Rear Ended Jokes
103 rear ended jokes and hilarious rear ended puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rear ended that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Rear Ended Short Jokes
Short rear ended jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rear ended humour may include short rear end jokes also.
- Some idiot was texting and driving and rear ended my car. It spilled my beer all over the place.
- I rear-ended a car the other day and out comes a little person. He says to me, "I'm not happy", so I reply, "Then which one are you?"
- My car just got rear ended by a dwarf. His car is wrecked, my car is fine. He says, "Well, I'm not happy" So I said "Well which one are you?"
- I rear-ended a car today The driver got out of the car and he ended up being a dwarf! When he got out I asked him if he was okay and he said I'm not happy
I then asked him which one are you then? - Did you hear about the guy who went to the ER with 15 little toy ponies stuck up in his rear end? Doctors say his condition is stable.
- My car rear-ended a car driven by a dwarf. He said, "I''m not happy." I replied, "Which one are you then?"
- Rear ended a little person while driving home. He hops out, walks back and screams... "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!".....I asked him, "Which one are you then?" That's when the fight started.
- a girl to her mother: Mom! I was stopped at a red light and got hit by a car! --oh no! who rear-ended you?
lots of guys, mom! But can we go back to talking about my accident please? - Honey, do these pants make my rear end look big? No, your rear end makes the pants look big.
- What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield? It's rear end!
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Rear Ended One Liners
Which rear ended one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rear ended? I can suggest the ones about rear view and rear.
- I rear ended an audi the other day Now it's an Innie
- How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
- My Honda Accord was rear-ended by a truck. Now it's a Honda Accordion.
- Did you hear that Mr. White rear-ended someone? Braking Bad
- What do you call a bee's rear end? A Bee-Hind
- What do you call it when Walter White rear-ends the car in front of him? Braking Bad
- Why is the rear end of a boat so tough? It's made of stern stuff.
- I got Rear-ended in traffic the other day... Thank goodness I wasn't in my car.
- The Bearded Lady just rear-ended some Siamese Twins. It was a freak accident.
- How do you know your rear end has something to say? Your buttocks
- What kind of accident did the proctologist have? He was rear-ended.
- I got rear-ended in traffic today... Thank god I wasn't in my car...
- A man rear-ended a car... It wouldn't start the morning after because it had a blockage.
- My brother forgot his apple today. Until he was rear-ended by a doctor.
- Why did s**... a**... man go to a gay parking lot To rear end everyone
Rear Ended Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about rear ended you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rear view mirror jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rear ended pranks.
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking.
He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.
Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly.
But,he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was u**..., he noticed blood,so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible.
Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said.
"Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied, "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night,anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get underway.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle.
The copilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.
After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness.
They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.
Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once.
At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
Seniors!
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
The speeder
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
I was driving one day and I rear ended a car.
We pulled into a nearby parking lot and out of the car I had hit stepped a little person, a dwarf if you will. He said "I'm not happy",so I asked "Then which one are you?"
"Have a good day, sir"
He got his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights
flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.
Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper
God's Flawed Design
The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
Ol' Mr Periwinkle
Ol' Mr. Periwinkle was the nastiest, meanest patient in the hospital. So one day, Betty, the head nurse, decided to try and cheer him up. She brings him a beautiful bouquet of flowers and sets them down on his bedside table. Mean old Mr. Periwinkle promptly picks them up, throws them up against the wall, breaks the vase and flowers go everywhere. Betty patiently cleans up the mess and leaves the room. Later in the day, Betty comes back in and says to Mr. Periwinkle, "It's time to take your temperature, Mr. Periwinkle." He grumpily opens his mouth but Betty says, "No, not this time Mr. Periwinkle. We have to check it in the other end this time." Grumbling, Mr. Periwinkle turns over and sticks his rear end up in the air. Betty sticks it in and leaves the room. A while later, Dr. Brown is walking past Mr. Periwinkles room and looks in. He does a double take and walks in his room. "Mr. Periwinkle, what are you doing?" he says. "Oh that old nurse is taking my temperature." he replies. To which Dr. Brown says, "With a daisy?"
Did you hear about the restaurant that got closed down because they were serving just the rear ends of animals?
Just-a**... was served
Old guy bought a new car
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
There's a car accident in a neighborhood
A guy in an old, beat up station wagon rear ends another guy in a brand new Porsche. Both drivers get out of their cars to inspect the damage and they see that the back of the Porsche is totaled but station wagon's front fender doesn't have a scratch on it.
The owner of the Porsche is livid with rage that this dolt hit him and wrecked his new car. So he goes into his car and comes back with a piece of chalk and a baseball bat. He draws a circle on the ground around the driver of the station wagon and tells him if he leaves that circle he'll beat him to death with the baseball bat.
Then the Porsche driver goes to town on the station wagon, getting all his fury out destroying the car. He bashes in the windows, dents up the hood, roof and sides and destroys all the lights. When he comes back to the driver of the station wagon he finds the guy rolling on the ground laughing his head off. Astonished, he asks the guy how he could be laughing so hard after his station wagon was just destroyed.
The guy stops laughing for a second and says, "While you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle *two times*!"
The senior citizen and the Corvette.
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
A Brand New Corvette
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp
h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
I rear ended a car this morning...
The driver got out of the car and he was a dwarf.
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT happy!"
So I said "Well which one are you then?"
Sorry if its a repost. Saw it on Facebook and thought it was funny.
HARLEY DAVIDSON MEETS GOD
The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed ! way too close to the exhaust.
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
Two campers are hiking in the woods . . .
One is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other one says. He runs ten miles to the nearest town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, s**... out the poison, then spit it out."
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony.
"What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you're going to die."
Car Accident
So I got into a car accident the other day. It was nothing major, just a small fender bender as I rear-ended the car ahead of me. We both pull over and I get my insurance information ready when I see the other driver step out of his car - he was a dwarf! I get out of my car and get ready to hand him my information when he looks at me and says "I'm not happy..." so I responded "Well which one are you?"
Have you heard of the new gay auto shop?
It's called Hot Rods.. I went in to deal with a growing shaft problem and they said my rear end was too tight so they'd have to loosen it up. When I asked what else they offer they mentioned they mostly specialize in fluid service but they've been known to play with well worn trannys as well. Ty also said he could work on my rod end. I told him that I was trying to get it done on my own but he said it's difficult to get right and better if you have a buddy to do it with.
*Brickleberry inspired*
This has been seen before, but this is my favorite version.
I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"
And thats how the fight started....
A guy goes to the doctor with a pain in his rear end
The doctor has a look and says, "This is could be serious, you seem to have a lettuce leaf stuck in there. I can remove it easily enough, but it may just be the tip of the iceberg."
Why can't g**... get auto insurance?
Because they're always rear-ending each other!
The Old Man & The Trooper
A senior citizen drove his brand new Lexus convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road and onto the highway, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down the interstate pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Lexus, looked at the old man, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, it's Friday and my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused........ Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.
Driving a brand new Bugatti
A senior citizen drove his brand new Bugatti to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror , he saw a police car behind him.
He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 170, ...
Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him .
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes.
Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend.
If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before for why you were speeding.
I'll let U go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying,
" Have a good Night , Sir"
Yesterday I got into an accident with a prius...
Yesterday I was on the highway and rear ended a prius.
We both pulled over and a dwarf gets out of the prius.
He walks up to my car and says "Hey mister, I'm not happy!"
I say "then which one are you?"
Limp bizkit rear ended someone at a stop light
Onlookers said it looked like he was going to brake, but he just kept rollin rollin rollin rollin.
I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..
We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a Bonner
My Ferrari didn't get rear ended yesterday
Three Doctors
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They're gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''
What did the man say to the Formula 1 driver who nearly rear-ended him?
Thanks Verstappen.
The old Man and the State Trooper
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
So I rear-ended a young girl in traffic the other day...
And a dwarf stepped out of the passenger side and said, "You just hit my sister's car, and I am not happy."
So I asked him, "Well which one are you?"
A man accidentally rear-ended a car
The driver whom was rear-ended steps out of the car and, to the mans surprise, was a dwarf. He walks to the man and says "I am NOT happy."
The man responds: "Then which one are you?"
My dad was trying to tell me that Republicans want liberty and justice for their rear ends
His exact words were "their pro-states rights"
I got distracted today while driving and rear-ended the car in front of me.
The car door opened and out hopped the driver. He stormed up to me, all 3' 9" of him, and angrily blurted out "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
*"Which one are you then?"*
An old woman says to an old man at the retirement home, I bet you I can guess your age.
The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try.
Pull down your pants, she says.
She inspects his rear end intently for a few minutes and then says, You're 84 years old.
That's amazing, the man says. How did you know?
You told me yesterday.
Dwarf Incident
I rear ended a car this morning...
I tell you, it was going to be a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a
DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"
My dad rear ended a car today that had a Jesus bumper sticker on it...
..he stopped in the Name of the Lord.
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
I was in a car accident.
I got rear ended the other day, and the driver, who was less than 4 feet tall, started yelling and hollering.
He screamed, "I am NOT HAPPY!", so I yelled back, "WELL WHICH ARE YOU THEN?!"
Why is a car like v**...?
Both can still be intact after been rear ended
A guy isn't paying attention and rear ends someone at the traffic lights...
...He gets out of his car to inspect the damage and a dwarf gets out of the other car. He says "I'm not happy, you know"!
The guy says "No? Well which one are you then"?
I was texting on my phone and accidentally rear ended someone this morning...
We Pulled into a residential area, the guy got out of his car and lo' and behold, he's a dwarf. He said, "I am NOT happy!!!" I said, "Well then which one are you?"
Help me think of a joke/pun
My friend got rear ended (she's fine) on her way to a concert and posted a pic of her car. I wanna make a pun about how he ruined her plans, by rear ending her. Any help?
I was driving the other day
I was driving the other day when I saw this beautiful woman standing on the side of the road. I slowed down a little bit to get a better look at her when the guy behind me rear ended me.
As soon as we both got out of our vehicles, I noticed he was a midget. As he was walking over to me I could tell he was mad. He approached me and yelled, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "Well, which one are you?"
What do d**... and driving in the rain have in common?
One wrong move and someone's gettin rear ended.
What does a Airbag and a c**... have in common?
Both are really useful when you get in someone's rear end.
A Mother and Father are driving down a street with their son in the back seat, when they are suddenly rear ended.
The dad turns to the son "Son, how old are you?" "10" shouts the son. To which the dad replies "Well it looks like the first accident I've had in 10 years"
I rear ended a car today.
The driver--who couldn't have been taller than 3'8"--stepped out and yelled, "I am **NOT** happy!".
Apparently, "Well which one are you then?" wasn't the right response.
I rear-ended another car this morning.
I tell you, I knew right then and there that it was going to be a really bad day.
The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn't you know it!
He was a dwarf!! He looked up at me and said, "I am 'Not Happy.'
So I said, "Well, then, which one are you?"
And, that's how the fight started.
My business centered around making awards for the **"Cats with the Most Beautiful Rear-End of the Year"** ceremony failed miserably...
Everyone kept telling me it was a *cat-a**...-trophy*.
Many years ago, an Irish cop was walking his beat in Boston
He sees a rabbi pull to a complete stop at a stop sign, only to get rear-ended moments later. The officer goes up to the rabbi's car and says "Don't worry, I saw everything." He walks over to the car that rear-ended the rabbi only to find a Catholic priest as the driver. The police officer looks at him and says "Ok Father, how fast was the car going when he backed into you?"
I made an award that looked like a cat's rear end, but nobody liked it.
It was a catastrophe.
I rear ended a guy on the way home today...
He gets out, and I see that he's a dwarf! He's yelling at me, I am not happy! So I yelled back, Well then which one are you?!
You k ow what's great about rear ending a police officer?
You don't have to call the police
Buddy Hackett duck joke
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Peter replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said,
"I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said,
"Okay, you old f**.... Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"
I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
This morning I was on the way to work, but I wasn't paying attention and ended up rear ending another car. The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf. He looked at me and said I'm not happy.
I replied Well, which one are you then?