Recently Jokes
107 recently jokes and hilarious recently puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about recently that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Recently Short Jokes
Short recently jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The recently humour may include short newly jokes also.
- At a recent rally, somebody threw a beer at Trump's head... He's fine. It was a draft, so he dodged it.
- Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument.
- A coworker named Celcius recently retired from my company, so they hired a guy called Kelvin to replace him. He's the new temp.
- Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway! The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
- I only recently found out that Albert Einstein was a real person.. All this time I thought he was only a theoretical physicist
- I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons. I think I have telekinieces.
- I lost my job at the zoo recently. There was a sign that said do not feed the animals. So I didn't.
- Recently, a fortune teller told me that in about 12 years I would suffer terrible heartbreak. So, to cheer myself up, I went and bought a puppy.
- I've been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing. The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.
- I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
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Recently One Liners
Which recently one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with recently? I can suggest the ones about nowadays and earlier.
- I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them.
- I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness. It came out of the green.
- I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory...... I just couldn't concentrate.
- My friend recently found out that he is both gay and dyslexic... He is still in Daniel...
- I recently submitted my resume to Sony But they canceled the interview
- Schrodinger's Cat recently went on a crime spree He's wanted dead and alive
- I recently sold my vaccum. It was just collecting dust.
- Recently, i've tried to make a car without wheel. I've been working on it tirelessly.
- I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it's a terminal illness.
- I recently found out that I'm colorblind... It came out of the purple.
- I was recently diagnosed with a fear of giants. Fee-fi-phobia.
- I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest So I entered my friend
- My grief counselor died recently Clearly did a good job, because I didn't care
- what do you call a cow that's recently given birth? Decaffinated
- I recently got rid of all the German contacts on my phone Now it's Hans-Free
Recently Deceased Jokes
Here is a list of funny recently deceased jokes and even better recently deceased puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does Mario communicate with his recently deceased sibling? Luigi Board.
- What did the necrophilic, pedophilic uncle say when he got to the house of his recently deceased niece? I came as soon as I heard
- I recently was told that a deceased relative left me with a piece of their property that's potentially worth millions of dollars: a lottery ticket.
- Where do recently deceased female dogs get written up in the newspaper? The o-b**...-uaries
Laughter Recently Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about recently you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean since last year jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make recently pranks.
My Jewish friend says this is a non-offensive Holocaust joke
A Holocaust survivor died recently. Goes to Heaven and upon meeting God, he decided to tell a Holocaust joke. Then God said "That's not funny", to which the Jew replied "Oh, I guess you had to be there".
Obama smoked w**... growing up, and now look where he is today
Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted
My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
My best friend passed away recently, and grieving before his grave I said,
"Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?"
A month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.
I'm really happy that my prayer worked.
A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband's f**.... A man leans in to her and asks, Do you mind if I say a word? . No, go right ahead , the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his t**..., says Plethora , and sits back down.
Thanks , the woman says, that means a lot .
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…
So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size
... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.
I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles.
You know...h**....
I recently found out my mom has a disturbing f**.... She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.
The victims contacted me while playing CoD.
My wife recently gave birth to our first child. After birth I asked the doctor when could we have s**....
He said that his shift ends in 30 minutes.
Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
**"VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento"**
When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: *Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."*
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away.
He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity.
He told them that for the past 50 years he had sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning.
He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.
I recently heard about a young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross country adventure…
So, I headed down to the library with my daughter to see if they had a copy.
The librarian said the description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not..
What's with girls having weird names nowadays?
I recently slept with a girl and after s**... she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.
I recently filmed my wife w**... me off with her toes...
Got some decent footage.
An Elderly Couple
An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:" I just let out a silent f**..., what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
I went to a bookstore recently.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.
Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"
With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...
How is that a bad thing? I wondered.
He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.
Recently got a second job as a bartender at a s**....
Ive never worked so hard before in my life.
My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.
"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.
"Why?" I frowned.
"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"
"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.
I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains.
Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.
My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.
So I suggested Kaye and Elle.
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
An unemployed engineer opens a clinic...
He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.
Me and my wife recently started using Only Fans.
Because our air conditioner broke.
And this will definitely help pay for a new air conditioner.
I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
My obese parrot died recently.
It's been really sad, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
My wife just recently completed a 40-week body building course...
It's a boy and he weighs 11lbs 4oz
Two women are discussing their love lives
Jo says: "I have to be careful not to get pregnant."
Jenny looks confused. "But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy."
"He did." says Jo. "That's why I need to be extra careful."
I recently had a dream that I was swimming in a sea of carbonated orange juice.
Turns out it was just a Fanta sea
I ordered a Thesaurus recently, when it arrived all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe my anger
I've recently became a father, so for the past few weeks I thought I'd try my hand at telling dad jokes.
He says I should go home and support my wife.
My friend recently came out and said he was gay.
But I didn't believe him because he said it with a straight face
A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.
They charged him with attempted m**....
I went to the doctor's recently. He told me, Don't eat anything fatty.
Me: You mean like bacon and burgers?
Doctor: No fatty. Don't eat anything.
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure...
So I took a trip to the library to see if they
had a copy.
The librarian said that my description rang a
bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
I regret joining the gym recently..
leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
I was recently asked who my favourite vampire was. I said, the muppet from Sesame Street.
They told me, He doesn't count!
I replied, I assure you, he does.
I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious...
She's asked me to move out with her...
I recently watched my wedding video backwards.
I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.
Recently, i decided to quit my job at the construction place because i couldn't deal with the heavy lifting.
I gave them my too weak notice yesterday.
A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.
It's the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.
The police recently arrested a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983..
In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said I have some sad news.
Tell me, old friend said the faithful Tonto.
Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer
Bad spirits, replied his old companion.
The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?
Chemo, sabe
Ps this is my first joke post ever so I hope I did it right.
My homosexual friend recently started using Grindr
He is so excited about it, he can hardly sit down.
So I recently came into a large sum of money...
...and then the cashier wouldn't accept it.
I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up.
Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.
My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!
"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"
My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"
I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"
(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with grief our own ways...)
My wife recently got a seashell tattooed on her thigh.
When you put your ear close to it, you can really smell the ocean.
A recently married couple...
A recently married couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. When the food was served, the husband said, "The food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife: "Honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home. Won't you do that here?"
Husband: "That's at home sweetheart. Here the chef knows how to cook."
Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote,
Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.
I asked my wife for s**... recently...
She said, "No, it's a super moon, not a blue one".
Hired a bouncer recently, but he showed up 5 minutes late, and during the event he wouldn't stop asking me if "I was mad at him"
Turns out I hired an "Insecurity Guard".
A movie theater in my town was recently robbed of over $20,000 of merchandise
The thieves apparently stole 5 popcorn/soda combos and 10 boxes of Raisinets.
I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"
"No," I said.
"It's to look at."
My atheist friend recently came out as transgender and decided to become a Christian.
They're a "she" now, but they were a heathen.
My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.
I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.
