Reason Jokes
147 reason jokes and hilarious reason puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reason that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find out why "Reason Jokes" are a thing in the world of logic and humor. Learn why being the "voice of reason" is important. Discover how the 13th Reason can help bring you motivation and honesty. Learn why a logician may appreciate a good Reason joke.
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Funniest Reason Short Jokes
Short reason jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reason humour may include short purpose jokes also.
- My girlfriend was devastated when she found out the reason why my nickname is The Love Machine . It's because I'm terrible at tennis.
- China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons. One soldier says with tears in his eyes but but my daughter made it for me .
- If you're depressed, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed. It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
- There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female… If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female. - The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
- What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
- Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af
Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car - What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
- The only reason there are pyramids in Egypt is because they are too heavy to be carried to the british Museum
- 2 reasons why I don't give money to homeless people. 1. They need money for drugs
2. I need money for drugs
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Reason One Liners
Which reason one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reason? I can suggest the ones about sense and argument.
- For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr
- The reason why I only date black girls is because I don't like meeting dads.
- Kids are like farts... I hate everyone elses but for some weird reason I like my own.
- Two reasons I don't drink toilet water. No.1
No.2 - I don't drink alcohol for religious reasons. I drink it for other reasons.
- The reason why Santa is so jolly ...is he knows where all the bad girls live.
- There is no reason to beat a dead horse Unless it is flying United.
- I'm thinking of moving to Switzerland No particular reason, but the flag's a big plus
- Its Ramadan Now I have a religious reason to be broke and starving
- Why was the blind guy always so happy? He couldn't see any reason not to be!
- Finally figured out the reason why l look so bad in pictures. It's my face.
- Why do Nuns always wear Black & White? No particular reason, it's just a habit they have.
- Why would someone need a Death Star? For Alderaan reasons.
- I discovered the number one reason OP never delivers. #
- My friend gets mad when I mention he only has one ball. That's no reason to get testy.
Your The Reason Jokes
Here is a list of funny your the reason jokes and even better your the reason puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.
- There's a reason dad joke rhymes with bad joke It's because they both contain most of the same letters.
- The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, . but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it
- My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis." I replied, "That's 15 love."
- For sale: Guitar
Yoyo
puppet
Kite
£5 for the lot
Genuine reason for sale
No strings attached - The reason that aliens have never visited us is because The reason that aliens have never visited us is because our solar system has received terrible reviews.
.
.
We only have one star. - The reason Nevada doesn't have any election results yet is If you count in Vegas, you get kicked out
- If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water, before you go to bed. That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
- My girlfriend broke up with me because she said I referenced video games too much. That's such a ridiculous reason to Fallout 4.
- I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France. But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.
Silly & Ridiculous Reason Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about reason you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean motive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reason pranks.
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at s**... than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Helen: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, I'll give you a reason to cry!?"
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
I hate going through airport security...
For some reason I'm always stopped at the metal detector, even if i'm carrying NOTHING! So as you can imagine, on my latest trip, when I successfully got past the metal detector I was so pleased that I whispered "YES" to myself. As you can imagine, that didn't go down too well.
I'm getting a tattoo of an elephant on my ear...
The only reason I'm doing this is so when people ask me "Why do you have a tattoo of an elephant on your ear?" I can say "Don't worry about it. It's ear elephant."
A man has undergone the first successful hand transplant in the UK. Doctors say he can move his fingers, but still doesn't have any feeling.
Also, he won't come out of the bathroom for some reason.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O." So the bartender gives him water. The second chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O too." So the bartender also gives him water, because he knows what he meant and had no conceivable reason to be carrying hydrogen peroxide, much less to be giving it as a drink.
Waking up on a Monday morning...
On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up son. It's time to got to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why."
"Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!"
"That's no reason. Come now get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go?"
"Well for one you are 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!".
A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...
after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"
What's the difference between Doctor Who and Facebook?
When the Doctor changes the timeline, it's usually for a good reason.
2 Reasons Why I Should go to School
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
He has a point...
Judge: "Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?"
Juror: "I don't want to be away from my job that long."
Judge: "Can't they do without you at work?"
Juror: "Yes, but I don't want them to know it."
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting
Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"
Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"
I love throwing house warming parties
But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.
Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke)
The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.
My grandfather's favorite joke.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.
[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]
For some reason I always cry during s**....
I'm starting to think it might be the pepper spray.
Police talking on the radio...
* Sergeant, we've arrived at the scene.
* So, what's the situation?
* A woman killed her husband. There were 35 stab wounds, two gunshot wounds, and after decapitating him, she finally burned his body.
* Wow, what was the reason she gave for the crime?
* He stepped where she was cleaning the floor.
* Did you manage to capture the woman?
* No, Sergeant. We are waiting for the floor to dry ...
There's no reason to be tailgating me when I'm doing 50 in a 35...
...and those flashing lights on your car look s**....
Husband's night out
An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.
"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."
"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."
"I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you."
"That's so sweet."
"Not particularly. It was daytime."
A maid asks for a raise
A maid asks for a raise from the queen.
"Give me three good reasons to give you a raise." the queen demands.
"Well, I cook better than you." Astounded by the answer, the queen asks, "Who told you that?"
The maid replies with, "Your husband told me that.".
The queen is unhappy, but shrugs it off and asks for another reason.
"I'm a better cleaner than you are." The queen is unhappy again and asks who told the maid this. "Your husband told me that." The queen is now unhappy and asks for a final reason to give a raise.
The maid says, "I'm better in bed than you." The queen's jaw drops open and asks "DON'T TELL ME MY HUSBAND TOLD YOU THAT DID HE?".
The maid replies calmly with, "No, the driver did."
The queen curses quietly, "Shhh. Keep it down, its 25% okay?"
I made a website for Kids' jokes.
But for some reason people seem hesitant to go to kidslaughter.com
A man is sobbing into his beer...
It being a slow night, the bartender asks him what's wrong and offers him some sympathy.
The man responds "My roommate says I should quit drinking, last night I came home and I blew chunks all over the living room."
"Harsh," the bartender replies, "But that's hardly a reason to quit drinking."
"No man, I blew chunks in the kitchen, I blew chunks on the stairs, I blew chunks in the bathroom, I blew chunks EVERYWHERE."
"I'd hate to agree with your roommate, seeing as how that means less business for me, but maybe he's got a point. That's an awful lot of v**... to have to mop up..."
"No, no, you don't understand," The man sobbed, "Chunks is my Dog."
Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason l**... use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.
Late for School
Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."
Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."
Mother: "Yes, you do."
Victor: "Give me one good reason."
Mother: "Because you're 34 years old, and you're the principal."
I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough...
For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.
I found a Zelda fanfic where Ganondorf took over Hyrule, but for some reason I couldn't click on it
I guess the Link was dead
A mathematician is afraid of flying
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
Why the different branches of the military can't work together:
The reason why the services don't get along? They don't speak the same language. For example, if you tell a soldier to "Secure the building." he's going to set up claymores and machine gun nests with interlocking fields of fire. If you tell a Marine to "Secure the building." he's going to pie every room with his rifle in his hands and his Ka-bar on his waist. If you tell a sailor to "Secure the building." he's going to lock all the doors and windows and put all the sensitive documents in a furnace. If you tell an airman to "Secure the building." he's going to sign a lease agreement with an option to purchase.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I protested. "I haven't done anything!"
Turns out that was his reason.
A reporter is interviewing a 110-year-old man
... And asks him his secret to longevity. "It's simple," the man replies, "I never argue with anyone, so I have no stress in my life."
The reporter laughs it off: "That's ridiculous. That can't possibly be the reason."
The man shrugs and says, "Yeah, you're probably right."
The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...
...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
Doctor of death!
Impressively, only 2% of the people I operated on died last year. But for some reason the authorities think that's too high for a dentist.
I know there's a reason why I cut my hands off.
I just can't put my finger on it right now.
The real reason women don't like guys under 6 feet
Dead people really struggle to hold a conversation.
A woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.
"Why would you want to get cyanide?"
The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."
The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't do this for you. I would lose my license and you and I would go to prison for this."
Then the woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband and a woman going into a motel. Upon closer inspection the woman in the picture was the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looks at the woman and says, "Why didn't you just say you had a prescription?"
Play wrestling that turns into s**...,
is the reason i hate wrestling with my dad
Why is net neutrality so important?
Somebody tell me, please! My ISP won't let me access the info for some reason.
Gunpowder therapy
A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"
"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.
90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
You're the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. I only go to work and become a better person because of you. You make me workout on weekends and get in shape. And I try to turn you on every night.
I love you, alarm clock.
A man rubs a bottle and a genie comes out,
The genie says to the man, "I will grant you one wish however, it must be within reason" The man thinks for a second and says "I want a dragon!" the genie replies "Are you mad? I said within reason!" Again the man thinks and finally speaks. "I wish for the ability to plug a USB cable in right every time." The genie thinks, then says,
What color do you want your dragon?
The reason women don't play football
The reason women don't play football is that eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
What's the difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding?
The reason the parents are crying.
I stole this off of Late Night w/Seth Meyers
Smart first grader
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.
People always jump to ridiculous conclusions.
Like thinking, for some reason, that my dads are gay.
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
I've invented a machine that prints money.
I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
It makes no cents.
My wife gave me a bag of our children's old clothes
And asked me donate them to kids that don't have any.
So I went around town asking people where I can find kids without any clothes and for some reason I ended up detained...
Right before surgery the surgeon says: "Relax, Jim. It's just a small scalpel incision. No reason to panic."
The patient replies: "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim." The surgeon says: "I know. I'm Jim."
A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a t**... b**... it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage
"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.
A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table
She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."
Dad, why did you and mom choose this name?
"You see Blue, its the anagram of something your mom loves as much as you"
And why is my sister called Lana ?
"For the same reason."
A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody
The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
Stop saying no to drugs
You talking to inanimate objects is the reason why your doctor prescribed them to you in the first place.
For some reason, all my friends think I'm too patronizing
That means they think I talk to people like they're s**....
I remember when I was a little boy, an old man suddenly stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.
So I've spent all my life working on a time machine, and now that I've built it, I'm going back in time to when he was a little boy, and I'm going to punch him and see how he likes it!
Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store
... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.
And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.
Pets are like countries.
Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.
Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.
Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.
Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.
