Really Wrong Jokes
123 really wrong jokes and hilarious really wrong puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about really wrong that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Really Wrong Short Jokes
Short really wrong jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The really wrong humour may include short real bad jokes also.
- In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
- Vegans proven wrong again If animals really didn't want to be eaten then why would they be made out of food?
Check mate vegans - I just received an email titled $50 TO SEE justin bieber LIVE I'm really the wrong person to email for these kind of ransoms.
- Oops.. My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
- Is it really that wrong to hate an entire race? I just find marathons waaaaay too long to enjoy any part of them.
- It was my nieces birthday so I asked her mother what present I should get her. She said 'you can't really go wrong with Frozen stuff'. So I got her a bag of peas.
- Doc,what's really wrong with me? Tell me straight. "Well,there isn't a single thing wrong with you. Everything is perfect."
"Good" the man replies. "Could you tell my wife that?" - Really frustrating when autocorrect comes up with a *completely* different word just because you typed one letter wrong. Someone told me there's an easy fix,
I just hope they're Rihanna. - Stop the Helen Keller jokes you have to be really blind not to see what's wrong with them.
- i didn't know there are cops with dementia, that must make their job really hard especially when they walk into the wrong house and shoot the black guy living there
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Really Wrong One Liners
Which really wrong one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with really wrong? I can suggest the ones about incorrect and messed up.
- Is it wrong to hate a specific race Because I really hate marathons
- Is it wrong to hate a certain race? Because I'm not really a fan of the Indy 500
- What was wrong with Han Solo's "Hanburgers"? They were really Chewie!
- Is it wrong to hate a certain race? Because I really don't like running the 400M dash.
- You know, all kidding aside I really hate 9/11 jokes. I mean, they're just plane wrong.
- I'm not really fond of massages It just rubs me the wrong way
- I really don't want to be a professional web developper Selling my feels wrong.
- There's something about friction man... It really rubs me the wrong way.
- I cant stand when people make 9/11 jokes really, though, they are just plane wrong.
- I've really got a way with the ladies. Unfortunately it's the wrong way.
- Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I'm ok with a 5km but really don't like 10km.
- All this mockery of Robert Kraft Is really gonna rub people the wrong way
- I really need help fixing my bibliography! Sorry, wrong cite...
- I hate bad masseuses They really rub me the wrong way
- You know who really rubs me the wrong way? My special needs masseuse.
Really Wrong Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about really wrong you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mistaken jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make really wrong pranks.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.
"
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to believe in."
One day a women walks into work in a short skirt.
As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says,
“Your hair smells really nice today.”
She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office.
She says,”I want to file a s**... harassment complaint!” and then relates what happened.
The manager says, “What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?”
Furious, she snarls, “He’s a midget!”
Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.
She decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore.
After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.
When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it.
After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter.
Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.
His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting to someone.
"Hey babe, I'm just changing clothes then will join you," he said.
"As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and me had met earlier. See you soon, honey!"
Then he hung up and walked out of the room.
In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter.
Through teary eyes, she read: "I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy bread."
A really bad impressionist walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Why the wrong face?"
Doctor: You should stop m**...
Me: Why doc? Is there something wrong?
Doctor: It's making me really uncomfortable
Did you hear about the guy who got gangrene in his leg and they cut off the wrong leg? Yeah man it was really messed up. So then of course they had to cut the other leg off, ya know, because it had gangrene. So he sues the doctor right? And the messed up part is the judge throws it out of court.
Yeah he said he didn't have a leg to stand on!
(You have to tell it like it's not a joke until you reach the punch line. Gets people every time)
Poor Boy
A young boy is standing at the edge of a cliff, crying his eyes out.
A Catholic priest happens to walks past and, seeing the boy, asks, "Whats wrong, my child?"
"My mother and father were in the car and it rolled off the cliff. It exploded and they died, and I have no way of getting home!"
The priest looks around and, as he's unbuttoning his pants, says "This really isn't your day is it, my son?"
A man was driving his family home from visiting his wife's parents in the country. After a few minutes she looked over at him and noticed he was crying.
"What's wrong, dear?" she asked.
"I was thinking about that day at the video arcade when we met," he said softly.
She smiled, "Yes, I remember that."
"You told me you were 18, but you were really 16."
She giggled, "I remember that too."
"You talked me into taking you to the drive-in that night."
She grinned. "Yes, I know."
"You didn't tell me your dad owned the drive-in, and when he caught us he said if I didn't marry you he'd make sure I went to prison for 20 years."
She laughed. "Yes, but so what? That was twenty years ago!"
He cried even harder, "I know! I'd be getting out of prison now!"
The border guard
So there is this border guard and one day he sees a guy crossing the border on his bicycle with two big bags over his shoulder. The guard pulls him aside for questioning.
"What's in those bags?" the guard asks.
"Just sand." the guy replies.
The guard opens up the bags and sees that is seems to be just sand so he lets him go.
The next day the guy comes back on his bike and again he has two big bags over his shoulder. Again the guard pulls him aside.
"What's in those bags?" the guard asks.
"Sand"
The guard opens the bag and finds nothing but sand. He looks a little harder bus still can't find anything wrong.
Over the next decade the scenario repeats over and over. The border guard knows something is up and tries more sophisticated methods to try and figure it out. Dogs, chemical testing, magnets, everything. He never finds anything i**... though.
Finally, the border guard retires. All his friends and co-workers throw him a big party at a restaurant across the border. While at the party, the guard sees the guy. He decides to go and talk to him.
"Hey, it's interesting seeing you here. I'm having my retirement party right now." the guard say to him.
"Congratulations, I just retired this week myself." the guy says.
"Oh really, what job did you have?"
"I was a smuggler."
"I knew it! Well, you got away with it. So please tell me. What was it that you were smuggling?"
"Bicycles"
A young boy was standing on the edge of a cliff.
He was crying while looking down at a burning car. A man was walking by when he saw the boy was crying so he approched him and asked "What's wrong?". The boy answered that his parents were in the burning car and that they both were dead. Then the man unzipped his pants and said "This really isn't your day,kid.."
Alien abduction
Harry, Bill, and Steve are siting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed." Ted says. Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that." Says Harry. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Steve."
Cardiologist
A heart surgeon had died and at his funural the coffin was placed above a heart made of flowers. After everyone had said goodbye the coffin was lowered into the heart, during which someone began laughing really loud. 'What is wrong with you?' the person sitting next to the laughing man asked. 'I just thought of my own funural' he replied. 'What's so funny about that?' Still chuckling the man answered: 'Well, you see, I'm a gynaecologist'.
There's no such thing as a funny joke about white people...prove me wrong
I am equal opportunity when it comes to dirty and offensive jokes. Black jokes, Asian jokes whatever, I think they're funny. However, I have never actually found a white people joke that I've actually really, truly laughed at. Please post your best white people joke. Show me funny ones do exist.
A women goes to the doctors office...
The doctor comes in and asks whats wrong.
Women: "Well have been having really loud farts lately, and I don't know what to do, and it is quite embarrassing."
Doctor: "Well does it smell?"
Women: "No, Just really loud."
All of a sudden, she cuts one right in front of the the doctor.
Doctor: "Ah, I see. I will schedule you for surgery right away."
Women: "For my stomach?"
Doctor: "No for your nose."
Woman gets on a bus with her baby
A woman stepped onto a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "Lady, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and started getting really worked up. The man seated next to her sensed her agitation and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's exactly what you should do," the man said. "Here, I'll hold your monkey for you."
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
Santa was having a really bad day....
Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?
And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.
Is it wrong to hate a certain race?
Me and my running friends always run 5Ks, but now they want to run 10K races and I really hate running 10Ks
What is famous?
Three friends were arguing what being famous really means.
The first one states, "True fame is when you get invited to the white house".
"That's nothing" says the second "True fame is when you are in the white house, the red phone rings, and no one is there to pick it up so you answer the phone".
"You're all wrong" protests the third, "True fame is when the red phone rings, the president answers it and claims its for you".
What is the most socially unacceptable joke you know?
Preferably really dark or 'just plain wrong' jokes.
I picked up painting, and I really feel that I was born in the wrong age.
People just don't appreciate my paintings! They're like Matt, can't you just use your camera phone to take a bathroom selfie like everyone else, for christsakes we're at a Starbucks.
I just recently bought a used car
and I took it back 2 days later.
"This car is useless. It doesn't go past 60 up a hill."
"60 uphill is really good. What's wrong with that?"
"I live at 74."
I used to try really hard, but it didn't matter. Something would always bring me down. It seemed like it didn't matter how hard I tried, I could never make it to the top.
Then I realized I was on the wrong escalator.
Chastity Belt
So, this guy was going to Crusade. He put on a chastity belt on his wife, gave the key to his best friend and said, "if I don't come back in 3 years, set her free." He starts off on his horse. After a while, he sees a big cloud of dust behind him. Someone was riding his horse really fast. So, he waits. The horse catches up to him. It's his best friend.
"You gave me the wrong key", yells his friend.
Why do cannibals prefer to eat blind people?
Because with one sense gone they taste really good.
Sorry, that was wrong...
they taste really well.
What do you plant ...
What do you plant, to grow a really big plant that has nothing wrong with it?
Dyslexic acorns. They grow into A-ok trees.
Is it wrong to hate a certain race?
I don't mind doing a 5k but my running group is thinking of joining a 10k and I really don't like them.
I went to for a massage the other day as it was really cheap...
..... I won't be going again though because they rubbed me up the wrong way.
I have a really bad temper.
I once punched a man with a lazy eye just for looking at me wrong.
I really hate my partners calling me the wrong name during s**....
My name is not "Help" or "Get off me".
You know what's really dumb?
Directions on toilet paper.
What's dumber than that?
Reading them.
Even dumber?
Reading them and learning something.
Dumbest of all?
Reading them and having to correct something you've been doing wrong.
Little Johnny and the Birds and the Bees
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to believe in."
A couple in therapy
The wife: "I'm just tired of him getting sayings wrong."
The therapist: "Do you really do that?"
The husband: "Oh, cry me a table!"
I don't get *really* mad when a girl can't give a proper h**......
It just rubs me the wrong way.
s**... gone wrong [CORNY]
-Hey doc, so here's the thing, I felt really bad so I tried to kill myself with painkillers.
-Seriously? And what happened?
-After the first two, I felt much better.
TIL Sean Connery really likes bushes.
Whoops, wrong shrub.
Is it wrong to hate a certain race?
I love running 5ks but my friend got me to run a 10k race with him and I just really don't like them.
If you make fun of me for mispronouncing a word...
Is it really so wrong to think hateful thoughts? ...I axe you.
The Perfect Man
So one day, a man is sitting at work with his co-worker:
Man: I'm really happy with life right now. Kids are doing great in school, wife loves me and puts out every night, and my doctor says I'm the picture of perfect health.
Co-worker: Wow! That sounds so great! Is there anything wrong with you?
Man: Well my therapist says I'm a compulsive liar, but what does she know?
A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.
The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fell out of the sky and knocked out her new puppy. Later they come across a little boy who is also crying. They ask him what's wrong and he says a bag fell from the sky and knocked out his new kitten. Then they come across a little girl who's laughing really hard. They ask her what's so funny and she says "I f**... and the building behind me blew up!"
How do you know that it really is a post office employee that goes postal?
The bullets hit the wrong building three days late.
At the mall
I was at the mall yesterday and there was a girl with a really tight t-shirt that said: "Guess".
I'm thinking that "Implants" was the wrong thing to say...
My dad who has a really thick Asian accent just asked me..
Did you see the white *super racist* riot in Virginia? He was trying to say **supremacist**. Honestly, he wasn't wrong tho.
I really wish someone would have told me how long this solar eclipse was going to take.
Don't get me wrong, I had been enjoying watching it, but had I know it would still be going on for this long, I would have bought a pair of those fancy NASA glasses.
Is it wrong to hate a certain race?
I don't mind 5k at all, but my team is thinking about doing a 10k and I **really** don't like participating in them...
Me and my girlfriend like to give each other dirty nicknames during s**...
I think its really cute how she calls me "wrong hole" all the time.
A man goes on a business trip to Japan. The night before his big meeting, he hires a p**....
He really seems to be having a good time, because as they do their thing, she keeps enthusiastically saying things in Japanese over and over again.
The next day, he invites the Japanese businessmen out for a game of golf after their meeting. After a nice hole-in-one, he decides to try out a phrase his p**... used the other night to express his excitement. One of the businessmen turns to him and says, "What do you mean, 'wrong hole'?"
A cricket is in love with a mantis
but he's terrified, because he keeps hearing that a mantis will eat the male after s**.... Nevertheless, one night the cricket gets really drunk and propositions the mantis. The two have amazing s**... all night long, but in the morning the cricket comes to his senses and starts eyeing the mantis warily.
"What's wrong?" asks the mantis.
"Well, I don't want to make this weird, but are you going to try to eat me?"
"Oh, don't worry, only the females do that."
DAD: Johnny, do youy know about the birds and the bees?
Little Johnny (Bursting into tears): "I dont want to know!"
Father: "Whats wrong?"
LJ: Oh dad, first there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter bunny and finally no Tooth-Fairy. If you are about to tell me grown-ups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to beleive in!
It was my turn to drive in the car pool to work today.
After I picked up Steve we had to drive through a tunnel. There was a semi truck coming down the wrong lane and I had to swerve to moss him. When I got to work my wrist was hurting really bad. It must have been from that car pool tunnel.
I hate when my massage therapist smears the lotion counter-clockwise.
She really rubs me the wrong way.
I read on a newspaper about video games...
I was reading a newspaper and i saw an interesting title about video games: You should not spend more than 5 hours a week playing video games it said.
At first i thought it meant 5 hours a day but then i realized that i am wrong and it is really saying 5 hours a week.
I decided to make some new changes in my life, so i decided not to read newspaper again.
So I went in for my yearly physical...
The nurse went through the regular motions. Then it came time for me to drop my pants and turn my head and cough. While she's examining me, she exclaims "You really should quit m**...". I asked her why, and if something was wrong, and she responded "Yes, I'm trying to give you an exam!"
When the surgeon came to see his young female patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed.
So the doctor she asked "What's wrong?"
"Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal s**... life.
"Uh" stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively.
"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.
"You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy."
"Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
It really annoys me when people say that h**... did nothing wrong.
I mean, he lost the war
Historical wife
Two men are at the pub and it's 2 AM. One of them says it'd be in his best interest if he would leave now. "When I stay away for too long, my wife gets historical."
The other man replies: "That's not a bad idea actually. I can tell you've had enough beer. You're looking for the word 'hysterical'."
"No," replies the man, "I really meant historical. She will remind me of every little thing I ever did wrong in the past."
My ex had an accident
I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for her.
Now she will experience what rejection really feels like.
My friend told me this(This was not from me)
I really didn't like my masseuse.
She really rubbed me the wrong way.
I don't know why, but my girlfriend made me really mad giving me a h**... the other night
I guess she just rubbed me the wrong way
I was asked if my problem was making wrong decisions or being indecisive.
I wasn't really sure so I said it was indecision.
Is it really wrong to hate one race?
Because I like 5Ks and 10Ks, but Marathons s**...!
An American businessman was meeting with the managers of the Tokyo office.
His first night in town, he had a h**... come up to his hotel room. While they were engaging in s**..., the h**... kept squirming moaning, "Sung wa! Sung wa!" The businessman didn't know Japanese, but figured the h**... was really into him, and "Sung wa" must mean some expression of pleasure.
The next day, he and three of the managers were playing golf. In the middle of the round, one of the Japanese men shot a hole in one. The American shouted, "Sung wa!"
The Japanese man turned and said, "Wrong hole? What you mean 'wrong hole'?"
After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!
In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"
I said, "What's wrong with you?!"
"Nothing, I'm a self loathing dishwasher."
Co-Written by: IveyRoney