But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle
A son asks his father what the difference between theory and reality is.
The father says go ask your mother if she would sleep with the neighbor for 1 million dollars, then go ask your sister the same question and tell me what they say.
The son returns and says, "they both said they would do it!"
The father replies, "ok son, in theory we are sitting on 2 million dollars, in reality we live with a couple of sluts."
It's called the Tour de France.
But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.
Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?
Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.
Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have sex with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?
Daughter: Yeah sure!
Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two whores in this house.
It might not seem like it, but there's a vas deferens between those two.
The ending would be a cliffhanger.
You have to endure twice the amount of dad jokes.
Reality
*cries in the corner*
The father responds "would you fuck a random man for a million dollars"? The daughter replies " well of course"!
Father says "ok go ask your mom the same question".
The girl returns and says "mom said for that much money, definitely".
The father lets out a long sigh, "well sweetheart, here's the difference.. In theory we're millionaires, but in reality I'm living with a couple of whores".
Every night he would step through the portal and leave his chatty wife, screaming kids and dirty dog behind. He would be completely alone and calm.
But then his feet would cramp up and he had to wipe his ass and get back to reality.
Reality.
Reality
Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
The Amazing Race
A son asks his dad "what is the difference between fantasy and reality?" His dad said,"go ask the family if they would fuck Leonardo DiCaprio for a million dollars." So he did. He asked his mom and she said "Yeah! It's a million dollars." He asked his sister and she said "Yeah, he's cute." He asked his brother and he said "Yeah, who wouldn't?" After telling his father this, the father said "well, in the fantasy world, we would have $3 million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer. "
Were sitting on his front porch when the man said, " son, what is the difference between idealism and reality?"
The boy thought for a moment and replied, "I don't know dad, what is it?"
The man then said, "alright son go in side and ask your mom, brother, and sister if they would sleep with Brad Pitt for $1,000,000."
The son said okay and went into the house. The first person he saw was his mom. "Mom" said the boy. "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for $1,000,000?"
To this the mom replied " Well son, I love your father and all but $1,000,000 is a lot of money so yes, I would."
Next the boy found his sister who said after being asked this question."of course I would sleep with Brad Pitt! I mean c'mon! Plus I would be getting $1,000,000!"
The boy then went to his brother who upon being asked this question responded. "We'll I like girls and all but $1,000,000 is $1,000,000 so yeah I would."
After retrieving all this information the boy went back to his father on the porch and told him what he found out. The boy then asked what was the difference.
The father looked at the boy and said. "Son, ideally we would be sitting on $3,000,000 but in reality we're living with two whores and a faggot."
Dad: "Go ask your sister and your mom if they'd sleep with the neighbor for a million bucks".
The boy returns awhile later...
Dad: "Well, what'd they say?"
Son: "They said that they would, but I still don't understand the difference between theory and reality".
Dad: "Son, in theory we could be millionaires but in reality we live with a couple of whores".
Little Billy had a homework assignment to compare theory and reality. The boy asked his father what the difference was between theory and reality. His father told him, 'Go ask your mother if she would have sex with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his mother and she says she would. Billy tells his father she would have sex with the mailman for million dollars.
The father then tells the boy, 'Now go as your sister if she would have sex with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his sister and she to says she would have sex with the mailman.
Little Billy goes and tells his father both his mom and his sister would have sex with the mailman and his father says, "Well son, in theory we're multimillionaires, but in reality we live with a couple of whores.
...but in reality, they are polar opposites.
You'd think it would be floodlights, but in reality it was the Israelites!
Reality
A boy comes home with the assignment of learning theory vs reality. So he asks his dad for help. "Ok son, ask your sister if she'd sleep with Justin Bieber for a million bucks." Kid comes back and says "Yeah dad she would."
"Ok now ask your mom if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks." Kid ask his mom. "Mom said she sure would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks."
Dad says "Now in THEORY we have two million dollars, in REALITY..... we live with a couple of whores."
Teach a man to fire: he'll turn orange, run a reality show based on it, and then take over your country.
"What's the difference between hypothetically and reality?'
The father thought for a moment and said," ask your mother if she would sleep with the neighbor for $500,000."
The son returns and says," she said,' hell yes I would!'"
He replied," now ask your sister if she would sleep with the principal for $500,000."
The son goes and returns saying," she also said," hell yes I would."
The father said," now son, hypothetically we're millionaires, but in reality we're living with a bunch of whores."
And so then I wondered if it was reality or a Fanta sea.
TV crew is shooting a reality series in a rural and mountainous area and they decide to interview this older man, John, who had lived there all his life. They ask him all sorts of questions, when finally the reporter says: "John, please explain to our viewers at home what your happiest memory is, as a man who has lived in this remote village all his life..."
- John: well, this one time Ed's donkey got lost in the woods, a group of us went up and searched for it. When we found it, we were so happy that we all had sex with the donkey.
- reporter, turning red: what? cut! cut! cut! John, we cannot air something like that! Do you not have another happy memory?
- John: well, this one time Waldo's wife got lost in the woods, a group of us went up and searched for her. When we found her, we were so happy that we all had sex with her.
- reporter, stupefied: cut! cut! cut! For Christ's sake John... you will get me fired. Never mind your happy memories... Why do you not tell us your saddest memory instead?
- John: well, this one time, I got lost in the woods...
Young boy asks his father:
I don't understand the difference between the words, Potentially and Realistically
Father:
OK Son, I could explain but it's better you find out for yourself.
Go to your Mom and ask her if she would have sex with Paul Newman for 1 Million Dollars
Then go ask your sister if she would have sex with Tom Cruise for 1 Million Dollars.
Than go ask your older brother if he would have sex with Brad Pitt for 1 Million Dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learned.
Son comes back an hour later.
Father asks son what he learned.
Son says:
Well dad, Potentially we are sitting on 3 Million Dollars.
...but Realistically we are living with two Whores and a Fag.
Son walks up to his dad and asks "Dad... what is the difference between in theory and in reality?"
Dad: "Ok son, I want you to go ask both your mother and sister if they would sleep with a complete stranger for $1million."
Son: "Ok sure"
The son walks away only to return 15 minutes later
Dad: "Well did you ask them?"
Son: "Yeah... they both said they would sleep with a complete stranger for $1 million"
Dad: "Well son there you have it... In theory we could be a couple of millionaires... in reality we live with a couple of whores!"
Doc Jones had sex with one of his patients and felt super guilty all day. It didn't matter what he tried to get it out of his mind, it was just not happening. His guilt was just too much.
There was that little voice in his head trying to get rid of the guilt. "Jones, Don't worry! You are not the first doctor who had sex with one of his patients and for sure you won't be the last. You are single, just let it slide!"
And then always the second little voice kicked him back in reality:
"Jones, you're a vet."
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
Do you know her? the wife asks.
Yes, the husband says. She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
My goodness! the wife says. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?
A boy goes up to his father one day and asks "Dad, what's the difference between 'theory' and 'reality'?"
Dad thinks for a second and says "Go upstairs right now and ask your mother and your sister if they'd have sex with a complete stranger for a million dollars." The boy goes upstairs, and comes back down a few minutes later with a look of surprise.
"They both said yes!"
"Well son," says Dad, "in theory we're sitting on two million dollars. In reality we're just living with a couple of whores."
An 8 years old son asks his dad:
"Whats
the difference between 'Potential ' and 'reality?'
Dad turns to wife: "Would you sleep with
Barack Obama for $1 million?"
Wife: "Of course, I will never waste that opportunity."
Dad turns to daughter: "Would you sleep with Brat Pitt for $1 million?"
Daughter: Yes! He is my fantasy.
Dad turns to elder son: "Would u sleep with Tom Cruise for
$l million?"
Eldest son: "Why not? Imagine what I would do with that money."
Dad then turns to his youngest son: "You see son, 'Potentially ' we are living with 3 millionaires BUT in 'reality ' we are living with two prostitutes and one Gay
One day during the family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father:
- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?
Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question:
- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife
Daddy turns to his teenage daughter:
- Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million $?
- Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over the walls of my room.
Daddy turns to his eldest son Raul and asks:
- Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million $!
Eldest son thinks a little and replies:
- Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money. So yes, I would sleep.
Then daddy turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains him:
- You see, Paul, potentially we are sitting with multi millionaires but in reality we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay…
You never get invited to a party
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Reality? Well, here are the best Reality dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Reality pick up lines to share with friends.