Recruit Jokes
60 recruit jokes and hilarious recruit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about recruit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have a laugh with this collection of hilarious jokes about the life of a military recruit. From funny stories about training days to interactions with officers and sarges - these jokes are sure to bring a smile to any Navy or Marine recruit's face!
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Funniest Recruit Short Jokes
Short recruit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The recruit humour may include short hiring jokes also.
- During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots. He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever recruited.
- A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."
- A sergeant at a training camp calls one of the new recruits to his office... "I didn't see you at camouflage training today!"
"Thank you so much, sir!" - A Navy recruiter asks a man Do you know how to swim? The man replies, Why? Have you run out of ships?
- Why did the army sergeant only accept fat recruits into his squad? He wanted to say he had large privates.
- Recruiter: "what's your biggest weakness?" "I don't know when to quit."
"You are hired!"
"I quit." - When I joined the army to fight the cannibals, I was a fresh recruit. But by the end I was a seasoned veteran
- The recruiter was shocked to see the applicant was a spider. Wait, what position are you applying for? A web designer, the spider replied
- A girl from the recruitment agency called. She said, "Sir, I have three openings for you."
I said, "I know."
She hung up. - What did Mike Tyson say to the Mind Flayers who tried to recruit him on their ship? I won't be a part of your illithid activities.
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Recruit One Liners
Which recruit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with recruit? I can suggest the ones about hired and enlisted.
- The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men. They are sending them out to sea.
- In America, you go to recruitment office In Russia, recruitment office go to you!
- How did the Royal Navy attract so many recruits? They were impressive!
- Where does the military send its under-qualified recruits? Fort Nite
- How did the tortoise win the race? He recruited dudes with some cross-hares.
- How can you tell between a graphic designer and recruiter? Ask them to pronounce "hires"
- What kind of combat training do the recruits in the Israeli army receive? Jew-Jitsu.
- Fortune Teller recruitment Come if you are accepted for the job
- what do PETAs call new recruits? fresh meat
- What happens when you hire a bad HR recruiter? You hire another one
- My room is getting so messy ...that F.C. Barcelona is trying to recruit it
- What did the ISIS recruiter say to the Cuban dictator? You're in Fidel
- How does the Catholic church recruit new members? They get 'em while they're young.
- What policy do the pro-Russia rebels have on gay recruits? Donetsk, don't tell.
- Recruiter: "You should join the army" Octopus: " Buddy I'm army enough as it is "
New Recruit Jokes
Here is a list of funny new recruit jokes and even better new recruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Police Chief to new recruit. Police Chief: As a recruit, youll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup! - There's a gang in my area... There's a gang in my area who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of horrible punishments if they don't join. But enough about the church...
- The Night's Watch can ramp up the number of new recruits by... ...ditching its archaic name in favour of something hip like Snow Patrol.
- Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues.
What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup! - Why did the Sergeant of the new army recruits, regret buying his own leg insurance? Because it doesn't cover damage to the private's parts.
- A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine... Everything goes well and the day is uneventful.
- What did Admiral Ackbar say about the new trans recruit? It's the line he's famous for.
- The ISIS have recruited a new rapper... They're calling him the real Islam shady!
- What did the gay drill sergeant say to the new recruit? *DROP AND GIVE ME HEAD!*
- AL-Qaeda hires a new aspiring recruit they knew someday he is going to blow up.
Navy Recruit Jokes
Here is a list of funny navy recruit jokes and even better navy recruit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A young man wants to join the Navy. "Can you swim?" the recruiter asks him. "Why, don't you have boats?"
Charming Humor Recruit Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about recruit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean scout jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make recruit pranks.
Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.
One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"
Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."
"There is no band on this ship."
"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."
A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper
He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the military. He handed the letter of discharge to the recruit and he smiled and said "Oh yes. This is the sheet of paper I was looking for!"
High command asked a new recruit:
"What do you want to be in the army?"
"Pilot!"
And they sent him to preparatory courses, but they did not like him and told him he would never become a pilot.
So he went to the committee again.
"Where do you want to be in the army?"
"Air defence!"
"Why?"
"If I can't be a pilot, no one else can!"
Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
At an ISIS recruitment centre...
Interviewer: Name?
Recruit: Saaed Bin Hasrat.
Interviewer: s**...?
Recruit: Often twice a day.
Interviewer: No, no. Male or female?
Recruit: Male, female, sometimes camel, mostly sheep.
The Drill Sergeant
A drill sergeant runs his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on. As they stand there, exhausted, he puts his face right up to one recruit's face and says, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and pee on my grave, aren't you?"
The recruit responds, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again."
A Mother's Day joke.
A recruit at a police academy is asked some difficult questions when it comes to the job. He is asked,
"If you pulled over your mother, and had to arrest her, what would you do?"
The recruit replies, "I'd call for backup"
"For your final police recruit evaluation,"
"there are six rounds in the cylinder" the Sergeant said as he slid a revolver across the desk. "I want you to go shoot five black men and a rabbit".
The puzzled prospective cadet responded, "A rabbit, sir?"
The Sergeant shot up from his seat with an outstretched hand, "welcome to the force, son!"
Recruit at the KGB
The KGB had found their newest recruit, but before he could join, he had to go through three tests. First, he had to down an entire bottle of v**... in one sitting, then shake hands with a bear, then s**... and sleep with a lady. The recruit easily downs the v**... in a matter of seconds, then is put in a cage with a bear. Intense screaming, bear growling, and shouting can be heard for the duration of 20 minutes, but the cage goes quiet and recruit finally emerges from the cage, bruised up and covered in claw marks. He then asks, "so where's this lady I'm supposed to shake hands with?"
A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army
The octopus says no thanks I'm army enough as it is.
Sergeant says to the recruit
I didn't see you during camouflaging exercise!
Thank you, Sir!
A drill sergeant was drilling the recruit squad in the use of the rifle
Everything went smoothly until blank cartridges were distributed.
The recruits were instructed to load their pieces and stand at the ready, and then the sergeant gave the command:
"Fire at will!"
Private Lunn was puzzled. He lowered his gun.
"Which one is Will?", he asked.
What does the Bacteria's recruitment agency say when it sees a fresh wound?
Hello guys, there are openings.
A drill seargant walks up to a recruit
and asks, "Private! Do you have change for a 20?"
"Sure buddy", replies the private, reaching into his pocket.
"Thats no way to speak to a superior officer!" Bellows the seargant,"Lets try again!Private! Do you have change for a 20?!"
The private snaps to attention and replies "Sir! No sir!"
Drill Sergeant: "I didn't see you at camouflage training today recruit!"
Recruit: "Thankyou sir!"
I recruited a nice little girl and her cute cuddly kitten to the flat earthers this weekend.
I also figured out the brakes on my truck are overdue to be replaced.
Swedish recruit goes in to the Supply Sergeant for his first weapons issue:
*" Hallo, my name is Hans ... where are my arms? "*
This recruitment company asked me what I thought about voluntary work
I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me"
Why do terrorists recruit married men as s**... b**...?
They're easier to convince.
A recruiter asked me if I wanted to be a h**... developer
I said sure, I've always wanted to work for PornHub
An ISIS recruit asks his wife..
"Let's try 69 tonight"
Wife says, "You should rather try 72".
She then blows him up.
Did you hear ISIS blew up their first Italian recruit in a s**... b**... today?
They decided to rig a Tony
I was being recruited for s**... b**......
I asked the recruiter, "what are the perks of being a s**... bomber?" And he replied, "well, for starters, you get to go all over the place!"
The Catholic Church has decided to recruit an army of the faithful
They're going to use Mass Conscription.
