Receptionist Jokes

119 receptionist jokes and hilarious receptionist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about receptionist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the laughter behind the front desk. Read a collection of jokes about doctor, GP, dental, vet, and hospital receptionists, as well as the duties of a typist, commis and nurse. Have a good laugh with these receptionist jokes!

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Funniest Receptionist Short Jokes

Short receptionist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The receptionist humour may include short front desk jokes also.

  1. I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said. No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
  2. A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
    The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby.
  3. Frenchman in a hotel. A french man calls the room service and asks for some "pepper".
    "Well ... would you like some white pepper or black pepper?" asks the receptionist.
    "Toilet pepper."
  4. Receptionist: Doctor, your next patient claims to be invisible. Doctor: Well tell him I can't see him right now.
  5. Photon checks into a hotel Receptionist: do you need help with the luggage?
    Photon: no thanks, I'm traveling light.
  6. A photon checks into a hotel... The receptionist asks him if he needs help with any baggage.
    "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
  7. A Cherokee chief walks into a hotel. The receptionist: You have a reservation?
    Yeah you're right. The Cherokee chief walks away.
  8. So I called my urologist... Receptionist: "Can you hold?"
    Me: "No...that's why I'm calling"
  9. "Doc, there's a patient outside... ... who says that he's invisible", the receptionist called in.
    "Tell him I can't see him right now", I replied.
  10. A shrinking man walks into a doctors office. The receptionist says, "you'll have to be a little patient".

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Receptionist One Liners

Which receptionist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with receptionist? I can suggest the ones about office clerk and office staff.

  1. me: do you serve walk-ins? Morgue receptionist: What?
  2. Why are receptionists perverted? Because they're always checking people out.
  3. Had a stupidly long receptionist shift today. I worked from desk till dawn.
  4. I had to fire my receptionist today. There was just no connection.
  5. I was discharged from the hospital Receptionist: Have a nice day, and come again!
  6. Receptionist: May I have your name please? OP: Why! You don't like yours ?
  7. what did the tricep say to the muscular receptionist bye, 'cep!
  8. I was excited to get a job as a hotel receptionist Then I started getting reservations!
  9. A rapper walks into a Urologist's office. The receptionist says, UTI? Naw, I'm Ludacris
  10. An Indian walks into a hotel, and the receptionist asks "Do you have a reservation?"
  11. Why does it smell like tuna at the front desk? The receptionist is wearing a dress
  12. i wonder if... a receptionist at a s**... bank ever says "thanks for coming"
  13. I wonder if the receptionist at the s**... bank ever uses the phrase Thanks for coming!
  14. What does the receptionist at a s**... bank say as clients leave? Thanks for coming!
  15. What did the receptionist for the s**... bank say to the man leaving? Thanks for coming!

Doctor Receptionist Jokes

Here is a list of funny doctor receptionist jokes and even better doctor receptionist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Patient: I need a doctors appointment please. Receptionist: Ok, how about 10 tomorrow? Patient: No, I don't need that many.
  • I called the Doctors to schedule an appointment... Me: I need a doctor's appointment...
    Receptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow?...
    Me: No, I don't need that many
  • "Alright, I need a doctors appointment tommorow." The receptionist asks, "Ok, how about 10 tommorow?"
    To which I reply, "I don't need that many."
  • A man walks into a doctor's office The receptionist greets him. "Hello, sir. Do you have an appointment?"
    The man responds, "oh, sorry. The flair said this was a bar."
  • I called for a doctor's appointment today... The receptionist said, "Alright, how about 10 tomorrow?
    I replied, "No thanks, I don't need that many
  • A man walks into the doctors office... Man: Hi, I'd like to make an appointment.
    Receptionist: How about 10 tomorrow?
    Man: No thanks, I don't need that many
  • A man walks in to a medical clinic and asks to see a doctor. The receptionist makes him an appointment. How about 10 tomorrow? Man: I don't need that many .
  • A man walks into the doctor's office and tells the receptionist: "Help! I think I'm invisible!" She replies: "Sorry, the doctor can't see you."
  • Me: "Yeah I'm gonna have to cancel, I'm not feeling too well" Receptionist at the doctors office: "..."
  • Sam goes to the doctor's office. He is in the waiting room, when he hears the receptionist.
    Is Sam here? Sam..
    I am!
    Dr. Seuss will see you now.

Doctors Receptionist Jokes

Here is a list of funny doctors receptionist jokes and even better doctors receptionist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Me: I need a doctors appointment Receptionist: How about 10 tomorrow?
    Me: No I don't need that many
Receptionist joke, Me: I need a doctors appointment

Receptionist Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny receptionist day jokes and even better receptionist day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I had to attend a rave party the other day so before leaving I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call.
    Next morning, she rang and said, "What are you doing with your life?"
  • So a guy orders a five dollar p**... and contracts c**... from her, the next day the man calls the agency to complain The receptionist answers with For five dollars what did you expect, lobster?

Front Desk Receptionist Jokes

Here is a list of funny front desk receptionist jokes and even better front desk receptionist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A Man in a Hotel has trouble finding his room. He goes down to the front desk and asks ' Sorry, can you tell me what room I'm in please? ' Certainly Sir, said the Receptionist...this is the Lobby.
Receptionist joke, A Man in a Hotel has trouble finding his room. He goes down to the front desk and asks ' Sorry, can

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Receptionist Jokes

What funny jokes about receptionist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean office manager jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make receptionist pranks.

Guy walks into a f**... home

He tells the receptionist, my wife is dying, and i need to buy a gravesite.
Receptionist says, sure, no problem. Just fill out this paperwork and we'll get the process started.
Guy says, well you should know up front this might get complicated. See, my wife weighs 800 pounds.
Ah, the receptionist says. The plot thickens.

A man walks into work one morning...

A man walks into work one morning with a n**... black eye and a couple of scratches on his face. The receptionist, a young woman, notices and asks the man what happened.
"I got beat up defending my girlfriend's honor."
"Aww, that's sweet," said the receptionist, "what did your girlfriend think?"
"She couldn't believe how hard my wife could hit."

A blonde takes her goldfish to the vet...

And she tells the receptionist that she needs to see the vet right away. So the vet comes out and the blonde woman tells him that he has been having seizures.
The vet looked the fish over and said "Well, he looks okay to me,"
and the blonde replies "No, no, you've got to take him out of the water first!"

So I was chatting it up with the receptionist at the s**... bank

And I said "You know, I really love this place. I come here all the time."

Doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news..."

Guy says "what's the bad news?" Doctor says "you have cancer, it's terminal." Guy starts wailing "Ohhh that's terrible! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Well what's the *good* news then?" Doctor says "you see that blonde bombshell receptionist? I'm *f**...'* 'er!"

An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel...

An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel and asks for a room for the night. The receptionist says "of course, sir, do you have a reservation?"
To which he replies "I'm not that kind of Indian!"

Mr. Smith is Dead

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."

The invisible man and the shrink

The receptionist tells the psychiatrist that there's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible.
The Psychiatrist says, "Tell him I can't see him right now."

A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."

The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"

Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...

He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'

So Jesus walks into a hotel...

Jesus walks into a hotel and hands the receptionist 3 nails. He asks the receptionist, 'Could you put me up for the night?'

A guest calls the front desk of a hotel:

and says my wife wants to commit s**... by jumping out of the window.
The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.
Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.

So a man calls an airport

A man calls an airport. The receptionist answers.
"Yes, hello. I have a question. How long is the flight from Los Angeles to Paris?"
"Just a minute."
"Thanks," says the man and hangs up.

Tanning Blondes

Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks
Are you two sisters?
They laughed and replied, No we're not even Catholic.


Lady patient says to Doctor inside his examination room, Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable.
Doctor - trust me lady, I am a gentleman.
Lady patient - no that's not the issue. Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is not a gentleman.

I went to the local swimming pool today...

And I asked the receptionist, "How much for 2 children?"
She replied, "$9.50."
"Awesome!" I said. "Do I get to choose or is it a lucky dip?"

A man, his wife and the hotel receptionist

Man: Hello, I'am in room 420. Please send someone over immidiately. I'am having an argumemt with me wife and she wants to jump from the window.
Receptionist: Iam sorry sir but thats personal matter.
Man: Listen you dumb f*c**..., the window is not opening and that's a maintenance problem!

"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "n**... exercise"…

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

The husband calls the hotel reception: "Hello, can you send someone over? I'm arguing with my wife..."

"...And she says she's going to throw herself out the window!"
Receptionist: "Sir...that...that is a personal matter"
Husband: "Yes, I get it... but the window does not open...and that's is a hotel maintenance problem...!"

A man calls the hotel receptionist where he is staying,

"My wife and I were arguing earlier and now she's trying to jump out of the window. Send someone to room 314 please!"
The receptionist responds, "Sir, that sounds like a personal problem. Sort out the matter yourself."
The man is taken aback. "How is this a personal problem? I'm calling for maintenance, the window won't open!"

Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me

Receptionist: Yes, but this is a s**... bank and it doesn't work that way.

A man who thinks he is invisible decides to get help. He walks into a psychiatrists office and tells the receptionist he would like to speak to a doctor, but has no insurance.

The receptionist looks up at him and says, "I'm sorry, the doctor can't see you right now."

A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant

Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."

A young guy says to the hotel receptionist, "I'd like a single room, please."

"Certainly, sir. With a bath or shower?"
The guy is a bit short of cash, so he asks, "What's the difference?"
She answers, "You have to stand in the shower."

The doctor is trustworthy

Lady patient to the Doctor inside his examination room "Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable. "
Doctor - "Trust me lady, I am a Doctor & I am a Gentleman.
Lady patient - "No that's not the issue.
Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is neither a doctor nor a gentleman...

Daffy Duck was in a hotel room, he called room service and asks for a c**..., receptionist says shall we put it on your bill? Daffy replied.

Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.

A husband and wife are checking out of a hotel

Receptionist: "That will be $400, sir"
Husband: "But we only stayed one night! Why is it so expensive???"
Receptionist: "We are a 5 star hotel, sir, with a world class private golf course and one of the finest spas in the country."
Husband: "But we didn't use the golf course, and we didn't go to the spa!"
Receptionist: "I understand, sir, but it was there if you wanted to."
The husband pulls out $100 and hands it to the receptionist.
Receptionist: "excuse me, sir, but you're $300 short"
Husband: "The cost for sleeping with my wife is $300"
Receptionist: "I did not sleep with your wife!!!"
Husband: "I understand, but she was there if you wanted to."

A man walks up to the receptionist counter in a s**... bank...

The receptionist hands him a cup and directs him to room 1.
He says Ok, let's go. She says, Uh, you go by yourself.
He says But at the blood bank, the nurse always helps me.

Plot Twist

A hotel receptionist gets a call*
Man: Hello, I'm in room 210, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.
Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.

The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him.

"I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer.
Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling.
The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."

Meanwhile at the bar

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the STD clinic."

A man is leaving the s**... bank at which he just donated and chats with the receptionist...

Man: Have a good day! And thanks again for that glass of milk earlier!
Receptionist: Wait wait wait... what milk?
M: The glass of milk that was sitting on your counter
R: Oh no... you drank the last of my milk

The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.

Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...

A 90 year old woman had just lost her husband of 70 years. She phoned the local paper to put her loss in the obituary.

The receptionist tells her that its £1 per word.
"Oh my. I don't have much money so can you just write 'Mort is dead,' please?"
Feeling sorry for the poor old lady, the receptionist tells her she can have another 3 words, free of charge.
The recently widowed OAP thinks for a second and says: " Mort is dead. Volvo for sale."

Went to the optometrist office today and bumped into an old friend!

I also bumped into the optometrist, the receptionist and I knocked over their sunglasses display.

I was staying in a hotel last night. Before I went to bed, I phoned down to reception.

Hi, this is room 317. Can I have a wake-up call, please?
The receptionist replied, Yes. You're fat, in your 40′s and given you're staying in such a cheap hotel probably haven't achieved much in your life.

Loving Wife

Wife: \* in the hotel room on the hotel's intercom talking with the receptionist\* Hello? Please send maintenance personnel! My husbands about to jump off the window!

Receptionist: Ma'am, why do you need the maintenance personnel? We can send our security staff instead.
Wife: I need maintenance staff because he can't open the window!

A man walks into a gym and asks the receptionist: what machine should I use to impress women?

She responded swiftly (pointing outside the door) saying The ATM machine, sir...

I called up a hotel and the receptionist answered 'Hello, Best Western'...

I replied 'True Grit, starring John Wayne.'

A man had an argument with his lover in a hotel room.

He calls the receptionist and says "I had an argument with my lover. She is threatening to jump out of the window if I don't divorce my wife. You have to help me."

The receptionist replied: "Sir, that looks like a personal problem. There is nothing we can do to help you out."
"Listen here, you m**..." - the man says - "That window won't open and that looks like a maintenance problem to me."

Anna Paula went to the doctor.

She checked in at the desk. The receptionist asked her name.
"Anna Paula" she replied.
"And your last name?"
"My last name is Day."
The receptionist went back to the doctor and came back quickly. "I'm sorry the doctor refused to see you."
Which just proves that Anna Paula Day keeps the doctor away.

Just came up with this, as far as I know

A man walks into a gastroenterologist's office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. Sir, why don't you come over here so we can get you checked in? says the receptionist.
That's why I'm here, he says, I have difficulty passing stools.

A mushroom goes into the hall of bad jokes and says I'd like to submit a joke of my people

The receptionist looks at him and says listen buddy we have so many bad jokes here that I'm not sure we can squeeze yours in. It has to be exceptionally bad, let me hear it.
Mushroom: so a shroom goes on a date with this girl and she says 'tell me about yourself' and he says 'well I'm a fungi!'
Receptionist: yeah that jokes bad but it's just not gonna cut it, we can't put it in,
We don't have mushroom.

Man: Why do I have to do it myself? I've donated blood before and a nurse draws it.

Receptionist: Yes sir, but this is a s**... bank, it doesn't work like that here.

The Man Who Needed Help.

So, a man walks into a Physiatrist office, he is wearing no clothing, but he is wrapped from head to toe in Saran wrap...
He asks the Shrink if in his profession opinion the man is okay.
The Physiatrist say; "Well I can clearly see your nuts!".
The man in Cling wrap turns around too walk about before sarcastically blurting out; "Woah, Thanks Doc...", then walked out of the Physiatrist office.
The Physiatrist looks at his receptionist and say's; "Did you see that a**...!".

A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room....

and said to himself every so often, "Boy, I hope I'm sick!"
After about the fifth or sixth time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer, and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick, Mr. Adams?"
The man replied, "I'd hate to be well and feel this bad."

A guy calls a law office and says, "I want to talk to my lawyer."

The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."

A doctor's receptionist is working away when she sees a nun running out of the doctor's office in floods of tears.

"whats up with her?" asked the receptionist.
"Oh, I told her she was pregnant", answered the doctor.
"Oh, no! That's terrible".
"Don't worry," said the doctor, "she's not, but it's cured her hiccups".

Dear receptionists.....

.. Please stop telling me to take a seat. I already have 25 chairs in my house from different offices.

Jesus walks into a hotel and hands the receptionist three nails

He asks her, "Can you put me up for the night?"

I was late to my urology appointment today

When I walked in, the receptionist said u**... trouble

I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call

She said, "your best years are slipping away from you!
You drink too much.
What are you *doing* with your life...?!?

A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist's desk at a doctor's office. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday!" she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing, he said. Why do you think it was taken here?
After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.
I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.

Guy says to a receptionist at the clinic.

Guy: When I donate blood, I don't extract it myself, the nurse does it for me.
Receptionist: I understand sir, but this is the s**... bank, it doesn't work that way here....

A man walks into a s**... bank with $15,000 cash and says "I'd like to make a deposit please"

The receptionist tells him "Sir, this isn't that kind of bank, we can't help you with that."
The man goes "s**..., that must be why I was getting funny looks when I made my deposit at the other place"

A man takes his pet pony to the vet. The receptionist says what seems to be the problem?

The man says well he's a little horse

A man calls up the White House and tells the receptionist, "I would like to become the next president of the United States."

The receptionist asks, "What are you, an idiot?"
The man asks, "Why, is it required?"

(True story) After reaching the height of his fame, Alec Guinness went into a restaurant and dropped his jacket off at the reception..

When it was time to give his name, the Receptionist told him it wasn't necessary. Feeling flattered, Alec went to his table..
At the end of the night, he went to pick up his jacket. In the pocket of his jacket, there was the ticket stub. On the ticket stub, where his name was supposed to be, it said old man with glasses .

Receptionist: Sir. wait here, the doctor will bring you the news very soon. Doctor arrives: Hello sir, how old are you? Patient all smiles : I'm turning 70 next month!!

Doctor: I don't think so


Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich.
The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kindest, skinniest, kinkiest girl and a steak dinner with all the trimmings.
The man replys ma'am you don't understand me...I'm homesick.

Receptionist joke, Businessman

jokes about receptionist