rednecks Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious rednecks puns

The Best Actually Racist Joke I know

*I hate myself for repeating this. But I heard this when I was living in Texas.*

Two rednecks are admiring their firearms. One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.

That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.

Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

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Two old rednecks were sitting outside of a gas station...

Between them there was an old hound dog laying on the concrete, licking it's balls.

One redneck was looking at the dog and said "I really wish I could do that!"

The other redneck looks down and says, "Well, you can try, but he'll probably bite ya."

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Two rednecks are having a beer together...

One redneck asks the other, "If I slept with your wife and we had a child together, would that make us kin?" The other redneck responds, "I ain't sure, but it would at least make us even."

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Why do rednecks love sandwiches?

Because they're inbred too.

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What do rednecks do on Halloween?

Pump-kin.

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What do you get when 32 rednecks enter the same room?

A full set of teeth.

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Three rednecks talking about their wives...

The first redneck says "My wife is so dumb, she bought a toilet, and we don't even got indoor plumbin." The second says "My wife is so dumb, she bought an air conditioner, and we don't got 'lectricity." Third says "That's nothin I was going through my wife's purse the other day, and I found a condom. she don't even got a penis!"

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Why don't rednecks do reverse cowgirl?

You don't turn your back on family.

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Sex positions

Two rednecks were sitting in a bar discussing their favorite sex positions. One of them says, I think rodeo would have to my favorite . The other one says, I've never heard of that one, what is it? So the first guy says, You sit on your wife's back with your hands on her boobs and say, 'these feel just like your sister's' and then you have to try and stay on for 8 seconds .

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What do you call 88 rednecks in an orgy?

A family reunion.

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What do you have when you get 32 rednecks in a line?

A full set of teeth

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Redneck Logic Joke

Two rednecks, Hunter and Cooter decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the Cooter asked.

The counselor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the counselor.

"That's real good!" said Cooter.

The counselor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, Cooter said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

Cooter was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the counselor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

Cooter, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Hunter was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked Hunter.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied Cooter.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked Hunter.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked Cooter.

"No," Hunter replied.

"Then you're gay."

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Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.



They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.


They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.


The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."


Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.


Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two rednecks survived the
crash.


After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"


Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

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The 100 mile per-hour goat

Two rednecks are walking through the woods in West Virginia when they come upon a large hole in the ground. They are examining the hole when one turns to the other and says "Maaaaan... that sure looks like one DEEP hole. How far down do you think it goes?" The other replies "I can't really tell, but yep... it sure looks deep. Let's find something to throw down there and see if we can hear it hit the bottom."
The two walk off a little ways and find an old rusted truck engine in the weeds. They work together to pick it up and drag it to the edge of the hole. Then, with a big heave, they push it over the side to watch it drop.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, comes a goat running head-long at the hole at what seems to be 100 miles per-hour. The goat gets to the edge of hole and without hesitation plunges head first into the abyss.
The rednecks are standing there startled and confused when an old farmer approaches. "Hey - either of you fellers seen a goat around here? I can't find him..." The rednecks tell the old farmer about what they saw and the farmer stands there scratching his head.
"Well that's just impossible!" says the farmer. "I had the damn thing tied to an old engine!"

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What do you call a family of redheaded rednecks? (NSFW)

A ginger inbred house

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Why don't rednecks like blowjobs while sitting down?

Real men stand up for their family.

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Who said rednecks aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.


The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

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The Logical Redneck

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" the first redneck asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example."

"Do you own a weedeater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" says the redneck.

The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck says, "Amazin!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I can't wait to take that logic class!!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asks the friend.

"Math, History, and Logic!" replies the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"Fag."

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Fishing

Two rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

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3 rednecks are sitting around a fire...

The first one says, "My wife's stupid, she's so gosh-darn stupid... the other day she bought us one of them there washing machines, and we ain't even got no running water." Second one says, "Oh yeah, well my wife's stupid, she's so gosh-darn stupid... she bought us one of them there microwaves, and we ain't even got no electricity. " Third one says, "Oh yeah, well my wife's stupid, she's so gosh-darn stupid... the other night I was going through her purse and I found a box of condoms, and she ain't even got a penis!"

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Two rednecks

A redneck sees another carrying a bag, he stops him and says. Hey buddy what do you have in that bag? The other replies chickens, why? The first says, if i guess how many chickens you got in that bag there can i have one? The redneck holding the bag of chickens says, if you guess how many chickens are in this bag ill give you both of them!

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A sack full of chickens

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack. The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight." The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack. "Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you."

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Why do rednecks hate math?

Integration.

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Two rednecks are talking about their sex lives.

"Ma first time was with ma sister and ma cousin!" Billy Joel Cletus exclaims proudly. "What?! Yer first time was a threesome?" Bobby Floyd-Wilson asks. "Nope," says Billy.

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If two Rednecks get divorced...

are they still cousins?

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What did the 2 rednecks say after breaking up?

Let's just be cousins.

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Why do rednecks only have missionary sex?

Because they refuse to turn their back on Family

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Two rednecks run into each other on a rural country road...

One of them is carrying a big bag with the label "chickens".

The other notices the bag and says "if I guess how many chickens there is in the bag can I have one of them?"

The one holding the bag says "hell if you guess how many chickens im holding in this bag ill give you both of them"

The other guy scratches his head and guesses "umm five?"

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Two rednecks, husband and wife, open a Bed&Breakfast place...

Among their first clients, was a couple of French. They give them the key to the room, and during the night, the redneck wife decides to go and spy on them through the key hole. She sees how the French woman strips in front of her husband and throws her lingerie at him. Seeing how aroused the man was by that gesture, the wife decides to go her redneck husband and do the same. She enters the room, starts stripping, and throws her panties at him. Scared, the redneck jumps out of bed, pulls out his shot gun and screams Woman ! There's skunks in the house !

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What do you call two gay rednecks?

Super Smash Brothers

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Rednecks git-n-er done!

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do you for?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith... He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, be he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day the Sheriff and his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, after the phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil, this here is Flloyd... Did the Sheriff come?

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood for the winter?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

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What do two rednecks say to each other after a break up?

Let's go back to being cousins.

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What's the best part about a rednecks sex life?

It's something the whole family can enjoy...

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NSFW Two Rednecks See a Dog on the Side of the Road

licking its balls.

One redneck says, "I wish I could do that."
The other says, "Man, I think he'd bite you."

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What do rednecks and aristocrats have in common?

Both groups like marrying their cousins.

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What are the most funny Rednecks jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Rednecks? Well, here are the best Rednecks dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Rednecks pick up lines to share with friends.

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