Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Receptionist Jokes
Guy walks into a f**... home
He tells the receptionist, my wife is dying, and i need to buy a gravesite.
Receptionist says, sure, no problem. Just fill out this paperwork and we'll get the process started.
Guy says, well you should know up front this might get complicated. See, my wife weighs 800 pounds.
Ah, the receptionist says. The plot thickens.
A man walks into work one morning...
A man walks into work one morning with a n**... black eye and a couple of scratches on his face. The receptionist, a young woman, notices and asks the man what happened.
"I got beat up defending my girlfriend's honor."
"Aww, that's sweet," said the receptionist, "what did your girlfriend think?"
"She couldn't believe how hard my wife could hit."
A blonde takes her goldfish to the vet...
And she tells the receptionist that she needs to see the vet right away. So the vet comes out and the blonde woman tells him that he has been having seizures.
The vet looked the fish over and said "Well, he looks okay to me,"
and the blonde replies "No, no, you've got to take him out of the water first!"
So I was chatting it up with the receptionist at the s**... bank
And I said "You know, I really love this place. I come here all the time."
Doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news..."
Guy says "what's the bad news?" Doctor says "you have cancer, it's terminal." Guy starts wailing "Ohhh that's terrible! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Well what's the *good* news then?" Doctor says "you see that blonde bombshell receptionist? I'm *f**...'* 'er!"
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel...
An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel and asks for a room for the night. The receptionist says "of course, sir, do you have a reservation?"
To which he replies "I'm not that kind of Indian!"
Frenchman in a hotel.
A french man calls the room service and asks for some "pepper".
"Well ... would you like some white pepper or black pepper?" asks the receptionist.
"Toilet pepper."
Mr. Smith is Dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
The invisible man and the shrink
The receptionist tells the psychiatrist that there's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible.
The Psychiatrist says, "Tell him I can't see him right now."
A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."
The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"
Usain Bolt goes to a golf course...
He turns up and walks into the clubhouse to get his membership and play a round.
The receptionist says 'Sorry Sir, we don't allow black people in this golf club.'
'That is ridiculous, its 2014 and you don't allow black people in your golf club?'
'Please don't make a scene Sir, there is another gold club 5 minutes down the road and they will let you in.'
'But I'm Usain Bolt!'
'OK then, 2 minutes.'
You can explore receptionist commis reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean receptionist room dad jokes. There are also receptionist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
So Jesus walks into a hotel...
Jesus walks into a hotel and hands the receptionist 3 nails. He asks the receptionist, 'Could you put me up for the night?'
A guest calls the front desk of a hotel:
and says my wife wants to commit s**... by jumping out of the window.
The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.
Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.
Tanning Blondes
Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks
Are you two sisters?
They laughed and replied, No we're not even Catholic.
i wonder if...
a receptionist at a s**... bank ever says "thanks for coming"
A shrinking man walks into a doctors office.
The receptionist says, "you'll have to be a little patient".
So I called my urologist...
Receptionist: "Can you hold?"
Me: "No...that's why I'm calling"
A man, his wife and the hotel receptionist
Man: Hello, I'am in room 420. Please send someone over immidiately. I'am having an argumemt with me wife and she wants to jump from the window.
Receptionist: Iam sorry sir but thats personal matter.
Man: Listen you dumb f*c**..., the window is not opening and that's a maintenance problem!
"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "n**... exercise"…
…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…
"Doc, there's a patient outside...
... who says that he's invisible", the receptionist called in.
"Tell him I can't see him right now", I replied.
The husband calls the hotel reception: "Hello, can you send someone over? I'm arguing with my wife..."
"...And she says she's going to throw herself out the window!"
Receptionist: "Sir...that...that is a personal matter"
Husband: "Yes, I get it... but the window does not open...and that's is a hotel maintenance problem...!"
A man calls the hotel receptionist where he is staying,
"My wife and I were arguing earlier and now she's trying to jump out of the window. Send someone to room 314 please!"
The receptionist responds, "Sir, that sounds like a personal problem. Sort out the matter yourself."
The man is taken aback. "How is this a personal problem? I'm calling for maintenance, the window won't open!"
Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me
Receptionist: Yes, but this is a s**... bank and it doesn't work that way.
Receptionist: Doctor, your next patient claims to be invisible.
Doctor: Well tell him I can't see him right now.
I called the Doctors to schedule an appointment...
Me: I need a doctor's appointment...
Receptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow?...
Me: No, I don't need that many
A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant
Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."
Daffy Duck was in a hotel room, he called room service and asks for a c**..., receptionist says shall we put it on your bill? Daffy replied.
Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.
A husband and wife are checking out of a hotel
Receptionist: "That will be $400, sir"
Husband: "But we only stayed one night! Why is it so expensive???"
Receptionist: "We are a 5 star hotel, sir, with a world class private golf course and one of the finest spas in the country."
Husband: "But we didn't use the golf course, and we didn't go to the spa!"
Receptionist: "I understand, sir, but it was there if you wanted to."
The husband pulls out $100 and hands it to the receptionist.
Receptionist: "excuse me, sir, but you're $300 short"
Husband: "The cost for sleeping with my wife is $300"
Receptionist: "I did not sleep with your wife!!!"
Husband: "I understand, but she was there if you wanted to."
Plot Twist
A hotel receptionist gets a call*
Man: Hello, I'm in room 210, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.
Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.
Photon checks into a hotel
Receptionist: do you need help with the luggage?
Photon: no thanks, I'm traveling light.
me: do you serve walk-ins?
Morgue receptionist: What?
A man is leaving the s**... bank at which he just donated and chats with the receptionist...
Man: Have a good day! And thanks again for that glass of milk earlier!
Receptionist: Wait wait wait... what milk?
M: The glass of milk that was sitting on your counter
R: Oh no... you drank the last of my milk
A Cherokee chief walks into a hotel.
The receptionist: You have a reservation?
Yeah you're right. The Cherokee chief walks away.
What does the receptionist at a s**... bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.
Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...
I wonder if the receptionist at the s**... bank ever uses the phrase
Thanks for coming!
A 90 year old woman had just lost her husband of 70 years. She phoned the local paper to put her loss in the obituary.
The receptionist tells her that its £1 per word.
"Oh my. I don't have much money so can you just write 'Mort is dead,' please?"
Feeling sorry for the poor old lady, the receptionist tells her she can have another 3 words, free of charge.
The recently widowed OAP thinks for a second and says: " Mort is dead. Volvo for sale."
A man is staying in a hotel.
He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby.
I was staying in a hotel last night. Before I went to bed, I phoned down to reception.
Hi, this is room 317. Can I have a wake-up call, please?
The receptionist replied, Yes. You're fat, in your 40′s and given you're staying in such a cheap hotel probably haven't achieved much in your life.
A photon checks into a hotel...
The receptionist asks him if he needs help with any baggage.
"No thanks, I'm traveling light."
Loving Wife
Wife: \* in the hotel room on the hotel's intercom talking with the receptionist\* Hello? Please send maintenance personnel! My husbands about to jump off the window!
Receptionist: Ma'am, why do you need the maintenance personnel? We can send our security staff instead.
Wife: I need maintenance staff because he can't open the window!
I called up a hotel and the receptionist answered 'Hello, Best Western'...
I replied 'True Grit, starring John Wayne.'
A man had an argument with his lover in a hotel room.
He calls the receptionist and says "I had an argument with my lover. She is threatening to jump out of the window if I don't divorce my wife. You have to help me."
The receptionist replied: "Sir, that looks like a personal problem. There is nothing we can do to help you out."
"Listen here, you m**..." - the man says - "That window won't open and that looks like a maintenance problem to me."
Just came up with this, as far as I know
A man walks into a gastroenterologist's office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. Sir, why don't you come over here so we can get you checked in? says the receptionist.
That's why I'm here, he says, I have difficulty passing stools.
Man: Why do I have to do it myself? I've donated blood before and a nurse draws it.
Receptionist: Yes sir, but this is a s**... bank, it doesn't work like that here.
A guy calls a law office and says, "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said.
No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
A doctor's receptionist is working away when she sees a nun running out of the doctor's office in floods of tears.
"whats up with her?" asked the receptionist.
"Oh, I told her she was pregnant", answered the doctor.
"Oh, no! That's terrible".
"Don't worry," said the doctor, "she's not, but it's cured her hiccups".
Patient: I need a doctors appointment please. Receptionist: Ok, how about 10 tomorrow?
Patient: No, I don't need that many.
I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call
She said, "your best years are slipping away from you!
You drink too much.
What are you *doing* with your life...?!?
A man calls up the White House and tells the receptionist, "I would like to become the next president of the United States."
The receptionist asks, "What are you, an idiot?"
The man asks, "Why, is it required?"
(True story) After reaching the height of his fame, Alec Guinness went into a restaurant and dropped his jacket off at the reception..
When it was time to give his name, the Receptionist told him it wasn't necessary. Feeling flattered, Alec went to his table..
At the end of the night, he went to pick up his jacket. In the pocket of his jacket, there was the ticket stub. On the ticket stub, where his name was supposed to be, it said old man with glasses .
Businessman
Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich.
The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kindest, skinniest, kinkiest girl and a steak dinner with all the trimmings.
The man replys ma'am you don't understand me...I'm homesick.
A guy named Jack ....
has a appointment at a s**... back at 9.00 am , he turns up at 9.30 am and the receptionist says "eh Jack ya late "
A man walks into the dentists office and tells the receptionist, "I feel like a moth"
She tells him "You probably want the psychologist down the street"
The man says "I know"
The receptionist asks "What did you come in for then?"
The man says "Well the light was on, why wouldn't I?"
A warlord was looking for some supplemental troops.
He thought he found the most merciless and brutal mercenary company but their receptionist answered the phone...
"My name is Ruth, how may I be of assistance today?"
The lawyer
A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
And the guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
A man walks into an office building with his son....
....they go to the front desk and the receptionist asks, "Excuse me, sir, do you have an appointment."
The father gestures to his son and says, "no, I have a disappointment."
A young man came to the library counter and said, "Give me some fries and a cola."
The receptionist at the counter was surprised and said, Young man, this is the library!"
The young man looked apologetic and repeated in a small, quiet voice, "Give me some fries and a cola."
A man walks into a doctor's office
The receptionist greets him. "Hello, sir. Do you have an appointment?"
The man responds, "oh, sorry. The flair said this was a bar."
