Reference Jokes
74 reference jokes and hilarious reference puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reference that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this collection of hilarious reference jokes. From movie references to self-references and cheese references, there's something for everyone. VII-inter did a great job of gathering some of the funniest antijokes and reference jokes for you to enjoy.
Quick Jump To
- Short Reference Jokes
- Reference One Liners
- Movie Reference Jokes
- Reference Letter Jokes
- Reference Librarian Jokes
- Self Reference Jokes
- More Reference Jokes
Funniest Reference Short Jokes
Short reference jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reference humour may include short mention jokes also.
- My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad arnold schwarzenegger references, but don't worry... I'll return
- I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.
- My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her. Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
- I told a Saudi friend my best joke and he didn't get the reference. It's like he's living under Iraq.
- My wife kicked me out because she's tired of all of my bad Schwarzenegger references, but... I will return
- I accidentally referred to my wife as my girlfriend today Their names aren't even that similar
- I have proof that God is black Everyone refers to him as father , but no one's ever seen him
- "Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked. She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.
- Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"? Because "daddy" would make it too obvious...
- Courtesy of my 11-year-old: Dad, what's the difference between a humorous reference and an imaginary bread? One is a wry allusion and the other is a rye illusion.
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Reference One Liners
Which reference one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reference? I can suggest the ones about related and pointer.
- A bar walks into Albert Einstein. Oops, wrong frame of reference.
- This sub should be referred to as "Geddit."
- I refer to my wife as "My trophy wife" She calls me her "participation award"
- How often do scientists reference the Table of Elements? Periodically.
- I can sneak in an Uptown Funk reference here. Don't believe me? Just watch.
- How does the pope refer to his secret superhero identity? It's his altar ego.
- A bar walks into physicist.. Sorry wrong frame of reference.
- When ISIS is finally destroyed... Historians should start referring to it as "WASWAS".
- I hate when people refer to someone as a Muslim Are they a Musarm or Musleg? Be specific.
- I got 99 problems... But using derogatory language to refer to women ain't one
- Getting real sick of all the Dragon Ball Z references... Just Saiyan...
- I wrote a reference letter while high on cannabis I highly recommended him.
- Why was the food critic fired? They didn't reference their sauces
- That's not a Crocodile Dundee reference... THIS is a Crocodile Dundee reference.
- What do the cultists of Elmer's Glue refer to themselves as? Adherents.
Movie Reference Jokes
Here is a list of funny movie reference jokes and even better movie reference puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits... Pulp Fiction
- When I first joined the army they said that it'd be just like the movies I didn't think that the movie they were referring to was brokeback mountain!
- Run, fatman, run! A movie reference in the west.
A warning in Japan. - Harvey Weinstein was going to do a remake of the movie "Brigham Young"... He kept referring to it as, "bring 'em young"
- Ever since they brought out a movie based on the book... ... it's impossible to tell if girls are referring to the movie or the book when they say 'I was just flicking through 50 Shades of Grey.'
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Reference Letter Jokes
Here is a list of funny reference letter jokes and even better reference letter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm applying for a job writing clues for Wordle. They are asking for five letters of reference.
Reference Librarian Jokes
Here is a list of funny reference librarian jokes and even better reference librarian puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can't you check out librarians while at the library? They're for reference only.
- Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.
Self Reference Jokes
Here is a list of funny self reference jokes and even better self reference puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Surimi must have the lowest self-esteem of all fish. Nobody would dare eat them unless you refer to them as "imitation crab."
- Quick, make a self-reference! Aye!
Also thought about using "Me?" as the punchline, but then it sounded too much like the 'two pronouns' joke. Also, wouldn't have made it a pun. - Referring to one's self in the third person is really obnoxious, but you refer to yourself in the second person and it confuses everyone. It's probably why you have no friends.
Share Hilarious Reference Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about reference you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean link jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reference pranks.
The older man and his problems
A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform s**.... He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s**... and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is
you do not talk about, name, hint at, refer to, discuss, or mention Thesaurus Club.
Chemists in a pub
After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fuming that his assassination attempt had failed.
I had a big mix up at the store today.
Apparently when the clerk said s**... down facing me, she was referring to my credit card.
English Weather
I just read something about weather in England:
The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._
In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as _'Muslim Weather'_ -- partly Sunni, but mostly s**...'ite.
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
Everyone says they are sick of my Linkin Park references...
But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Political correctness gone mad.
I can't even refer to my own child as my disabled son.
Apparently it's my "daughter."
If you ever need help learning C++, I can give you some pointers.
And you can keep me as a reference.
Who is calling?
The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.
p**... answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."
There was a stony silence for a second or two.
''Do you know who you are speaking to?''
''No,'' said p**....
''It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''
''Well, do you know who you are talking to?'' asked p**...
''No,'' roared the colonel.
''Well thank goodness for that,'' said p**... and hung up the phone.
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
My wife said she would leave me if I didn't stop making Pokémon references...
'You need to make a choice' she said 'It's either me or the s**... pokémon references!'
'I understand', I replied, holding back tears. 'Sandra, I choose you!!!'
Two scientists walk into a bar...
The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."
The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.
I didn't know that when I became an adult everyone would make FRIENDS references...
No one ever told me life was gonna be this way.
A Horse walks into a bar
A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!" before downing the whole lot.
The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse says "I don't think I am". Suddenly the horse poofs out of existence.
See the joke is a reference to Descartes the philosopher who coined the phrase "I think. Therefore I am." However explaining this prior to the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Two scientists walk into a restaurant
The first one says, "I'll have a glass of H2O".
The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. We are not at work right now, why are you referring to it like that?"
The first scientist goes into the bathroom and weeps, for his m**... plan had failed.
Do you remember when people didn't have to make pop culture references to make a joke?
Pepperidge farm remembers.
My friend set me up on a date. He told me she constantly make Shrek references. I was pretty sceptical
but then I saw her face
Two scientists walk into a restaurant. The first one says, "I'll have an H2O."
The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."
The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.
A woman who was married six times had just died.
During the f**... service, the pastor heard her sister say "I'm so glad they are finally together!"
The pastor replies "Which husband are you referring to?"
"None of them. I was talking about her legs."
For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...
Optimist Prime.
Went and got my first gun yesterday
Went and got a 9mm p**... I go to pay for the gun and the cashier says s**... down facing me
Realizing this is probably because of gun wackos I did as she instructed
When the shrieking from customers and alarms stopped I realized the cashier was referring to how I should swipe my credit card
My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.
I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
My girlfriend and I are trying the whole "long distance relationship thing"
Also, the police say on top of having to stay 100 feet away, I need to stop referring to her as my "girlfriend"
"Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth.
Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in 'u-n-t' that refers to a woman?
Oh my god! the man thought. I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word. The gentleman thinks for quite a while, then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, I think the word you're looking for is 'Aunt'.
Oh, of course! the Pope exclaims. Do you have an eraser?
A russian went out of Stalin's office and says to himself
This s**... mustached man.
A KGB officer hears him and grabs him to stalin and tells him what he heard.
Stalin to the man: who did you mean when you said "mustached man".
The man: h**... of course.
stalin to the KGB officer: And who YOU thought he was referring to?
There is a horse. The horse says "I don't think." and disappears.
This is a reference to the Descartes quote "I think, therefore I am."
But if I had explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
After several visits to the doctor's I've finally been referred to rehab for spending all my days smoking drugs and looking up jokes about cheese.
Hopefully I can kick my addiction to m**... and feta memes.
I would never ever refer to an older woman's sagging b**... as melons...
That would be low hanging fruit.
