Redhead Man Jokes

A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her.
He called his mother to share his good news with her.
He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee.
When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
His mother inquired as to why he had brought three women, instead of just one.
He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law.
She looked at each one carefully and then replied: "It's the redhead."
"How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?" he inquired.
She coldly replied, "Because I can't stand her."

My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.
"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep one?"
The shepherd has hundreds of sheep and feels confident enough to agree. The redhead looks over the flock and says, "361." The shepherd is stunned that she guessed correctly but, being a man of his word, allows her to pick out her favorite. The redhead is about to put her new pet in her car when the shepherd calls out to her.
"Hey Lady! If I can guess your real hair color, may I have my dog back?"
 
My sister was not amused.

Cowboy is captured

A cowboy is captured by a group of Indians after a gunfight. Because he fought so valiantly, they decide to kill him in three days, and to give him one wish each day before he dies. On the first day, he wishes to speak to his horse. The Indians bring his horse to him, and he whispers in its ear. The horse rides off and returns hours later with a buxom n**... blonde on its back. The cowboy takes her into his tent for a couple hours, then she leaves. The Indians are mildly puzzled, but shrug it off. The next day, the same process occurs. The man whispers in his horse's ear, and the horse rides off. Hours later, the horse returns with a n**... redhead, who spends a couple hours in the cowboy's tent. The Indians agree that this is not a terrible way to spend your last days. On the morning of his last day, the cowboy asks to see his horse one last time. He walks up to his horse, grabs him by both ears, and stares him in the face.
"Listen to me Buster. I - SAID - POSSE!"

Another blond joke

Three girls, a blond, a brunette and a redhead are out walking a dog and the dog escapes and runs on to a private property, the girls decide that they will take the risk and find the dog. After five minutes an old man comes out and starts yelling at them to get off his property; they leave but come back later to search for the dog. The old man hears them then calls the police. The girls hear the police, they spot a barn and run into it. The red head hides with the chickens, the brunette with the pigs and the blond with the potatoes. The police check out the barn and first check out the chickens the redhead becoming desperate starts saying "Bock bock bock" They don't think anyone is there and they move onto the pigs. The brunette becoming desperate went "Oink, oink oink!" the police think nobody is there and moves on to the potatoes and the blond becoming desperate goes "Potato, Potato, Potato!"

One Eyed Redhead.

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay
for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . .....
*Wait for it ..... .....*
*It's coming ...... ......*
*She said .... ......:*
'You just happened to catch my eye.'

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, where he sees a gorgeous redhead across the table from him...

...He'd noticed her when he first sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye goes flying at the man. He reflexively grabs her eye out of the air and hands it back to her. "Oh my, I am so sorry!" the woman said as she put the eye back in. "Not a problem ma'am, would you like to come over to my place this evening?" said the man. She agreed and stayed the night.
After a wild night, the man wakes up to the woman cooking breakfast for him, and it tasted delicious! The man says "You are the perfect woman! Do you do this to every man you meet?" "Actually, you're the first," said the woman. "You just happened to catch my eye"

A blonde and a redhead..

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"  ಠ__ಠ

The Needle

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies...
Wait for it...
It's coming...
The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
She says:
'You just happened to catch my eye!!!!'

So a Blonde Brunette and a Redhead are all assistants to a powerful lady C.E.O.....

The C.E.O tells the ladies she is leaving for the day and for them to watch things/do her work while she is out. When the C.E.O. leaves, the Redhead says, "Man this is the 3rd time this week she's done this to us!"
The Brunette starts to gather her things and replies: "that's it, I'm outa here." The Redhead shakes her head in agreement but the Blonde rejects the idea. Soon enough the Brunette and Redhead leave and advise the Blonde to do the same. Eventually the Blonde leaves but just decides to go home and spend time with her husband. The next day the Brunette and Redhead arrive early to work and are greeted by the C.E.O. storming past them and locking herself in her office, her face full of shame and embarrassment. The Blonde arrives, late and looking flustered. The Brunette and Redhead ask the Blonde if they know what's wrong with the C.E.O., she replies, "aww I knew she would be mad, all I wanted to do was surprise my husband by coming home early, and instead I end getting caught by my boss in my own home!"

A doctor, a businessman, and a pre-school teacher...

A doctor, a businessman, and a pre-school teacher are invited to be part of a social experiment.
The doctor is brought into a room with a gorgeous blonde, brunette, and redhead, and asked which one he would most like to sleep with.
The Doctor replies, "I my professional experience, blondes tend to be more sensitive to stimulation, so I would do the blonde."
They repeat the experiment with the business man, and he replies, "In my professional experience, brunettes tend to be more assertive, and that's what I want in a lover, so I'd do the brunette."
Then the pre-school teacher came in. They showed him the blonde, the brunette, and the redhead, and asked him which woman he'd rather sleep with. He replies, "In my professional experience, If you're happy and you know it, do all three!"

Three woman are all sentenced to death by firing squad. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde...

The firing squad was called to shoot all the girls.
The brunette went first. The executor said, "We will shoot you on 3. 1...2..." Before the man said three, the brunette yelled, "TORNADO!"
Everyone looked away, and she ran to safety.
The firing squad then went to the redhead. The executor said, "We will shoot you on 3. 1...2..." "FLOOD!" the redhead screamed.
Everyone looked away, and she ran to safety.
The blonde, noticing what the other girls did, knew what she had to do. The executor said, "We will shoot you on 3. 1...2..."
"FIRE!!!" the blonde screamed...

A man goes into a confessional. "Father", he said, "I slept with Kitty Greene last night".

"Say 5 hail Marys, my son, and all shall be forgiven." the father said.
Later that day, another man came into the confessional and said "Father, I slept with Kitty Greene 4 times last week."
"Say 20 hail Marys, and all shall be forgiven."
Later, The father is in his office having a discussion with one of his parishioners, when in walks a tall redhead wearing an emerald green dress, a big green hat, and matching green shoes. She doesn't say a word, but sits down in a chair with her legs apart. Both men can clearly see that she's not wearing any underwear. She sits there smirking until the father regains his bearings and asks the parishioner "Is... Is that Kitty Greene?"
The parishioner says "No, i think that's just the reflection from her shoes."

An old man and young redhead...

A few old friends are drinking at a fancy pub in the finest country club in town, and a gorgeous young redhead walks in. She walks right over to their table and gives a big kiss to one of the gentlemen. "Guys, please meet my fiancée, we're getting married next week!"
"Wow! Congratulations!" they say and are all just amazed at her beauty and charm and intelligence. After she excuses herself to use the restroom, one of the friends says, "You're 70 years old! How did you get a young bombshell like that??"
"Easy, I lied about my age."
"What, you told her you were 50?"
"No, I told her I was 90."

Hawaiian joke I love, closest thing i've heard on the mainland features "a brunette, a redhead, and a blond" instead

A Hawaiian, a Japanese, and a Portagee guy are taking a break from construction on the bridge they're building. They sit down to take out their lunches they brought from home.
Hawaiian: If it's tuna salad again, I'm jumping off this bridge!
Japanese: If *I* gotta eat tuna salad one more time, I'm jumping off too.
Portagee: If I have tuna salad again, I'm gonna jump off too. I've had it.
They open their lunches and discover they all have tuna salad. They jump off the bridge.
At their funerals, their wives are weeping to themselves.
Hawaiian man's wife: If only I had known he hated tuna salad! I never woulda made again!
Japanese man's wife: I wish he had told me he didn't like his lunch! I would have made something different!
Portagee man's wife shrugs and says, "Eh, he made his own lunch."

Ski trip [n**...]

Three friends were on a skiing trip in Aspen. After a long day of snow and mountain activity, they returned to their cabin. In an attempt to stay warm, they decided to all three sleep on the same bed.
The next morning, the man on the right side woke up extremely happy, and woke his friends. "Guys! I had the most amazing dream! I dreamed that I got a h**... from a really cute redhead! It felt so real!"
Stunned, the man on the left side said "no way! I had the same dream! And it felt so real! Except I got a h**... from a hot brunette! Ned, let me guess. You had a similar dream about a blonde giving you a h**...?"
The man in the middle says "nah I just had a dream that I was skiing."

An old, old man goes into a confessional.

He says, "Father, I"m not sure where to start."
The priest say, Well, what do I need to know?"
The old man says, "Father, last night I was havin' a drink, alone, at the bar, and I told the bartender it was my birthday, but I was all alone. Right then, a beautiful, sweet, 18-year-old blonde came up and said I shouldn't be alone on my birthday. She insisted on buyin' me a drink, and then insisted on taking me back to her apartment, where she introduced me to her gorgeous red-headed best friend. Well, one thing led to another, and we had all s**... all night long."
"Well," said the priest, "that's pretty bad, but I can understand. Say five Hail Mary's and two Our Father's, and don't do it again."
"I don't know those," said the old man, "I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me?"
"I'm tellin' everybody!!"

Three blondes are stuck on a desert island...

Three blonde women are stuck on a desert island when they find a magical lamp with a genie inside.
I have three wishes to offer, says the genie, so that makes it one wish for each of you.
I want to be smart enough to get off this island, says the first blonde. She becomes a redhead, builds a small raft and sails off the island.
I want to be even smarter than her, says the second blonde. She becomes a brunette, builds a comfortable sailing boat, and sails off the island.
I want to be the smartest, says the third blonde. She becomes a man and crosses the bridge.

Happiest old man or what

An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman
noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old
redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make
love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying!
You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

A blonde and a redhead watch the news...

A blonde woman and a redhead woman went to lunch. They had
to wait for their table so they sat in the bar and had a drink. The
TV was on and they noticed the news was showing a man on a
rooftop threatening to jump. The redhead told the blonde "I
bet you 50 bucks he jumps." The blonde replied "You're on."
Sure enough the man jumped, so the blonde starts to dig out her
money.
The redhead felt kind of bad so she said "That's okay, I
cheated. I saw this on the 10 o'clock news last night." The
blonde turned to her and said "Well so did I, but I didn't think
he would jump twice in a row!"

3 blondes trying to cross a river

3 blondes are trying to cross a river.
The first blonde prays to god and asks to be more intelligent so she can cross the river. God agrees and makes her a brunette so she swims across the river.
The second blonde prays to god and asks to be even smarter than the last so she can cross the river faster. God agrees and makes her a redhead so she builds a row boat and crosses the river.
The last blonde prays to god to be even smarter than the last so she can cross the river even faster.
God agrees and turns her into a man and she uses the bridge.

A white man sits down at the bar...

He overheard a blonde and redhead talking.
The blonde says to the redhead, "What kind of guys do you have the best s**... with?" The redhead says "Native Americans. Their p**... aren't the longest, but they're so wide and just hits all the right spots."
The man smiles and orders them a couple of drinks.
Then the redhead says to the blonde, what about you?" The blonde says, "Mexicans. Their p**... aren't that wide but they're long and can hit the deep spots just right."
The man orders them another round of drinks.
They blonde says, "Hey mister! Thanks for the drinks! By the way, what's your name?"
He smiles and says, "Tonto Rodriguez."

A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead.

A blonde sits down in a bar next to a redhead. Both of them are having a good time when the news comes on.
The news reporter shouts out a man is on the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!
The redhead leans over to the blonde and whispers I bet you $50 that the mans gonna jump
The blonde replies, You're on .
A few moments later, the man jumps and the blonde turns to the redhead and hands over the $50.
The redhead starts to feel guilty and says I can't take your money, I saw the news earlier this morning, I knew he was gonna jump off the cliff
The blonde says well, I saw it too, but I didn't think he was going to jump off again!