Rear Jokes
155 rear jokes and hilarious rear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From rear view mirrors in Jeeps to the Rear Admirals in the Navy, explore the funniest rear jokes in existence. Laugh along with some of the most altruistic rear end puns and jokes around. Have a wheel of a time and get ready to laugh out loud!
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Funniest Rear Short Jokes
Short rear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rear humour may include short reverse jokes also.
- If I owned a race horse, I would name it My Face Just to hear the crowed chant "COME ON! COME ON MY FACE!"
"...and here comes My Face coming up from the rear!"
-Credit goes to my mother
- - The rear view mirror fell out of my car a couple of months ago and I have never replaced it. Haven't looked back since.
- Why do ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers? To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it
- Do you ever wonder why they call it heated seats? Because rear defroster was already taken.
- My wife's got meatloaf underwear. On the front they say, 'I would do anything for love'. On the rear they say, 'But I won't do that'.
- Some idiot was texting and driving and rear ended my car. It spilled my beer all over the place.
- Why do Yugo's have heated rear windows? To keep the owner's hands warm when they are pushing it!
- You know you're drunk when you've got to swerve to avoid a pine tree in the middle of the road... ...only to realize it was the air freshener hanging from your rear view mirror.
- I rear-ended a car the other day and out comes a little person. He says to me, "I'm not happy", so I reply, "Then which one are you?"
- For Father's Day, my wife gave me a rear facing camera for my car. I haven't looked back since.
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Rear One Liners
Which rear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rear? I can suggest the ones about ahead and utter.
- Why do french tanks have rear view mirrors? To see the battlefield
- If Russia invaded turkey from the rear, Do you think Greece would help?
- They gave an award for my cat's rear It was a catastrophe.
- Thought I saw God in my rear-view mirror yesterday... Turns out it was just a dog.
- I rear ended an audi the other day Now it's an Innie
- How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
- Why do plastic surgeons finish every race in last place? They always bring up the rear.
- My new SUV has a button that says, Rear Wiper … I'm afraid to push it.
- My Honda Accord was rear-ended by a truck. Now it's a Honda Accordion.
- How do things come out of the Easter Bunny? With rear eggularity.
- Did you hear that Mr. White rear-ended someone? Braking Bad
- Why do skunks have a mercaptan-emitting gland at their rear? That's where it makes sense.
- People are like cars... If you hit them in the rear, they get a fended.
- What do you call a golf club in the rear of your car? A backseat driver
- What do you call a bee's rear end? A Bee-Hind
Rear End Jokes
Here is a list of funny rear end jokes and even better rear end puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the guy who went to the ER with 15 little toy ponies stuck up in his rear end? Doctors say his condition is stable.
- a girl to her mother: Mom! I was stopped at a red light and got hit by a car! --oh no! who rear-ended you?
lots of guys, mom! But can we go back to talking about my accident please? - Honey, do these pants make my rear end look big? No, your rear end makes the pants look big.
- I got Rear-ended in traffic the other day... Thank goodness I wasn't in my car.
- What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield? It's rear end!
- My dad rear ended a car today that had a Jesus bumper sticker on it... ..he stopped in the Name of the Lord.
- My dad was trying to tell me that Republicans want liberty and justice for their rear ends His exact words were "their pro-states rights"
- Limp bizkit rear ended someone at a stop light Onlookers said it looked like he was going to brake, but he just kept rollin rollin rollin rollin.
- Help me think of a joke/pun My friend got rear ended (she's fine) on her way to a concert and posted a pic of her car. I wanna make a pun about how he ruined her plans, by rear ending her. Any help?
- The Bearded Lady just rear-ended some Siamese Twins. It was a freak accident.
Rear View Jokes
Here is a list of funny rear view jokes and even better rear view puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Jack get hit by a sport car going in reverse during his exercise? Because the driver can't see jack squat in the rear view mirror.
- I write my mistresses' phone numbers on the rear view mirror. I know my wife would never think to look there.
- Red white and blue stand for freedom Right up until you see them flashing in your rear view mirror
- How do you look at your own backside? Using a rear-view mirror.
- A few years ago I got offered a job making rear view mirrors.. Looking back, I should've taken it.
- How do you distinguish a French tank from a British tank? The rear-view mirrors
- Did you hear about the latest innovation in french tanks? Rear view mirrors so they can see the battles going on.
- I used to complain about the bright car lights in my rear view mirror I removed it awhile ago, and haven't looked back since.
- I have bad eyesight, so I got my car's rear-view mirror specially made. Hindsight's 20-20.
- This one has always tickled me! My father is the inventor of the rear view mirror. He means a great deal to me but looking back we're not as close as we seem!
Rear View Mirror Jokes
Here is a list of funny rear view mirror jokes and even better rear view mirror puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I kept getting blinded at night by drivers behind me, so I removed my rear view mirror. Since then, I've never looked back.
Courtesy of /u/TruthSpeaker - Clinging on to past and living is like driving forward while watching the rear view mirror...
- [Modernized] Why do U.N. tanks have rear view mirrors? To see the village they were supposed to protect.
- My wife got mad at me for checking out a girl while I was driving. I replied, "Isn't that why it's called a rear view mirror?"
Rear Admiral Jokes
Here is a list of funny rear admiral jokes and even better rear admiral puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was a doctor in the navy and my specialty was proctology. I always got behind in my work, but I eventually attained the rank of Rear Admiral.
- I Didn't realise the ship I sailing on was a gay cruise.. until the captain introduced himself as The rear admiral
Entertaining Rear Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about rear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fore jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rear pranks.
If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...
They become VERY ANGRY.
A DEA agent and a rancher
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"
A Man Gets Pulled Over
So a man is driving down the street when he approaches a large box of push tac's in the middle of the road and swerves to avoid it. He keeps driving but soon hears a siren and see's a police officer in his rear view mirror hailing him to pull over.
"Do you know why I pulled you over, Sir?"
"No Officer, why?"
"Tac's Evasion"
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Overcrowded church
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was driving one day and I rear ended a car.
We pulled into a nearby parking lot and out of the car I had hit stepped a little person, a dwarf if you will. He said "I'm not happy",so I asked "Then which one are you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman gets on a bus...
with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the restaurant that got closed down because they were serving just the rear ends of animals?
Just-a**... was served
If you rearrange the letters in the words Faith and Religion, you can make "Microwave."
No, don't test it or question it, just believe me.
There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...
...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.
The moral of this story is that you can't put Descartes before the horse.
I rear ended a car this morning...
The driver got out of the car and he was a dwarf.
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT happy!"
So I said "Well which one are you then?"
Sorry if its a repost. Saw it on Facebook and thought it was funny.
Just after the apartheid ...
A bus company's owner explain to his drivers that if they find it difficult to see people as equal they just have to consider there are no more black and white people, only blue.
So, this driver explained it to its passengers :
"Ok guys, you're not black or white anymore. Only blue. So light blue get the front seats, dark blue the rear."
A banjo player returns home after a gig one evening...
Parking his car by his housing, he realizes he forgot to bring in with him his banjo from the backseat. He let's it go, thinking it'll probably be there in the morning still. Next morning he approaches his car, and notices that the rear window of his car has been smashed in! Uproared, he rushes to the car, and what does he find once he gets there? Two banjos in the backseat.
I just crashed into the back of a dwarf driver....
He gets out of the car inspects the rear bumper and goes up my window. "I'm not happy" he said "well which one are you then?"
This has been seen before, but this is my favorite version.
I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"
And thats how the fight started....
Unexpected car wash...
So a guy in a pick up truck goes to a car wash, after a few minutes he gets waved in and starts to drive away. He looks back and sees a Spanish guy drying his rear window in the bed of his truck. He freaks out, swerves and a cop who sees all of this pulls him over. While the cop is walking up to the cab of the truck, the truck driver says "no one is going to believe this!" The Spanish guy looks up and says "NO! Juan will believe this!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best s**... is like an old saloon.
Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
Geogrophy
If Iraq invaded Turkey from the rear, do you think Grease would help?
A cop pulls over a driver with a broken tail light...
The officer approaches the driver of the vehicle and asks how long he has been driving with a broken tail light. Without answering the question the driver jumps out of his car, runs to the rear of his vehicle and groans. Seeing he was upset the officer tried to cheer him up slightly "come on now, don't take it so hard. Its not that serious."
"It isn't?" Replied the driver, "then do you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..
We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"
I encountered a courteous, safe driver in a practical vehicle that had a marine corps decal on the rear windshield.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Emergency flashers
Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coats that exposed their n**... bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
But to my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my cardboard cutouts. And, of course, traffic began backing up. Everybody tooted their horns and waved like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!
With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask.
If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your Turn
Out of prison. As a h**... was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison?"
"Yeah," the guy replied.
"How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have s**... from the rear?"
"Partly." She said.
"But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"
Coup attempt on Turkey from the rear
Did Greece help?
Three men walk into a car part store...
I need taillights for a Mustang the first one says. What year? the employee asks. 2015 he answers. There you go , the worker hands in the parts. The second guy goes to the counter, saying I need a steering wheel for a Mustang . What year?
1997 he answers. There you go . After he payed, the third guy comes to the counter. I need rear suspensions for a Mustang . There you go .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old woman says to an old man at the retirement home, I bet you I can guess your age.
The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try.
Pull down your pants, she says.
She inspects his rear end intently for a few minutes and then says, You're 84 years old.
That's amazing, the man says. How did you know?
You told me yesterday.
Dwarf Incident
I rear ended a car this morning...
I tell you, it was going to be a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a
DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
I was in a car accident.
I got rear ended the other day, and the driver, who was less than 4 feet tall, started yelling and hollering.
He screamed, "I am NOT HAPPY!", so I yelled back, "WELL WHICH ARE YOU THEN?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did s**... a**... man go to a gay parking lot
To rear end everyone
I just tripped on a tree
It was a real pine in my rear
What do you call it when the water splashes against your rear while taking a dump?
Poseidon's kiss.
I was reared by a grape.
It was tough at first, but once it shriveled up, it was a breeze raisin me.
How do you know if you're driving behind a physicist?
Their rear bumper has a red sticker that says "if this appears blue, you're driving too fast."
Hope it isn't too niche.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my girlfriend we can either have s**..., or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.
She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"
I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."
Rearrange the letters: NOR DO WE to make one word.
Rearrange the letters: NOR DO WE to make one word.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was driving the other day
I was driving the other day when I saw this beautiful woman standing on the side of the road. I slowed down a little bit to get a better look at her when the guy behind me rear ended me.
As soon as we both got out of our vehicles, I noticed he was a midget. As he was walking over to me I could tell he was mad. He approached me and yelled, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "Well, which one are you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do d**... and driving in the rain have in common?
One wrong move and someone's gettin rear ended.
A Mother and Father are driving down a street with their son in the back seat, when they are suddenly rear ended.
The dad turns to the son "Son, how old are you?" "10" shouts the son. To which the dad replies "Well it looks like the first accident I've had in 10 years"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... while looking in a mirror isn't wrong.
Unless it's a rear view mirror, and you're driving a school bus
I rear-ended another car this morning.
I tell you, I knew right then and there that it was going to be a really bad day.
The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn't you know it!
He was a dwarf!! He looked up at me and said, "I am 'Not Happy.'
So I said, "Well, then, which one are you?"
And, that's how the fight started.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together
And then move the rest of them to match the layout of a QWERTY keyboard too.
My friend is a magician and he said he could make a chicken hatch back into an egg
But first he would need to add a rear door to the chicken coupe
Diarrhea sounds exactly how it's described.
Dire rear.
I rearranged my keyboard today
Now everything's under Control
Why are Welsh farmers no good at producing animals?
They only rear sheep
Why is the rear of a ship so hard to impress?
Cause they only give stern looks of disapproval.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my wife, We can either have s**..., or see Deadpool.
But I'm on my period, and Deadpool is sold out, she replied.
So we snuck in through the rear entrance.
If I could rearrange the alphabet,
idk
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and her baby get on a bus to head out for some errands. The bus driver mumbles: 'Wow, that's one *ugly* baby!' The woman was absolutely livid and storms to the rear of the bus to sit. The man next to her asked if she was OK. She replied: 'No, the driver just insulted us!'
The man replied: 'You should go back and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you cover for protection, plug up the rear, and finger all day?
Your phone lol (sorry really high)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you rearrange the letters in f**.......
You have real fun!
This summer was driving down the highway when it saw police lights flashing in its rear view window...
It, being the good summer it is, pulls over and the cop approaches its car window. The officer leans in and says, Summer, do you know fast you were going?
Summer, without hesitation, lights a cigarette and puffs, I don't know, Sir. Too fast?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You can die of suffocation by staring at someone's rear.
That's right. You can get a**...-fixated.
Armenia sent a secret message over diplomatic cables to Syria:
"If we attacked Turkey from the rear... ...do you think Greece would help?"
If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN
They still deliver it.
What do you call a pachyderm who's in last place?
Doesn't matter - it's rear elephant
