The Best 47 Recognize Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Recognize jokes. There are some recognize realise jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these recognize know puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Recognize Jokes and Puns

Religion is all about who you DON'T recognize.....

Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God, Protestants don't recognize the Pope, and Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.

The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."

The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."

The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"

The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"

The bartender answers, "A rose?"

"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"

3 Russian prisoners in a Gulag discuss their crimes

The first says, "I'm here because I spoke out against Nikolai Yezhov"

The second says, "I'm here because I spoke out in favor of Nikolai Yezhov"

Then, the two of them look at the third and recognize him. The third says, "Yes, it's me--Nikolai Yezhov"

Recognize joke, 3 Russian prisoners in a Gulag discuss their crimes

THREE RELIGIOUS TRUTHS IN AMERICA, WE CANNOT ESCAPE:

1) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

3) Baptists AND MORMONS do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

What's the difference between a turkey sandwich and a ham sandwich?

A turkey sandwich doesn't recognize the Armenian genocide


Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.

"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.

The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."

"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Here's a joke for you.

Jews don't recognize Jesus. Protestants don't recognize the Pope. Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

This last bit translates into some practical advice. If you go fishing, don't bring a Baptist; he'll drink all the beer. But if you bring two of them, you'll have it all to yourself.

Recognize joke, Here's a joke for you.

A Lack of Recognition

Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the spiritual leader of their churches.

Baptists do not recognize each other in liquor stores or gentlemen's clubs.

A drunk man approaches two overweight women after overhearing their conversation...

and says to them:

"Hey! I recognize that accent! Which part of England are you two lovely women from?"

Annoyed at the man's ignorance, they exclaim: "It's Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry! Which part of England are you two lovely *whales* from?"

TIL that a baby can recognize its mother's heartbeat due to how much time they spent inside their mom

I can also recognize your mom's heartbeat.

How to tell the difference between Jews, Baptists, and Protestants

Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the head of the Church

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Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Messiah

-

Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store.

You can explore recognize hymns reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean recognize caked dad jokes. There are also recognize puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


office joke

It's amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, You look so gorgeous, I didn't recognize you.

Three members of the KKK walk into a bar...

They sit at the back in full costume.

The first Klansman thinks to himself, "If the black guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"

The second Klansman thinks to himself, "If the gay guy at the bar tries to pull off my hood, I'll kill him!"

The third Klansman thinks to himself, "If someone pulls off my hood, the gay black guy at the bar will recognize me from last night, and these two will kill me!"

My first blind date.

My friend set me up on a blind date and all I had was the phone number of the guy I was supposed to meet. So I call him up and ask how will I recognize him?
"I am 175cm tall and weigh 75kg and I will be standing in the corner. What about you?"
I replied, "Well, I guess I will be the one with a tape measure and a bathroom scale..."

After working long and hard for my PhD people finally recognize me..

As the neighborhood pizza Hut delivery guy now.

Jews don't recognize Jesus. Protestants don't recognize the Pope.

Southern Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store.

Recognize joke, Jews don't recognize Jesus. Protestants don't recognize the Pope.

Trooper tries to pull over a man who speeds away.....

After getting the man to pull over, he tells him that since it's the end of his shift that he'll let him go if he has a good explanation for why he kept speeding up instead of pulling over.

The driver says: "Don't you recognize me? My wife ran away with you 2 years ago and I thought you were trying to give her back"

Blowing Bubbles

A teacher asked two of her students a girl, and a boy, what they did during recess.

Girl: I was blowing Bubbles!

Boy: I was blowing Bubbles too!

The teacher then noticed another boy walking into her class from recess she did not recognize. She asked, "You must be new, What's your name?"

The boy replied with a smile: My name is Bubbles!

There are 3 things that all religions can agree on.

Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah, Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the head of the Church and Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.


My plastic surgeon didn't even recognize me after the surgery

I guess he's just terrible with faces

How do you recognize a rich Ethiopian?

He wears a Rolex around his waist.

After a terrible night, two professors have to run through campus while naked...

As they run, the first guy covers his genitals and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"

The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my genitals"

A Russian Goes For His Eye Examination

The doctor places an eye chart before him and asks if he can recognize what's written.

The Russian: Are you kidding me? That's my cousin's name

There are three truths in religion:

1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

Four great religious truths

Muslims don't recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
Jews don's recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
Baptists don't recognize each other at Hooters.

Two Dutch girls are out riding their bikes when one of them suggests taking an alternate, scenic route home.

After a while they are in an area that the other girl doesn't recognize and she has no idea where they are or which direction home is. As it is getting towards dusk she becomes nervous and a bit agitated, she says to her friend, "I've never come this way before." And her friend turns to her, smiling, and says, "I know, it's the cobblestones."

How can you recognize Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

He's the only one with sesame seed buns!

How do you recognize an extroverted engineer?

He'll be looking at your shoes instead of his own.

In a room full of doctors how do you recognize the gynecologist ?

It's the one with the watch on his elbow

a blonde police officer stops a blonde driver

A blonde police officer stops a blonde driver:
"You have driven too fast: let me see your driver's licence."
The blonde driver is puzzled: "What's a driver licence?"
The blonde police officer explains: "Um... you have your face on it."
The blonde driver hands the blonde police officer a mirror.
The blonde police officer looks at the mirror and salutes the blonde driver:
"Sorry, I didn't recognize you were a police officer."

Business can be generated any how!

An advocate goes to a gift shop 7 days before Valentine's Day.

He bought 40 beautiful cards and wrote - "To my love !! I hope you recognize! Meet me in the evening, "I love you"
The shopkeeper asked: What is the matter?
So the lawyer said - I sent such cards to the nearby colony on the last Valentine's Day. In a few days, I got four cases of divorce.
This time I am sending 40 cards

Jesus saw a crying old man while walking in a desert.

He came closer and asked what problem is.

Old man: I'm looking for my son, but I'm gonna lose my hope.
Jesus pitied the man and said, let's look for your son together.
After some time, Jesus asked him that if he has some birthmark or else to recognize him more easily.
Yes, said the old man. He had nails driven on his hands and feet.
Jesus started and hugged the man, saying FATHER!
The old man screamed happily, PINOCCHIO!

[OC] I saw a Japanese martial artist, I've seen him on tv before so I excitedly waved at him. He was confused and said "I don't believe we've met"

I said "I recognize Judo".

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

One of them asks - "How would you react if you recognized your favorite actor or actress in the streets?"

He responds - "I doubt I'd recognize them."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't often look at their face."

Do I know you?

Four Great Truths About Religion:

Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

\- Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

\- Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

\- Born-Again Christians do not recognize each other at strip clubs.

Wear a mask and save people's lives!

If they recognize you, you'll have to kill them.

Religions are so different. Jews do not recognize Christ. Anglicans do not recognize the Pope.

Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

A wife and husband are going on a road trip

After a few hours, the wife decides thay she is tired

Wife: Y'know honey, i think i might take a nap

The husband gives her a nod, and after putting her chair into a comfortable position for sleeping, she dozes off

A while later, she wakes up,and notices that they are completely off road and in some place she doesn't recognize

Wife: Where the hell are we!
Husband: I dont know, i just woke up Too

I'm not afraid of getting Alzheimer's because it's like being famous.

You don't recognize anybody, but everybody recognizes you.

Tony Hawk walks into a bar....

The bartender doesn't recognize him.

1980s European leaders Mitterrand, Brezhnev and Thatcher were flying around Europe in a helicopter, trying to recognize cities without seeing them.

Thatcher went first. She stuck her ear out the window and stated: "I can hear Big Ben chime. This is London!"

Next was Mitterrand. He stuck his nose out and stated: "I can smell fresh baguette. This is Paris!"

Last was Brezhnev. He stuck his hand out and yelped: "What... hey! Somebody stole my watch! This is Moscow."

A group of Native Americans are sitting around a campfire

A young brave asks the others, "When will I be given a name?"

"When you distinguish yourself in the tribe," answers Thundering Buffalo.

"Then the elders will recognize you with a name," says Rides By Moonlight.

"It is the proudest moment of a young brave's life," says Silent Wolf.

"Eh, it's overrated," says Shits In Breechcloth.

"Let us gradually stand and recognize our newest member of Overeaters Anonymous...

...and welcome him into the folds."

There are three religious truths

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.

Getting Alzheimer's is like being famous because you won't recognize anybody, but everybody will recognize you...

Plus, if there's just one positive from getting Alzheimer's... It's laughing at the brand new jokes in this subreddit all day, everyday!

Super table

Clark Kent: *puts glasses on table*

Lois Lane: Is that our table? I don't recognize it.

Please put on your mask. It saves lives.

Yesterday a friend of mine went out with his girlfriend and on the way to the mall he passed by his wife and she did not recognize him. The mask really saved his life.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the recognize identification jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working recognize fedoration piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes