Realistic Jokes
57 realistic jokes and hilarious realistic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about realistic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Realistic jokes are those jokes that are so close to reality that you can almost believe them. From April Fools to practical jokes, discover how to make an impression and blow people away with a realistic joke that sounds credible. Find out the “nos” and “yesses” of realistic jokes today.
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Funniest Realistic Short Jokes
Short realistic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The realistic humour may include short real life jokes also.
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - king Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records: The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.
- Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - A kid asks his dad, "what's the difference between 'realistically' and 'potentially'"? His dad responds, "realistically you've heard this joke before, potentially, you will hear it again".
- What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks? Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.
- Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, While you were arguing over that glass of water, I drank it.
-Opportunist - I just ordered a realistic replica of my likeness from the neck up. Hopefully someday I can afford the full body option but... I'm getting a head of myself.
- Have you ever noticed the lack of trigger discipline cops have in movies? It's so realistic.
- What do Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and Spider-Man all have in common? They're more realistic than The Bachelor.
- My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150. He is a pick up artist.
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Realistic One Liners
Which realistic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with realistic? I can suggest the ones about reality and practical.
- CoD ww2 is so realistic... Even the servers are from 1941.
- Does anyone know how to draw a very realistic bullet? Because I'm drawing a blank.
- How do you draw the most realistic fish? It must be drawn to scale.
- Why do we use black pens on white paper? So hangman is more realistic.
- Wanna watch Mad Max: Fury Road in VR so realistic you'd swear it's real? Go to America
- Are the Fast and Furious movies realistic? NOS really.
- If everyone was a realist, we'd all just drop dead from the possibilities.
- Last night I had a s**... dream that was so realistic When I woke up all my money was gone
- I bought a s**... robot that's so realistic It won't have s**... with me either
- Al Pacapone - Platonic I bought a s**... doll that was so realistic, it wanted to remain friends
Realistic April Fools Jokes
Here is a list of funny realistic april fools jokes and even better realistic april fools puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just thought of a great April fools joke If everyone posted original content all day. But it wouldn't last 5 minutes if we are realistic.
Cheerful Fun Realistic Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about realistic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reasonable jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make realistic pranks.
So a man loses an arm and a leg in an accident...
And he's talking to a friend. The friend points out to him an advertisement for incredibly realistic prosthetic limbs.
"Oh boy, those seem great! I can't wait to buy them!" He says, and he goes off to get them. The next day, he's talking to his friend, but he's still missing his limbs! "What happened, I thought you were going to buy them!" His friend said, confused. "Oh, I did," He replied, "But they cost me an arm and a leg."
A man looking for work
A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy wants to know the difference between hypothetically and realistically
His father says, "Go ask your mother and sister if they would have s**... with somebody for a million dollars."
The boy returns and tells his father they both said yes.
"Well son hypothetically we're sitting on two million dollars, realistically we're living with a couple of w**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tunnel
Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.
The moon landings looked more realistic than Hillary's rally last week.
And those were faked with 1960s technology.
Since The Simpson's just reached the 600 episode milestone, I'd like to take a moment to remember it's importance to american history ...
Its unwaveringly realistic portrayal of the yellow people's disenfranchisement while pursuing the American Dream is a testament to our nation's tolerant spirit.
I've decided I'll never get down to my original weight
I'm okay with that. After all, 6lbs, 3oz, is just not realistic.
Progressives are enraged, conservatives are cautiously optimistic, but no group is more excited than the Imagineers of Disney.
For the first time in the history of the Hall of Presidents, they have a shot at making an audioanimatronic more realistic than the original.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
Video games are becoming more and more realistic...
Because they're becoming more and more pay-to-win
Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is?
Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A person who discriminates race is racist; s**...- sexist, age- ageist, disability- ableist, religion-
Realist
A father finds a magic lamp...
and when he rubs it, a genie pops out and offers to grant him anything he wants.
The man asks for a unicorn for his daughter.
The genie says unicorns aren't even real, try to be more realistic.
So the man decides to ask the genie to let the Browns win a single game.
The genie sighs and asks the man what color unicorn his daughter would prefer.
I have bought myself a very realistic inflatable doll...
...she was so realistic, that she told me we will be just friends.
The pessimist doesn't se the the light at the end of the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees the train in the tunnel...
... and the the train driver sees the three insane people on rails.
The Optimist in me: I should date a Hemsworth Brother,
The realist in me: The Westworld one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gaming s**... Robot
I brought a s**... robot from EA and it's so realistic. It wont have s**... with me until I buy Cosmetic Item add-ons.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pakistani proverb.
Optimistic students take English. Pessimistic students take Chinese. Realists take Kalashnikov assault rifle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought a lifelike blow up s**... doll, it was so realistic it was like the real thing, I got carried away and gave it a love bite.
It f**... and went down on me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a race realist, a fascist, and an anti-feminist walk into a bar and order drinks.
The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve anyone under the age of 18.
My girlfriend said her free pass is Chris Hemsworth.
I told her my free pass is much more realistic and she should change her pick. She even agreed with me.
So I don't know why she got so mad when I said mine is her sister.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This season of Earth is not realistic
So many plot holes. Like, where did the m**... hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees 3 idiots standing in the way of his train.
Rumor has it that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin decided to team up with NASA to fake the moon landing together, but to make it look as realistic as possible, they urged NASA to film on location.
Compliments of Neil De Grasse Tyson
Imagine telling someone you're bisexual.
Pessimist: That doubles the number of people who are going to reject you.
Optimist: That doubles the number of people you can date.
Realist: 2 times 0 is still 0.
A programer walks into a bar
He orders 0 beers and the bartender says that he must order a positive number
He then orders -10 beers and the bartender says the same
He then orders 1000000 beers and the bartender says he must order a realistic amount of beers
The programmer then orders a toilet, and the bartender says that he must order a beverage
Pleased, the programmer leaves the bar.
A little later another customer enters the bar and orders 2 beers.
The bar explodes
A pessimist, an optimist, and a realist look down a train tunnel
The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel
The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
