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Refused Jokes

154 refused jokes and hilarious refused puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about refused that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Refused Short Jokes

Short refused jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The refused humour may include short denied jokes also.

  1. Why do Jews get Circumcised? Because jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off
  2. I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids. I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
  3. Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race. He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
  4. Cardi B's sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly They call her 'Cagey B'
  5. As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games. Not because I'm sexist, I just don't think it's right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at game.
  6. is google male or female? female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions
  7. I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.
  8. I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing,
    but when I got home, the signs were all there.
  9. Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter. He plan to buy it.
  10. People think that just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, i should walk around carrying a big ol' boom box on my shoulder. But I refuse to go with that stereotype.

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Refused One Liners

Which refused one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with refused? I can suggest the ones about declined and rejected.

  1. I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic..... I was in Daniel.
  2. A friend of mine, a mother of four, refused to have her children vaccinated.
  3. Why did the anti-vaxer refuse to go out with Batman? She was against masked-man dates.
  4. My 5yo hit me with this: what do you call an elephant who refuses to bath? A Smellephant!
  5. How do you confuse a feminist? Tell her you refuse to allow her to make you a sandwich.
  6. I asked an electrician to fix the electricity in my house... He Re-fused.
  7. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time... are they guilty of resisting a rest?
  8. What country refuses tea? Chai? nah
  9. I have a dyslexic gay friend but he is refusing to admit it... He's in Daniel
  10. As a Marxist I could never play CoD, because I refuse to create a class.
  11. What is it called when a kid refuses to sleep during nap time? Resisting a rest.
  12. Quit my job at the helium factory today I refuse to be spoken to in that tone
  13. I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym
  14. A guy was thrown into the jail for refusing to take a nap He was resisting a rest
  15. I had a teacher that refused to fail anyone... No "F"s given.

Refused Leave Jokes

Here is a list of funny refused leave jokes and even better refused leave puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • After an altercation with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
  • I refuse to go bungie jumping I came into this world because or a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one.
  • What does an Indian who refuses to leave say? Namaste.
  • A Veterans Day Joke: If Donald Trump refuses to leave the White House... They should just rename it Viet Nam and see how fast he leaves.
  • Why I am leaving this sub: She refused to do as I had asked. I do not have tolerance for disobedient submissives.
  • I Want To Bring Joy To The World But she refuses to leave the house.
  • My girlfriend's refusal to learn the difference between baking soda and washing soda leaves me foaming at the mouth
  • I'm not sure who got the worse beating.... that doctor or this dead horse.^^^"The ^^^horse ^^^refused ^^^to ^^^leave ^^^voluntarily" ^^^-United ^^^Airlines
  • Why were the elephants asked to leave the n**... beach? They refused to remove their trunks.

Refused Apologize Jokes

Here is a list of funny refused apologize jokes and even better refused apologize puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Local Republicans complained about a public display supporting the migrant caravan The Church apologized for the offense but refused to take down their Nativity set.
Refused joke, Local Republicans complained about a public display supporting the migrant caravan

Refused joke, Local Republicans complained about a public display supporting the migrant caravan

Fun-Filled Refused Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about refused you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opposed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make refused pranks.

My girlfriend tried to make me have s**... on the hood of her Honda Civic

I refused. If I'm going to have s**..., its going to be on my own Accord

I refused to waste money paying an exorcist...

so he repossessed my house.

A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...

...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."

My boss asked me to fix the plug on his lamp...

I simply refused.

Just got called a misogynist by my sister because. I refused to watch another Ellen Degeneres comedy special.

It's because I'm homophobic you d**....

Three little old ladies

Three little old ladies were enjoying an evening on the town, when suddenly they were accosted by a f**.... The first little old lady had a s**...! Then the second one had a s**...! But the third one refused to touch it.

Man visits a dentist with broken teeth

Dentist.:- how did you manage to break these three teeth. .?
Man:- my wife bakeda bread that was too hard.
Dentist.:- you could have refused to eat it
Man:- that's exactly how this happened...

Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office?

Because she refused to work in a mail dominated industry.

Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...

...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.
"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.
Stalin lit his pipe and replied:
"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."

Did you hear about the guru who refused to let the dentist use Novocain to numb his mouth?

The guru said he wanted to transcend dental medication

The Flintstones

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

A man dies in an accident

He never drank, nor smoked. He never had s**... and never indulged in anything unhealthy.
The Life Insurance Company refused the claim on the note that 'How can someone have died if he had never lived in the first place?'

Did you know that Rosa Parks died because...

She refused to get in the back of an ambulance

Old Jewish joke.

A group of Ukrainian villagers are trying to get a cow to mate with a bull.
Try as they might, the cow refused to mate with any bull at all.
The villagers take the cow to the rabbi to ask for help.
The Rabbi inspects the cow then asks the villagers, "is the cow from Kiev?"
"Yes..." replied the villagers.
"Aha," exclaimed the Rabbi "that's why she won't mate with the bull."
"How do you know this?" asked the villagers, intrigued.
"My wife's from Kiev." replied the Rabbi.

I tried donating s**... the other day, but they refused me.

The requirements they have are really strict there at the salvation army

Why did the feminist get fired from Subway?

Because she refused to make a sandwich

My patient was refused his o**... transplant.

But I didn't have the heart to tell him.

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday

.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Why didn't the feminist picnic work out?

because they all refused to make sandwiches.

Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store?

Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick "Up".

A British vampire walks inside a bar...

The bartender offers him a glass of fresh blood but he refused. Instead, the vampire just asked for a cup of warm water. The bartender asked him why to which the vampire replied, "Well, I found some used tampons earlier. I'm just going to make some tea."

A girl asked her brother If he could help her move her stuff to her new house and he refused and she asked him why

He said he couldn't be her brother and assister too

Did you hear the one about the subatomic particle that refused to pay the bus fare?

It just lepton.

Why did the Mexican fail English class?

Because he refused to turn in his essays

I once knew a vampire who refused to drink blood

He would satisfy his cravings with fake blood, which his body rejected and he ended up dying from it.
I asked him on his death bed how the fake blood tasted and he said "a little irony"

A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...

The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)

A man was drowning in a river

...a boat comes and asks of he needs any help.
He responds, "No, god will save me."
The boat leaves and another one comes by asking the same thing.
The man declines again and says, "No, God will save me."
The man drowns and goes to heaven. He asks God, "Why didn't you save me?"
God replies, "I sent you two boats and you refused..."

My girlfriend left me when I refused to go the gym with her.

It's a shame our relationship didn't work out.

Dear protestors,

Rosa parks refused to give up her seat on the bus, she didn't trash it. There's a difference.
Pls don't crucify me

A preschooler refused to sleep during naptime...

He was charged with resisting a rest

A woman was trying to breastfeed her son in a bus

The kid throws a tantrum and refuses to s**... on his mother's breast. So in a fit, the mother tells her son, "If you don't want this milk, I'm gonna give this to the gentleman beside us."
An hour later, the kid still refused to breastfeed. So she tells her son again, "If you won't breastfeed, I'm really gonna give this to this man beside us!"
Then the guy beside them suddenly interrupted, "Please make up your mind now. My stop was 30 minutes ago."

The Trump Travel ban was refused due to lack of evidence..

Apparently "I know it, you know it, everybody knows it" wasn't enough

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?

He refused to believe in Dog.

My Brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.
We never played Monopoly again.

Why did the skeptic do poorly in Trigonometry?

He refused to see the sines.

Went to the library and asked where the self-help books were.

Librarian refused to tell me. She said it would be defeating the purpose.

A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper

He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the military. He handed the letter of discharge to the recruit and he smiled and said "Oh yes. This is the sheet of paper I was looking for!"

Why did the honest baker go out of business?

She refused to sugarcoat.

A young kid was smart, but was failing math.

He simply refused to apply himself. The parents tried everything to no avail. Finally, in desperation, they put him into a private Catholic school. When they got his first report card they were delighted to see he got an A in math. They asked him what had finally motivated him. He said "When I first walked into the school and saw that guy on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew these guys were serious."

Dentist: How did you lose your three teeth?

Patient: "My wife prepared the pancakes and they were very hard to eat."
Dentist: "Then you could have refused to eat them."
Patient: "I did refused to eat them. Hence, I lost my three teeth."

My new neighbors are from a foreign country and refused to eat the yogurt I offered them.

Pretty sure it's a cultural thing.

The EU was invited to a thanksgiving dinner

but they refused to have turkey

I tried to share a burger with a homeless man, but he refused

He told me to get my own burger

An astronaut refused to return to Earth to see his girlfriend

he said he needed more space.

My brother took going to jail pretty hard. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at everyone who passed by, and smeared his own f**... all over the walls...

Needless to say we'll never play Monopoly again..

My doctor got sick so I grabbed his medical bag, but he refused to let me treat him

He did not like the taste of his own medicine

I called the police to report a m**... in my front yard but they refused to respond

They said if I really wanted the crows gone I'd have to do it myself

Did you hear about the kid who refused to drink his Red Bull....

Now he's grounded!

My brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own f**.... After that, we never played Monopoly again.

I kept trying to give my caddy a tip after my last round of golf, but he refused.

Apparently after watching me play, he only wanted money.

My friend and I took a trip to Egypt. While we were sightseeing, he slipped and fell into a river. I told him he needs to get out as soon as possible but he refused to acknowledge his predicament.

He was in denial.

My daughter refused to wear her contacts

I told her, "No daughter of mine is going out looking like that!"

What did the nurse tell her patient after he refused to let her mend a cut on his arm?

Fine, suture self!

On a river rafting trip in Egypt, a couple began to sink. The husband urged his wife to swim to safety before the water got too deep, but she refused to believe she was in any danger.

She was too deep in de Nile.

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.

...but Mexicans refused.

"Give me an example of when you've gone the extra mile for someone?" asked the job interviewer.

"Well," I said. "One time a p**... refused to walk down the block to my car."

I was so bad at math my bank refused to give me a loan

Thank god I had someone to cosine

Did you hear about the Egyptian who refused to accept that he was drowning?

He was in denial

Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia for his root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

The Arizona Wildlife World Zoo refused to euthanize the panther that killed a woman who jumped into its enclosure to take a selfie...

...making it the first black entity to ever successfully invoke the Castle Doctrine/Stand Your Ground against a white entity.

My wife is divorcing me because I refused to buy her some new bras.

Her attorney calls it failure to support .

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.
But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.

My girlfriend tried to make me have s**... on the hood of her Honda Civic…

But I refused.
If I'm going to have s**..., it's going to be on my own Accord.

My tailor has been really angry the past few weeks. This morning, he even refused to fixed my new pants which were too long

I asked if he could cut me some slack

Why did h**... fail as an artist?

He refused to mix colors.

Two lady l**..., both called Rachel, tried to buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. However, the baker refused to serve 'their kind'...

Not surprisingly, the two girls were hugely offended and asked him why he had a problem with gay nuptials.
The baker replied that he had no problems at all, however, he wasn't a supporter inter-Rachel marriage.

My Dad tried twisting the wicks of a handful of firecrackers together and accidentally pulled them out. I told him to stop and not try to fix them, it wasn't safe.

He refused two.

I once fell into an African river but refused to accept it

I was in denial

Why couldn't the PC gamer stop crying?

He refused to be consoled.

When lightnings struck the church, the insurance company refused to pay

Reason: Act of God, in other words, deliberate destruction by owner.

I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house

He refused

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

One day a baseball umpire brought his son to a game to watch him work. Dutmring the game, the umpire was rude and insulting, even to the point of spitting and cursing the players. At the end of the game he knelt down and beckoned his son to come sit on his knee. The boy refused saying . . .

The son never sits on the brutish umpire.

A guy at the hardware store tried to sell me a 50ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.

I hate long good buys.

Pasta joke trilogy

My girlfriend refused to believe a spaghetti bike could work. You should've seen her face when I rode pasta.
Things took a turn for the worse when I was fired from my job at the pasta factory. Fusilli mistakes.
To top it all off, my girlfriend said she couldn't stand me touching pasta all the time, so she left.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

Refused joke, Pasta joke trilogy

jokes about refused