year gap between FedEx and your secretarial job. Can you explain that?" The guy says "oh yeah, thats when I went to Yale."
The interviewer is impressed and says "wow, very cool! You're hired!" The guy breathes a sigh of relief and says "oh good! I really need this yob."
Coffee Shop
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my b**... trumpet to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with earbuds.
Aprils fools
A mom comes home from work on aprils fools and the lil bro runs up to her screaming mom mom bro hanged himself in the bedroom, petrified she makes a run for the bedroom and its empty. Turns to her kid in relief telling him that this is not the apropriate joke, while he says aprils fooooools, hes hanged in the living room.
Stress relief
Doctor : What do you do when you feel stressed?
Patient: I go to the temple...
Doctor : Good...and u pray there ?
Patient : No... I mix-up all shoes kept outside and watch people more stressed than me..... and my stress goes away
There was a devastating earthquake in the Irish town of Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll.
Relief workers are still at work trying to figure out what was the town's name before the catastrophe.
Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Sheila says:
"When I grow up, I want to be a p**...!" Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barks: "What the **** did you say?"
"A p**...!" Sheila repeats. Sister Catherine breathes a sight of relief and says: "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"
John told his wife, "I've got a problem."
She stopped him right there. "No dear, WE have a problem. We're in this together John. We married for better or for worse. Therefore, your problem is our problem." John sighed in relief. "Well, now it's hardly worth mentioning." But his wife was insistent. "Go ahead John'', tell me. What's wrong?" John answered, "Somehow, we got your sister pregnant!"
Monster under the bed
Jim hears his son call his name, so he walks in his sons room. Jim's son, Howard says with a tremble in his voice, "Dad, there's a monster under my bed." Jim unconvinced walks to his son's bed and looks underneath. There he sees his son crying and startled as he whispers, "Dad, there's a monster sleeping in my bed." Jim falls backwards from the shock and comes to a sence of relief when he realised that he had forgotten that he had twins.
A robber decides to rob a house.
He comes in silently, doesn't turn on any lights, and starts to look for the valuables. In one room, he suddenly hears a voice say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber looks around frantically in the dark, when he hears the same voice, again say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber takes out his flashlight, and turns it on to see a parrot. He breathes a sigh of relief, and taunts by saying You're just a parrot. What are you going to do? The parrot responds I may be just a parrot, but Jesus is a Doberman.
A man walks into a museum.
While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."
Sam's girlfriend asked if he had ever slept with a p**...
Sam says "Darling, i've never told you this, but you were my first and only. I have never been with any woman other than you."
Sam's girlfriend gives him a huge hug and kiss in relief. As they hug Sam says "So to answer your question, yes."
A man is walking his pet carrot
As he's walking his pet carrot it gets hit by a car. After rushing to the ER the man paces the waiting room as the doctor comes out exhausted from surgery. Doctor, is my carrot alive are they ok? The doctors sighs. I have good news and bad news. The good news is your pet carrot is alive the man breathes a sigh of relief. What's the bad news doctor? The doctor looks him in the eyes and says Well I'm sorry but, your carrots gonna be a vegetable for the rest of its life.
I know it's dumb it was just of favorite of my grandfathers a long time ago and I thought I'd share it.
An environmentalist was giving a speech and told his audience that if we continue on our present course all life on earth will be gone in 50 years
A member of the audience jumped to his feet and cried out in panic, "What? What did you say?!"
The environmentalist solemnly repeated, "I said if we continue the way we are that every man, woman, and child on earth will be gone in fifty years."
The man sat down in relief and said, "Oh, thank God. I thought you said *fifteen* years."
So a doctor walks into the room
So a doctor walks into the room and tells his patient "Alright, so I've got some bad news"
The patient says "Aw geez, I'm not getting anything named after me am I?"
"No, no," the doctor says, "you're not getting anything named after yourself," and the patient breathes a sigh of relief.
And then the doctor says "It's going to be named after me"
A man goes to the white house and asks to talk to president Trump.
A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. The man then leaves.
The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president".
This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president".
Joe Biden called a press conference, to discuss his meeting with Vladimir Putin…
The good news, is that Mr Putin told me that he wants peace.
After everyone cheered and clapped in relief, he added the bad news…
A piece of Crimea, a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finland…
A man walks up to a chiropractor
and says, doc my back is fine!
the chiropractor then proceeds to crack his back in several places. Afterwards, the man feels relief and is standing several inches taller. He says I stand corrected
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to f**....
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod (with ear piece)
Dad you told me yesterday that we all came from Adam and Eve,
when I asked you about our ancestral history. "ok, then what" said dad. But mom was telling something different. She said that we all were monkeys and with passage of time and evolution changed us to human beings. Dad had a sigh of relief and replied, I was talking about my family, she was talking about her family.
