Regular Jokes
130 regular jokes and hilarious regular puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about regular that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Jokes are always a way to lighten the mood and bring a smile to your face. This article takes a look at different types of jokes, from Regular Show quips to more conventional jokes, and can give you ideas for how to bring humor into your conversations. Learn about the Regular Expressions, the Malady of Regularly, and the Regular Pioneer. Discover how laughter can make life a bit brighter.
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Funniest Regular Short Jokes
Short regular jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The regular humour may include short ordinary jokes also.
- If this year has taught us anything, it's that donald trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
- I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." "Which doctor?", she replied.
"No, the regular kind." - A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer. Honest? the woman asks.
No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied. - I slipped on some black ice yesterday. At first I thought it was regular ice, but when I got back on my feet, I noticed my wallet was gone.
- Given that pico de gallo is made with regular tomatoes... ...we'd need really big tomatoes to make nano de gallo
- You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water? In Flint, the waiter asks you, "Regular or Unleaded?"
- Death must be really boring for subway drivers. A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.
- PSA: I'm starting a minimalist orchestra! It's just like a regular orchestra but without the bells and whistles.
- What did the regular hotel room say to the fancy hotel room Oh suite!
This was made up by my 11 year old son, I thought it was fist bump worthy. - Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people. This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.
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Regular One Liners
Which regular one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with regular? I can suggest the ones about normal and usual.
- Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
- I invented silent tennis... It's like regular tennis but without the racket.
- What did the Wonderbra say to the regular bra? Do you even lift?
- I took a blind taste test today Turns out they taste just like regular people
- I'm a regular Don Juan The ladies Don Juan anything to do with me
- Supreme Court Is just regular court with sour cream and tomatoes.
- What do you call a dwarf who regularly rides the Paris Metro? A Metrognome.
- Regular naps prevent ageing Especially if taken while driving
- What do you call a guy who works out regularly? Jim.
- Dying by falling from stairs is just like regular death But with extra steps
- Have you ever played quiet tennis? It's regular tennis, but without the racket.
- What do you call it when a nun sins regularly? Bad habits
- Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly? So he could look at others' faces.
- How do you keep demons away? Exorcise regularly.
- What's a light year? Same thing as a regular year, just with less calories.
Regular Show Jokes
Here is a list of funny regular show jokes and even better regular show puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- J.G Quintel's new show isn't quite Regular Show ... but it's Close Enough.
- What do you call a cartoon about constipation and diarrhea? The *Ir*regular Show!
Regular Season Jokes
Here is a list of funny regular season jokes and even better regular season puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Star Trek Enterprise's crew regularly visit this deck during for season's greetings. Even in the cold expanse of space it is commonly understood that these are happly holodays.
- Its only the three cats that are still undefeated in the NFL regular season The Bengals, The Panthers, and The Cheetahs!
Regular Expression Jokes
Here is a list of funny regular expression jokes and even better regular expression puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the regular expression truck driver say when he saw the number 10000? 10{4}
- I had a programming problem and decided to use regular expressions to solve it.
Now I have two problems.
Giggle-Inducing Regular Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about regular you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean routine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make regular pranks.
Socrates' Beloved
Socrates beloved dog died. He went to his Greek priest and asked if he could arrange a regular church service for his dearly departed. The priest was outraged and berated the parishioner for suggesting his dog receive holy services. Dismayed, Socrates turned away mumbling, 'Now what am I to do with the five thousand Euros we saved for the serviced?' 'Good Lord, my son, come back; why didn't you say he was Orthodox?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Indian Taxi Driver
My regular Indian taxi driver picked me up whilst singing along to his c**... Punjabi music at the top of his voice.
He smiled when I pulled out my set of new ear plugs, "Looks like you've come prepared this time," he said laughing.
I smiled back at him, "Yes," I replied, as I put them up my nostrils.
Lunch theif
At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.
Regular Russia, not the Soviet one
Ivan and Igor are standing at a bus stop in Russia. It is freezing cold and raining hard. A limo drives by and splashes icy water all over them. Ivan says to Igor, This is a terrible place to live, I want to go to America. Igor responses, Why do think America would be any better. Ivan stares at Igor in disbelief, Do you know what would happen in America? If a limo drove by and splashed you, the rich man would pull over, apologize, help you into the car, take you to his home, make you nice drink, feed you dinner, let you sleep in his warm bed, and then, the next morning, he would drop you off where ever you wanted to go. Igor says, Really? This happened to you?! Ivan, No, my wife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joke directed insult
A woman walks into the doctors office. She says she wants a child, but doesnt want to have s**.... The doctor says ok and asks what kind of child she wants. The woman said she wanted a smart and handsome kid. The doctor then hands her a blue pill.
A few months later, the woman comes back and says she has had a miscarriage but still wants a child. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she wants. The woman said she will have a regular kid this time. The doctor then hands her a red pill.
Even more months later, the woman returns and says shes had a miscarriage but still wants a kid. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she will want. She says since the other ones did not work out she will have a ugly, s**... kid. The doctor says ok and hands her a pill.
*At this point the joke teller asks the victim what color they think the pill is.
*The response will most likely be "I don't know, what?"
*The joke teller then says "I don't know, try asking your mother."
Immaturity at its best.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between normal s**... and regular s**...?
I don't have normal s**... with animals.
Two small boys meet on the first day of school
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
The check-up.
A man goes to his doctor for a regular check-up. After the doctor has finished his examination, he tells the man, "I'm afraid you have a very serious disease and don't have long to live."
"How much time do I have, doc?"
"I'd say about ten," the doctor replies.
The man asks, "What do you mean ten? Ten what?"
"Nine"
I was tasked with ordering coffee supplies for the office...
I sent an email to all the staff asking if they wanted flavored creamers or regular creamers.
Their answers were half-and-half.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife went out to dinner
A husband and wife went out to dinner. They settled in a nice steak restaurant and begin ordering. The man told the waiter, "I would like a regular sirloin steak." The waiter asks, "and the doneness?" The man says, " I would like it b**...-rare." The concerned waiter asks, "what about Mad-Cow?" The man replies, "Oh, she can order for herself."
I like my women like I like my Paragraphs.
Short, difficult to read, and with regular periods.
Here's the good news
A guy goes to the doctor for his regular checkup. The doctor finishes up and invites him into the office.
"So, which first? The bad news or the good news?"
"Good news, doc", says the guy.
To which the doctor replies, "Well, you won't be needing any more annual prostate exams."
I was at a golf course...
And I asked a lady, who looked like a regular "Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?". She answered "About an inch".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between depositing into a regular bank and depositing into a s**... bank?
When you deposit into a s**... bank you lose interest.
What's the difference between a cow who makes regular milk and a cow who makes chocolate milk?
A mootation
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out my wife is 1/4 Navajo
And 3/4's regular h**....
My sister-in-law has step-children
and that's awful, why won't she use regular stairs like everyone else
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stages of man's sexuality
1. Puberty: m**... in secrecy and shame.
2. Early adulthood: comfortable m**... in your room and some casual s**... with strangers.
3. First serious relationship: wild s**... all the time.
4. First years of marriage: steady and regular s**....
5. Marriage after children: m**... in secrecy and shame.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Who's that over there talking to himself?" I asked the barman in the pub.
"That's Bill," He replied. "He comes in every dinner time and sits and has a drink with his imaginary wife."
"Is he a loony?" I asked.
"What makes you say that?" He laughed.
"Why else would you have an imaginary wife?" I replied, "an imaginary girlfriend would be far less hassle, and you'd still get regular s**...."
When I said I wanted an origami book...
I didn't mean a regular book in the shape of a butterfly.
I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision
I only had regular vision
What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers?
The feathers.
The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 "regular" ounces.
The more you know...
In a shelter for abused women.
My husband used to beat me on regular basis. Sometimes, he would get his drinking mates and they would stand one after another to beat me. But one day I said to myself: get a grip woman, enough is enough. So when my husband and his mates collapsed drunk, I run away to this shelter. After 6 months I feel much better. The thing I like the most about this place is that there is no punchline.
I bought a grandfather clock.
It's like a regular clock but it keeps telling you that it's lived through three wars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wonder what it's like to have s**... in zero gravity...
Or even in regular gravity.
This year, my family and I are having a 'Brexit-themed' Christmas dinner...
It's the same as a regular Christmas dinner, but without the Brussels.
I bought some Shredded wheat, but I think it's a bit of a con.
It's no more muscular than regular wheat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his wife had a s**... on a regular basis.
hahaha i'm sorry.. I just can't say that with a straight face
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Good news and bad news...
The good news is that I get regular s**... with my teacher. The bad news, I'm home schooled.
Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"
"Your parents when you move out."
Why are submarines more dangerous than regular ships?
They're built with sub-standard materials.
A man walks into a shop...
He sees three brains sitting on the table a regular brain, a republican brain and a liberal brain.
Buyer: how much is each brain?
The seller: the regular brain is 200 dollars the republican brain is 300 dollars
But this here the liberal brain is 15,000 dollars.
Buyer: Oh Lord why is the liberal brain so expensive?
Seller: well it's never been used before!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into his regular watering hole....
depressed he orders a double whiskey. The bartender asks him What's the bad news? .
The guy says Well my wife says she no longer enjoys s**... so she's cutting me off, we can only do it once a month .
Bartender: Ooohhh cheer up that's nothing, she's cut most of the guys in here completely off
There are three kinds of people in the world
Those who shower before bed
Those who shower in the morning
And regular convention atendees
A man writing in his diary:
I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.
God isn't that different from us regular folk
He's not interested if you're not on your knees.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a ceaser salad from a regular salad?
Stab it 23 times.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jesus is a regular at my yoga class
Pilates s**... him up real bad but he keeps coming back
When the doctor told me having a Colostomy would improve my grammar, I didn't believe him.
But it was true; I now use a semi-colon on a regular basis.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to a f**... ...
After the regular round of eulogies and speeches and well wishers, he leans over the pew and asks the widow:
"Mind if I say a word?"
No, of course not , she says. "Please do."
The man stands up, clears his t**... and says:
"Abacus"
Then promptly sits down.
The widow leans back and says: "Thanks, it's the little things that count .
Some cavalry soldiers are pinned down by a bunch of Indians.
The Major yells to the Sergeant, "Sergeant, I don't like the sound of those drums!" one of the Indians hollers, "He's not our regular drummer!"
When it comes to the ladies, I'm a regular Don Juan ...
... the ladies Don Juan anything to do with me.
I'm pretty bad at the dab, but I still do it on a regular basis
I guess you could say I dabble
Why is a step ladder better then a regular ladder?
Because your regular ladder went for cigarettes and never came back.
My dad is like the reposts on this sub.
I see him on a regular basis and he stopped being funny a long time ago.
I found a new homophone today
At first I thought it was a regular phone, but then I saw it had Grindr installed.
I never understood the concept of lunch money
It doesn't taste any different than regular money.
The impotence group at my school broke up...
There were regular meetings, but nobody ever came.
Wolf sighting
Husband: Honey I think I just saw a wolf!
Wife: where?
Husband: No, a regular one.
It's almost christmas time and two prostitutes are talking to each other
One says to the other: 'So, what are you going to ask of Santa?'
Says the other: 'I think my regular price.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a b**... relationship and a regular one?
In the b**... relationship there is a safe word that can immediately stop the t**....
Ever notice that regular gouda is square, yet smoked gouda is circular?
Smoking really does take the edge off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once there was a mathematician
Once there was a mathematician. She wasn't very good at her job, but she really enjoyed it. She knew she couldn't make enough money to feed her family, so she decided to make money at night as a p**.... She was surprised at how popular she became, quickly finding herself several regular customers. After one particularly good night, the man held her hand and asked, "That was amazing, you are an exquisite woman. I'm sorry for asking only now, but what is your name?"
The woman replied, "It's okay - it's The Thot That Counts."
Chris used to drink only regular coffee, then he got in a car accident and lost both his legs below his knees...
Now he goes with de-calf.
A beta tester walks into a bar
A beta tester runs into a bar
A beta tester crawls into a bar
A beta tester moonwalks into a bar
A beta tester jumps into a bar
A beta tester sneaks into a bar
A beta tester orders 1 beer
A beta tester orders 2 beers
A beta tester orders 0 beers
A beta tester orders 999999999 beers
A beta tester orders -1 beers
A beta tester orders qwertyuip beers
A beta tester orders a lizard in a cup
A regular user walks into the bar and asks if he can use their toilet
The bar erupts into flames and burns to the ground.
What weighs less, an empty regular size bic or a full small bic?
See, you'd think it's the empty regular sized one, but the small one is a little lighter
Why is quantum physics so much harder than regular physics?
Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will.
But in quantum physics, if something *could* go wrong, it will.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... there's a wolf!
Where?
No, the regular kind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Regular as clockwork...
Every morning I pee at 6:15AM, then p**... at 6:30AM. Problem is I don't wake up until 7AM.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump's lawsuits are like his regular suits,
They all hang on something useless.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My elderly dad goes to the doctor
He says the doctor, doc, every morning at 7AM I take a s**....
The doctor says, sir, that's amazing that you can be so regular at your age.
My father replies, I don't think you understand. I wake up at 8.
Two cowboys were riding through a canyon and from far off they heard the sound of drumming.
One of them said, "I don't like the sound of those drums." And a distant voice called out "He's not our regular drummer!"
Star Wars names are just regular words if you put a random space somewhere:
Mos Quito
Que Sadilla
Scu Bagear
Syn Tax
Rev Erse
Mala Mute
Trypto Phan
Cano Nical
Impo Tent
Slee Papnea
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: How do you turn a regular salad into a ceaser salad ?
A: Just stab it 23 times
Told to me by a six year old.
Why was the snow yellow?
Because Elsa let it go!
I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow
Edit. Did not know it was my cake day! I think this is my first joke post. Just wanted to share.
A very drunk guy starts beating up a nun on the street
He throws kicks, uppercuts, regular punches, even some drunk karate moves.
Once he is exhausted he steps back and says "You disappoint me, Batman"
