Receptionist Jokes
108 receptionist jokes and hilarious receptionist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about receptionist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the laughter behind the front desk. Read a collection of jokes about doctor, GP, dental, vet, and hospital receptionists, as well as the duties of a typist, commis and nurse. Have a good laugh with these receptionist jokes!
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Funniest Receptionist Short Jokes
Short receptionist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The receptionist humour may include short front desk jokes also.
- I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said. No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
- A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby. - Frenchman in a hotel. A french man calls the room service and asks for some "pepper".
"Well ... would you like some white pepper or black pepper?" asks the receptionist.
"Toilet pepper." - Receptionist: Doctor, your next patient claims to be invisible. Doctor: Well tell him I can't see him right now.
- A Cherokee chief walks into a hotel. The receptionist: You have a reservation?
Yeah you're right. The Cherokee chief walks away. - So I called my urologist... Receptionist: "Can you hold?"
Me: "No...that's why I'm calling" - I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call She said, "your best years are slipping away from you!
You drink too much.
What are you *doing* with your life...?!? - Patient: I need a doctors appointment please. Receptionist: Ok, how about 10 tomorrow? Patient: No, I don't need that many.
- Tanning Blondes Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks
Are you two sisters?
They laughed and replied, No we're not even Catholic. - I called up a hotel and the receptionist answered 'Hello, Best Western'... I replied 'True Grit, starring John Wayne.'
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Receptionist One Liners
Which receptionist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with receptionist? I can suggest the ones about office clerk and office staff.
- me: do you serve walk-ins? Morgue receptionist: What?
- Why are receptionists perverted? Because they're always checking people out.
- Had a stupidly long receptionist shift today. I worked from desk till dawn.
- I had to fire my receptionist today. There was just no connection.
- I was discharged from the hospital Receptionist: Have a nice day, and come again!
- Receptionist: May I have your name please? OP: Why! You don't like yours ?
- what did the tricep say to the muscular receptionist bye, 'cep!
- I was excited to get a job as a hotel receptionist Then I started getting reservations!
- A rapper walks into a Urologist's office. The receptionist says, UTI? Naw, I'm Ludacris
- An Indian walks into a hotel, and the receptionist asks "Do you have a reservation?"
- Why does it smell like tuna at the front desk? The receptionist is wearing a dress
- i wonder if... a receptionist at a s**... bank ever says "thanks for coming"
- What is the c**... to a telephone receptionist who is on c**... ? A second line
Doctors Receptionist Jokes
Here is a list of funny doctors receptionist jokes and even better doctors receptionist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man walks into a doctor's office The receptionist greets him. "Hello, sir. Do you have an appointment?"
The man responds, "oh, sorry. The flair said this was a bar." - Me: "Yeah I'm gonna have to cancel, I'm not feeling too well" Receptionist at the doctors office: "..."
- Sam goes to the doctor's office. He is in the waiting room, when he hears the receptionist.
Is Sam here? Sam..
I am!
Dr. Seuss will see you now. - Me: I need a doctors appointment Receptionist: How about 10 tomorrow?
Me: No I don't need that many
Receptionist Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny receptionist day jokes and even better receptionist day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had to attend a rave party the other day so before leaving I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call.
Next morning, she rang and said, "What are you doing with your life?"
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Receptionist Jokes
What funny jokes about receptionist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean office manager jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make receptionist pranks.
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.
"I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy walks into a f**... home
He tells the receptionist, my wife is dying, and i need to buy a gravesite.
Receptionist says, sure, no problem. Just fill out this paperwork and we'll get the process started.
Guy says, well you should know up front this might get complicated. See, my wife weighs 800 pounds.
Ah, the receptionist says. The plot thickens.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into work one morning...
A man walks into work one morning with a n**... black eye and a couple of scratches on his face. The receptionist, a young woman, notices and asks the man what happened.
"I got beat up defending my girlfriend's honor."
"Aww, that's sweet," said the receptionist, "what did your girlfriend think?"
"She couldn't believe how hard my wife could hit."
A blonde takes her goldfish to the vet...
And she tells the receptionist that she needs to see the vet right away. So the vet comes out and the blonde woman tells him that he has been having seizures.
The vet looked the fish over and said "Well, he looks okay to me,"
and the blonde replies "No, no, you've got to take him out of the water first!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was chatting it up with the receptionist at the s**... bank
And I said "You know, I really love this place. I come here all the time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news..."
Guy says "what's the bad news?" Doctor says "you have cancer, it's terminal." Guy starts wailing "Ohhh that's terrible! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Well what's the *good* news then?" Doctor says "you see that blonde bombshell receptionist? I'm *f**...'* 'er!"
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel...
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel and asks for a room for the night. The receptionist says "of course, sir, do you have a reservation?"
To which he replies "I'm not that kind of Indian!"
My receptionist says you came here with two problems.
Patient: I have delusions of grandure and can't seem to get a grip on reality.
Doc: And what's the other problem?
Patient: I'm Batman.
A business was looking for office help and puts a sign on the window
The sign reads: "HELP WANTED: We are an equal opportunity employer looking for someone good with computers, Word, Excel and is bilingual"
One day a dog walks up, sees the sign and goes inside. He looks at the receptionist, looks back at the sign and barks.
Figuring out what the dog came here for, the receptionist gets the office manager, who looks at the dog surprised. However, the dog looked so confident that the manager leads him into the office, where the dog jumps on a chair and looks at the manager. The manager sits down, looks back at the dog and says "I can't hire you, the sign says that you have to be able to use a computer and Word."
The dog jumps down, walks to a computer and begins to create a word document, drafting a letter for the manager. Caught off guard but unconvinced, the manager says "The sign also says you have to be good with excel."
The dog then goes on to create a perfect spreadsheet that works flawlessly the first time.
Dumb-founded, the manager looks at the dog and says "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog with some interesting abilities. However, I still can't hire you."
The dog jumps down and walks over to a copy of the sign, putting his paw on the phrase "Equal Opportunity Employer".
The manager says "Yes, we are an equal opportunity employer. However, the sign also says you need to be bilingual." The dog looks at the manager confidently and says, "Meow."
Mr. Smith is Dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."
The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A robber walks into a s**... bank...
... turns to the female receptionist and says: 'You, open the fridge!'. Terrified, she opens the fridge. 'Pick up one of the jars!'. Spooked, she picks up one of the jars. 'Now open it and s**... it!'. 'Please, no!'. 'Do it!' he says, and she swallows it. The robber removes his mask and it's the receptionist's husband: 'See honey, that wasn't so hard!'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
In the shrinks office...
* jack paces around muttering "I'm a wig-Wam; I'm a tee-pee. I'm a wig-wam; I'm a tee-pee." Shrink urges, "you need to take a seat, you're too tents."
* meanwhile the receptionist presses the emergency button because a deranged man walked in wearing nothing but a plastic wrap thong. Shrink asks through the intercom, "why do you think he's deranged?" The receptionist responds, "Doc, I can clearly see he's nuts."
So a man calls an airport
A man calls an airport. The receptionist answers.
"Hello."
"Yes, hello. I have a question. How long is the flight from Los Angeles to Paris?"
"Just a minute."
"Thanks," says the man and hangs up.
Guy: I want a room
Receptionist: Sorry no rooms available
G: My name is improvement
R: So what?
G: there is always a room for improvement !!!
A group of dogs walk into a University.
They approach the receptionist who says, "Hi, can I help you?"
"Yeah," one of the dogs reply, "We wanna see our Masters."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On its wedding night, why did the jungle cat have s**... with the hotel receptionist?
It was a fast cheetah
A philosopher goes to a hotel.
Philosopher: Can I get a room please?
Receptionist: Sure. Which one? 2B or not 2B?
I went to the local swimming pool today...
And I asked the receptionist, "How much for 2 children?"
She replied, "$9.50."
"Awesome!" I said. "Do I get to choose or is it a lucky dip?"
I walked into a PETA adoption center and the receptionist asked me what kind of dog I wanted
Apparently "Whatever's low in cholesterol" was not the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "n**... exercise"…
…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me
Receptionist: Yes, but this is a s**... bank and it doesn't work that way.
A man who thinks he is invisible decides to get help. He walks into a psychiatrists office and tells the receptionist he would like to speak to a doctor, but has no insurance.
The receptionist looks up at him and says, "I'm sorry, the doctor can't see you right now."
A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant
Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."
A young guy says to the hotel receptionist, "I'd like a single room, please."
"Certainly, sir. With a bath or shower?"
The guy is a bit short of cash, so he asks, "What's the difference?"
She answers, "You have to stand in the shower."
The doctor is trustworthy
Lady patient to the Doctor inside his examination room "Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable. "
Doctor - "Trust me lady, I am a Doctor & I am a Gentleman.
Lady patient - "No that's not the issue.
Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is neither a doctor nor a gentleman...
A chess player was travelling abroad for a tournament
He managed to find a room at a small hotel. Upon entering the room, he immediately knew something was wrong and briskly made his way back to reception.
"Is something wrong?" the receptionist asked, startled by the man's disgruntled demeanour.
The man exclaimed "I thought I paid for room and board!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Daffy Duck was in a hotel room, he called room service and asks for a c**..., receptionist says shall we put it on your bill? Daffy replied.
Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.
A husband and wife are checking out of a hotel
Receptionist: "That will be $400, sir"
Husband: "But we only stayed one night! Why is it so expensive???"
Receptionist: "We are a 5 star hotel, sir, with a world class private golf course and one of the finest spas in the country."
Husband: "But we didn't use the golf course, and we didn't go to the spa!"
Receptionist: "I understand, sir, but it was there if you wanted to."
The husband pulls out $100 and hands it to the receptionist.
Receptionist: "excuse me, sir, but you're $300 short"
Husband: "The cost for sleeping with my wife is $300"
Receptionist: "I did not sleep with your wife!!!"
Husband: "I understand, but she was there if you wanted to."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks up to the receptionist counter in a s**... bank...
The receptionist hands him a cup and directs him to room 1.
He says Ok, let's go. She says, Uh, you go by yourself.
He says But at the blood bank, the nurse always helps me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... calls up the White House...
r**...: I'd like sign me up to be the next President of the United States!
Receptionist: What are you, an idiot?
r**...: I dunno, is that required?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Plot Twist
A hotel receptionist gets a call*
Man: Hello, I'm in room 210, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.
Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him.
"I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer.
Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling.
The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm walking out of the s**... bank, and the receptionist says something to me...
She said, Thanks for coming.
Meanwhile at the bar
A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the STD clinic."
I went to my first yodelling lesson yesterday...
The receptionist said: 'if you're here for the yodelling lesson then please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The receptionist kept telling me that this was not the s**... Bank. I was furious.
I insisted: "Then why does the sign outside say Hospital s**... Center?"
Dad joking my way out the door.
As I was leaving the office today heading to a job I said to our receptionist "I'll be black later" to which she instantly replied with "I'll be white here"... I got to the door before it clicked.
The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.
Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...
An American checks into a London hotel having had a bad day
An American checks into a London hotel having had a bad day. He asks the receptionist where the elevator is.
He is told the lift is around the corner from reception.
The American says It's called AN ELEVATOR! WE INVENTED IT!
The receptionist replies Yes sir, but we invented the language and so it's a lift.
A 90 year old woman had just lost her husband of 70 years. She phoned the local paper to put her loss in the obituary.
The receptionist tells her that its £1 per word.
"Oh my. I don't have much money so can you just write 'Mort is dead,' please?"
Feeling sorry for the poor old lady, the receptionist tells her she can have another 3 words, free of charge.
The recently widowed OAP thinks for a second and says: " Mort is dead. Volvo for sale."
A man rang the Chinese restaurant to order some food...
"Can I speak to Ha-Fin?"
"No, Ha-Fin is out."
"Is that Ha-Fout?"
"No, Ha-Fout is not in."
"Well, who is that?"
"I'm Ha-Fup, the receptionist."
"Sorry, I'll call you back when you're not busy."
Went to the optometrist office today and bumped into an old friend!
I also bumped into the optometrist, the receptionist and I knocked over their sunglasses display.
Loving Wife
Wife: \* in the hotel room on the hotel's intercom talking with the receptionist\* Hello? Please send maintenance personnel! My husbands about to jump off the window!
Receptionist: Ma'am, why do you need the maintenance personnel? We can send our security staff instead.
Wife: I need maintenance staff because he can't open the window!
Anna Paula went to the doctor.
She checked in at the desk. The receptionist asked her name.
"Anna Paula" she replied.
"And your last name?"
"My last name is Day."
The receptionist went back to the doctor and came back quickly. "I'm sorry the doctor refused to see you."
Which just proves that Anna Paula Day keeps the doctor away.
Just came up with this, as far as I know
A man walks into a gastroenterologist's office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. Sir, why don't you come over here so we can get you checked in? says the receptionist.
That's why I'm here, he says, I have difficulty passing stools.
A mushroom goes into the hall of bad jokes and says I'd like to submit a joke of my people
The receptionist looks at him and says listen buddy we have so many bad jokes here that I'm not sure we can squeeze yours in. It has to be exceptionally bad, let me hear it.
Mushroom: so a shroom goes on a date with this girl and she says 'tell me about yourself' and he says 'well I'm a fungi!'
Receptionist: yeah that jokes bad but it's just not gonna cut it, we can't put it in,
We don't have mushroom.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Man Who Needed Help.
So, a man walks into a Physiatrist office, he is wearing no clothing, but he is wrapped from head to toe in Saran wrap...
He asks the Shrink if in his profession opinion the man is okay.
The Physiatrist say; "Well I can clearly see your nuts!".
The man in Cling wrap turns around too walk about before sarcastically blurting out; "Woah, Thanks Doc...", then walked out of the Physiatrist office.
The Physiatrist looks at his receptionist and say's; "Did you see that a**...!".
A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room....
and said to himself every so often, "Boy, I hope I'm sick!"
After about the fifth or sixth time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer, and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick, Mr. Adams?"
The man replied, "I'd hate to be well and feel this bad."
A guy calls a law office and says, "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
Dear receptionists.....
.. Please stop telling me to take a seat. I already have 25 chairs in my house from different offices.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was late to my urology appointment today
When I walked in, the receptionist said u**... trouble
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As I checked into a hotel, I asked the receptionist for a wake-up call.
She said, you are smoking and drinking yourself to an early death.
A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist's desk at a doctor's office. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday!" she complained.
The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing, he said. Why do you think it was taken here?
After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.
I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a s**... bank with $15,000 cash and says "I'd like to make a deposit please"
The receptionist tells him "Sir, this isn't that kind of bank, we can't help you with that."
The man goes "s**..., that must be why I was getting funny looks when I made my deposit at the other place"
A man takes his pet pony to the vet. The receptionist says what seems to be the problem?
The man says well he's a little horse
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man calls up the White House and tells the receptionist, "I would like to become the next president of the United States."
The receptionist asks, "What are you, an idiot?"
The man asks, "Why, is it required?"
(True story) After reaching the height of his fame, Alec Guinness went into a restaurant and dropped his jacket off at the reception..
When it was time to give his name, the Receptionist told him it wasn't necessary. Feeling flattered, Alec went to his table..
At the end of the night, he went to pick up his jacket. In the pocket of his jacket, there was the ticket stub. On the ticket stub, where his name was supposed to be, it said old man with glasses .
Receptionist: Sir. wait here, the doctor will bring you the news very soon. Doctor arrives: Hello sir, how old are you? Patient all smiles : I'm turning 70 next month!!
Doctor: I don't think so
