Red Jokes
179 red jokes and hilarious red puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about red that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out this collection of funny red jokes that mix puns and wordplay about tomatoes, stoplights, roses, and more. Perfect for a giggle, these clever jokes will put a smile on your face.
Quick Jump To
- Short Red Jokes
- Red One Liners
- Roses Are Red Jokes
- Red Roses Jokes
- Red Flag Jokes
- Red Flags Jokes
- Simply Red Jokes
- More Red Jokes
Funniest Red Short Jokes
Short red jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The red humour may include short stoplight jokes also.
- My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution Could this be a red flag?
- A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O" - I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist. I should've known sooner. There were red flags everywhere.
- My girlfriend's red flags wouldn't have bothered me so much ....if they didn't have swastikas on them.
- We should've known about the failure of communism In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags...
- I broke up with my girlfriend because she was a communist. To be honest, there were a lot of red flags
- I broke up with my girlfriend after 5 years, after I found she was a communist. I should have known, there were red flags everywhere
- No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
- Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed? Because her algaebra didn't hold up.
- TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the french flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
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Red One Liners
Which red one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with red? I can suggest the ones about color and purple.
- We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.
- What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red.
- Roses are red, reposting is lame, [this post was removed due to a copyright claim.]
- Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice? The spanish Inquisition.
- Purple is my favorite color! I like it more than blue and red combined.
- When do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon!
- I should've known my boyfriend was a communist. There were plenty of red flags.
- I should have known my friend was a communist. All the red flags were there.
- What's the most popular red wine?? We want our land back!!
- Roses are red, Cellos are brown Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)
- What are the two problems with the French flag? The red bit and the blue bit.
- What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!
- Why did the girl not want to date the communist? He was waving a lot of red flags.
- What's the oldest red wine in America? "Give us back our land!"
- In the movie 'The Hunt for Red October' ... the entire story is the sub-plot.
Roses Are Red Jokes
Here is a list of funny roses are red jokes and even better roses are red puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Roses are red... Violets are blue...
WOLOLOLOLOOO!!!!
Ah shucks now the roses are blue too! - A Poem Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Stop memes about Harambe
-Cincinnati Zoo - A Valentines Poem Roses are red
Violets are blue
whitney houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou - Roses are red Roses are red.
Violets are....red
Tulips are red
My garden is on fire. - Roses are red, Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's
To get to the other side - Roses are red Congress is red
The Senate is red
The White House is red
welp - Roses are red, Violets are red, Bushes are red,
Trees are red,
My garden is on fire. - Roses are Red, Violets are blue...... who killed harambe?
Cincinnati zoo - Roses are red, sorry for the Hypocrisy But hey, we've updated our privacy policy
- It's still Valentines day for another hour.. Roses are red
Violets are blue
No, they are violet
FTFY
Red Roses Jokes
Here is a list of funny red roses jokes and even better red roses puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Roses are red... Violets are glorious.
I wouldn't surprise
Oscar Pistorius. - Roses are red, Violets are blue... Pornhub is down, your facebook will do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- Roses are red, violets are blue My girlfriend is gone
This coconut will do - Roses are red....violets are blue I'm using my hand...
But I'm thinking of you. - Roses are red, That much is true But violets are purple
Not freakin blue - Roses are red, potato chips are savory... The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
- A short poem about women's underwear... > Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
Heather's are green.
~Lee Mack - Violets are blue, roses are red We're doing this backwards
That's what she said - Roses are red... Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't spend Valentine's,
With Oscar Pistorious
^^I'll ^^see ^^myself ^^out - Roses are red, violets are blue.... does this rag smell like chloroform to you? ,
Red Flag Jokes
Here is a list of funny red flag jokes and even better red flag puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Stalin should have known that Communism wouldn't work. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
- My girlfriend left me because of my unhealthy obsession with USSR memorabilia... She said there were too many red flags!
- A girl I was dating invited me over to her place. When I went into her room, she had a Soviet banner draped on her wall. I left immediately. It was a big red flag.
- I just found out my best friend is a communist. To be honest, I should have known. All the red flags were there.
- People really should have known what was going to happen with Communism There were so many red flags
- Communism's fall shouldn't have come as a surprise There were many red flags
- I ended things with my communist girlfriend. Too many red flags.
- I once dated a girl from Tunisia Her dad was from Trinidad and Tobago and her mum was from Morocco. Broke up with her in the end though. Too many red flags
- I should've known my girlfriend was a communist... There were so many red flags.
- He said he was a communist. I should've known darnit, there were red flags everywhere.
Red Flags Jokes
Here is a list of funny red flags jokes and even better red flags puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did we not know that Communism was bad from the start? So many red flags.
- I broke up with my girlfriend because she wanted me to cosplay as Lenin I should've known, there were red flags everywhere.
- I broke up with my girlfriend after she told me she was a communist. In retrospect, I should have seen all the red flags
- Stalin should've known communism was a bad thing There were red flags everywhere
- The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war while French people remove the red and blue colour
- I don't date Chinese girls... That's a big red flag for me...
- My girlfriend is weirdly obsessed with the Soviet Union. And for me, that's a major red flag.
- After a fun night, he invited me to his place. But then I realized he was a communist. I should've seen the red flags.
- I just started dating this girl and there have been several red flags... ...but I guess that just comes with the territory when dating a communist.
- I broke up with my girlfriend because I found out she is a communist. I should have known. There were red flags everywhere.
Simply Red Jokes
Here is a list of funny simply red jokes and even better simply red puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who is simply the best worker in the red light district? The deuteranopic girl, she just gives the green light for anything.
Amusing Red Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about red you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean roses are red jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make red pranks.
I just don't get how the german people could fall for h**... and the n**...
There were an awful lot of red flags.
For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his b**... red.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries!
(Apologies if you've heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I'll get better material)
If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?
A s**...
What's red and d**... dangles from the ceiling?
This was my grandfathers all time favorite joke.
Pop Pop: What's red and d**... dangles from the ceiling?
Me: I don't know...
Pop Pop: A Red d**... dangle of course!
Pop Pop: What's green and d**... dangles from the ceiling?
Me: A green d**... dangle!
Pop Pop: No they only come in Red.
Me: :|
Funniest thing my gf has ever said
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
Thieves broke into my shop and stole 15 cases of Red Bull
I don't know how these people sleep at night
Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer..
But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.
He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
What's the best thing about f**... a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm red for free.
Just found out I was dating a c**...
Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier
A pirate goes to the dermatologist.
A pirate goes to the dermatologist to check the red bumps on his arm.
The dermatologist looks at them, and says "Don't worry, they're benign."
The pirate says, "Arrr! I counted them meself, and there be eleven of 'em!"
A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning
He looked out the window and announced, _"It's raining."_
His wife said, _"No dear, it's sleeting."_
He replied, _"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."_
A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex.
The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."
I was stranded on an island with nothing but dark red grass, dark red sand, dark red trees everything was darkred.
"AHHH!" i yelled "I've been marooned!"
This morning I made my coffee using Red Bull instead of water...
...After 15 minutes on the highway I realized I left my car at home...
I stared intensely as my neighbour removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear.
"Oo yeah," I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, "you keep emptying that washing machine, baby."
How do you check the weight of a Red Hot Chilli Pepper
You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why do elephants paint their b**... red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries
If you were 1 when Red Red Wine was released
UB40
A couple is walking in Moscow when they feel a slight precipitation
The husband says "ah, it's raining"
The wife replies "no it's snowing"
"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,
"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"
"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off
"see?" says the husband,
"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine…
So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she's sangria then ever…
How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now…
A woman walks by a clothes shop, and spots a nice red dress in the window.
She goes inside to inquire:
Woman: Hi. I want to try on that red dress in the window.
Employee: Well, as you wish, but we have changing rooms too.
My mom opened the door and caught me m**....
I looked straight into her eyes and said "shut the door!"
Her face turned all red and she yelled at me "get inside!!!"
I once mixed Red Bull and coffee
After 20 minutes on highway I noticed that I forgot my car at home
When I was in Japan I was asked by a woman on the train, "What's black and white and red all over?"
"Wow" I replied. "You speak English?"
She replied, "Just a riddle".
What's blue and smells like red paint?
blue paint.
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.
She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.
At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".
I guess you can call it a typo.
What's the best part about f**......
What's the best part of f**... a psychic while she's on her period?
You still get your palm red
It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom...
... unless they're flashing behind you.
Why do elephants paint their t**... red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.
Husband and wife are arguing...
The husband thinks it's raining
His wife says, "No honey, that's snow"
So they ask Rudolph, their soviet friend what he thinks.
He says, "That is rain, comrade."
The husband says, "See! Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
what's black, white, and red all over?
Rihanna's halftime show.
At the check out at Walmart and my son is sitting in the cart seat…
I've already pulled him and the cart up to past the check out folks so I could start putting bags in the cart. The women in the lane over says, Oh hello there handsome! Obviously talking to my son, however I shout back, Oh hey! How's it going?
The woman checking us out laughed so hard she had to take a step back and the woman I said it to was so red faced and chuckling she couldn't really say much! The few folks in line began laughing too so it was pretty funny and the epitome of dad joke! Ha! I've made it!
Green chameleon for sale...
No, a red one.
No, blue.
No wait, a pink one.
Cool.
Never mind, I'm keeping it!
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
A blonde walks into a drycleaners
and says 'good morning' to the elderly attendant and hands him a blouse. The man didn't hear too well and asked, "Come again"?
The blonde turned red and giggled. "No, just mayonnaise this time."
Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
A group of teenagers robbed our local supermarket and stole 180 cans of red bull.
I don't know how these people can sleep at night.
An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him.
He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.
Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had s**... with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.
What do Scarlet Witch and Daredevil both have in common?
They both wear red and lost their Vision.
I bought my wife a mood ring.
When she's happy it turns blue.
When she's not happy it leaves a red mark on my forehead.
What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue Paint.
While I was living in Japan a woman approached me on the train...
She said to me, "What's black and white and red all over?"
"Wow," I said, "You can speak English?"
"Just a riddle," she said.
Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.
He gets furious and turns red.
"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.
"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."
"Oh. That's not so bad."
"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."
In a national park, a woman stopped to watch a deer.
A man walked over to her and said, "This is red deer, Cervus elaphus, it's pleased to meet you."
Then she watched him continue to other visitors and say the same thing.
She catches up with him and asks, "Why are you doing this?"
The man responds, "The ranger told me this species hadn't been introduced here."
