Recite Jokes

42 recite jokes and hilarious recite puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about recite that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Recite Short Jokes

Short recite jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The recite humour may include short read out loud jokes also.

  1. When your girlfriend tells you to go deeper... ... but you already ran out of poems to recite.
  2. During my piano recital, some of the black keys stopped working. It was a flat out disaster.
  3. Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet. January — ABCD...
    February — EFG...
    March — HIJK...
    April to December — ELEMENOP.
  4. There was a firefighter who always recited a poetry verse before extinguishing a blaze. He was a real prose before hose kinda guy.
  5. How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her while reciting the alphabet backwards
  6. I messed up during a guitar recital. I didn't think it was a big deal, bit it turned out to a A Major mistake...
  7. I'm not putting any Halloween or Christmas stuff in my yard this year. I'm just going to stand on my back porch reciting the Gettysburg address. That will be my deck oration.
  8. My wife asked if I was coming to our daughter's dance recital... I was, but I paused the video, pulled up my pants, and denied it.
  9. Why did the dinner roll and her friends go to so many ballet recitals? Because they were in abundance.
  10. A Priest was reciting a poem, "Roses are red violets are blue". My girlfriend is 9 I'm 62.

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Recite One Liners

Which recite one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with recite? I can suggest the ones about pronounce and say out loud.

  1. Chuck Norris can recite the entirety of pi. Backwards.
  2. Why can't pirates recite the alphabet? They keep getting lost at sea.
  3. Did you see Kylo Ren at his recital? I heard he killed the solo.
  4. What do you call a tiny pig reciting Shakespeare? Hamlet.
  5. How come the boat couldn't recite the alphabet? He'd always get lost at C
  6. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the accordion recital.
  7. I can't believe I was late to my own piano recital. I just couldn't find my keys
  8. Chuck Norris can recite Pi Backwards.
  9. I can recite pi to 1,000 digits Well, not the first 1,000
  10. What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry?? Shrekspeare!!!
  11. For some reason I can only recite 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y.
  12. My ex would always skip a letter when reciting the alphabet... She never said y
  13. Why did the noodle take a bow after the recital? He was the vermicellist
  14. My grandpa is a total pervert My mom told me he had a s**... at my sister's piano recital
  15. How do you recite the alphabet in Brooklyn? f**...' "A"! f**...' "B"! f**...' "C"!

Recite joke, How do you recite the alphabet in Brooklyn?

Amusing & Witty Recite Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about recite you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean read aloud jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make recite pranks.

A british Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.

He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

A British Jew is to be knighted by the King.

He is to kneel in front of him and recite a sentence in Latin when he taps him on the shoulders with his sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, His Majesty turns to his advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....

The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.
When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"

National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!

One day in class, little Johnny asked to go to the bathroom.

The teacher said, First recite your ABCs.
So Johnny said, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z
The teacher asked, Where's your P?
And Johnny replied, Halfway down my pants.

Isis and the Christian man

An ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple.
ISIS member: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes, I'm Muslim.
ISIS member: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.
ISIS member: Ok yallah go.
Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did u tell him that we are Muslims?
If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us."
"Do not worry! If they knew the Quran they would not kill people" answered the Husband.

A man gets pulled over for drunk driving...

To test if he's really drunk, the police officer tells the man to recite the alphabet backwards.
The man does it perfectly.
Impressed, the police officer says, "Wow! I couldn't do that if I were sober!"
The man replies with "Me neither!"

A student asks his teacher if he can go to the bathroom

"You can go to the bathroom after you recite the alphabet," replies the teacher.
The student recites the alphabet: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z"
"Where's the 'P'"? asks the teacher.
"Dripping down my leg."

Johnny was in school, and asked to go to the bathroom.

His teacher replied, "Not before you recite the alphabet correctly".
Johnny pleaded, "But I have to go really bad!", but his teacher was unrelenting.
Johnny said, "A B C D E F G, H I J K L M N O, Q R S T U V W X Y and Z"
The teacher stated, "What about the P?"
Johnny said, "It's running down my leg".

A pastor taught his parrot...

A pastor taught his parrot to recite the Lord's Prayer when he pulled a string on the parrot's right leg, and to recite the 23rd psalm when he pulls a string on his left leg. The pastor was showing this to a man in the church, he pulls the right string and the parrot recites the Lord's Prayer. He pulls the left string and the parrot recites the 23rd psalm. The man is surprised and says "Wow! That's incredible! What happens if you were to pull both strings?"
The bird replies with "I'd fall on my a**... s**...!"

A young student asks his teacher....

Teacher, may I go to the bathroom?
The teacher replies, Sure, but first you must recite your ABC's.
The kid then stands up and recites, ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ
The teacher then says, where is the P?
And the kid replies, It's dripping down my leg.

One day in class, the math teacher Mrs. Brown noticed that Little Johnny was not paying attention to what she was saying...

So she called Little Johnny to recite in class.
"Little Johnny, answer this math question," she said. "If you have 500 dollars and you gave 100 dollars to Susie and gave 100 dollars to Jeannie and gave 100 dollars to Mary Ann, what do you have ?"
"An o**...," answered Little Johnny.

Say the alphabets!

One day lil Jhonny had to badly go to the bathroom. His English teacher Miss. Strict didn't believe he had to go that badly and thought he was disrupting the class so told him to hold it in. Lil Jhonny kept pestering her every 5 mins until she had it. So she said recite the alphabets quickly and I'll let you go.
Miss. Strict "Lil Jhonny where is your P?"
LJ "It's running down my pants Miss. Strict".

Billy asks his teacher for a bathroom pass.

"If you Want a bathroom pass," says his teacher, "you need to recite the alphabet first."
Billy needs to go really bad, so he recites It as quickly as he can.
The teacher responds, "Almost, Billy, but where is the P?"
"About halfway down my leg."

A friend was telling me that Kevin Bacon was the star of The Following.

I then waited for him to recite a list that included Footloose.

Pulled over

sir please get out of the car. Can you recite the alphabet backwards?
"No i couldn't even do that if i was sober"

I recited the quote "The pen is mightier than the sword" to a friend...

and he asked, "whose pen is?


Two gentlemen are sitting at the pearly gates waiting to speak with St. Peter. St. Peter asks them both to recite a poem using the word Timbuktu.

They sat there for a bit and the first guy says "While sitting on the ocean shore, listening to the ocean roar, I saw a ship passing through, it's destination, Timbuktu." St. Peter smiled and allowed him through the gates.

The second guy was having a very hard time coming up with a poem. After a long while he finally says "Tim and I, a walking we went, spotted three maidens in a tent. While they were three and we were two, I bucked one and Timbuktu."

Recite joke, Timbuktu