The Best 36 Recruit Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Recruit jokes. There are some recruit cadet jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these recruit hired puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Recruit Jokes and Puns

Network administrator

A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.

After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"

"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."

The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.

"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"

A Mother's Day joke.

A recruit at a police academy is asked some difficult questions when it comes to the job. He is asked,

"If you pulled over your mother, and had to arrest her, what would you do?"

The recruit replies, "I'd call for backup"

Why do terrorists recruit married men as suicide bombers?

They're easier to convince.

Recruit joke, Why do terrorists recruit married men as suicide bombers?

Did you hear ISIS blew up their first Italian recruit in a suicide bombing today?

They decided to rig a Tony

Why does the army want to only recruit married men?

Because they don't want a **single** man lost!


My room is getting so messy

...that F.C. Barcelona is trying to recruit it

Why did the recruiters at the teacher's college have so much sex?

They were good at getting people into BEd.

Recruit joke, Why did the recruiters at the teacher's college have so much sex?

The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men.

They are sending them out to sea.

Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ?

Q: Why did the recruiter hire a Spider ?

A: Because he wanted to hire a Strong "Web Developer".

The Catholic Church has decided to recruit an army of the faithful

They're going to use Mass Conscription.

An ISIS recruit asks his wife..

"Let's try 69 tonight"

Wife says, "You should rather try 72".

She then blows him up.

You can explore recruit officer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean recruit dispatch dad jokes. There are also recruit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A recruiter asked me if I wanted to be a hardcore developer

I said sure, I've always wanted to work for PornHub

I was being recruited for suicide bombing...

I asked the recruiter, "what are the perks of being a suicide bomber?" And he replied, "well, for starters, you get to go all over the place!"

At an ISIS recruitment centre...

Interviewer: Name?

Recruit: Saaed Bin Hasrat.

Interviewer: Sex?

Recruit: Often twice a day.

Interviewer: No, no. Male or female?

Recruit: Male, female, sometimes camel, mostly sheep.

How does the Catholic church recruit new members?

They get 'em while they're young.

A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper

He would look for a particular sheet of paper no matter the day and weather. He refused to tell anyone what the sheet of paper was about, so after a week of this recruit searching high and low for the sheet of paper, the psychiatrist declared him mentally challenged and discharged him from the military. He handed the letter of discharge to the recruit and he smiled and said "Oh yes. This is the sheet of paper I was looking for!"

Recruit joke, A new recruit in the military was looking for a sheet of paper

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He answered, "Call for backup."

I recruited a nice little girl and her cute cuddly kitten to the flat earthers this weekend.

I also figured out the brakes on my truck are overdue to be replaced.

Drill Sergeant: "I didn't see you at camouflage training today recruit!"

Recruit: "Thankyou sir!"


As the recruitment manager for a large firm, I don't like to hire unlucky people

So I throw every second job application I receive into the rubbish bin

High command asked a new recruit:

"What do you want to be in the army?"
"Pilot!"
And they sent him to preparatory courses, but they did not like him and told him he would never become a pilot.
So he went to the committee again.
"Where do you want to be in the army?"
"Air defence!"
"Why?"
"If I can't be a pilot, no one else can!"

A drill seargant walks up to a recruit

and asks, "Private! Do you have change for a 20?"

"Sure buddy", replies the private, reaching into his pocket.

"Thats no way to speak to a superior officer!" Bellows the seargant,"Lets try again!Private! Do you have change for a 20?!"

The private snaps to attention and replies "Sir! No sir!"

When I joined the army to fight the cannibals, I was a fresh recruit.

But by the end I was a seasoned veteran

This recruitment company asked me what I thought about voluntary work

I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me"

Recruiter: "what's your biggest weakness?"

"I don't know when to quit."

"You are hired!"

"I quit."

"For your final police recruit evaluation,"

"there are six rounds in the cylinder" the Sergeant said as he slid a revolver across the desk. "I want you to go shoot five black men and a rabbit".

The puzzled prospective cadet responded, "A rabbit, sir?"

The Sergeant shot up from his seat with an outstretched hand, "welcome to the force, son!"

A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

Everything goes well and the day is uneventful.

How did the recruitment consultant get fired?

He just applied himself

Recruiter: "You should join the army"

Octopus: " Buddy I'm army enough as it is "

Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.

One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"

Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."

"There is no band on this ship."

"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."

Swedish recruit goes in to the Supply Sergeant for his first weapons issue:

*" Hallo, my name is Hans ... where are my arms? "*

A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army

The octopus says no thanks I'm army enough as it is.

Sergeant says to the recruit

I didn't see you during camouflaging exercise!

Thank you, Sir!

There's a gang in my area...

There's a gang in my area who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of horrible punishments if they don't join. But enough about the church...

Recruit at the KGB

The KGB had found their newest recruit, but before he could join, he had to go through three tests. First, he had to down an entire bottle of vodka in one sitting, then shake hands with a bear, then seduce and sleep with a lady. The recruit easily downs the vodka in a matter of seconds, then is put in a cage with a bear. Intense screaming, bear growling, and shouting can be heard for the duration of 20 minutes, but the cage goes quiet and recruit finally emerges from the cage, bruised up and covered in claw marks. He then asks, "so where's this lady I'm supposed to shake hands with?"

Police Chief to new recruit.

Police Chief: As a recruit, youll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?

New Recruit: Call for backup!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the recruit sergeant jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working recruit outpost piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes