Refundable Jokes
81 refundable jokes and hilarious refundable puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about refundable that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Refundable Short Jokes
Short refundable jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The refundable humour may include short jokes also.
- What's at the centre of No Man's sky universe? A refund.
credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post) - Chuck Norris once skydived and the parachute failed to open while mid-air The next day, he demanded a refund.
- Did you guys hear about the lady who put Gorilla Glue in her hair? She asked for a refund, but they won't give her silverback.
- Got laser eye surgery last month Still can't fire lasers out of my eyes. Am I doing it wrong? Should I get a refund?
- I saw a lady in tears at the store. She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside. I gave her $100 because I had just found about $1600 in the parking lot. #payitforward
- Just got the email "Webinar on how to avoid frauds is cancelled" And the fee is non-refundable.
- There was a recall on bird food but most places are offering a refund if you return it. It strikes me as odd that they would encourage you to give bad feed back.
- The Nigerian football team apologize for their poor performance in yesterday's match. They will be issuing refunds for anyone who purchased tickets. Just send in your bank details and pin number...
- I went to watch a standup comedian who kept making stereotypical Jew jokes towards me... I was so upset I demanded a double refund
- "Hey, I was supposed to lose 30 pounds in month, I want a refund" "Sure. How much did you pay for box?"
"30 pounds!"
"Looks like it works like advertised, anything else I can help you with?"
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Refundable One Liners
Which refundable one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with refundable? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What did chuck norris do when his parachute failed to open? Brought it back for a refund.
- Seminar "How to avoid frauds" is canceled. Tickets are non-refundable.
- Why did the football coach ask for a refund? He wanted to get his quarterback.
- FAQ: Can I returned my child and get a refund? No, but we can give you stork credit.
- I demanded a refund for my geology course It was very surface level.
- If the eclipse glasses I sold you don't work... see me after, and I'll give you a refund.
- What is it called when you rob a government official? A refund!
- An infinite number of Sean Murray walks into to a bar and gets a refund.
- I'm soo broke I tried to return myself for a refund.
- Did you hear about EA's refund button?
- What's in the centre of the galaxy in No Man's Sky? A refund.
- Your momma so fat she thought a quarterback was a refund
- What should Syria get for its air defence system? A refund.
- You went full Refund. Never go full Refund.
- Why didn't black people return to Africa after slavery ended? Africa's no refund policy.
Refundable Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about refundable you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make refundable pranks.
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner.
"Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different."
The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede.
"Really?" says the man "How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 50.
Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.
On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says, "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says nothing.
Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.
An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede again says nothing.
Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund.
An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says "I heard you the first time you m**...! I'm putting my shoes on!"
Yo momma so s**... she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again.
They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.
They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."
The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
The guys said "What’s that board for?"
The trader said, "Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this."
They said "No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!"
The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don’t use them. I’ll refund your money next year."
"Okay," they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."
The trader said, "Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?"
"Yeah" said the guy.
"Where is he?" asked the trader.
"I shot him" said the guy.
"Why?"
"I caught him in bed with my board."
Your mom is so s**... she thought Nickelback was a refund.
A broke, lonely man.
A man who hadn't been with a woman in years was feeling lonely one night. He finally decided he wanted to hire an e**... to fix this problem, but, he was nearly broke.
After sifting through the phone-book he finds an ad for an extremely cheap e**..., only $5. He calls her up and hires her. A few hours later she appears at his house and they spend the night together in his bed.
The next day after she had left he noticed that he was really itchy. After checking the boys he realized he had c**...! Enraged, he called the e**... again and demanded a refund, to which she replied, "Well what did you expect for $5, lobsters?"
The s**... Shop Fatality.
A man walks into a s**... shop to purchase some see-through l**... for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the l**... home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modelling n**..., return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.
So she appears n**... at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
"Stone me!" exclaims her hubby. "It wasn't that creased in the shop!"
His f**... is on Thursday.
After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,
The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.
After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
What should Iraq get for its air defense system?
A refund.
What belongs in the bank and doesn't exist?
My tax refund.
Why did the college student ask for a refund on his student loan?
#Because his *degree* didn't work!
A punk girl goes shopping and asks the cashier
"Can i get a refund if my parents like these clothes?"
The Sheer Nightgown
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the sheerer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no d**...), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling n**..., return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
She appears n**... on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
(edited for multifariousness.)
TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
A lumberjack walks into a shop to buy a chainsaw...
The shopkeeper picks one out and says "this one can cut down 5 trees in 2 minutes". The lumberjack is impressed by this and buys the chainsaw. 2 days later, the lumberjack comes back to the shop with the chainsaw and asks for a refund.
"This is a complete rip-off, I only managed to cut down 1 tree over the space of an hour!"
The shopkeeper takes the chainsaw and turns it on only for the lumberjack to suddenly jump in surprise.
"What's that noise?"
Have you heard of the new Lego Presidential Building Set?
It's called My First Wall . It comes with a few pesos as a refund.
Yo momma so s**...
She thinks NIckleback is a refund.
You're so s**... . .
you thought a quarterback was a refund
An Inuit man walks into a pet store...
An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."
A huge crab walks into a bar...
...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."
The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"
So I hear EA has removed all refund options from their website, and now customers have to call them directly. But hey:
"The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment from successfully navigating our automated phone menu."
I asked the shopkeeper if he thought I should be refunded for my faulty abacus
He told me not to count on it.
You've had a bad day but...
The parachute company says you'll get a full refund.
The flesh eating virus barely touched your other arm.
Imagine what would have happened if your ex-wife had a *good* lawyer.
The fertility drugs worked 4 times better than expected.
The insurance company said they will pay the full book value of $455 for your 1966 Corvette.
At least the operation was partially successful.
Don't worry about who the real father is, your son's chances of getting a full scholarship just increased significantly!
Bringing s**... back...
To the store for refund
What's the best thing about living in Ethiopia as a foreigner?
Getting refunds on every appliance and tool with a lifetime guarantee.
The Nigerian football team is disappointed with Saturdays performance.
They will personally refund all tickets and travel expenses to their fans. Just send them bank details, sort codes and and PIC'S to allow them to send the money directly.
The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.
All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …
I bought a defective pack of playing cards. It had only three suits and all the cards were jacks.
I'm still trying to get a refund from those heartless b**....
Fallout 3: "Where's my father?" Fallout 4: "Where's my son?"
Fallout 76: "Where's my refund?"
What do you call a group of 500 atoms?
A Refund.
*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*
They should have a GoFundMe to refund the money back to the people that scammed everyone with the homeless dude GoFundMe
Want to get an idea how important you are during a government shutdown?
IRS REFUND department: Non-essential
IRS Audit department.: Essential
What's the worst thing someone can ask for during s**...?
A refund.
Investing in an assisted s**... centre has its pros and cons
The service is non-refundable but there are no repeat customers
A man goes to buy a parachute
He asks the cashier,
what happens if the parachute fails to deploy?
The cashier responds: Oh, Just pull the reserve c**..., you will be fine.
The man asks again: What if the reserve c**... fails???
The cashier responds: Well, In that case bring it back and we will give you a full refund!
If you put red and fun together in just the right way you get one of the best words in the dictionary.
Refund.
So a guy buys a $5 h**........
They have s**... and the next day the guys realizes he has c**.... The guy goes back the next day to complain and demand a refund
The h**... goes "It was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?"
Another band has renamed themselves do to the times we live now, they will now be called No Refunds
apparently, if you previously went to their concerts, you couldn't even get a Nickelback.
Yo mama jokes thread
What are some of the best "Yo mama" jokes of recent times?
I'll go first: Yo mama's so s**..., she thought a quarterback was a refund.
A farmer goes to the market to sell his horse for $2000, and a man buys it from him.
The farmer says he'll deliver it to to man in 1 week's time, but halfway through the week the horse dies.
The farmer offers to refund the man's money, but the man chooses to buy it anyway.
The next week the farmer sees and asks the man what he did with the dead horse.
The man says 'Oh I held a lucky draw, $50 for a chance to win a horse. 100 people entered, and I collected $5000.
The farmer, shocked, asks 'But wasn't anyone upset with the horse?' The man replies
'Oh yes, only the winner, but I refunded him his $50.'