Rehab Jokes
65 rehab jokes and hilarious rehab puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rehab that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of hilarious rehab jokes. From classic one-liners to knock-knock jokes, we've got something for everyone. So whether you're in need of a pick-me-up or just looking to brighten someone's day, these jokes are sure to do the trick.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Rehab Short Jokes
Short rehab jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rehab humour may include short recovery jokes also.
- And Jesus says to his followers, ¨I will turn this water into wine.¨ And the guy says, ¨Sir, this is a rehab center.¨
- I spent 2 years in rehab for my Phil Collins addiction. I did it against all odds. Just take a look at me now.
- Why was the Nun admitted to rehab.... Because she had a habit!
I'll just show myself out - They tried to make me go to rehab... They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said... 'I don't have insurance'. And that was the end of that.
- What's the difference between a rehab center and a concentration camp? One takes addicts out of people, the other takes people out of attics.
(Works best when said out loud) - I'm going to start a rehab program called the Hokey Pokey Because you do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, and that's what it's all about
- I used to have a job transporting addicts to the nearby rehab clinic. But I got fired because too many of my passengers fell off the wagon.
- My rehab meetings have really taught me a lot about other people. I'm so proud to be a established member of over sharer's anonymous.
- I saw a construction sign today that said, "road rehab". It must've been addicted to crack.
- What did Demi Lovato's counsellor tell her in rehab? If you take that, I think you'll have a heart attack.
Share These Rehab Jokes With Friends
Rehab One Liners
Which rehab one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rehab? I can suggest the ones about treatment and reform.
- The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting "Stay off the grass."
- I was gonna go to rehab until I realized Rehab is for quitters
- What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common? Cold turkey
- Why did the duck enter rehab? He was addicted to quack
- Why did the ghost go into rehab? He had a problem with boos.
- A Russian walks into an alchohal rehab facility... Wait...what?
- Why did the toilet roll go to rehab? Addicted to crack.
- What's the only place where quitters are winners? Rehab
- Is there a rehab for procrastination? They haven't opened it yet
- Why did the broken straw go to rehab? It had a serious drinking problem.
- Why did Mr. Pibb go see Dr. Pepper at Rehab? Because he was addicted to Coke.
- Why did the Balrog go to rehab? Because he was an Orcaholic
- I was going to check into rehab But then I realized I'm not a quitter
- I heard they opened up a rehab center for phone addiction Anyone know their number?
- Why did the spelling bee champ have to go to rehab? He was hooked on phonics.
Drug Rehab Jokes
Here is a list of funny drug rehab jokes and even better drug rehab puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the duck go to rehab? (Different answer than normal) He wanted to quack down on his drug usage.
- Why do witches go to rehab? To Halloween off drugs.
Cheerful Rehab Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about rehab you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rescue jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rehab pranks.
Bill and Tom are working at the local sawmill.
One day Bill slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Tom quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill to the local hospital.
Next day, Tom goes to the hospital and asks after Bill. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in rehab exercising". Tom couldn't believe it, but there's Bill out the back exercising his now reattached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. But a couple of days go by, and then Bill slips and severs his leg on the saw again. So Tom puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill off to hospital. Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies "He's in rehab again, exercising". Sure enough, there's Bill out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. Bill comes back to work in two days, fully recovered.
But, within a couple of days he has another accident and this time severs his head. Tom puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Bill to hospital. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Bill is. The nurse breaks down crying and says, "He's dead!" Tom is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in?", sighs Tom. "No," says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
Why did the noodles go to rehab?
To get yakisoba.
My math professor had to go into rehab yesterday.
He had sum problems.
Miley Cyrus
So Miley Cyrus entered a rehab treatment facility last week but was denied admission because they didn't think it would "twerk" out
My pet deer was addicted to painkillers after surgery so I tried to send her to rehab.....
.... but I didn't have the doe
A rehabilitated crack addict says to his doctor: "I'm going to stay clean this time"
The doctor replied: "I'm afraid that's just a pipe dream"
What do you call someone who failed rehab?
Back on crack
What was the hackers' rehabilitation meeting called?
Anonymous Anonymous
Even years after completing rehab for habitual lying It's impossible to relax.
I find it hard to lie still.
A guy started Social Network rehab centre; It has no computers, no wifi, no mobiles, no tablets
& no customers
I was going to check into rehab...
But then I got high
What did the pilot, say after his 20th day of rehab?
I feel the need, the need for speed
What do you call a math teacher in rehab?
A problem solver
Everyone says I need to go to rehab due to my comdiment addiction...
I mayo may not
How did Miley Cyrus avoid going to rehab?
She went cold twerky
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your momma so n**...
She went to rehab for morning after pills addiction!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get a c**... addict to check into rehab?
You gotta cokes him in
I heard internet addiction is now an official mental disorder and you can go to rehab for it.
Guess I'm going only if there is only Wi-Fi.
My family wanted me to go to rehab for my addiction to eating Thanksgiving leftovers straight from the fridge
But I wanted to go cold turkey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where did the o**... s**... addict go as soon as he got out of rehab?
The liquor store.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After several visits to the doctor's I've finally been referred to rehab for spending all my days smoking drugs and looking up jokes about cheese.
Hopefully I can kick my addiction to m**... and feta memes.
