recently Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious recently puns

Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today

Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.


They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!

For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,

"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"

A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.

I'm really happy that my prayer worked.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My grief councillor died recently

Thankfully he was so good that I don't give a shit

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My gay friend keeps bragging about how much sex he's been getting recently.

Cocky asshole.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles.

You know...heroin.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Osama Bin Laden appeared in a video recently claiming to be alive

Among other things, he also commented on how shitty the English football team had become.

British Intelligence, however, have dismissed it saying that it could have been recorded anytime during the last 44 years.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators.

I'm taking steps to avoid them.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!

The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing fetish. She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness.

It came out of the green.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory......

I just couldn't concentrate.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife recently gave birth to our first child. After birth I asked the doctor when could we have sex.

He said that his shift ends in 30 minutes.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My friend recently found out that he is both gay and dyslexic...

He is still in Daniel...

πŸ‘πŸΌ

[META] There's been an influx of anti-gay jokes recently and I just wanted to say something: jokes using gay people as the punchline are NOT funny

Come on guys

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I recently submitted my resume to Sony

But they canceled the interview

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.

He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.

He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.

He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What's with girls having weird names nowadays?

I recently slept with a girl and after sex she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I learned recently that 9/10 men masturbate regularly

You don't want to know how the last guy does it...


Note: all my jokes I post here are originals I'm working on, so as always, feedback is good yadda yadda yadda

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists.

I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.

The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I've been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing.

The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I recently filmed my wife wanking me off with her toes...

Got some decent footage.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"

With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...

How is that a bad thing? I wondered.

He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Schrodinger's Cat recently went on a crime spree

He's wanted dead and alive

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.

"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.

"Why?" I frowned.

"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"

"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains.

Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife reckons that recently I have become an awkward, arrogant cunt, and she just can't understand me.



Seems like my French classes are going really well.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.

So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A woman recently got oak breast implants...

…this joke would probably be better if it had a punchline, wooden tit.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A doctor just recently had sex with one of his patient..

..and he really feels bad about it.


-
**poof** a little devil appears on his left shoulder and speaks to him;
"Come on bro! Its not that bad. Many doctors fuck with their patients and it was awesome!"

-
**poof** A little angel appears on his right shoulder "Duuuuude, youΒ΄re a vet!!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Recently jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Recently? Well, here are the best Recently dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Recently pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes