Rectory Jokes
6 rectory jokes and hilarious rectory puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rectory that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Humorous Rectory Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What is a good rectory joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
One morning a man came into the church on crutches
He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, then threw away his crutches.
An altar boy witnessed the scene, then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me, where is this man now?"
"Flat on his a**... over by the holy water."
Sister Mary and Sister Francis are riding their bikes from the vestibule to the rectory....
Sister Mary says to Sister Francis, "I've never came this way before!"
And Sister Francis says "It must be the cobble stone street!"
A priest is taking confession when a woman confesses to giving head...
The priest doesn't know what head is but he figures it's bad if it is something she's confessing to, so he gives her a couple of Hail Marys and an Our Father.
Later that day the priest is contemplating his day in the rectory garden when he sees a nun. He can't get this "head" out of his head, so he asks the nun, "Sister, can I ask you a question? What's head."
"Same is in town, Father, $20"
The new priest
A new priest was nervous before his first sermon, so the monseigneur told him to have a bit of a drink before mass to take off the edge.
The new priest took the advice. After the sermon he returned to the rectory to find a note. It read:
Good sermon today, but a few small points:
- There are 10 commandments, not 12
- There are 12 apostles, not 10
- David was struck with a rock and knocked off his donkey, he was not "s**... off his a**..."
- Next weekend there's a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's
I read the report on the s**... a**... of minors in the Catholic church
It seems that much of the a**... took place in the rectory.
So a s**... house painter gets a contract to paint a rectory.
Being the swindler cheapskate he is, he stirs water into the paint to save a buck. The painter hastily slaps the paint onto the rectory, and right as he applies the last s**..., the weather, which had been perfectly clear and sunny, instantly went dark, and a torrential rain poured down. The cheap paint instantly washes away with the deluge, and the painter, furious with the turn of luck falls to his knees and shakes his fists to the sky.
"WHY GOD, WHY?" He shouts.
An earthshaking voice booms in response **"REPAINT, REPAINT: THIN NO MORE"**
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