The Best 59 Recommend Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Recommend jokes. There are some recommend recommendation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these recommend psychological puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Recommend Jokes and Puns

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.

You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.

Memory Lane...

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly..'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

My friend gave me a new "magic" golf ball.

As long as you put to within 3 inches of the pin, the ball will always find its way to the hole.

He did not recommend I keep it in my back pocket.

Recommend joke, My friend gave me a new "magic" golf ball.

I plan to watch some movie with girlfriend this evening. Can somebody recommend a girlfriend?

9/10 dentists recommend good dental hygiene...

The other dentist is from England.


I would not recommend eating at the new Star Wars themed restaurant...

The burgers are chewy

Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste?

The last dentist is busy killing a lion

Recommend joke, Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste?

Why do only 99.9% of dentists recommend Listerine?

Because the other .1% is too busy out hunting lions

A lion goes into a restaurant

He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."

I recently switched to an all Middle Eastern diet and can't say I recommend it

I falafel.

So i went to my first fight club gathering

I arrived a little late, so i did not catch the first part, but i had a great time. I recommend it to everybody.

You can explore recommend introductions reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean recommend foods dad jokes. There are also recommend puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I did a self defense course

I would't recommend anyone to attack me in slow motion

5 out of 6 people would recommend it...

5 out of 6 people who played Russian roulette, would recommend it to others.

I just got LASIK done and I highly recommend it to everyone thinking about it.

20/20, would do again.

I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night

Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.

For Valentine's Day, me and the girlfriend are just gonna stay in and watch a movie.

Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?

Recommend joke, For Valentine's Day, me and the girlfriend are just gonna stay in and watch a movie.

Usually, "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" are used synonymously...

But I wouldn't recommend it at a funeral.

I just got glasses!

20/20 would recommend

4/5 doctors recommend united airlines

You can't beat that!


As per the doctor's recommendation, I have decided to rid my diet of trans fat.

Goodbye Tumblr!

I have Down's Syndrome

47/46, would not recommend

I went to my first Fight Club last week.

I was unfortunately late to it and so I missed the rules. But I had a great time at Fight Club, and I would strongly recommend Fight Club to everyone.

Why do doctors recommend apple juice?

Cause OJ will kill you.

Hey baby, call me Colgate

Because 9 out of 10 dentists recommend me in your mouth.

I just saw a movie with Jonah hill and Michael cera.

I would not recommend. It was Superbad

What kind of toothpaste do priests recommend?

Oral-B

Do you sell a book "How to get rich in three months"?

Clerk: "Yes we do sir, can I recommend another book with that, other buyers have found it very useful?"

Guy: "Of course, I would gladly take a look, what is it?"

Clerk: "Penal Code - Commented edition"

A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.

**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!

**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

I've dedicated my life to find my wife's murderer.

If you can recommend someone, let me know.

An old man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem gas.

"It's non-stop," the man tells his doctor. "I just have this *constant* stream of silent gas pouring out of me. It might shock you to know that it's even been happening since I came into your office."

"OK," replies the doctor. "The first thing I'm going to recommend is a hearing test."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend drinking water over soda

Not Dr. Pepper.

Just saw the Black Panther movie

3/5 would recommend.

Why did the doctor recommend that 7 eat 9?

Because he recommends 3 squared meals per day

I walked up to the bar.

I said, "My date would like a drink. What would you recommend?"

He said, "Anything that helps her to get to know the real *you*, sir."

I rummaged around in my wallet and said, "Tap water it is, then."

Anything recommended by a stoner

Comes highly recommended.

A blonde joins a book club.

She goes along to the first meeting and it's her turn to share what she's been reading this week.

"Well, it took me a while to finish, but this was a brilliant read and I highly recommend it". She pulls out a bookmark and shows it to the group.

One of the members says, "Um... That's not a book"

"What are you talking about? Mark at the library gave me this when I asked him for a book!"

Fight Club was awesome!

Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!

I want to recommend a book that helped me through my life.

My fathers cheque book is very useful.

I was planning a trip to Saudi Arabia

I was planning a trip to Saudi Arabia but recently have heard they now allow women to drive. Can anyone recommend a safer place to visit?

A man goes to the doctor's.

And says, "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a moth."

Doctor: "You keep thinking you're a moth!?!"

Man: "Yes, I keep thinking I'm a moth."

Doctor: "Well, I have to say, I'm a general practitioner. This is really a case for a psychiatrist. I know a good guy who I can recommend."

Man: "You know, it's funny you should say that doc, I was actually on my way to the psychiatrist...but I noticed your light was on."

Bill: I've just got back from a holiday in Poole. Ben: In Dorset?

Bill: I'd recommend it to anyone.

A man takes his wife to get tested

Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.

The doctor tells him, Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer'

The man, clearly frustrated, asks, Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?

The doctor calmly suggests, I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in.

Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.

People will be lined up for blocks.

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!

Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.

A guy walks into a bar

He sits down and tells the bartender, I don't drink too often, so what would you recommend? Bartender says, I make a pretty good grasshopper. Guy replies, Cool, I'll have one. So the bartender whips it up, the guy drinks it, and heads out of the bar.
While walking to his car the guy notices a grasshopper on the sidewalk. Guy looks down and says, did you know they have a drink named after you in there?
Grasshopper says, they have a drink named Lenny?

Hey, I wanted to recommend this book to you full of terrible opinions from the least-informed people you can imagine.

Thanks, but I already Reddit.

Guys, I need a favor.

I want you to recommend me a present with a cost of 200 bucks to give to my girlfriend.

I also want you to find me a girlfriend to give her the present.

Last thing..

I need 200 bucks.

A polygamist lion walks into a bar with 3 of his wives: a giraffe, an ostrich and a llama.

He walks up to the bar and asks the rhino bartender to recommend a beer.

Rhino: "Sure, we have lots of great choices on tap."

Lion: "C'mon man... Can't you see I prefer longnecks?"

The doctor told me to rate my pain.

Apparently "zero stars, would not recommend" was the wrong answer.

Can anyone recommend a better way to clear the ice from my windscreen?

I tried using my discount card but could only get 20% off!

HR: "This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential."

Employee: "Don't worry, I'm equally ashamed of it."

Can anyone recommend a good bank account?

Mine's run out of money.

If dentists make all their money from bad teeth...

....why should we use toothpaste that 8 out of 10 dentists recommend.

The experts recommend putting a baby monitor in the nursery with your baby.

Turns out they don't mean the lizard.

As an internist, I always recommend that constipated patients eat more fiber, but with little success.

Apparently, they don't give a shit.

Did you hear about the new virus called the Peekaboo virus?

They recommend that if you get it, go straight to the ICU.

Due to health concerns, my doctor recommend I go on a strict vegetarian diet, and practice portion control.

I am happy to announce that I am down to one vegetarian a day, as they are surprisingly filling.

Missed Orientation Class of Fight Club

Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club.

Not mine and could be old but this will not age

Following his collapse on set of Better Call Saul, doctors recommend a double-bypass surgery for Bob Odenkirk

Oh, good news. The deal went through. It's a triple-bypass now.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the recommend firefox jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working recommend produce piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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