reaper Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious reaper puns

Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago.

...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.


What happens if you try to sit on Death's couch?

There will be grim reaper cushions


TIL: Chuck Norris died earlier this month

But the Grim Reaper hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.


Three men are confronted by the grim reaper [NSFW]

The grim reaper says to the three men, "I will spare your lives if you can each collect 12 pieces of fruit for me." All three men go their separate ways, and a few minutes later guy 1 comes back with 12 oranges.

The grim reaper says "before I can spare your life, you must complete one final task: you must shove all 12 pieces of fruit into your ass without displaying any emotion."

Guy 1 manages to get three oranges in before giving up. The reaper beheads him.

A few minutes later guy 2 comes back with 12 blueberries, and the reaper offers him the same deal. He manages to cram in 11 blueberries before bursting out laughing. The reaper beheads him.

In the afterlife, guy 1 asks guy 2 "what happened man? you were so close."

"I saw guy 3 coming back with pineapples."


Carrie Fisher dead at 60.

Her last words were "aren't you a little short for a grim reaper."


Why did the Grim Reaper go to the shoe repair shop?

To get some soles!


Grim Reaper

A man and his wife are at home watching TV when suddenly the doorbell rings.
The man opens the door to see the Grim Reaper standing in front of him.

He turns around to his wife and says "Honey, it's for you!".


Why does the grim reaper need a hearing aid?

Because he's deaf.


What Reaper says when he is going to hair dresser?



What does the grim reaper and a pedophile have in common?

They both take people before their time.


The grim reaper approaches Paddy and says "I'm death"

Paddy says "I'll talk louder then"


A man is resting on his death bed...

As he waits to pass on, he sees the reaper approach his bedside.

"I am the angel of deaf!" Says the reaper.

The man, confused, asks "Don't you mean the angel of death?"

"...Could you repeat that?"


What do you call a smiling man holding a scythe?

A grin reaper


Did you hear about the guy who had a crush on the Grim Reaper?

I heard he beat it to death.


Widowmaker and Reaper are the worst heroes in Overwatch.

All they had to do was kill ONE monkey, a Zookeeper is a better shooter than these doofs!


One day the grim reaper came to a man and said "your time has come"

the man begged and plead so the grim reaper gave him another year to live.
after the year was over the reaper returned but the man was in an airplane. he once again said "your time has come". the man said "you cant take me now. what about all these innocent people. they dont deserve to die".
"are you kidding me?" said the reaper. "you know how difficult it way for me to get all of you on the same fucking plane?!"


Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago

The Grim Reaper just hasn't had the courage to tell him yet.


What do you call the happy fellow that brings death to the people?

The grin reaper


If the Grim Reaper didn't know what died....

he would really hate middle aged dads during summer.


I was thrown out of the hospital for improper conduct with children

Apparently dressing up like the grim reaper and pointing at anti-vaxxer's kids isn't okay.


Did you hear the one about the gay Grim Reaper?

He had skeletons in his closet.


What did Reaper need when he lost his face?

A Repair.


A reaper decides to take a guy sitting at a bar.

He meets the guy and tells him to be at the bar the next day at 3 pm. The guy goes home, cuts of his hair, dresses differently for the next day so that the reaper wouldn't recognize him and goes to the bar. The pissed reaper kicks open the door of the bar.
Reaper: Has anybody seen that guy with the mustache.
Everyone: No?
Reaper: Ok so I'll be back in 5 minutes, if that guy isn't here, I'm taking uhhh... the bald guy over there.


Helium, Krypton, and Neon started a band. Why did everyone hate their cover of Don't Fear the Reaper?

No Bell.


Michael Jackson was briefly appointed the new Grim Reaper.

He was fired because all he did was sell Pop Sickles.


Did you hear that the Angel of Death went on a diet?

The call him the Slim Reaper now.


Death comes upon you. What do you tell him?

A man is wandering through a film studio, when he suddenly hears a loud crack. He looks up, and almost in slow motion, he sees a giant set piece falling towards him.

With a silent puff, the Grim Reaper appears beside him. In a panic, he points and shouts:

"Sean Bean is over there! "

Inspired by a battlenet forum post for Hearthstone :)


Why did the Grimm Reaper hate being called to the front in high school?

He always had a boner.


What did George Micheal say to the Grim Reaper?

I knew you were waiting for me.


What song plays at a Grim Reaper graduation?

Psychopomp and Circumstance


Why does the Grim Reaper carry a Syth

Because his job is to cut lawns


Somebody help me!!

I'm dying...
"Reaper comes in"
Hi dying, i'm dead


When Gary Kasparov played a game of internet chess with the Grim Reaper, why did he play 1.d4?

Because he knew not to go against 1.e4 c5 when Death is on the line!


When the Welsh Sikh met the Grim Reaper ..

.. he was Dai Singh with Death.


What type of TV does the Grim Reaper have?

High Deathinition


What are the most funny Reaper jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Reaper? Well, here are the best Reaper dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Reaper pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes