Hilarious Relationship Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.
I lost Interest in that relationship.
My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her.
Instead I just swam for the surface.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
None they both eat out.
A husband and wife are talking about their relationship...
and the wife suggests they each pick one person that they can have s**... with without the other getting mad. The husband agrees and lets the wife go first. She thinks about it for a bit and settles on Brad Pitt. The husband nods his head and says "The neighbor."
I just can't take this long distance relationship anymore...
I'm moving the fridge to my room.
Five secrets of a perfect Relationship
1. It`s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
2. It`s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It`s important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
4. It`s important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
5. It`s absolutely important that these four women never meet.
All the single ladles
Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn't help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe's roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only made her all the more curious.
Joe noticed his mother's suspicion. "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you that Julie and I are just roommates."
A week later, Julie came to Joe and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't seem to find the gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it on accident, do you?"
Joe agreed that it was a reasonable possibility, and wrote a letter to his mother inquiring about the ladle. It read, "I'm not saying you 'did' take the ladle, nor am I saying you 'did not' take the ladle,' but the fact is it's been missing since you came to dinner last week."
Several weeks later, a reply came.
"I'm not saying you 'do' sleep with Julie, nor am I saying you 'do not' sleep with Julie. The fact is if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the ladle by now."
If three people in a relationship are a t**..., two people in a relationship are a twosome...
That's why people call me handsome.
Why are relationships complex?
Because you're real, but your girlfriend is imaginary
My relationship is complex
part real, part imaginary.
My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work.
She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen.
You can explore relationship sessions reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean relationship skype dad jokes. There are also relationship puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I heard it said that one in every three people will cheat in a relationship.
I just can't tell if it's my wife or my girlfriend.
Stages of man's sexuality [OC]
1. Puberty: m**... in secrecy and shame.
2. Early adulthood: comfortable m**... in your room and some casual s**... with strangers.
3. First serious relationship: wild s**... all the time.
4. First years of marriage: steady and regular s**....
5. Marriage after children: m**... in secrecy and shame.
Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!"
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points,a bonus chance and she has to wear the hat that looks like a colander til she rolls a double 6.
A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home...
It read as follows:
---
*Michael*,
*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*
*Love, Elizabeth*
*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*
---
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:
---
*Elizabeth,*
*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*
*Take care, Michael*
I'm in a very serious relationship
we never laugh.
Today I ended a long term relationship.
I don't really care though, it wasn't mine.
How are relationships like algebra?
You look at your X and try to find out Y
Relationships are like Algebra...
You look at your X and wonder Y.
Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?
They need space.
I have just started a s**... relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
If you're an astronaut..
and you don't end every relationship with "I need space" then you're just wasting your time
Why is it so hard to get into a relationship with an SJW?
Because they have high double standards.
Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true romantic love...
But only if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic...
I just ended a 5 years long relationship
I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship.
Wife: We're not talking over the radio. This relationship is over.
Husband: This relationship is what? Over.
I'm in a complex relationship
My girlfriend is imaginary.
What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?
Battery
My girlfriend just told me she has a STD...
I'm Gonorrhoea-valuate our relationship
I just ended a 5 year relationship!
I am fine though because it wasn't my relationship.
How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?
9/11
Apparently 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship
I just don't know whether it's my wife, or girlfriend.
Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship?
The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring
The relationship between a man and a woman is psychological.
She's a psycho and he's logical.
I just ended a 5 year relationship today.
It's okay. It wasn't my relationship.
I'm 35 and I've never been in a serious relationship.
My wife wouldn't like to hear that, though.
I could never cheat in a relationship
That would require 2 people to find me attractive
In a lesbian relationship, which one makes the sandwiches?
Neither. They eat out.
p**... is kinda like being in a relationship...
It's amazing at first but when it's over you feel empty inside.
In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices….
Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…
If you're genuinely asking me to choose between my career as a reporter and our relationship
Well then I've got some news for you
I've been in an abusive relationship for months now and I can't seem to get out of it. Someone show me what I'm doing wrong.
Everytime I hit her, she keeps coming back.
My relationship with my chauffer just isn't going anywhere.
It feels like he's always trying to drive me away.
My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.
Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship
Not sure if it's my wife or my girlfriend.
I just ended a 8 year relationship
I'm OK though, it wasn't my relationship
My friends Scott and Ruth broke up after a long-term relationship.
He's now ruthless and she got off, scott free.
Literally the guy you asked for
A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.
Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.
That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?
His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?
Don't ever get into a romantic relationship with a tennis player...
Love means nothing to them.
My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.
I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
My girlfriend borrowed 200$ from me when we met. 4 years later, when we broke up, she gave me exactly 200$ back.
I lost interest in that relationship.
My relationship with my girlfriend is quite complex.
I'm the real part.
I'm sick and tired of your obsession with walkietalkies, this relationship is over!
This relationship is what? Over.
I loaned $200 to my girlfriend 5 years ago. She returned exactly $200 after we separated.
I lost interest in that relationship
I know a guy that had a s**... relationship with one of his teachers
I suppose there's a lot less competition when you're homeschooled
With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea...
But I'm just stuck here holding my rod
Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.
I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
My girlfriend and I are trying the whole "long distance relationship thing"
Also, the police say on top of having to stay 100 feet away, I need to stop referring to her as my "girlfriend"
I just found out my girlfriend just gave me an STD....
Looks like I'm gonorrhea-valuate the relationship
America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
Apparently 1/3 of people in a relationship are unfaithful
I've just gotta figure out if it's my wife or my girlfriend
Not good at relationships
My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her... instead, I swam up to the surface.
What do a ring, a baby, and a t**... have in common?
None of them are going to save your relationship.
You should never get into a relationship with a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
Relationships are like Indian food
They start out hot and spicy but end up with someone on the toilet crying and saying why me.
Guys, if your marriage fails don't just blame her. It takes 2 people to make a toxic relationship.
Blame her and her mother.
Two muslims were in relationship.
Her: "I am sorry, but I was Christian before we were together. I know I should have told you earlier."
Him: "No problem, if you don't feel like Christian anymore, you have nothing to worry about."
Her: "Oh, thanks. Don't worry. I feel much better as Christina now."
I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100.
I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.
My girlfriend asked me last night if she was still as pretty as the day we met. I said of course! She frowned and said You have to say that, you can be honest.
She asked if I was as happy with her as ever. I said of course! She said again you have to say that, you can be honest.
She asked if I still wanted to be with her and only her. I said as long as her sister is still in a relationship.
Apparently I shouldn't have been *that* honest.
Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.....
I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend
I once had a relationship with a blind woman
It was very rewarding but also quite challenging.
It took me *ages* to get her husband's voice right.
My girlfriend and I just transitioned to a long distance relationship
Or as the judge insists on calling it, a restraining order
Always make sure SOMEONE in the relationship has good credit...
That's why it's called SIGNIFICANT other. Sign/if/I/Can't.
I feel like my girlfriend and I don't speak the same language sometimes
I say we have a long distance relationship.
She says I have a restraining order.
My wife and I have an open relationship
Found out last night
I'm in an age gap relationship.
I'm 40, she's 19.
Anyway, we went out for a meal, as soon as we walked in the restaurant people shot me dirty looks, then the whispering started "nonce", "pervert" "paedo.
My girlfriend got upset and we left.
Completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
I uninstalled Facebook as i got depressed of seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage
I uninstalled LinkedIn as i got depressed of seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion
I uninstalled instagram as i got depressed of seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.
But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .
Who is cheating?
A recent study showed that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.
•
Now I've just got to figure out if it's my girlfriend or my wife.
The wife's weight gain, through overeating and laziness, had become the final straw in an already strained relationship and I decided I would just have to kill her.
I hid in the kitchen, knowing it wouldn't be long before she turned up looking to raid the fridge. And sure enough, she soon came waddling in.
I leapt out from behind a cupboard, arm raised, brandishing a huge knife..
"OH MY GOD!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "Are we having cake?"
Why is Jesus not in a relationship?
Because he is still hung up on his X
My girlfriend and I just transitioned to a long distance relationship
Or as she likes to call it, a restraining order
What does Leonardo DiCaprio call a 19 year old?
A long term relationship.
My grandpa once told me he dated Marie Curie.
He was attracted to her glowing spirit and radiant personality.
Sadly, their relationship became toxic.
At the request of my wife, I have placed an order for a box of ants to be shipped from Italy...
She said we need more Rome ants in our relationship.
My wife left me because of my obsession with golf
It's ok
I figured our relationship was on the 18th hole
