Registration Jokes
43 registration jokes and hilarious registration puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about registration that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you need a good laugh? Look no further than this selection of humorous jokes about hospital registrations, seatbelts, applications, and troopers. Have a chuckle, and you may never look at paperwork the same way again!
Funniest Registration Short Jokes
Short registration jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The registration humour may include short attendance jokes also.
- I ran into the pub and shouted to my mate. Dave! I've just saw your car being stolen." He said Didn't you try to stop them?
I said, No, but don't worry. I got the registration. - The cow goes 'moo.' The horse goes 'neigh'. The pig goes Can I see your licence and registration?
- To the person who stole my registration key for Microsoft Office: I will find you!
You have my word - I saw a car with the registration plate 'BDR MNHF' earlier. Now I feel like I'm seeing it everywhere.
- German guy is driving through France He got stopped by a police officer.
Officer: License and registration please
Driver: Here you go officer
Officer: Occupation?
Driver: Nah, just holidays... - Some typos on my registration caused my car to be repoed I've never been so carless in my life.
- Great opportunity to make money online! Make your registration now and start winning today !!
- I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.
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Registration One Liners
Which registration one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with registration? I can suggest the ones about membership and ticket.
- Where do cats pay their registration? In the feeline :)
- I just joined the pessimists club. Only had to fill out half or the registration form.
- What did the pig say to the drunk man? Licence and registration please.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Registration Jokes
What funny jokes about registration you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean license jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make registration pranks.
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff.
He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
An old couple gets pulled over and...
Lady cop:"May I see you license and registration sir?"
Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife:"She needs to see you license and registration dear."
The old man hands it to the lady cop and...
Lady cop:"Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."
Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife:"Nothing dear, she thinks she used to know you."
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!”
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
A man walks into a doctor's office...
A man walks into a doctor's office.
He walks up to the registration desk and says, I have a 1:30 appointment.
Awesome! says the secretary. Which doctor?
No, the man goes. The regular one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teenager gets pulled over for speeding...
The cop says "License and Registration please."
As the teenager is grabbing it out of the glove compartment, the cop then says, "Ya know, I've been waiting for a s**... kid like you all day."
The teenager says, "Well officer, I got here as quick as I could."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets pulled over...
A man gets pulled over and the police officer approaches the driver's window. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" The driver says, "No sir." The cop says "Well son, you were speeding. Now please hand me your license and registration." The driver pulls out his license and says, "Well my registration is in the glove box, but I have to warn you, there is a loaded p**... in there." The cop is taken aback and places a hand on his own weapon. "Why do you have a loaded gun?" "Well it's what I used to kill the guy in my trunk." The cop then freaks out a little and calls for backup. While waiting, he has the driver toss his keys to the road and keep his hands up. Backup arrives, and they get him into the back of the squad car. Shortly after, their chief pulls up.
"Alright sir, we are going to retrieve the gun from the glove box, and the body from the trunk. We need you to identify the body, and then we will take you to the station for holding."
The driver says, "Sir there's no dead body in my trunk, nor is there a gun in the glove box...I bet he told you I was speeding too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Lady in a nursing home...
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again.
Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.
He's stark n**... and has an e**....
The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
'oh no, not the breathalyzer again!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandmother's p**...
My grandmother got pulled over for speeding. She rolled down her window and talked to the cop. He asked for her registration, and she said,
"Sure, i'll give it to you, but i want to warn you, I've got a Colt 45 in the glovebox."
As he reviewed her licence and reg, the cop asked her about any other weapons she had.
She admitted she had 2 other revolvers- one under her seat and one in her purse.
"3 pistols in your car!" said the cop, "What are you so afraid of?"
She said, "I am not afraid of anything!"
(did i read this here?)
Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham, ENGLAND.
*Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham, ENGLAND.
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:*
"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here"
"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here"
"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here"
"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here"
"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here"
"Ali Son al En — *silence in the classroom.*
"Ali Son al En" — *continued silence as everyone looked around the room.*
*The teacher repeated the call.*
*A girl stood up and said*: "Sorry teacher. I think that's me. It's pronounced Alison Allen."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old couple gets pulled over and...
Lady cop - "May I see you license and registration sir?"
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."
**The old man hands it to the lady cop and...**
Lady cop - "Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."
Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"
Old wife - "Nothing dear, She thinks she used to know you."
A newfie is doing 140km/h down the middle of the highway...
...when he is pulled over by the RCMP. The officer approaches the car, and asks him for his license and registration.
Officer: I clocked you at 140 driving down the centre of the road. Do you mind explaining what you were thinking?
Newfie: Aye, just followin' the directions on me license.
Officer: Excuse me?
Newfie: It says so right on top.
The officer, confused, takes a look at his license.
Officer: Nowhere does it say here that you can speed down the middle of the highway.
Newfie: Sure it does.
The newfie then pointed to the edge of the paper.
Newfie: See, right there. *Tear along the dotted line*
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a cop pulled her over...
The cop walks over to her car and says, "Excuse me ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?"
"Yep" she replied, clearly frustrated
The officer sighed and said, "I'm gonna need to see your license and registration."
The blonde looks at him angrily and says, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and today you expect me to show it to you!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly couple gets pulled over by a cop.
The wife is driving, but she has a bit of a hearing problem. The officer notifies her that she was doing 38 in a 25 zone.
The wife turns to her husband and asks "What'd he say?"
The husband replies "He says you were speeding!"
The wife turns back to the officer and says "Oh, sorry officer."
The officer goes on; "License and registration please."
The wife again turns to her husband. "What'd he say!?"
The husband, growing irritated, says "He wants to see your LICENSE." The wife replies, "Oh, sorry officer. Here you go."
The officer inspects her license and comments, "Ah, you're from Brownsville. I'll never forget that city... I had the worst s**... experience of my entire life in Brownsville!"
The wife once more turns to her right and yells "What'd he say!!?"
The husband replies "He says he knows you."
What's your name?
A cop pulls a guy over and asks for his license and registration.
The driver responds, "I don't have a license or registration, Officer."
"Tell me your name then," the cop demands.
"Mr. Kret," the driver says.
"TELL ME YOUR FULL NAME," the officer barks, sufficiently irritated.
The driver smiles..."Itza C. Kret."
A female blond police officer pulls over another blond female driver..
Blond police officer: "Can I see your license and registration?"
Driver: "What's a license?"
Police officer: "It's a thing in your purse with your picture on it."
Driver: *Fumbles through purse and finds her reflection on a mirror and hands it to the officer*
Police officer: *looks in mirror and sees own reflection and hands the mirror back the driver*
Police officer: "I'm so sorry for pulling you over, I didn't know you were a fellow officer, have a great day" *Walks away*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two German parents walk into a birth registration center
Employee: "What the girl's name?"
Father: "Liezel Roddy h**..."
Employee: "Literally h**...?"
Mother: "Ja"
Thus, a legend was born.
George's son
George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son.
The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to
the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."
The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency.
Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank."
Another blonde joke...
A blonde was speeding on a highway when a policeman pulled her over.
The policeman walks up to the blonde and say "excuse me ma'am can I see your driving license and registration."
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took my license away and then today you expect me to show it to you."
I told two twins their matching outfits are cute...
"Did your mom buy you matching clothes?" I asked politely.
To which they answered, "We're not twins and could we see your license and registration please."
A blonde gets pulled over...
By a blonde police officer.
"Sorry but you're speeding so I'll need license and registration"
The blonde in the car starts looking through her purse. "I can't find my license, what does it look like?"
"It's a small little rectangle with your face on it" the officer replies.
The blonde find a mirror and looks at it. "Found it! A little rectangle with my face!" And hands it to the officer.
Stunned the blonde officer stares at the mirror in her hand. "Why didn't you just tell me you're also an officer? Don't worry about the ticket, officers stick together."
Two new parents
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, What ever possessed you to study Russian?
The couple said proudly, We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.
Man pulls over to the side of the road next to two guys
Man: Awwww, look at this ! How cute are you !
Guy: Sir...
Man: You are so cute ! Are you twins??
Guy: Sir, I...
Man:Your mom even got the same clothes for both of you, you must be twins !
Guy: Sir, turn off the engine, and give me your licence and registration.
A cop pulls over a drunk man..
A police officer pulls over a man who he thinks is drunk.. he walks up to the mans car. "Hello sir may I see license and registration"? Asks the cop. So the man hands him his license and registration.
The cop comes back a minute later and asks the man to step out of the car. "Ok sir I'm gonna perform some field sobriety tests on you" The cop says.
"Field Sobriety tests"? The man asks "But I didnt even study"!
A Polish police officer pulls over a German tourist.
Officer: Good day, license and registration, please.
The tourist gives his license and registration to the police officer.
Officer: What is your age?
Tourist: 31 years old.
Officer: Occupation?
Tourist: No, just visiting.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A state trooper is sitting at the end of a tunnel and pulls over a motorist for speeding.
License and registration the officer says.
No problem replies the motorist.
What are you doing out so late sir? the officer asks.
Just had a late night at work he replies.
Really? What do you do for work? the officer says.
Well...I'm an a**... stretcher he says.
An a**... stretcher?
Yeah, I take a**... and stretch them as far as you want, up to 6 feet
What would anyone do with a six foot a**...?! The office exclaims.
Well, the state gives them a car and puts one at the end of a tunnel!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer pulls a man over
"Licence and registration!" - the police officer says.
"Certainly, officer!", replies the civilian.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?", asks the officer.
The civilian replies: "I assume you are collecting donations for the policemans' ball."
"Sir, the police doesn't have b**....", the officer says.
There is a moment of silence, and then the officer just hands the civilian his documentation, goes back to his car and drives away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Korean immigrant was beaten up by police after they asked for his name and registration papers during a routine traffic stop.
"I never have received seen such bad behaviour by cops" said Mr Fuuk Yu.
Vinny gets pulled over for speeding on the Jersey Turnpike...
And the cop asks him for his license and registration. Now Vinny wants to get rid of the cop as fast as possible being that he's got a dead "canary" in the trunk. As he passes his wallet, he drops a $50 bill on the ground.
"I'm sorry officer was that your fifty or mine?"
The cop hands it back and says, "no, mine was a hundred".
[This was a scene from a movie I can't remember the name of.]
I went to a new family doctor today
I went to a new family doctor today. The waiting room was spacious, new renovation, nice and beautiful nurses. And it got a sign:
"We respect our patients' privacy, we will not call you by name".
Quite good eh, I thought.
Completed the registration, I sat down in the waiting area, reading the latest car magazine. A moment later, the nurse speak with the mic:
"The man age 32, with haemorrhoids, please proceed to examination room number 3".
