Reckon Jokes
48 reckon jokes and hilarious reckon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reckon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Reckon Short Jokes
Short reckon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reckon humour may include short reflect jokes also.
- I reckon I could have won something at the youth olympics If it wasn't for all those medalling kids
- I don't know much about psychology or sociology But I reckon I can explain the Dunning-Kruger effect better than anyone else.
- Did you hear Han Solo will be running next years London Marathon? He says he reckons he'll be able to finish in less than 26 miles
- My friend has this strange condition that makes him sneeze whenever someone greets him. He reckons it's Heyfever.
- Two farmers Two farmers were chatting,
One says, You reckon the profit on your crops this year will be significant?
All depends, said the other.
On what
My pea value - Me: man I reckon i'm the greatest procrastinator in the world, no one's better at procrastination than me Friend: oh really? how about we have a contest
Me: yeah sure just gimme 5 minutes - I don't reckon Germany will win the World Cup again Historically speaking, they don't fight well when they head up to Russia.
- Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles. Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.
Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would. - Apparently Cadbury's are making an oriental chocolate bar I reckon it's just a Chinese whisper
- I could have sworn I heard an Italian fellow running on my rooftop... But I reckon it was just an Auditore hallucination.
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Reckon One Liners
Which reckon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reckon? I can suggest the ones about reel and reckless.
- "How big do you suppose that fence is?" "I reckon that fence is around a yard."
- I reckon there were actually 102 dalmatians. But the other one was never spotted.
- Saw a sheep driving a car. Reckon it was a Lamb-orghini
- Have you heard about the new iPhone Plus? I reckon it's gonna be a huge 6s...
Get it ;) - How long should a celebration be? I reckon about yay long
- My friend is addicted to Time-Travelling But he reckons he can stop at any time.
- What do you call a loud group of Cowboys? A Reckon-ing.
- As an Englishman i'd like to visit Russia But i reckon its gonna take a lot of nerve.
- How heavy is a jedi saber? I'm not sure, but I reckon that it's pretty light.
- My kids reckon I'm a lousy father Probably
- So special You're so special, I reckon you deserve that extra chromosome.
- Did a T Rex have two copies of each chromosome? I reckon it was a diploidocus
- Aristotle said nature abhors a vacuum... I reckon he's right, the dog hates our one.
- I keep getting threatened by a dead woman... Reckon I cadaver though.
- reckon the clouds look down and say, ''look! that one is shaped like an idiot?''
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Reckon Jokes
What funny jokes about reckon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rely jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reckon pranks.
R.I.P. dad
My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:
"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."
___________________
A man calls the First National Bank of Texas. The automated voice answers, "Hello, how can I assist you today?" The man says, "Withdrawal"
The automated voice says, "YEEHAW! HOW Y'ALL RECKON I CAN HELP?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.
'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket...
"Hey, how far do you reckon I could kick this bucket?"
I was pulled over by a cop earlier today.
Do you know why I've pulled you over, sir?
"No officer.
Well" he said "this doesn't happen very often, but I've been following you for the last ten miles or so... and your driving is exemplary! Correct road positioning, perfect observation and due regard for other road users.
Thanks very much, officer!" I said. "Do you reckon it's worth me getting a license then?"
Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse, said the farmer….
You work hard and I ain't had to call the vet on you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster."
"NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two r**... watching a dog lick its b**......
The first r**... says, "I wish I could do that." The second r**... says, "I reckon that dog would bite you."
In order to get to the valves, a mechanic carefully removed the engine parts from a car while the car owner - a surgeon - looked on.
Afterwards the mechanic said to the surgeon:
'You know, I reckon my line of work is every bit as difficult and skilled as yours.'
'Perhaps,' said the surgeon, 'But I'd like to see you do it while the engine is running.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Drunk Englishmen
...were walking down a street, late at night when the come across a dog l**... it's own b**....
The first Englishmen points to the dog and says "I wish I could do that"
The second Englishman looks at the dog, and says "I reckon you could, but you better ask it permission first!"
A stairway builder was retiring
On his last day the manager held a speech for him in the lunch-room.
"This man has worked here for over 40 years! Just imagine the number of stairs built by you alone! I reckon, on the day you die, you could stack them on top of eachother and reach heaven!"
The retiring builder, a bit red from embaresment, responded quietly:
"Oh, thank you for your kind words, but I have mostly been building basement-stairs..."
On the day of Michael Jackson's death
The two paramedics arrive at Neverland Ranch to find Michael unconscious and not breathing.
The rookie says to the veteran "What should we try first?"
"I reckon the roller coaster."
It was a chilly day of spring when I answered the door to a child holding a plastic pumpkin by the handle.
"Trick or treat!"
"A little late on that one you reckon? Halloween was months ago"
"It was? Sorry, I'm Internet Explorer"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Opposites
A theology professor at a rural community college started the class by asking the students, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said one student. "And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said another. "And how about the opposite of woe?"
A r**... in the back of the class stood up from his seat and said, "I reckon that would be giddy up, mister."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump and the Pope
Trump: I reckon I could have slept with her, if it wasn't for something I said. But we had a row and, uh... I said something about the Pope.
Pence: That's a bit s**..., you know she's Catholic.
Trump: Yeah, I know she's Catholic: I didn't know the Pope was.
(Ripped off from The Young Ones)
I'm no expert
I was in the local butchers and they had on offer 8 LEGS OF VENISON FOR $88.
Now I'm no expert but I reckon that's two deer
Guy and his mate are walking through the woods
Guy spots some mushrooms on the ground and asks "reckon we'll have some fun if we ate them?"
His mate says "Mushrooms aren't fun Guy"
Gender reveal parties are all the craze now
My parents are doing one next week. I'll be 30 then and they reckon I've had enough time to decide what gender I'm going to be.
