The Best 34 Reckon Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Reckon jokes. There are some reckon compute jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these reckon suppose puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Reckon Jokes and Puns

On the day of Michael Jackson's death

The two paramedics arrive at Neverland Ranch to find Michael unconscious and not breathing.

The rookie says to the veteran "What should we try first?"

"I reckon the roller coaster."

How Many thugs Live In This Street ?

A guy asked his friend: "How many thugs do you suppose live in this street besides yourself ?"

"Beside myself !" replied the other. "Do you mean to insult me ?"

"Well, then ?" said the first, "how many do you reckon including yourself ?"

"How big do you suppose that fence is?"

"I reckon that fence is around a yard."

Reckon joke, "How big do you suppose that fence is?"

A pirate goes to the doctor, worried the moles on his back are cancerous

"It's ok" says the Doctor "They're benign"

"Count 'em again Doc" says the pirate. "I reckon there be at least ten

reckon the clouds look down and say, ''look! that one is shaped like an idiot?''

A Solid Adam Goodes Joke People say Chris Judd gets the ladies wet...

But I reckon Adam Goodes gets them damper.

Have you heard about the new iPhone Plus?

I reckon it's gonna be a huge 6s...

Get it ;)

Reckon joke, Have you heard about the new iPhone Plus?

I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.

'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'

Two Drunk Englishmen

...were walking down a street, late at night when the come across a dog licking it's own bollocks.

The first Englishmen points to the dog and says "I wish I could do that"

The second Englishman looks at the dog, and says "I reckon you could, but you better ask it permission first!"

I saw on the news Boy George's bearded dragon has attacked and bitten his housekeeper 6 times in the last month

I reckon he needs a calmer chameleon.

I'm no expert

I was in the local butchers and they had on offer 8 LEGS OF VENISON FOR $88.
Now I'm no expert but I reckon that's two deer

You can explore reckon cletus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean reckon rightly dad jokes. There are also reckon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Apparently Cadbury's are making an oriental chocolate bar

I reckon it's just a Chinese whisper

People reckon I'm too patronising

(that means I treat them as if they're stupid).

Trump and the Pope

Trump: I reckon I could have slept with her, if it wasn't for something I said. But we had a row and, uh... I said something about the Pope.

Pence: That's a bit stupid, you know she's Catholic.

Trump: Yeah, I know she's Catholic: I didn't know the Pope was.

(Ripped off from The Young Ones)

They reckon that you stop having growth spurts when you turn 18,

but I grew 5 inches when I met you.

I remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket...

"Hey, how far do you reckon I could kick this bucket?"

Reckon joke, I remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket...

A stairway builder was retiring

On his last day the manager held a speech for him in the lunch-room.
"This man has worked here for over 40 years! Just imagine the number of stairs built by you alone! I reckon, on the day you die, you could stack them on top of eachother and reach heaven!"

The retiring builder, a bit red from embaresment, responded quietly:
"Oh, thank you for your kind words, but I have mostly been building basement-stairs..."

As an Englishman i'd like to visit Russia

But i reckon its gonna take a lot of nerve.

People say Jesus never got really mad

But I reckon he definitely got cross

I reckon...

This "Yourself" guy must be sick of everyone imitating him.

I don't reckon Germany will win the World Cup again

Historically speaking, they don't fight well when they head up to Russia.

I reckon there were actually 102 dalmatians.

But the other one was never spotted.

Guy and his mate are walking through the woods

Guy spots some mushrooms on the ground and asks "reckon we'll have some fun if we ate them?"
His mate says "Mushrooms aren't fun Guy"

I keep getting threatened by a dead woman...

Reckon I cadaver though.

I reckon threesomes are overrated

If I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd visit my parents

Gender reveal parties are all the craze now

My parents are doing one next week. I'll be 30 then and they reckon I've had enough time to decide what gender I'm going to be.

How heavy is a jedi saber?

I'm not sure, but I reckon that it's pretty light.

Me: man I reckon i'm the greatest procrastinator in the world, no one's better at procrastination than me

Friend: oh really? how about we have a contest

Me: yeah sure just gimme 5 minutes

I could have sworn I heard an Italian fellow running on my rooftop...

But I reckon it was just an Auditore hallucination.

Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.

Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.

Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.

R.I.P. dad

My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:

"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."


In order to get to the valves, a mechanic carefully removed the engine parts from a car while the car owner - a surgeon - looked on.

Afterwards the mechanic said to the surgeon:
'You know, I reckon my line of work is every bit as difficult and skilled as yours.'

'Perhaps,' said the surgeon, 'But I'd like to see you do it while the engine is running.'

Two rednecks watching a dog lick its balls...

The first redneck says, "I wish I could do that." The second redneck says, "I reckon that dog would bite you."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the reckon drinkin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working reckon count piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes