The Best 49 Receiving Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Receiving jokes. There are some receiving transfer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these receiving occasion puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Receiving Jokes and Puns
It was at the end of the school year,
and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
A tale of two young men
There is a young man walking a tight rope between two high rise buildings. In the same city, at the same time, there is another young man receiving oral sex from from a 80 year old woman. They both are thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. What could it be?
DO NOT LOOK DOWN!
The Titanic and mayonnaise
What a lot of people don't know about the Titanic was that it was carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise to Mexico. In fact, the Mexican people were overjoyed to be receiving this fine delicacy.
Sadly, as we all know, the Titanic tragically sank, sending its many tons of mayonnaise to the bottom of the ocean. The Mexican people were saddened by this event, and dedicated an annual event to the remembrance of the mayonnaise
We call it Cinco de Mayo
My favourite lawyer joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Upon receiving his drink he mutters: 'all
lawyers are assholes.'
A guy down the bar angrily yells: 'HEY!'
'Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?' The man replies.
'No I'm an asshole!'
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
A woman has twins...
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '
There once was a floating head...
Being very sad that he had no body, he floated into a bar. Upon receiving his alcohol, he began to drink. Slowly, after every sip, a body started to appear from neck down. Excitedly, he ordered more and more drinks and drank them, until he finally had a whole body. After leaving some money on the counter he stumbled out into the street and got hit by a bus. The moral of the story? Stop while you're ahead.
George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.
During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.
His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"
5,000 married men were surveyed as to why they like receiving oral sex.
* 1% liked the warmth
* 2% liked the sensation
* 3% liked the eroticism
* 94% just liked the peace and quiet
The funeral
One day a man dies and in his will, he leaves $300,000 to his stock broker, financial adviser and his lawyer, each one receiving $100,000. In the will he also states that he wants all 3 of them to to leave half of the money they received ($50,000) in his coffin after the funeral.
The day of the funeral comes and each man approaches the coffin to do what was asked of them and once they're all done, they meet up at the bar.
After a few drinks, the stock broker speaks up "I gotta be honest with you guys. I only left $10,000 in the coffin. But I mean, it's not like he'll be able to spend it, right?"
To which the financial adviser admits "Hey, don't feel bad. I only left $5,000 in the coffin. I mean, is he really expecting us to throw away that much money?"
At which point the lawyer speaks up and says in a disapproving tone "I can't believe you guys would be so greedy! I'll have you know I left a check for the full $50,000 in his coffin like he asked!"
This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his Money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of Money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"
The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."
You can explore receiving wealth reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean receiving reception dad jokes. There are also receiving puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A First Mate turns to his Captain and says...
"Captain! There is a light ahead and we are receiving a transmission that we should veer to the left."
The Captain grabbed the radio and said, "This is a fully armed battleship. Veer right or be destroyed."
The voice on the radio responded, "This is a lighthouse. Your move."
If you had to choose between your local WNBA team winning the finals and receiving $5.....
What would you spend your $5 on?
What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House?
Receiving heads of state.
A major American chain of stores may be on the receiving end of some recent controversy.
Although sources will not outright name the chain for legal purposes, they did say the stores have painted a giant target upon themselves.
What does walking a tight rope and receiving a blow job from your mother-in-law have in common?
In both cases it is strongly advisable to not look down
Chris Brown has been receiving support from celebrity friends.
We wish Chris all the best and expect to see him soon, said O.J. Simpson.
Santa is not the only one receiving letters this christmas; Satan gets letters too...
...but only from dyslexic children
Scientists have discovered a new creature.
The creature resembles a centaur from the legends and it seems to be always receiving a lot of attention from other animals and plants.
Tldr: it's a Centaur of attention.
Concerning Michael Flynn
The real question on republicans minds right now: what happens to the validity of Flynn's testimony when he gets autism after receiving immunity?
Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing
You should never look down
Congrats to the National Gallery on receiving a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.
Which is to say ... they're getting Monet for nothing and the Czechs for free.
It's Wine Day
It's National Wine Day. Not National Whine Day, as I came to realize after receiving dozens of nasty looks throughout the day
I went to the doctor today...
He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop masturbating." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
If i use the church's wifi
Am i receiving God's signal?
My mother used to beat me with a telephone
I was always on the receiving end.
What did the blind prostitute say after receiving a facial?
Well I certainly didn't see that coming
Just received an email from a wealthy Nigerian Prince.
He told me that he doesn't have any fortune to share with me at the moment but he would appreciate if I could let him know before May 25th if I wish to continue receiving emails.
Kevin is on his way home after receiving his paycheck when a stomachache hit him..
Luckily, he was passing by a river.
Kevin ran for it and made a quick drop at the bank.
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him.
"I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer.
Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling.
The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
Today my son was sent home from school for receiving a hand-job from a girl in his class for the third time this year. Each time this has happened he has been given a stern talking to from the principal and had to change schools.
Tired of constantly moving around, I said to him "Son if this keeps happening
they are going to ban you from teaching altogether."
A first place winner at the International Pun Contest
A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're identical twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Apparently Bill Cosby is getting pudding with his first meal in prison.
Good! He's finally receiving his just desserts.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal
Receiving a kiss while sleeping is the most pure form of love there is...
Unless you're in prison
My wife recently told me that she thinks that sex is a lot better on holiday
I didn't enjoy receiving that postcard
Adoption Joke
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
A woman had twins and put them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in eygpt and was named Amal. The other goes to a family in spain who name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband replies "Don't be sad. They're twins, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption
One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband said "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Being a 6'3 comedian...
a lot of my jokes revolve around short people. However, after receiving multiple complaints, ive decided to stop making short jokes now.
I'm above that.
Twins
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.
The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.
Trump shouts Oh my GOD! and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.
After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advisors, How many is a 'brazillion?'
The twins
A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up
for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of
Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal."
Where did the microbiologist go after receiving his PhD?
...to a cell-laboratory gathering
A cop was patrolling a neighborhood after receiving a call from dispatch about suspicious activity.
He stopped a man walking past and asked, "Seen anything unusual?"
"I saw a dolphin wearing a hat once," said the man.
"I meant around here," the cop said annoyed.
*"Nah man, they live in the water."*
After receiving an 89 on his English exam, an immigrant mother tries to cheer up her perfectionist son by telling him "You've gotta be positive!"
"It's pronounced 'B plus'", replied the son, "and I wanted an A!"
What did the lazy algorithm say to the next iteration upon receiving an interim result?
Calc you later!
I've been receiving a lot of targeted ads about male enhancement lately....
Never have I been more offended and grateful in my life.
When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them
In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the receiving dozens jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working receiving receive piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.