Red Dress Jokes

I stared intensely as my neighbour removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear.

"Oo yeah," I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, "you keep emptying that washing machine, baby."

A woman walks by a clothes shop, and spots a nice red dress in the window.

She goes inside to inquire:
Woman: Hi. I want to try on that red dress in the window.
Employee: Well, as you wish, but we have changing rooms too.

Halloween candy

Halloween was over. All the trick or treaters came and went. Some got candies. Some got confused when we said "trick" and sprayed them with water.
A couple of hours later while we were taking the candy bag inside, a 12 year old came dressed in all red.
Naturally, I told him that Halloween was over and we all wanted to go to sleep now.
Instead, he turned to my girlfriend who was helping me and said. "Im your period. Sorry, I'm late."
My man got the remaining candies.

Jake went over to pick up his girlfriend to go on a date.

When he found her n**..., he asked why.
"Well, because I don't have any dresses to wear!"
"Sure you do," Jake replied, opening her closet. "Here's a blue one, a red one, a green one- oh, hi Francis- a yellow one..."

There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him because he was dressed in really colorful clothing.

He had all this colorful make-up on and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at,eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?" "Well, yeah," the old man answered. "Once I got so drunk that I s**... a parrot, so I can't help but think that maybe you're my son!"

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?
Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?
Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.
Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed in any bright colors at all!
Batman: Well, if I did that then they'll be shooting at me and not you now wouldn't they? And didn't I train you to be the greatest acrobat in the world? So why all the worrying? The other ones never complained about this, they loved being heroes, god rest their souls.

At a cocktail party...

an obstetrician's wife noticed that another guest, a big, oversexed blonde in a slinky red dress, was making overtures at her husband. As it was a large, informal gathering, she tried to laugh it off, until she saw the woman begin whispering into her husband's ear while her hand caressed his back.
At once she confronted the blonde b**... and screamed, "Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn't INSTALL them!"

the day after halloween, a trick or treater knocked on my door.....

he was dressed in just red tights and a red spandex shirt, red sneakers, red hat.
i said to him, "sorry little buddy, halloween is over, i dont have anything for you today...what are you supposed to be anyway>?"
he said "im a period, sorry im late..scared ya didnt i?"
​
needless to say he got a handfull of candy from one of my kids bags. how could you not reward that creativity?

Italian cruise ship captain caught fleeing

The Italian captain of the tragic cruise ship incident was caught at customs trying leave the country. He disguised himself as an Italian women dressed in high heels, a red polkadot dress complete with a wig and red liptick. He was busted because he forgot to add the mustache!!

Me: *arriving at the office after lunch in a nice red dress.*

My boss: Why are you dressed as a woman?!
Me: What do you mean? You asked me if i could join the meeting with the Chinese as a trans later?

"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me."
"Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?"
"Scissors," I replied.

This was the first dirty joke my mom ever heard -said when she was 16 by my grandfather who loved a good joke.

A old man is walking down the street when he sees a beautiful young woman in a dress walking towards him. As he approaches her, a gust of wind blows her skirt up over her head. Frantically she pushes the fabric back down into place and turns a little red from embarrassment. Not wanting to cause further distress and hoping to make light of the situation, the old man calls out, "Airy, ain't it?"
Angry, the woman yells back, "What did you expect?? Feathers?!"