The Best 82 Redneck Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Redneck jokes. There are some redneck cousins jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these redneck hoedown puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Redneck Jokes and Puns

Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.



They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.


They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.


The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."


Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.


Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two rednecks survived the
crash.


After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"


Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

What do yeast and a redneck have in common?

They're both usually found with beer and inbred.

-&y (written by moi)

Redneck Logic Joke

Two rednecks, Hunter and Cooter decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the Cooter asked.

The counselor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the counselor.

"That's real good!" said Cooter.

The counselor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, Cooter said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

Cooter was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the counselor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

Cooter, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Hunter was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked Hunter.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied Cooter.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked Hunter.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked Cooter.

"No," Hunter replied.

"Then you're gay."

Redneck joke, Redneck Logic Joke

What does NASCAR stand for?

Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks

Redneck comes home to his girlfriend packing

she's gathering all her belongings and walking out the door. He says, "Honey, where ya going?!"

She says, "I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. Everyone in town says you're a pedophile."

He replies, "*Pedophile*?! Well, that's a big word for a twelve-year-old."


How do you circumcise a red-neck?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Two rednecks

A redneck sees another carrying a bag, he stops him and says. Hey buddy what do you have in that bag? The other replies chickens, why? The first says, if i guess how many chickens you got in that bag there can i have one? The redneck holding the bag of chickens says, if you guess how many chickens are in this bag ill give you both of them!

Redneck joke, Two rednecks

If two Rednecks get divorced...

are they still cousins?

What do a gang member and a redneck have in common?

They both know how to throw a good hoe down.

National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.

" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

Two rednecks are having a beer together...

One redneck asks the other, "If I slept with your wife and we had a child together, would that make us kin?" The other redneck responds, "I ain't sure, but it would at least make us even."

You can explore redneck southerner reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean redneck backwoods dad jokes. There are also redneck puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is a Redneck virgin?

A 7-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!

A story about a Redneck and a Game Warden.

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man.
I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.

A redneck family was visiting the city...

...and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma."

A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl......

A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:

'In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

So this redneck in New York is getting mugged...

and he fights like a wildcat, but eventually the three toughs overcome him. Two hold him down while the third grabs his wallet and opens it.
"Ten dollars??!!? You fought like a madman for *15 minutes* for a lousy ten bucks?"
"Oh no!" replied the redneck. "I thought you were going after the $500 in my shoe!"

Redneck joke, So this redneck in New York is getting mugged...

Why do rednecks hate math?

Integration.

how do you know you are a real redneck?

you let your 12yr old daughter smoke in front of her kids.

Who said rednecks aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"


What do you have when you get 32 rednecks in a line?

A full set of teeth

Where y'all from?

A redneck is walking on the beach.
He comes across two beautiful college girls.
The redneck says, "Hey, where y'all from?"
The two girls reply, "Yale."
The redneck then yells, "HEY, WHERE Y'ALL FROM!?"

What's the best part about a redneck family fight?

The makeup sex

How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?

Attractive.

Why are redneck crimes so hard to solve...

Because everyone has the same DNA and there are no dental records.

.
.
.
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Not original, I heard it on satellite radio yesterday.

What did the redneck say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"Its ok, we can still be cousins."

Redneck boy meets his dream girl!

A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.

"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."

Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone you like so much."

"That's not the best part, Dad. She's a VIRGIN."

At this point the father slams his hand down on the counter, "I forbid this relationship, son. I never want you to see this girl again. And if I find out you do, I'm going to give you the biggest whooping you ever had."

Tears stream down the son's face, "But, Dad, WHY? She's amazing and she likes me!"

"Well, son. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."

I asked my redneck friend what he thought of the Trans-Pacific Partnership

He said that as long as they don't marry, then he's okay with it.

What do rednecks do on Halloween?

Pump-kin.

The only thing harder than diamonds

a redneck at his family reunion

What do you call a redneck virgin?

A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers.

Monkey Business

A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the redneck janitor of the zoo if he'll have sex with the gorilla for $500.
The redneck says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The redneck says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."

Why are redneck murders so hard to solve?

There's no dental records and all the DNA matches

How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?

Pretty good.

A redneck broke up with his girlfriend

it wasn't all that bad, she said they could still be cousins.

A redneck walks in to a restaurant with his wife, sister and cousin

He walks up to the host and says table for two please

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin...

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.

Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains...

"If she ain't good enough for her daddy, her uncle, her brother, and her cousin, she ain't good enough for me!!"

Yet another redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin...

A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.

Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...

"My mom just told me I'm adopted"

A sack full of chickens

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack. The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight." The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack. "Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you."

What does a redneck Buddhist believe in?

Reintarnation.

How can a redneck tell his twin sisters apart?

By taste.

How did NASCAR get that name?

Redneck: 'That's nascar ye got there."

What does a redneck do on Halloween?

Pumpkin

Why do rednecks love sandwiches?

Because they're inbred too.

What did the redneck say to his ex?

"Can we still be cousins?"

What did the 2 rednecks say after breaking up?

Let's just be cousins.

What's the best part of a redneck brothel?

The family discount

Why is it so hard to solve a redneck murder?

All the bloods the same and there are no dental records

What do you call it when a redneck comes back from the dead?

Reintarnation

Why don't rednecks do reverse cowgirl?

You don't turn your back on family.

How did the redneck find his sister in the tall grass?

Quite satisfying

What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?

Someone is losing a trailer.

A redneck is selling sausages.

A redneck is selling sausages. A woman walks up to him and places an order.

The woman asks, "Can I have one hot dog please?"

"How would you like your *meat*?"

The redneck gives the woman a wink

The woman replies, "In bread."

She shoots a wink back at him

What do you get when 32 rednecks enter the same room?

A full set of teeth.

What do redneck fathers like to chew on?

Dad gum

Poetry contest

A redneck and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.

Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu

The audience applauds, thinking that the redneck does not have a chance. Then the redneck goes.

Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some whores in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!

why can't you solve a redneck crime

because there are no dental records and all the DNA is the same

Why are Redneck murder victims so hard to identify?

There are no dental records...

I was in bed with this redneck girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...

....and boy was he mad.

Why does the redneck not have a girlfriend?

He is an only child

What's the last thing you hear before a redneck dies?

"Hey ya'll watch this"

How do you know if a redneck girl is a virgin?

If she can run faster than her brothers.

Two rednecks are talking about their sex lives.

"Ma first time was with ma sister and ma cousin!" Billy Joel Cletus exclaims proudly. "What?! Yer first time was a threesome?" Bobby Floyd-Wilson asks. "Nope," says Billy.

Did you hear about the redneck magician?

He turns a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.

If a redneck dies in battle....

Does he go to y'allhalla?

What do a redneck and his wife have in common?

DNA

What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?

Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.

A guy walks into a redneck bar.

A guy walks into a redneck bar and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see some flamboyant Yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

"No sir," the guy says, "I'm from North Dakota."

"North Dakota?" the bartender asks. "What the hell you do in North Dakota?"

"I'm a taxidermist," the guy replies.

"A taxidermist, what the hell is that?" the bartender asks.

The guy says nervously, "Um, I mount dead animals."

The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay fellas, he's one of us!"

Two rednecks were fishing when one asked the other "If I slept with your wife, wouldn't that make us like family?"

His friend replied "No, that would make us even".

How do redneck aliens abduct people?

Tractor beam

Q: What do tornado's and a redneck divorce have in common?

A: Somebody's gonna lose a trailer!

Why are redneck cases the hardest to solve ?

Because all of the DNA matches and there are no dental matches.

"911, what's your emergency?"

Drunk redneck, "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"

911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"

Drunk redneck, "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."

911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "

Drunk redneck, "Si.....Sy...ah! screw it! I'll drag him on down to Maple you can pick him up there!"

What's the difference between a Texas tornado and a redneck divorce?

Nothing. Either way, someone's going to lose a trailer.

Why's it so hard to solve a redneck murder?

Cause the DNA's all the same and there ain't no dental records.

You might be a redneck....

....if you've ever had to climb a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

How do you know a redneck wedding?

They are all sitting on the same side of the church.

Two rednecks watching a dog lick its balls...

The first redneck says, "I wish I could do that." The second redneck says, "I reckon that dog would bite you."

What does a redneck and a hamburger have in common?

They're both in bread.

My dad returned from my grandmas house as a ghost

Dad: Christianity is real, and i'm the new god!

Me: wait, why are you dead?

Dad: some redneck blasted me with his shotgun on my way home!

Me: and how are you the new god?

Dad: i'm a father, son, and a holey spirit

[Long] A redneck was walking with its dog...

A redneck was walking with his dog, when another dog starts to pick a fight with the redneck's dog, the redneck's dog with just one bite kills the other dog.

A lot of people get scared, cause there's a lot of blood and carnage, them a guy asks the redneck "What is your dog's breed?"

To wich the Redneck responds "Before we cut the tail it was a gator"

Two rednecks join the army, after a couple of years they both are higher up in the ranks

Jim-bob "hey huck, we got to go to that STD talk later", huck "No we dont", jim-bob "why not ?", huck " because them STD's only affects the privates"

Why are there so many rednecks in Florida?

Because sunscreen instructions include: apply liberally

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the redneck redneck shorts jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working redneck some redneck shorts piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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