Recently Jokes
104 recently jokes and hilarious recently puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about recently that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Recently Short Jokes
Short recently jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The recently humour may include short newly jokes also.
- At a recent rally, somebody threw a beer at Trump's head... He's fine. It was a draft, so he dodged it.
- Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument.
- A coworker named Celcius recently retired from my company, so they hired a guy called Kelvin to replace him. He's the new temp.
- Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway! The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
- I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons. I think I have telekinieces.
- I lost my job at the zoo recently. There was a sign that said do not feed the animals. So I didn't.
- I've been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing. The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.
- I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
- I went to a bookstore recently. Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.
- I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains. Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.
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Recently One Liners
Which recently one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with recently? I can suggest the ones about nowadays and since last year.
- I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them.
- I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory...... I just couldn't concentrate.
- My friend recently found out that he is both gay and dyslexic... He is still in Daniel...
- I recently submitted my resume to Sony But they canceled the interview
- Schrodinger's Cat recently went on a crime spree He's wanted dead and alive
- I recently sold my vaccum. It was just collecting dust.
- Recently, i've tried to make a car without wheel. I've been working on it tirelessly.
- I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it's a terminal illness.
- I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest So I entered my friend
- I recently got rid of all the German contacts on my phone Now it's Hans-Free
- I recently came into a large sum of money. Now it's all sticky and no one will accept it.
- I recently joined a nudist colony. The first few days were the hardest.
- I got a job at a chess piece factory recently... ...I'm on the knight shift next week.
- Not to brag, but I recently aced the drug test at work. Nobody got higher than me.
- I've been crying a lot recently It's shocking how many girls carry pepper spray
Recently Deceased Jokes
Here is a list of funny recently deceased jokes and even better recently deceased puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I recently was told that a deceased relative left me with a piece of their property that's potentially worth millions of dollars: a lottery ticket.
Laughter Recently Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about recently you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean recent survey jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make recently pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Jewish friend says this is a non-offensive Holocaust joke
A Holocaust survivor died recently. Goes to Heaven and upon meeting God, he decided to tell a Holocaust joke. Then God said "That's not funny", to which the Jew replied "Oh, I guess you had to be there".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obama smoked w**... growing up, and now look where he is today
Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted
My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…
So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size
... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles.
You know...h**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently found out my mom has a disturbing f**.... She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.
The victims contacted me while playing CoD.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
**"VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento"**
When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: *Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."*
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's with girls having weird names nowadays?
I recently slept with a girl and after s**... she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently filmed my wife w**... me off with her toes...
Got some decent footage.
Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"
With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...
How is that a bad thing? I wondered.
He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Recently got a second job as a bartender at a s**....
Ive never worked so hard before in my life.
My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.
"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.
"Why?" I frowned.
"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"
"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.
My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.
So I suggested Kaye and Elle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
An unemployed engineer opens a clinic...
He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.
Me and my wife recently started using Only Fans.
Because our air conditioner broke.
And this will definitely help pay for a new air conditioner.
I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
My obese parrot died recently.
It's been really sad, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
Two women are discussing their love lives
Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."
Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."
"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."
I've recently became a father, so for the past few weeks I thought I'd try my hand at telling dad jokes.
He says I should go home and support my wife.
My friend recently came out and said he was gay.
But I didn't believe him because he said it with a straight face
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.
They charged him with attempted m**....
I regret joining the gym recently..
leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.
It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..
In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.
Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.
My homosexual friend recently started using Grindr
He is so excited about it, he can hardly sit down.
So I recently came into a large sum of money...
...and then the cashier wouldn't accept it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up.
Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.
My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!
"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"
My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"
I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"
(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with grief our own ways...)
Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote,
Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my wife for s**... recently...
She said, "No, it's a super moon, not a blue one".
Hired a bouncer recently, but he showed up 5 minutes late, and during the event he wouldn't stop asking me if "I was mad at him"
Turns out I hired an "Insecurity Guard".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My atheist friend recently came out as transgender and decided to become a Christian.
They're a "she" now, but they were a heathen.
My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.
I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.
I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden...
I realised that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line.
So I recently went to Australia...
I want to Australia for holiday.
I was at the airport and one of security people asks me: "Do you have a criminal record?"
I responded: "Oh. I didn't realise that was still a requirement."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend with a c**... addiction recently quit.
It was the end of the line for him.
I recently got crushed by a pile of books,
I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I have only my shelf to blame.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently attempted the world record for m**....
I nearly pulled it off
I was on a plane recently and the stewardess said that in the event of an accident i had to stick my head between my legs.
I couldn't help thinking,
'if i could do that i wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say that coconut water is good for hair.
Now, I understand why my p**... are growing like crazy recently.
I started flossing again recently to remove food from between my teeth
I never realized just how much blood I was eating
I recently came out as pansexual.
But I'm only attracted to cast iron.
I've tried dating teflon, but it never sticks.
I guess it's true what they say:
"Once you go black, you never go back"
I recently flew to Africa to do some charity work.
It was an eye-opening, shocking experience.
The poverty, the starvation, the fighting.... the *smell*, the noise....
I am never flying economy again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently entered a blindfolded m**... competition...
I haven't seen the results yet so I've no idea where I came...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Pakistani living in England (offensive)
A Pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human f**... and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."
A recently deceased man was being shown around heaven.
St Peter was looking after him by showing him the various facilities that were available. At the end of the tour, St Peter asked the man if he had any questions.
The man could only think of one. He pointed to a long wall running along one side. "Why do you have a wall there?" asked the man.
St Peter sighed and said, "That is for the Catholics. They`re on the other side. They like to think that they are the only ones here."
I recently lost my job at NASA Mission Control...
I misheard when someone said "It's lunch time", and sent a rocket up with nobody in it.
Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...
Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.
A man was recently arrested after being found hiding in a wardrobe.
When the police asked him what he was doing there, he said 'Narnia business'.
People think my room is a mess, but it's actually very organized
Everything is sorted by date of last use. If I used it recently, it's on top of something.
Have you heard the story of the two skunks named In and Out?
They lived in the forest with their mother skunk. And whenever In was in, Out was out. And whenever In was out, Out was in.
One day, when In was out and Out was in, mother skunk said to Out, "Out, I need you to go out and bring In in."
So Out went out and immediately brought In in.
And their mother asked, "My, that was fast! Out, how did you find In so quickly?"
And Out said, "It was easy. Instinct."
(a favorite of mine from when I was young that I recently re-discovered in an old joke book)
Monica Lewinsky was recently offered a new position at a prestigious boarding school.
Headmaster.
I came into a large sum of money recently...
Which is weird, because I normally just use paper towels.
Dad joke heard at the beach
Recently, I was on vacation and at a beach and a father and his kids were playing catch in the water next to me.
This kid who had to be about six or seven yells out, "dad, I'm going to try some trash talk. Ready? Your skills are as rusty as a tin can! Get it dad? *trash* talk?"
I was dying. That kid is going to make a great dad.
I recently came into a HUGE amount of money.
Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently failed out of military school when I was asked what steps I would take to ensure my safety during a t**... attack.
Apparently, 'Fucking large ones' wasn't the right answer.
