Unearthly Funniest Reduce Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
I've reduced my wine consumption to just one glass before bed
I went to bed 7 times last night
Tips to reduce weight…
First turn your head to the right and then to the left.
Repeat this exercise whenever your offered something to eat!
F***ING !
1) F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it is harmful if done everyday
2) F***ing relaxes your mind & body
3) F***ing refreshes you
4) After F***ing don't eat too much go for more liquids
5)Try F***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy
6) F***ing can reduce your cholesterol level
So remember FASTING is good for your health.
GOD BLESS YOUR DIRTY MIND :
"m**... can help relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem, as well as reduce the risk of prostate cancer."
And apparently that is not the correct answer to give when being questioned by the police as to why I was jacking off while riding the bus.
Everything can be reduced to a f**... joke ...
Even physics:
We know that everything on earth falls at the same rate of acceleration, 32 feet per second per second. The difference comes down to mass and wind resistance, as shown by a flat piece of paper and one balled up. This means that the determining factor in your total decent is how much wind you break!
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th...
Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.
"Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. "
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. She doesn't seem to hear what ever I tell her."
The doctor replies, "Oh, is that so? Well, let me try to help you. Just try this method when you get home today. Stand around 50 feet from her and ask her something. If she doesn't hear it, reduce the gap by 10 feet and so on till she can hear what you say."
The man satisfied with the reply, hurries home to try this little technique. He stands around 50 feet away from her, and shouts, "Hey honey, what's for dinner today?" He gets no response, so he moves closer and repeats the same question four more times till he's right next to her.
He asks the same question again and she says, "For heaven's sake, this is the fifth time I'm telling you, it's just fruit salad tonight!"
"Have you heard about the new rule in boxing?"
... James asked his friend Jake. Jake hadn't.
- Basically, to reduce the number of blows under the belt that boxers deliver and receive, their outfits will feature a line just above the waist that they must aim for with every hit.
- What? That's ridiculous! Is there something written on it?
- Of course! __This is the punchline__."
SPOILER ALERT:
I just had a piece of metal fitted to the back of my car to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency.
Global warming can reduce terrorism
because the isis melting.
Donald Trump says that he plans to reduce inflation.
Shortly after, Tom Brady announced his intent to vote for Trump.
You can explore reduce revenues reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean reduce absolutes dad jokes. There are also reduce puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Which presidential candidate does Tom Brady support?
Whichever can reduce inflation.
The other day I took a dump, then did some drugs, then went for a bike ride.
Then I saw an environmental poster that said "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" - so I did it all over again.
Why don't we use some Fourier Analysis on our relationship
And reduce to a series of periodic functions.
A Mathematician is given a psychological test.
The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."
My doctor suggested I use ice to reduce the pain.
But I think this whiskey tastes just fine without it.
My doctor told me to start killing people.
Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.
You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally.
Do it when you are offered food
Want to reduce the gender pay gap?
Change your major from feminine interpretive dance to electrical engineering.
Why did the mathematician celebrate 4/20 on January 5?
Because he knows how to reduce fractions.
The White House bar and restaurant, upon Trump's arrival, will reduce their beverage selections to just two choices:
You can get a White Russian or an Orange Julius.
A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.
The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.
The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.
The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.
Why are aerospace engineers so transphobic?
They're constantly trying to reduce drag.
One reason not to die.
Its bad for your health and can drastically reduce life expectancy.
Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president?
We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!
Whenever I see the sign reduce speed ahead I turn around
I don't buy less potent drugs
How do Jedi reduce both lighting use and costs?
Lightsaber
This food has been proven to drastically reduce or even eliminate s**... drive in a significant percentage of women.
It's wedding cake.
Ask a counseling student how to reduce stress, they'll discuss mindfulness, work-life balance, etc. Ask an engineering student,
they'll ask back, "Normal or Shear?"
Psychedelic mushrooms reduce authoritarianism and boost nature relatedness - science shows.
Yeh - it's hard to salute when you're face down in the grass.
My personal trainer said I should reduce my fats.
I already do, though. By eating them.
How did Germany raise its GDP pc. during WW2?
Reduce the capita
what do you call a substance which fails to reduce friction
lubrican't
Stopping graffiti has become unmanageable around here
So far the only effort to reduce it has been a complete wash.
Have you heard the Scottish National Party's proposal to reduce Loch Ness monster sightings?
Nick all the sturgeon
I've been issued Community Service..
I was assigned the Recycling Program . I figured I'd start here since there's a lot of reused content which would reduce my searching.
What's something all men shake to reduce trickle when finished?
Gas pumps
My doctor said I should start killing people.
His exact words were that I need to reduce stress in my life. Same thing.
A Statistician is caught trying to sneak a bomb on a plane....
When asked why he would do such a thing, he replied:
"To reduce the probability of a bomb being on the plane"
What rodent helps reduce your risk when trading livestock futures?
A hedgehog
Attention: The chemical CHCl3 has been proven to reduce the spread of COVID-19.
So before you leave your home to engage in risky behavior, make sure you soak your mask in chloroform.
Coffee Shop
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my b**... trumpet to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with earbuds.
Guys need your support .
I am starting my new venture, a food App that will help all of you reduce weight dramatically.
Basically it works as follows:
You order, we don't deliver!
Seeking your support as always!!!
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....
How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
Why did God make p**... curly?
To reduce the risk of eye injuries
Math Teachers never die
They just reduce to lowest terms
I saw a book on Amazon, How to reduce your life's problems by 50%.
Naturally I ordered two copies.
The benefits of F***ing
1.F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it's harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing relaxes your mind and body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing, don't eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. Try F***ing in bed 'cause it can save you valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol levels.
SO, REMEMBER ..
Fasting is good for your health
In continuing attempts to reduce the worlds CO2 emissions, top scientists have found a way to make cars run on Parsley...
A spokesperson for the group has stated that they are now doubling their efforts to make trains run on Thyme.
An airliner is in the middle of its flight when pilot is contacted by air control
"Delta 627, you need to reduce your altitude 5.000 feet." "What for?" is the pilot skeptical. "Noise avoidance." responds the controller. "Noise? What noise? We are at 35.000 feet, what noise could there be?" responds our pilot, now curious. So the air controller humours him: "Have you ever heard how much noise two airliners make when they collide?"
Judge: For your crimes against our citizenry, I hearby sentence you to a decade in prison.
Man: That's a long sentence. Can you reduce it?
Judge: Ok. You go to jail 10 years.
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to f**....
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod (with ear piece)
Russian, German and an Estonian
A Russian, German and an Estonian are having a flight together when the pilot tells them that each of them has to threw something out to reduce the weight of the plane. The German throw's out a car and say's that they have too many of them. The Russian then proceeds to throw out a Tank saying that they have too many of them. Then the Estonian proceeds to throw out the Russian saying that they have too many of them.
