Relational Jokes
112 relational jokes and hilarious relational puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about relational that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Relational Short Jokes
Short relational jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The relational humour may include short jokes also.
- Some of us live thousands of miles away from most of our relatives and can't be with them this holiday season... ... Please don't be jealous
- My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
- My buddy said to me yesterday, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related"? I said "No man, that would just make us even."
- If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative... Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!
- My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I️ said, No, in fact, I️ like your mother in law a lot better than I️ like mine
- The movie titanic turns 25 later this year. In related news, Leonardo DiCaprio said he is no longer interested in seeing it.
- My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives. I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
- Marital Argument A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of jackasses. The wife says "relatives of yours?" Husband says, "yep, in laws."
- My wife thinks that I don't care for her relatives. I told her that's not true. I love her mother-in-law more than I love mine.
- My Boyfriend said I'm starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman…. What a joker!!!
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Relational One Liners
Which relational one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with relational? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Money is relative. The more money you make.. The more relatives seem to know you.
- Einstein's second wife was his cousin ... ... so I guess sometimes love is relative.
- Roses are red Roses are blue, depending on their velocity relative to you
- Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively
- How similar are dad jokes to uncle jokes? Well, they're related.
- I have this great joke relating to construction. I'm still working on it.
- Why Einstein loved his parents and grandparents? They were all relatives.
- All of my jokes are anti-vaxer related They all die in new
- I named my boat Relation. Now I can tell people... I have a Relationship.
- Why did Einstein only own grandfather clocks Because time is relative
- Success is relative…. The more success, the more relatives you have!
- People say wealth is relative The wealthier you are, the more relatives you will get.
- What do geology and Alabama have in common? Relative dating
- Why can't physicists get married? Any romantic matter is relative.
- Why did Einstein marry his first cousin? Because, it was all relative.
Relational Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about relational you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make relational pranks.
I couldn't join the k**... if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough.
Turns out my parents weren't even related.
A 2nd grade class just gets in from recess...
The teacher tells the class they're going to do a spelling assignment that relates to what they did for recess. "If you can come up to the board and write the word I give you, you'll get a gold star for the day," the teacher explains. "Tommy, what'd you do for recess?" she asks the first student. "Well," Tommy begins, "I played in the sand box with Suzy!" "Okay great. If you can come to the board and spell the word 'sand' I'll give you a gold star." So Tommy goes up to the board, spells 'sand' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks Suzy, "Suzy, what'd you do for recess today?" So Suzy answers, "like Tommy said, we played in the sand box together." "Okay," the teacher thinks, "if you can come up to the board and spell 'box' I'll give you a gold star. So Suzy spells 'box' and gets a gold star for the day. Then the teacher asks the third student, "Tyrone, what'd you do for recess today?" "Well I wanted to play in the sand box with Tommy and Suzy but they wouldn't let me," Tyrone answers. "Oh no!" says the teacher, "That's terrible! Do you know what that's called? That's called 'racial discrimination.' If you can come up to the board and spell 'racial discrimination' I'll give you a gold star."
An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...
to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Mama and Papa Bear are getting divorced...
and the Judge is asking Baby bear who he wishes to live with. "So, is it Mama or Papa?" the Judge asks.
"Mama and Papa beat me," says Baby Bear.
"Well do you have any other relatives?" asked the Judge.
"I have an uncle in Chicago," replies Baby Bear.
"Does he beat you too?" asks the Judge.
"Naww," says Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."
Music Joke
A C chord and an A chord walk into a bar.
The bartender says to the C chord "I'm sorry, I can't serve your friend; even though he's your relative, he's still a minor."
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
It's my birthday, so here's a related joke.
Why are birthdays good for you?
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Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest.
A distant relative of mine died and I came into some money...
but my friends told me that I have a weird f**....
A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside...
They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"
Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."
The Super Bowl
Surprised to see an empty seat at the Super Bowl, a diehard fan remarked about it to a woman sitting nearby.
"It was my husband's," the woman explained, "but he died."
"I'm very sorry," said the man. "Yet I'm really surprised that another relative, or friend, didnt jump at the chance to take the seat reserved for him."
"Beats me," she said. "They all insisted on going to the f**...."
Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota
Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."
Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."
As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."
Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"
But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna c**...!"
Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."
So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"
Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"
A husband and wife went on a road trip.
They were driving by some plains when they sighted some wild pigs. The wife jokingly asked her husband," Are those relatives of yours?" Too which the husband replies," Yup! Those are my in-laws!"
A man is watching a world cup final in a sold out stadium
He notices an empty seat just in front of his and says to the guy sitting next to it, "Hey man, how come this seat here's empty? Tickets for this game havee been sold out for months!"
"Well, the seat was meant for my wife, but sadly, she passed away"
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But couldn't you get a friend or relative to come along instead?"
"Nah, they're all at the f**...."
3 priests at lunch
So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."
In school, the teacher warns her students...
..."I will not tolerate any excuses for any kind. I might consider a nuclear attack, serious injury or even the death of a relative, but whoever misses this exam will fail the class."
The class's wise-guy says:
"But teacher, what if tomorrow I arrive to class completely exhausted from last night's amazing s**...?"
The teacher says:
"Well I guess you'll have to do the exam with your left hand, then."
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
What do you call the sweat on the bodies of two people having s**... in West Virginia?
Relative Humidity
Albert Einstein owed the inspiration for one of his best ideas to his cousin who had Down Syndrome...
he had a special relative, you see?
A couple got into an argument...
A couple got into an argument while on a drive through the countryside. It got quite heated and neither of the two wanted to concede, so they sat in silence for several kilometers.
As they passed a farm full of pigs bathing in mud, the wife spoke up and said:
"Relatives of yours?"
The man replied:
"In-laws."
I took some roadkill I hit home to barbeque for dinner,
On a related note... anyone have any use for a child's bicycle and backback?
How five Jews changed the way we see the world:
Moses: "The Law is everything"
Jesus: "Love is everything"
Marx: "Money is everything"
Freud: "s**... is everything"
Einstein: "Everything is relative"
And then the fight started.
A son asked his mother the following question: 'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?'
The mother looks at her son and replies: 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:
'Son, all household appliances come in white..
A little girl asks her father where people came from.
He explained about Adam and Eve and they were our original ancestors and they had babies and that's where we came from.
Later that day the girl asked her Mom who explained that their ancestors were monkeys and apes and humans evolved from the monkeys. "So, our relatives are monkeys?" "That's right, dear"
Now the little girl was angry and stomped into the living room to see her Dad and told him what her Mom said. "You lied to me!" the little girl shouted at him.
No I didn't honey. Your Mom was talking about her side of the family
A guy wants a dog
A guy wants a dog. He goes to one of his relatives if he has an extra dog. The relative says yes.
"Does he like kids?"said the guy
"Yes he does, but you can just give him dog food"
The cannibal
A cannibal was handed the funurary urn of a relative: What is this, instant soup?
Just got back from a friends f**... who drowned last week.
I got a lot of a**... from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"
After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...
"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"
Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"
What's the difference between i**... and necrophilia?
i**... is relatively boring, necrophilia is dead boring.
Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter p**... at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related.
A woman in work was fired for having intimate relations with a colleague.
We don't know who fingered her
News just in:
Someone has been killed with a starter p**... !!!
Police think it might be race related..............
Anyone know where I can find someone to share a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of s**... or family relations?
Asking for a friend.
I was having intimate relations with a married woman.
A car pulled into the garage, and the woman said, "Oh no it's my husband! Quick, use the back door!"
Thinking back, I should have run, but you don't get offers like that every day.
A couple had a big argument in the car. They didn't talk to each other then entire trip.
They passed a farm with pigs, in which the husband saw an opportunity to break the ice.
"Look, those must be your relatives"
The lady, keeping her cool, replied "In-laws"
Roy Moore says he'll bring Alabama values to Washington, but I'm not so sure. I mean, he s**... assaulted teenage girls...
But he wasn't related to any of 'em!
I had a tough conversation with my parents
Dad: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Dad: water
Me: water who?
Dad: water you even doing with your life? I ask you this in the form of a joke because it seems this best relates to the course of your life thus far.
If shoe size really is directly related to the size of a man's package...
Then clowns are way scarier than we all thought.
If the swan symbolizes happiness, what bird symbolizes true love?
The s**....
I must have a huge family.
Whenever I click related on PornHub is all people I've never seen before.
The key of C takes its relative to the bar and orders them both a beer.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve A minor."
I'm surprised the University of Alabama doesn't offer a major in archaeology.
I heard they are really into relative dating out there.
Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.
A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:
cop: name?
Otto: Otto
cop: address?
Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin
cop: Occupation?
Otto: no, just visiting...
What do you call the moisture between two h**... having s**...?
Relative humidity.
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"
A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.
The guy sitting next to him says, Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967.
I'm sorry to hear that, says the first man. Couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?
Nope, replies the second guy. Everyone's at the f**....
Did you hear about the guy who was shot with a starter p**...?
Police think it is race-related
Reading all these jokes makes me go numb...
But reading mathematics-related jokes makes me go number
An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft.
'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.
A man was invited to a wedding...
A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them:
1. Bride's relatives
2. Groom's relatives
He entered the groom's door and found two doors again:
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered the men's door and found two doors again:
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts) and
He found himself outside the hotel.
Did you hear about the guy that was shot with the starter p**... ?
I guess it was race related !
At the bar last night, a woman got her n**... pierced right in front of me
. On a related note...…………………. I s**... at darts.
People say Elon Musk is a mad scientist. Do you think he relates to Dr. Jekyll?
Because I've always heard he benefited from having a part Hyde.
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.
They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."
A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.
So little Billy give the "dog ate my homework" excuses.
Teacher: Why on earth do you let your dog eat your homework?
Billy: Well, my dog really love to eat cake.
Teacher: And how does this even related?
Billy: Yesterday you said that the homework is a piece of cake....
Two Australians were sitting around talking over a beer..
After a while the first Australian says to the second, If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The second Australian crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, _*"Well, I don't know about related, but I reckon it'd make us even."
Did you hear about the guy who got shot by a starter p**... ?
Police believe it was race related.
A man has been shot with a starting p**....
Police are pretty sure it's race related.
Monopoly is amazing but it has some pretty old stuff that one can't relate to anymore
I mean there is free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
A son asked his mother, "Why are wedding dresses white?"
She replied, "It shows your friends and relatives that the bride is pure."
Then the son went and asked the same question to his father.
"All household appliances come in white," said his father.
A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.
Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".
You don't need an Ancestry DNA kit to find out who your relatives are.
Just tell everyone that you've won the lottery.
100 Nuns
100 nuns are meeting with the priest.
Sisters I must confess, I have had s**... s**... relations with a woman.
99 nuns gasp one nun in the back giggles.
It is Okay, I used a c**....
99 nuns gasp one in back giggles.
The c**... had a hole in it.
99 nuns giggle, one in the back gasps.
Can I take a skin graft from my b**... and put it on someone who isn't related?
a**... skin for a friend
An emaciated man was found dead in his bathtub.
The apparent cause of death was starvation. Oddly, he still had enough food in his fridge, and no apparent mobility problems that would prevent him from getting to it. His relatives did not know of any mental problems either.
The best investigator in the city was called to the scene. She takes one look at the bathroom and asks the relatives,
"Was he a programmer?"
"Yes, why?"
She wordlessly shows them a large shampoo bottle with an instruction: "1. Apply the shampoo. 2. Rinse. 3. Repeat the procedure."
Tractors
So there was this guy who was a fan of tractors. He had posters of it everywhere. He had his own tractor business, married a beautiful wife. The whole 9 yards.
One day his wife died from a tractor accident. Heartbroken he got rid of his business, his posters, everything tractor related.
Few years later he goes on a date. The restaurant starts smoking and he says "Darling wait i got this". He s**... in all the smoke goes outside and blows it away. Everyone starts applauding and his date asks "How did you do that?". The guy says: "Im an extractor fan"
I couldn't afford an Ancestry DNA kit...
So I just announced that I had won the lottery. I soon found out to all my relatives are.
Steak related jokes are not very common...
But when it's good, it's a rare medium well done.