Recovering Jokes
68 recovering jokes and hilarious recovering puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about recovering that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Recovering Short Jokes
Short recovering jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The recovering humour may include short recovered jokes also.
- I have a joke about the exceptional healthcare and medicine Trump took to recover from COVID. But, no one else would get it.
- An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen. Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.
- "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" is terrible advice for a recovering alcoholic.
- Today my coworker fell into the reupholstering machine at work don't worry, he's fully recovered
- I have a friend that's a recovering kleptomaniac anytime his symptoms start acting up, he takes something.
- Last month, I had my left hand and left leg amputated because of an accident… but I'm now recovering, I'm all right now.
- Two recovering alcoholics decided to write a song together... but they couldn't get past the first two bars.
- Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery. Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found.
- My sister who works at an upholstery factory fell into one of the machines yesterday…. Don't worry she's recovered
- I honestly hope President Donald Trump gets better. And I hope he recovers from Coronavirus as well.
Share These Recovering Jokes With Friends
Recovering One Liners
Which recovering one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with recovering? I can suggest the ones about regaining consciousness and healing.
- $2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day All eight books were recovered.
- Mario is a recovering alcoholic... haunted by the thought of Boos.
- My dad fell into an upholstery machine last week. He's fully recovered now.
- How does Yosemite Sam keep recovering from being killed? Rein-tarnation.
- I'm currently a recovering alcoholic... But I prefer the term "hungover."
- Plane crashed in graveyard Police recovered 2000 bodies.
- A helicopter crashes in a graveyard... the police recovered 300 bodies.
- Chuck Norris has died. He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
- My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night But I will recover.
- My upholstery business failed. I'm still trying to recover.
- As a recovering soap addict, It's been pretty hard to stay clean.
- What does a lawyer and a recovering alcoholic both do? Pass the bar
- My father is a recovering alcoholic. I've never seen him this hungover.
- I'm a recovering alcoholic... Recovering from a hangover.
- I hate being a recovered kleptomaniac I can't take it any more
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Recovering Jokes
What funny jokes about recovering you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rehab jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make recovering pranks.
Did you hear about the airplane that crashed into a cemetery?
They recovered 12,000 bodies.
A husband and wife are in a car c**...
They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the c**... and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."
Bad News
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
Helicopter c**...
A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies.
Did you hear about the n**... man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He is fully recovered.
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning
when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Tragedy in Eastern Canada
Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.
Joe was heading towards the end of a round of golf...
...when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden, p**...! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?
Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life.
Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.
As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!
Then p**...! she was gone!
After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill, where are you?
Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows.
Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING !
Air tragedy in Newfoundland...
A two-seater single engine Cessna 152 crashed in foggy conditions near the Gander airport, crashing into the nearby cemetery.
Newfie rescue squads have recovered 385 bodies so far, and that number is expected to climb as digging continues.
Breaking news: A helicopter has c**... landed into a cemetery in Ireland
The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.
Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 pints of lager followed by 12 shots of v**...
The barman then watches, amazed, as the bloke downs them one after the other. Recovering, the customer says:
'I shouldn't have done that with what I've got.'
'What have you got?' Asked the barman.
The customer looked at him guiltily. 'Oh, about two dollars.'
Did you hear about the tragic c**... of the small plane into the cemetery?
So far they've recovered 324 bodies.
Breaking news
This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.
Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in respect.
His golfing buddy says "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very compassionate and kind man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 25 years."
A boy is born without eyelids...
A boy who was born without eyelids is making national headlines as he has just undergone experimental surgery to use his f**... to craft new eyelids. The surgery was a success and the boy is recovering perfectly. However, he will be a little cockeyed.
A surgeon goes to check on his patient after surgery and he says to her...
"Everything went fine and you'll recover completely."
The young woman asks, "How long will it be before I can have a normal s**... life again?"
The surgeon pauses for a while and wipes a small tear from the corner of his eye.
The woman, now alarmed, asks, "What's the matter doctor?! I will be OK, won't I!?"
The surgeon smiles and replies, "Yes, yes you'll be fine, it's just that no one has ever asked me that question after having their tonsils out."
My dad died 10 years ago.
It was hard to recover at first, but it doesn't hit me like he used to.
The pallbearers accidentally bumped Susan's casket on the wall...
... and they hear a cough. They open the casket and sure enough Susan is alive, apparently having been in a coma which she is coming out of.
She recovers in the hospital and lives another 3 years before she finally passes. At her (second) f**... the eulogies finish and the pallbearers begin to raise the casket. Susan's husband rises and shouts: Be careful not to hit the wall this time, you dimwits!!
A Lady Threatened to Sue Her Husband's Doctor
A lady threatened to sue her husband's doctor because after he recovered from surgery he had performance issues in bed. She claimed that he could no longer get it up and therefore could no longer please her.
The Doctor responded with "How's that my fault? I only removed his cataracts."
It's a medical miracle
A man is recovering from surgery after a car c**..., and he notices that both his hands are covered in casts. When a nurse comes to check on him, he asks "Will I be able to play piano after this?"
"Yes, the casts should come off in a few weeks, then you should be able to play."
"That's funny, I couldn't play piano before the accident."
A man was worried about getting a circumcision so he asks his friend for advice
Jimmy, you got a circumcision right? How long did it take you to recover?
Well, I got it when I was three days old and I wasn't able to walk for 11 months after it
I'm currently in a recovering alcoholics program in North Carolina.
But to keep it short, I just tell people I'm in the NCAA.
As the patient recovers from laser eye surgery, the surgeon comes in asks if they want the good news or the bad news first.
The patient excitedly replies, I'll take the good news first.
The surgeon tells them, Well, you're about to get a new dog!
Why do so many recovering alcoholics dine at Japanese restaurants?
Best place to get Soba.
2 men go fishing, One has a stutter
The man with a stutter says shh ssshhh sshh . The other man says what is it, did you catch a fish ? The stuttering man continues to make ssshhh noises, the other man says spit it out . The stuttering man says ssshhh ship!! Before the 2nd man can react a ship crashes into their boat.
Months later they both have recovered and go on another fishing trip. The stuttering man again starts saying ssshhh . The 2nd man starts panicking thinking he's going to get hurt again. The 2nd man jumps out of the boat as fast as he can, the stuttering man says sshhh sshhh Shark!!
The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...
So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.
I wish everyone would lay off Lance Armstrong. What an amazing achievement to recover from testicular cancer and win the tour de France 7 consecutive times. I don't care he used drugs....
when I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike.
Computer Programmer and Mechanic Driving
A computer programmer and a mechanic were driving down a steep mountain slope. The brakes stop working. The car careens out of control and scrapes the guard rails. They make it safely to the bottom of the mountain and pull over. After recovering, the mechanic says, "The brakes must have gone out." The programmer says, "Lets turn the car off, back on, drive it up the mountain and see if it is repeatable."
A tech company gets a new CTO...
She comes in and says hey, we're gonna make some changes around here.
Mondays we won't work, we'll be recovering from the weekend. Tuesdays we won't work, we'll be getting ready for the work week. Wednesdays, that's our new work week. Thursdays we won't work, we need to recover from a long work week, and Fridays we won't work, we'll need to get ready for the weekend.
A senior programmer in the back raises his hand and says hey, I'm not sure I understand... Does this mean we have to start working on Wednesdays?
My dad was working on some furniture and fell into the upholstery machine.
But don't worry, he's fully recovered.
Doctor...
Doctor #1: How is the patient who fell into the upholstery machine?
Doctor #2: He's fully recovered.
