The Best 51 Rehab Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rehab jokes. There are some rehab treatment jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rehab recreational puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Rehab Jokes and Puns

They tried to make me go to rehab...

They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said... 'I don't have insurance'. And that was the end of that.

Did you hear about the dyslexic druggie lawyer who just finished rehab?

He's already started suing again.

Why was the Nun admitted to rehab....

Because she had a habit!

I'll just show myself out

Rehab joke, Why was the Nun admitted to rehab....

A duck walks into rehab

"What're you here for?" asks the desk lady.

"I'm addicted to quack."

I saw a sign at a drug rehab center

It said "Keep off the grass"

What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common?

Cold turkey

My math professor had to go into rehab yesterday.

He had sum problems.

Rehab joke, My math professor had to go into rehab yesterday.

Miley Cyrus

So Miley Cyrus entered a rehab treatment facility last week but was denied admission because they didn't think it would "twerk" out

Why did Mr. Pibb go see Dr. Pepper at Rehab?

Because he was addicted to Coke.

I saw a construction sign today that said, "road rehab".

It must've been addicted to crack.

My pet deer was addicted to painkillers after surgery so I tried to send her to rehab.....

.... but I didn't have the doe

You can explore rehab quitters reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rehab methed dad jokes. There are also rehab puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

what did the sign outside the rehab center say?

"Keep off the grass"

A Russian walks into an alchohal rehab facility...


A rehabilitated crack addict says to his doctor: "I'm going to stay clean this time"

The doctor replied: "I'm afraid that's just a pipe dream"

What do you call someone who failed rehab?

Back on crack

What was the hackers' rehabilitation meeting called?

Anonymous Anonymous

Rehab joke, What was the hackers' rehabilitation meeting called?

The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting

"Stay off the grass."

I walked past a drug rehab facility today.

There was a sign on the front lawn that read "KEEP OFF THE GRASS!"

What did the deadhead say when he got out of rehab?

This music sucks!

I spent 2 years in rehab for my Phil Collins addiction.

I did it against all odds. Just take a look at me now.

Why did the broken straw go to rehab?

It had a serious drinking problem.

Even years after completing rehab for habitual lying It's impossible to relax.

I find it hard to lie still.

Why did the ghost go into rehab?

He had a problem with boos.

Why did the spelling bee champ have to go to rehab?

He was hooked on phonics.

A guy started Social Network rehab centre; It has no computers, no wifi, no mobiles, no tablets

& no customers

Why did the duck go to rehab? (Different answer than normal)

He wanted to quack down on his drug usage.

I heard they opened up a rehab center for phone addiction

Anyone know their number?

I was going to check into rehab

But then I realized I'm not a quitter

I was gonna go to rehab until I realized

Rehab is for quitters

I used to have a job transporting addicts to the nearby rehab clinic.

But I got fired because too many of my passengers fell off the wagon.

Why did the ghost go to rehab?

He was addicted to boos.

What did the pilot, say after his 20th day of rehab?

I feel the need, the need for speed

Is there a rehab for procrastination?

They haven't opened it yet

What do you call a math teacher in rehab?

A problem solver

What's the only place where quitters are winners?


There was a sign outside the drug rehab centre.

'Keep off the grass'

Why did the Balrog go to rehab?

Because he was an Orcaholic

Everyone says I need to go to rehab due to my comdiment addiction...

I mayo may not

A man went to rehab for being addicted to deli meats

He stopped cold turkey

I'm going to start a rehab program called the Hokey Pokey

Because you do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, and that's what it's all about

How did Miley Cyrus avoid going to rehab?

She went cold twerky

What did Demi Lovato's counsellor tell her in rehab?

If you take that, I think you'll have a heart attack.

Why do witches go to rehab?

To Halloween off drugs.

How do you get a cocaine addict to check into rehab?

You gotta cokes him in

I heard internet addiction is now an official mental disorder and you can go to rehab for it.

Guess I'm going only if there is only Wi-Fi.

My family wanted me to go to rehab for my addiction to eating Thanksgiving leftovers straight from the fridge

But I wanted to go cold turkey

Where did the oral sex addict go as soon as he got out of rehab?

The liquor store.

What's the difference between a rehab center and a concentration camp?

One takes addicts out of people, the other takes people out of attics.

(Works best when said out loud)

Why did the duck go to the rehab center?

It had an addiction to quack.

And Jesus says to his followers, ยจI will turn this water into wine.ยจ

And the guy says, ยจSir, this is a rehab center.ยจ

Why did the toilet roll go to rehab?

Addicted to crack.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rehab druggie jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rehab chronic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes