Rehab Jokes
66 rehab jokes and hilarious rehab puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rehab that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of hilarious rehab jokes. From classic one-liners to knock-knock jokes, we've got something for everyone. So whether you're in need of a pick-me-up or just looking to brighten someone's day, these jokes are sure to do the trick.
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Funniest Rehab Short Jokes
Short rehab jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rehab humour may include short recovery jokes also.
- And Jesus says to his followers, ¨I will turn this water into wine.¨ And the guy says, ¨Sir, this is a rehab center.¨
- I spent 2 years in rehab for my Phil Collins addiction. I did it against all odds. Just take a look at me now.
- Did you hear about the dyslexic druggie lawyer who just finished rehab? He's already started suing again.
- I walked past a drug rehab facility today. There was a sign on the front lawn that read "KEEP OFF THE GRASS!"
- Why was the Nun admitted to rehab.... Because she had a habit!
I'll just show myself out - They tried to make me go to rehab... They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said... 'I don't have insurance'. And that was the end of that.
- What's the difference between a rehab center and a concentration camp? One takes addicts out of people, the other takes people out of attics.
(Works best when said out loud) - I'm going to start a rehab program called the Hokey Pokey Because you do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, and that's what it's all about
- I used to have a job transporting addicts to the nearby rehab clinic. But I got fired because too many of my passengers fell off the wagon.
- My rehab meetings have really taught me a lot about other people. I'm so proud to be a established member of over sharer's anonymous.
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Rehab One Liners
Which rehab one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rehab? I can suggest the ones about healing and treatment.
- The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting "Stay off the grass."
- I was gonna go to rehab until I realized Rehab is for quitters
- Why did the duck go to the rehab center? It had an addiction to quack.
- I saw a sign at a drug rehab center It said "Keep off the grass"
- What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common? Cold turkey
- Why did the duck enter rehab? He was addicted to quack
- Why did the ghost go into rehab? He had a problem with boos.
- A man went to rehab for being addicted to deli meats He stopped cold turkey
- A Russian walks into an alchohal rehab facility... Wait...what?
- Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!
- Why did the toilet roll go to rehab? Addicted to crack.
- What's the only place where quitters are winners? Rehab
- what did the sign outside the rehab center say? "Keep off the grass"
- Is there a rehab for procrastination? They haven't opened it yet
- Why did the broken straw go to rehab? It had a serious drinking problem.
Drug Rehab Jokes
Here is a list of funny drug rehab jokes and even better drug rehab puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There was a sign outside the drug rehab centre. 'Keep off the grass'
- Why did the duck go to rehab? (Different answer than normal) He wanted to quack down on his drug usage.
- Why do witches go to rehab? To Halloween off drugs.
Cheerful Rehab Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about rehab you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reform jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rehab pranks.
Bill and Tom are working at the local sawmill.
One day Bill slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Tom quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill to the local hospital.
Next day, Tom goes to the hospital and asks after Bill. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in rehab exercising". Tom couldn't believe it, but there's Bill out the back exercising his now reattached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. But a couple of days go by, and then Bill slips and severs his leg on the saw again. So Tom puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill off to hospital. Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies "He's in rehab again, exercising". Sure enough, there's Bill out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. Bill comes back to work in two days, fully recovered.
But, within a couple of days he has another accident and this time severs his head. Tom puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Bill to hospital. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Bill is. The nurse breaks down crying and says, "He's dead!" Tom is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in?", sighs Tom. "No," says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
A duck walks into rehab
"What're you here for?" asks the desk lady.
"I'm addicted to quack."
Why did the noodles go to rehab?
To get yakisoba.
Miley Cyrus
So Miley Cyrus entered a rehab treatment facility last week but was denied admission because they didn't think it would "twerk" out
Why did Mr. Pibb go see Dr. Pepper at Rehab?
Because he was addicted to Coke.
I saw a construction sign today that said, "road rehab".
It must've been addicted to crack.
My pet deer was addicted to painkillers after surgery so I tried to send her to rehab.....
.... but I didn't have the doe
A rehabilitated crack addict says to his doctor: "I'm going to stay clean this time"
The doctor replied: "I'm afraid that's just a pipe dream"
What did the deadhead say when he got out of rehab?
This music s**...!
Why did the spelling bee champ have to go to rehab?
He was hooked on phonics.
A guy started Social Network rehab centre; It has no computers, no wifi, no mobiles, no tablets
& no customers
I heard they opened up a rehab center for phone addiction
Anyone know their number?
I was going to check into rehab
But then I realized I'm not a quitter
Why did the ghost go to rehab?
He was addicted to boos.
What did the pilot, say after his 20th day of rehab?
I feel the need, the need for speed
Why did the Balrog go to rehab?
Because he was an Orcaholic
Everyone says I need to go to rehab due to my comdiment addiction...
I mayo may not
How did Miley Cyrus avoid going to rehab?
She went cold twerky
What did Demi Lovato's counsellor tell her in rehab?
If you take that, I think you'll have a heart attack.
Where did the o**... s**... addict go as soon as he got out of rehab?
The liquor store.
After several visits to the doctor's I've finally been referred to rehab for spending all my days smoking drugs and looking up jokes about cheese.
Hopefully I can kick my addiction to m**... and feta memes.
