Relationship Jokes
159 relationship jokes and hilarious relationship puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about relationship that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A bellyful of laugh-out-loud relationship jokes for your significant other! This hilarious collection of jokes will bring out the best in your relationship and leave you in stitches! We've got jokes for her and jokes for him, guaranteed to spark some connection, get your dates going, and put the 'fun' back in your relationship.
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Funniest Relationship Short Jokes
Short relationship jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The relationship humour may include short conversation jokes also.
- My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. I lost Interest in that relationship.
- My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam for the surface.
- I just found out my girlfriend just gave me an STD.... Looks like I'm gonorrhea-valuate the relationship
- Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
- Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer
- America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
- In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices…. Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…
- My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games. Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.
- You should never get into a relationship with a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
- Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship? The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring
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Relationship One Liners
Which relationship one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with relationship? I can suggest the ones about connection and interaction.
- My wife and I have an open relationship Found out last night
- I'm making a graph of my past relationships... I have an 'ex'-axis and a 'why?'-axis.
- Why do some couples not go to the gym? Some relationships don't work out...
- I could never cheat in a relationship That would require 2 people to find me attractive
- Today I ended a long term relationship. I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.
- Why do Romans always have a hard time ending relationships? Their X is always a 10.
- I just ended a 5 year relationship today. It's okay. It wasn't my relationship.
- Why are relationships complex? Because you're real, but your girlfriend is imaginary
- My relationship with my girlfriend is quite complex. I'm the real part.
- Who cooks in a lesbian relationship? None they both eat out.
- My relationship is complex part real, part imaginary.
- What fuels electronics but drains a relationship? Battery
- How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship? 9/11
- I'm in a very serious relationship we never laugh.
- Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? It was a lawn-distanced relationship
Dating Relationship Jokes
Here is a list of funny dating relationship jokes and even better dating relationship puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My grandpa once told me he dated Marie Curie. He was attracted to her glowing spirit and radiant personality.
Sadly, their relationship became toxic. - I was dating a midget but it didn't work out. My parents and friends looked down on her.
Bonus: It was a short relationship. - Just had to cut ties with the girl I was dating after I found out we both wanted different things. She wanted a relationship and I wanted a better looking girlfriend.
- Apparently oj simpson is interested in dating again. He's ready to have another stab at a relationship.
- American Airlines I'm like the American Airlines of dating, we understand you had other options of relationships and we're sorry you chose us.
- How come Miss Piggy hasn't thought about dating Porky Pig? Because she's in a kermitted relationship.
- What do you call it when two horses date? A stable relationship
- I was on a date other day when the girl said she wanted to start a long distance relationship using semaphore. Raised a couple of red flags...
- So my brother is dating a mermaid. Yeah, apparently their relationship's on the rocks.
- How do you stump two nudists who are dating? Ask them who wears the pants in their relationship.
Distance Relationship Jokes
Here is a list of funny distance relationship jokes and even better distance relationship puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just can't take this long distance relationship anymore... I'm moving the fridge to my room.
- I feel like my girlfriend and I don't speak the same language sometimes I say we have a long distance relationship.
She says I have a restraining order. - My girlfriend and I just transitioned to a long distance relationship Or as the judge insists on calling it, a restraining order
- Why do stormtroopers never have long distance relationships? Because they'd miss each other.
- Almost all of my relationships are long distance relationships. I'm a midget.
- So, full disclosure: There's this lady across the street whom I've been into for a while now. I just started talking to her and I gotta say...
Lawn distance relationships aren't that bad. - What are the advanteges of a long distance relationship? All four people are happy.
- My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. I live in Seoul, Korea.
And she lives in the future. - Has anyone tried long distance relationships? I have and I hated it, i couldn't take it anymore, So... I moved..... My fridge to my room.
- I had a 1 year long-distance relationship with a woman I'd never met, but when I finally met her supposedly length mattered
Long Distance Relationship Jokes
Here is a list of funny long distance relationship jokes and even better long distance relationship puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I can't stand this long distance relationship anymore... Especially since the stay away order.
- "How is your long distance relationship going?" "So far, so good."
- I'm in a long distance relationship, her restraining order ends tomorrow.
- My friend tried dating a woman who was 7'11'' but had to break up with her. He should have seen it coming, long distance relationships never work out.
- My girlfriend is 6'2 and I'm 5'9.. She has to bend down to kiss me.
I guess I'm in a long distance relationship. - What do you call a marriage between a midget and a 6 foot human? A long distance relationship.
- It's so hard holding a long distance relationship Especially since my girlfriend lives in the future.
- My girlfriend and I are trying LONG distance relationship I live in California she lives in future.
- Every relationship is a long-distance relationship if you're a snail.
- Why don't the mile and the kilometer ever get along? Because long distance relationships never work.
Stable Relationship Jokes
Here is a list of funny stable relationship jokes and even better stable relationship puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do horses have such a low divorce rate? Because they're all in *stable* relationships!
- I divorced my wife and bought a horse... I'm finally in a stable relationship.
- Why did the thoroughbred break up with the wild horse? Because she was looking for a stable relationship.
- A bad joke:- Why did the horse feel at home in front of an old couple? Because he found their relationship to be stable
- I only date people who love horses They tend to be a more stable relationship
- Why won't the jockey leave his wife? Because they have a stable relationship.
- Took ketamine at my wedding It didn't make for a stable relationship
- Did you know that horses are monogamous? They prefer stable relationships.
- I've been dating a horse girl for three years now It's been a stable relationship
- Why did the horse have nowhere to sleep? He just got out of a stable relationship.
Hilarious Relationship Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about relationship you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean related jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make relationship pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a ring, a baby, and a t**... have in common?
None of them are going to save your relationship.
My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.
I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
I uninstalled Facebook as i got depressed of seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage
I uninstalled LinkedIn as i got depressed of seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion
I uninstalled instagram as i got depressed of seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.
But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .
Five secrets of a perfect Relationship
1. It`s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
2. It`s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It`s important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
4. It`s important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
5. It`s absolutely important that these four women never meet.
Literally the guy you asked for
A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.
Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.
That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?
His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?
If you're genuinely asking me to choose between my career as a reporter and our relationship
Well then I've got some news for you
If you're an astronaut..
and you don't end every relationship with "I need space" then you're just wasting your time
Guys, if your marriage fails don't just blame her. It takes 2 people to make a toxic relationship.
Blame her and her mother.
Always make sure SOMEONE in the relationship has good credit...
That's why it's called SIGNIFICANT other. Sign/if/I/Can't.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Archaeologists s**... at relationships...
... that's why they are dating dinosaours
Relationships are like Indian food
They start out hot and spicy but end up with someone on the toilet crying and saying why me.
I'm 35 and I've never been in a serious relationship.
My wife wouldn't like to hear that, though.
Some consider romeo and juliet a tale of true romantic love...
But only if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic...
Wife: We're not talking over the radio. This relationship is over.
Husband: This relationship is what? Over.
My relationship with my chauffer just isn't going anywhere.
It feels like he's always trying to drive me away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... is kinda like being in a relationship...
It's amazing at first but when it's over you feel empty inside.
Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?
Because they're always trying to find the x.
They don't know y, either.
I once had a relationship with a blind woman
It was very rewarding but also quite challenging.
It took me *ages* to get her husband's voice right.
My girlfriend asked me last night if she was still as pretty as the day we met. I said of course! She frowned and said You have to say that, you can be honest.
She asked if I was as happy with her as ever. I said of course! She said again you have to say that, you can be honest.
She asked if I still wanted to be with her and only her. I said as long as her sister is still in a relationship.
Apparently I shouldn't have been *that* honest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife are talking about their relationship...
and the wife suggests they each pick one person that they can have s**... with without the other getting mad. The husband agrees and lets the wife go first. She thinks about it for a bit and settles on Brad Pitt. The husband nods his head and says "The neighbor."
A feminist asked me how I see lesbian relationships.
"In HD" was apparently the wrong answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The relationship between a man and a woman is psychological.
She's a psycho and he's logical.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sick and tired of your obsession with walkietalkies, this relationship is over!
This relationship is what? Over.
Two muslims were in relationship.
Her: "I am sorry, but I was Christian before we were together. I know I should have told you earlier."
Him: "No problem, if you don't feel like Christian anymore, you have nothing to worry about."
Her: "Oh, thanks. Don't worry. I feel much better as Christina now."
My teacher asked me this morning, what was my view on lesbian relationships...
Apparently, 4K Ultra HD was not the answer she was expecting,
A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home...
It read as follows:
---
*Michael*,
*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*
*Love, Elizabeth*
*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*
---
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:
---
*Elizabeth,*
*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*
*Take care, Michael*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know a guy that had a s**... relationship with one of his teachers
I suppose there's a lot less competition when you're homeschooled
Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!"
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points,a bonus chance and she has to wear the hat that looks like a colander til she rolls a double 6.
My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work.
She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen.
All the single ladles
Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn't help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe's roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only made her all the more curious.
Joe noticed his mother's suspicion. "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you that Julie and I are just roommates."
A week later, Julie came to Joe and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't seem to find the gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it on accident, do you?"
Joe agreed that it was a reasonable possibility, and wrote a letter to his mother inquiring about the ladle. It read, "I'm not saying you 'did' take the ladle, nor am I saying you 'did not' take the ladle,' but the fact is it's been missing since you came to dinner last week."
Several weeks later, a reply came.
"I'm not saying you 'do' sleep with Julie, nor am I saying you 'do not' sleep with Julie. The fact is if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the ladle by now."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stages of man's sexuality
1. Puberty: m**... in secrecy and shame.
2. Early adulthood: comfortable m**... in your room and some casual s**... with strangers.
3. First serious relationship: wild s**... all the time.
4. First years of marriage: steady and regular s**....
5. Marriage after children: m**... in secrecy and shame.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you feel about s**...?
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about s**...?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... boy meets his dream girl!
A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.
"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."
Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone you like so much."
"That's not the best part, Dad. She's a v**...."
At this point the father slams his hand down on the counter, "I forbid this relationship, son. I never want you to see this girl again. And if I find out you do, I'm going to give you the biggest whooping you ever had."
Tears stream down the son's face, "But, Dad, WHY? She's amazing and she likes me!"
"Well, son. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
My friends Scott and Ruth broke up after a long-term relationship.
He's now ruthless and she got off, scott free.
I've been in an abusive relationship for months now and I can't seem to get out of it. Someone show me what I'm doing wrong.
Everytime I hit her, she keeps coming back.
"My relationship with golf is starting to suffer"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah.. We're going through a rough patch"
I was in a relationship with Lorraine, but fell in love with Claire Lee.
When Lorraine found out, she left me. Then I realized
I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine is gone.
When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.
I screamed, "Lego of me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between one night stand, long relationship and marriage?
in one night stand you tear off the p**...
in long relationship you gently remove the p**...
in marriage you wash and dry the p**.... then fold them and put them in the clothes cupboard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When asked how I view lesbian relationships
In High Definition apparently is not an appropriate answer.
I think my dad and I have the best relationship ever
We've been playing Hide n Seek for nearly 22 years and I still can't find him!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Say what you want about Amber Heard...
She is the only one who gave a s**... in this relationship.
The long distance relationship
A guy walks into his usual local bar and orders a beer. "All alone tonight? Where's your girlfriend?" the bartender asks. "My girlfriend and I are trying this whole 'long-distance relationship thing'," he tells the bartender. "Well, that can be hard," the bartender says. "You're telling me. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times," the guy says. "And the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend, too."
After all these years, I finally left my abusive relationship. I feel so relieved!
Now that I don't have to beat my girlfriend anymore, I have so much free time.
Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift's relationship is over after just three months because he wanted it to be more public...
I guess she wanted it to be more Loki.
For my Cake day I would like to share my biologist wife's favorite joke.
Two girls are giving relationship advice to their friend.
The confectioner says:
"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach." And offers to help the girl bake a cake.
The doctor says:
"That is actually false, the quickest way to a man's heart is through the fourth and fifth ribs."
The key to a successful relationship
Find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do colourblind people s**... at dating?
Because they fail to see the red flags in a relationship
Why can't programmers maintain good relationships?
They have a lot of arguments.
Relationship or hallucination...
Either way, I'm seeing someone
I don't have a great relationship with my doctor.
In fact, I feel sick every time I see her.
