Red Roses Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

Roses are red, Cellos are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)

Roses are red, here's something new...

Violets are violet.
Not fucking blue.

A Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Stop memes about Harambe

-Cincinnati Zoo

Roses are red, Violets are blue

My girlfriend's not here, So porn hub will do

A Valentines Poem

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whitney Houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou

Roses are red

Roses are red.
Violets are....red

Tulips are red








My garden is on fire.

2 older couple were having breakfast

Old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night
Old man 2: What's it's name?
Old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower?
Old man 2: Carnation?
Old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.
Old man 2: Rose?
Old man 1: That's it. (turns to his wife) Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Hitler blew an 11 country lead during World War 2

Roses are red, Violets are blue

I have Alzheimer's


To get to the other side

Roses are red, Acorns are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

Roses are red

Congress is red

The Senate is red

The White House is red

welp

Two old men are sitting on the porch,

their wives in the kitchen. One says to the other, "Bob you should try that restaurant we went to last night. Best food I've had in a long time."

"Yeah Joe? What was it called?" asked Bob.

"Well, I can't seem to remember...What is the name of that red flower, you know with the thorns on the stem?

"A Rose, I think you are thinking of."

"Your right, thanks....**HEY ROSE, WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT RESTAURANT WE WENT TO LAST NIGHT?"**

Roses are red, Violets are red,

Bushes are red,
Trees are red,
My garden is on fire.

Roses are Red, Violets are blue......

who killed harambe?

Cincinnati zoo

Roses are red, sorry for the Hypocrisy

But hey, we've updated our privacy policy

It's still Valentines day for another hour..

Roses are red
Violets are blue
No, they are violet
FTFY

Roses are red...

Violets are glorious.

I wouldn't surprise

Oscar Pistorius.

Roses are red, Rum is good...

Too much rum..Now no wood :(

Roses are red, Violets are blue...

Pornhub is down, your facebook will do ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

Roses are red, violets are blue

My girlfriend is gone
This coconut will do

Roses are red, I've got a bad cough

Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

Roses are red....violets are blue

I'm using my hand...
But I'm thinking of you.

Roses are red, That much is true

But violets are purple
Not freakin blue

An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.

The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."

The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."

The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"

The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"

The bartender answers, "A rose?"

"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"

Memory Lane...

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly..'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

My poetic look on the election

Roses are Red.
Violets are Blue.
Damn it, America!
What the fuck did you do?!

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

A short poem about women's underwear...

> Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
Heather's are green.

~Lee Mack

Violets are blue, roses are red

We're doing this backwards

That's what she said

Roses are red...

Roses are red,

Violets are glorious,

Don't spend Valentine's,

With Oscar Pistorious



^^I'll ^^see ^^myself ^^out

Two elderly couples are chatting over tea.

Afterwards, as the women excuse themselves and return the dishes to the kitchen, one of the men turns to the other and tells him about a fantastic dinner he and his wife had enjoyed the other evening.
The second man then asks him where they ate.
"Hmm," ponders the first man. "You know that flower... the one with the red petals and the sharp thorns?"
"You must be thinking of a rose," the second man replies.
"Ah yes now I remember. HEY! ROSE! WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT RESTAURANT WE WENT TO LAST NIGHT!?"

Roses are red, violets are blue....

does this rag smell like chloroform to you? ,

it seems Oscar Pistorious jokes still have legs..

Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.

She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for murder.

Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.

Surely Oscar Pistorius cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!

I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.

What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party... or... An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine's Day Massacre

Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name - Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.

A young woman is dead, the life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.

I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.



Oscar Pistorious' lawyer is trying to claim mistaken identity
Personally I don`t think he has a leg to stand on


And the Oscar goes to ... Prison.

Roses

An elderly couple are having dinner at another couple's house. After their meal, the wives went into the kitchen to do some washing up.

The two elderly guys were chatting, and one says, "Last night we went out to an amazing new restaurant that I'd, personally, recommend."

The other man says, "Oh, really? What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying, "Uh, I'm drawing a blank. What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"

His friend replies, "Uh, a carnation?"

"No, no. The other one," the man says.

His friend suggests, "The poppy?"

"No, no, no," growls the man. "You know--the one that is red and has thorns."

His friend says, "Oh, do you mean a rose?"

"Yes! Thank you," the first man says. He then turns towards the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Roses are red...

Violets are violet,
That guy who hit that skyscraper was a really bad pilot.

Roses are red, violets are glorious

Never sneak up,
On oscar pistorious

[spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt

Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.

Roses are red, I'm feeling blue

There's one less gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo

Roses are red, violets are blue...

Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world.

That's why he passed Obamacare and the stimulus and Dodd-Frank and the deal with Iran. It is a systematic effort to change America. When I'm president of the United States, we are going to re-embrace all the things that made America the greatest nation in the world and we are going to leave our children with what they deserve: the single greatest nation in the history of the world.

An elderly couple were invited to their friend John's house for the evening

John's wife served dinner, and after eating, the men's wives went through to the kitchen to clean up.

As the men were chatting, one says to the other: "I brought my wife to a great restaurant last night, I really recommend it"

"What was it called?" replied the other

The first man thought for a while, "What's the word for that flower, you know the one with thorns on, usually red I think...?"

"A rose you mean?"

"Ah yes, that's it." He turned round and called into the kitchen, where his wife was washing dishes, "Rose, what was the name of the restaurant we went to yesterday?"

The cursed Prince. This summer's best love story.

Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch.

The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year.

However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words (this was before the time of letter writing or sign language).

One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love.
With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say, "my darling,"

But, at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).

But, at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So, he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.

Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.

Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily,


"My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"


And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said,


"Pardon?"

I like the way you think

Roses are red. nuts are brown.
Skirts go up. pants go down.
Body to body. skin to skin.
When it's stiff. stick it in.
It goes in dry. It comes out wet.
The longer it's in. The stronger it gets.
It comes out dripping. And it starts to sag.
It's not what you think. It's a tea bag.

A poem about old ladies underwear

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Margarets are green.

An old man with bad memory...

(Edit- spelling)

An old man with bad memory is with his friends, and they're talking about their memory issues.

"My wife and I have been going to this great memory clinic," says the man, "they teach us all sorts of mnemonic devices and other ways to help us remember things."

"That's amazing!" says his friend, "what's the name of the place?"

Taking a moment, the man sits, thinking, and then asks, "okay, what's the name of that flower, its beautiful and red and romantic, but has some thorns?"

"Oh! A rose?"

"That's it!! Hey Rose, what's the name of our memory clinic?"

The Smiths invite the Jones' over for dinner...

After dinner, Mrs. Smith is cleaning dishes in the kitchen while Mr. Smith entertains their guests. He begins to tell them about a great restaurant that he recently went to with his wife, but can't remember the name of the establishment.

Mr. Smith: "The food was amazing, great service, but I can't recall the name! Help me out... what's that red flower, it's really fragrant, and people give them out on Valentine's Day?"

The Jones': "You mean a rose?"

Mr. Smith: "Yes that's it! HEY ROSE! WHAT WAS THAT RESTAURANT WE ATE AT LAST WEEK?!"

A new restaurant

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's ho
use. After eating, the wives left the table and
went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking,
and one said, Last night we went out to
a new restaurant and it was really great. I would
recommend it very highly.
The other man asked, What is the name of the resta
urant?
The first man thought and thought and finally said,
What is the name of that flower you give to
someone you love? You know... the one that's red a
nd has thorns.

Do you mean a rose?

Yes, that's the one, replied the man. He then tu
rned towards the kitchen and yelled, Rose,
what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?

When Louis Armstrong was a child, he was colorblind, a doctor asked him if he wanted to do this experimental surgery to allow him to see colors. After the procedure, they ask him what does he see, he tells them...

I see trees of green, and red roses too.

Roses are red...

Yoda is green
My lightsaber needs two hands
If you know what I mean

Roses are red April is grey joke

Roses are red April is grey, but in a few days it's gonna be May.

Roses are red-ish...

Violets are blue-ish.

If it wasn't for Jesus, we'd all be Jewish.

Roses are red, you're a liar

Harry, did you put your name in the goblet of fire?

Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentines Day...

...the side chick is you.

Roses are red violets are blue

I'm boarding my windows
So shit won't fly through

Roses are red..

I'm in debt.

Three Nuns get into a car accident...

And are killed. Sisters Mary, Rose and Kathleen arrive at the pearly gates confident that their entry was inevitable.

They are met by Saint Peter, who explains to them that even though the spent their mortal livfes in service to God, they were not gauranteed a place in Heaven. There were some questions that would need to be answered first. Kathleen volunteered to go first:

"Well then, Sister" Began Saint Peter, "Have you ever taken anything that did not belong to you?"

"I have not" answered the sister.

"Have you ever taken the Lord's name in vain?"

"Certainly Not" Said the sister.

"Have you ever had sexual relations with a man?"

"There was this one time" began the sister, her face was red as a beat. "That I touched a man's penis with my hand, just to see what it was like...." The sister was now weeping.

"There, there sister" Said Saint Peter, and then he produced a beautiful golden basin, filled with holy water. "All you need to do is wash that hand in this holy water and you will be free of that sin and can enter Heaven." The Sister was delighted.

The others watched as Kathleen passed through the gates.


Saint peter spoke. "You'll be next, Sister Rose"


Just then Sister Mary jumps to her feet and yells "Saint Peter, you have to let me go next"

"Why, my child?

"Because there is no way that I am going to gargle with that water after Sister Rose washes her a$$ in it!"

A guy goes to visit his elderly parents...

It's the day after their 63rd wedding anniversary. The guy says to his dad, "Hi Pops. Did you take mom somewhere nice for your anniversary yesterday?".

"Oh yeah," replies the dad, "it was great. The food was delicious, the service was great, and they brought us a bottle of champagne on the house when we mentioned it was our anniversary!"

"Wow, that does sound great," says the son, "what was the place called?"

"Oh jeez," replies the dad, hand to his forehead "damned if I can remember. What's that flower? The one with lots of petals, pink or red? It has a lovely scent?"

"Rose?" the son says

"That's it!" the old man exclaims. He turns his head and shouts "ROSE? ROSE?! WHAT WAS THE PLACE WE ATE AT YESTERDAY CALLED?!"

Roses are red....

Violets are blue-ish,
If it weren't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish!

Roses are red, coffee is brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think...

Its a teabag

Roses are red, balls are round.

It's over, Anakin!
I have the high ground!

Two old couples have dinner together...

...and afterwards, the wives go into the kitchen to make coffee while the husbands sit chatting at the table.

"So, Frank, you been eating out at all?"

"Yeah, we went to a new restaurant last week--you'd love it!"

"Really? What is it called?"

"Oh, gosh, me and my memory...damn. You'll have to help me out...what is the name of that flower--you know--it's red and has thorns?"

"A rose?"

"Yeah, that's it!" he says, turning to the kitchen. "Hey, Rose, what was the name of that place we ate last week?"

What are the funniest red roses jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Red Roses? Well, here are the best Red Roses puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Red Roses pick up lines to share with friends.

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