redneck and the bear Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious redneck and the bear puns

Once upon a time, there was this redneck who decided to go hunting...

..After a full day of hunting, he didn't kill anything so he decided to pack up and go home when all of a sudden, he sees a bear and decides to shoot it. He fires one shot, but misses. The bear comes up to him and says, "You just tried to kill me!" But the redneck says "no, my gun went off by itself" , but the bear does not believe him and says, "Now I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."

So after the bear is done with the redneck, the redneck says, " fuckin bear, I'm gonna kill you." and fires again..But he misses for a second time. The bear comes up to him and says, " You just tried to kill me again!"And the redneck says "no, I dropped my gun and it went off again". The bear doesn't believe him and says, " I'm gonna make you suck my dick."

So after the bear is done with him he leaves, and the redneck is real mad and fires a third time. But again he misses. So the bear comes up to him and says, " You didn't come here to hunt, did you?"


Poetry Competition

The two finalists at the annual poetry competition were an Ivy League college graduate and a redneck. The final stage of the competition was to write a rhyming poem using the word *Timbuktu.* The college graduate stands up to the microphone and starts.

>A desert caravan astray beneath a dusk deep blue

>On a path unknown the camels walk two by two

>Men search the stars for a bearing true

>Destination Timbuktu

The crowd erupted with applause then settled back into their seats. The redneck approaches the microphone, clears his throat and begins to speak.

>Me n' Tim a huntin' went

>Met three whores in a pop up tent

>They was three and we was two

>So I buck'd one and Tim-buck'd-two


Rednecks brainstorm

Floyd and Earl are relaxing by the camp fire and Floyd asks Earl "Hey Earl you old goat, would you fuck a bear for 50$?" Earl says "Sure but I don't have 50$"


What do gay bars and redneck bars have in common?

Stuffed bears.


What's a gay redneck's favorite activity?

Bear hunting.


What does a bear and a Redneck have in common?

They both like licking their paws.


You're a redneck if:
-You have more fingers than you do teeth
-You cut your grass and find a car
-You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant
-Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors
-Your age is higher than your I.Q.
-Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?"
-You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear."
-You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up.
-You say "Watch this" every time before you goto the hospital.
-Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.


Bumperstickers for redneck bears

Smells like fish, eat all you wish

Ain't be rapin' if they be hibernatin'

Grubs, stubs, bugs - Nobody rides for free


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