recent Jokes

funny recent pick up lines and hilarious recent puns

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

👍🏼

I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators.

I'm taking steps to avoid them.

👍🏼

Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

👍🏼

So the CEO of EA walks into a bar..

"I'll have a beer" he says, exasperated from the recent PR firestorm.

"That'll be $1" answers the barman.

"Woah" replies the CEO, "That's great value!"

"Sure is." the barman replies. "Would you like a glass with that?"

👍🏼

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing fetish. She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

👍🏼

I was recently diagnosed with color-blindness.

It came out of the green.

👍🏼

I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory......

I just couldn't concentrate.

👍🏼

I recently submitted my resume to Sony

But they canceled the interview

👍🏼

A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door.

The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."

He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."

The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."

The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."

👍🏼

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

👍🏼

A Blonde's Password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a
blonde was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital.

👍🏼

I recently filmed my wife wanking me off with her toes...

Got some decent footage.

👍🏼

Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today

When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.

👍🏼

Sex after Surgery:

A recent article in the San Francisco Examiner reported that Nancy Pelosi has sued Stanford University Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex."

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.

👍🏼

Recently asked a friend, "What's the worst thing about being divorced three times?"

With some thought, he finally said, Well, all of them were pretty good house keepers...

How is that a bad thing? I wondered.

He replied, Every time I've divorced, they've kept my house.

👍🏼

A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

👍🏼

I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains.

Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.

👍🏼

The Govenment made a recent announcement.....

.......that it is changing the national flag to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security whilst you're actually being fucked!!

👍🏼

Recent studies have shown that 67% of women have used vibrators

The other 33% have brand new ones

👍🏼

Recent study has revealed that masturbation might help curing the common cold.

Well I hope it is true because I haven't got any more tissues left..

👍🏼

I recently left my job after I came into a large sum of money.

Or as the bank tells it, I was fired for ejaculating in the safe.

👍🏼

Prostate Exam

After my recent Prostate Exam - one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had –
the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.
After she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....

She said...."Who was that guy?"

👍🏼

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel.

They were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories when the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off.

''Because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

👍🏼

Recently, i've tried to make a car without wheels.

I've been working on it tirelessly.

👍🏼

I recently got sick at the airport,

my doctor says it's a terminal illness.

👍🏼

I recently found out that I'm colorblind...

It came out of the purple.

👍🏼

A recent study showed that 93% of the people in Detroit have had shower sex

The other 7% have not been to jail.

👍🏼

I recently watched my wedding video backwards.

I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

👍🏼

I recently learned how to suck my own dick...

Sorry if I sound full of myself.

👍🏼

I was recently asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "in HD" was the wrong answer

👍🏼

I recently saw an advertisement for a double entendre contest

So I entered my friend

👍🏼

I recently bought a dog from a Blacksmith...

And as soon as I got him into the house he made a bolt for the door

👍🏼

Women and their asses

There was a recent study about women and how they feel about their asses, and the results were quite interesting. 30% of women think their ass is way too fat
10% of women think their ass is way too skinny
And the remaining 60% said they didn't care, that they love him, he's a good man and that they wouldn't trade him for the world.

👍🏼

So I recently came into a large sum of money...

...and then the cashier wouldn't accept it.

👍🏼

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".

Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"

I said, "Sem Ting".

👍🏼

What are the best Recent puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Recent? Well, here are the best Recent dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Recent pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes