Receipt Jokes
45 receipt jokes and hilarious receipt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about receipt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some hilarious jokes based on your CVS receipt, coupons, wallet and envelope. Laugh out loud as you read through these fun and clever jokes about your everyday life. Put a smile on your face and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Funniest Receipt Short Jokes
Short receipt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The receipt humour may include short received jokes also.
- How did President Bush know that iraq had weapons of mass destruction? Well he kept the receipts.
- I found a way to save 27 million tons of paper per year I signed up for e-mail receipts at CVS
- Every ATM I went to today gave me a receipt that said Not enough funds. The bank really needs to get their life together.
- What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV? "Sir, you dropped your receipt!"
- My nephew wants to be an accountant, so for his birthday, I got him a big bag of receipts Not to worry if he doesn't like them, I've kept all the presents
- When you throw away your receipt before leaving Costco You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave
- I suggested to my missus that I was her birthday present. She said she hoped I kept the receipt.
- Just sayin I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don't need that negativity in my life
- I buy chapstick.. in order to make the tube of chapstick I lost appear in my pocket when stuffing the receipt for it in there while walking out of the store.
- The cashier asked me if I would like a receipt. I said, "Can I bring it back if I don't use it?"
Share These Receipt Jokes With Friends
Receipt One Liners
Which receipt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with receipt? I can suggest the ones about reception and accept.
- I will never forget my first time with a woman... I still have the receipt.
- Return of the Jedi.... Is not possible, without the Receipt of the Jedi.
- I like leaving receipts in my pockets It reminds me of when I had money.
- How far is it from the Earth to the sun? 8 CVS receipts
- How did george bush know there were WMDs in Iraq? He got the receipt. lol
- What do you call a man that looks like a receipt? Bill.
- My girlfriend is irreplaceable. Wish I kept the receipt now.
- How far is Mars from Earth? A few CVS receipts away
- Relationship Goals I want my relationship to be as long as a CVS receipt
- Good thing I had a CVS receipt in my wallet... The men's room was out of toilet paper.
- The sun is 92.96 million miles from earth Or approximately 8 CVS receipts
- My CVS receipt was so long, I could tie it around my waist... It was a waist of paper.
- If you ever wondered what happened to your receipts It probably slipped out.
- How was the Jew man who poisoned his wife caught? He kept receipts.
- What do you call a counterfeit receipt for a memory consultant? A Freudilent slip.
Cvs Receipt Jokes
Here is a list of funny cvs receipt jokes and even better cvs receipt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People who don't like how long CVS receipts are would probably freak if they ever saw a book
- Whats white and 10 inches long? A CVS receipt
- Just got a new scarf from CVS... JK..it's the receipt.
Entertaining Receipt Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about receipt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean refund jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make receipt pranks.
A guy comes back home to his small town from overseas at the end of WWII. The town plans a big parade for him the next day. He remembers that the day before he shipped out three years earlier, he left a pair of dress shoes at the shoemaker's for repair.
He finds the receipt ticket and rushes to the shoemaker's to get them. The shoemaker examines the ticket and disappears into the back for a couple of minutes. When he returns he says, "They'll be ready Thursday."
Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke
* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.
Preacher finds a receipt for a$250 dress in wife's purse. ..
You know we don't have money for things like this. She said, but you don't understand...the devil was there and kept telling me how great it looks on me. Then he replied, you should have said Get behind me Satan. She said, I did, but he said it looks even better from back there!
I remember the first time I had s**....
I still have the receipt.
I'll never forget the first time I had s**...
That's because I kept the receipt!
I'm bringing s**... back.
Saved the receipt, the original packaging and everything.
Jesus and his disciples at last dinner.
"Waiter!", Jesus called, "Can I get a receipt please?"
After some time, waiter finally comes to Jesus and puts a receipt in his palm.
Jesus is looking at receipt for 10 seconds straight with confusion and shock all over his face.
He turns to disciples and shouts "Didn't I tell y'all to order water instead of wine?!"
I'll always remember the first time I had s**... ...
I kept the receipt.
I walked into a pet shop.
I said, "I want to return this bird cage. My girlfriend's parrot is dead. Choked to death."
He said, "Have you got the receipt?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Why not? We need proof that you paid for it."
I said, "The parrot ate it."
I felt bad after telling my wife that I'd rather have s**... with my inflatable toy.
She said, "Take it back."
I said, "But I didn't keep the receipt."
Super Bowl LI
Friend A: Hey you think the Pats can still win the Super Bowl?
Friend B: Well Brady better be lookin for his s**... bank receipt cause he's looking for that cumback!
Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."
I say, "When you reach the end of a toilet paper roll, open your wallet, and pull out a receipt."
