Regular Show Jokes
9 regular show jokes and hilarious regular show puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about regular show that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Regular Show Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good regular show joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
This Joke Is A Real Lemon
A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.
So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'
Weekly cult meetings
A cult holds weekly meetings and all members are expected to attend regularly. This week only two cultists show up. After waiting awkwardly for awhile making small talk, they realize no one else is coming.
Both of them are getting nervous and they admit to each other they missed last weeks cult meeting, so they don't know the reason no one else is here. Trying to decide what to do they think for a bit on what they missed and why they are the only ones in attendance today. Then it dawns on them....
"Oh no I think we missed the punchline."
A MtF Trans woman goes to a Halloween costume party...
But she shows up in her regular clothes. The party goers ask "did you forget this was a costume party?"
She replies "Oh I remembered. I'm dressed as one of the X-Men."
J.G Quintel's new show isn't quite Regular Show
... but it's Close Enough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When does a regular joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent. Except for the fact it decided to stop being one and mysteriously vanished one night, cleaned out our joint bank account, never calls, never showed up to court, never remembers the kids' birthdays, never made their little league games, refuses to pay child support, refuses to get a job to avoid wage garnishment, and yet somehow manages to go on vacations to Mexico with their f**... 20-year-old girlfriend Chastity. F**K YOU, ALAN!!!
What do you call a cartoon about constipation and diarrhea?
The *Ir*regular Show!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The golfing f**...
Larry's wife dies during the week and above his buddies objections he decides to play in his regular Saturday golf game. He says he ought to get out for a bit, golfing is good therapy. As they are set to tee off on 16, which runs along a busy road, a f**... procession passes by. Larry takes off his hat and stands at attention as the f**... procession passes. "Larry, what are you doing?" Larry responds, "We were married for 26 years--at least I ought to show a little respect for the woman!"
A Bad Day (Clean)
A man is sitting in a bar staring at his drink.
After staring at it for half an hour without taking a sip, one of the bar regulars decides to have some fun with him.
He picks up the man's drink and knocks it back in one. The man starts crying.
"Don't take it like that," says the regular. "It was a joke. I'll buy you another one."
"It's not just that," replies the man. "This day has been the worst one of my life. First, I oversleep and get into work late. My boss fires me and, when I leave the building, I find my car had been stolen. I get a cab home but leave my briefcase on the back seat with my wallet in it. Then, when I get home, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. After all that I come to this bar and then, when I've just made up my mind to end it all, you show up and drink my poison"
A doctor goes to the same bar every day and orders an Almond Daiquiri
He gets to be so regular, showing up at the same time every day, that the bartender knows to make the drink and has it waiting for the doc when he arrives.
One day the bartender goes to make it and realizes he doesn't have any almonds. He does, however, have some hickory nuts. So he mashes them up and whips them into a daiquiri, assuming the doctor won't know the difference.
The doctor comes in and is presented with the drink. He takes a sip and immediately notices something is up.
"Is this an almond daiquiri?" he asks.
"No," says the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
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