Reali Jokes

I didn't realise how lonely I was...

I didn't realise how lonely I was, until I decided my favourite s**... position was right-handed.

New Reality Show: America's Next Top Proctologist.

You only advance to the next round if you get two thumbs up.

I realized the reason why i don't have any patience.

Because I am not a doctor.

I realized that haven't done the Hokey Pokey in over 10 years.

I guess when you get older, you just forget what it's all about.

I just realized I'm a bisexual.

Every time I have s**..., I have to buy it.

I realized today that the Vans logo looks like a square root symbol.

It's probably because they're so radical.

I realize I'm not good advising suicidal people

I said "hang in there!"

I didn't realize how religious the Japanese are.

Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.

I've come to realize my job, building glass work tops, is clearly counter productive.

I've come to the realisation that tofu is over rated-

It's just a curd to me.

I've just realised why I don't like tofu

It's literally just a curd to me

How did realism get me banned from Facebook?

I sided with cancer on the "Kids VS Cancer" page.

Got a reality check today

It bounced.

I'm just now realizing most blink-182 lyrics don't make any sense

I guess this is growing up...

I realized I left my tuba in the car with the doors unlocked...

I raced back as quick as I could and sure enough when I looked inside, there were two tubas.

Just realized what I'm putting on my tombstone.

If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

I didn't realise Trump had a communist streak, but...

His call for people of the world to seize the means of reproduction was rather stirring!

After realizing that I was living a boring, directionless, and empty life, I went to South Korea..

to go Seoul searching.

Reality!

11:30- I will go to bed soon.
03:30- Why am i on wikipedia reading about advanced nuclear theory.

I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself.

Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?

I just realized my wife was a lesbian and I should have seen it coming...

considering I am a woman.

I didn't realize how cold it was outside today...

... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets

I just realized how gay my clothes are.

They come out of the closet every morning.

I realized placing a long umbrella on my back does not make me like a ninja samurai...

But more like a Teletubbies.

Realizing that the AT-AT doesn't have enough armor around the back, the Empire released a new batch with increased armor...

and called them the PHAT-ATs

The realist, optimist, and pessimist find a note under their 3 empty glasses

It says "Sorry, but while you were arguing whether your drinks were half full or half empty, I drank them.
Love from the opportunist"

I realized why we call it morning...

It's because I have to get up and I cry when I have things to do.

Who is reality good for?

People that can't handle drugs

I just realized that Pepe will outlive me ...

FeelsBadMan

I just realized I haven't taken a Facebook quiz in years.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

Just realized I'm bi-s**...

I have to pay to get s**....

I realized I absolutely can't pick up girls at the bar...

They're either too heavy or I'm too drunk...

Did you ever realize that the colours on the LGBT flag are actually all straight

Unless it blows?

I realized today I reached my ideal weight years ago.......

I just haven't reached my ideal height of 7'6" yet.

Never realized how much I take sidewalks for granted.

After all, they've been keeping me off the streets for years.

I really want my own reality show on TLC.

Did I mention that I am a morbidly obese little person with 18 children and I just escaped from Scientology!

Just realized my poorly-upvoted posts end up being the answer to "what did the driver do at the race track?"

[erased]

I realized I was getting older when I saw a young lady walking down the street and thought to myself.

I wonder what HER mom looks like....

If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world

The ending would be a cliffhanger.

I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'.

And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'.

I never realised how close "f" and "t" were on the keyboard...

...not until I texted my wife and told her I'd tucked our daughter in, anyway.

I have come to the realization that I am, in fact, a man trapped inside a woman's body…

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have put the l**... next to the glue…

Just realized I really like eggs Benedict when they're served on disposable dishes..

There's just no plates like foam for the Hollandaise

I realized prostitutes name themselves after exotic cars like Porsche or Ferrari because they're "the sexiest ride you'll ever have"...

So my p**... name would be "Teacups."

I just realised that a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in 5 minutes"

Are exactly the same

I realized why Scandanavians are the fastest runners in the world...

...all their races start near the Finnish line.

I realized I am old.... I don't know what discord is...

So I altavista'd it and apparently it's like ICQ..

I never realised Dwayne Johnson lived in the apartment above us.

All this time we had been living under a rock.

I've come to the realization

that my tinder profile is so bad that even bots won't swipe right.

I should've realized sooner my trip to China would be a huge disappointment.

Red flags were everywhere.

I never realized what a positive person I was...

Before I took a drug test.

I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor

I have realized what I need to do to put an end to procrastination.

So I'm gonna do that tomorrow.

I realize the writer of the Iliad and the Odyssey was better than me every time I enter my house

I am home, but he was Homer.

Sometimes I don't realize my girlfriend changed the subject. The other day she asked me, 'have you seen 'The People I've Slept With'?'

I said, 'I don't have that kind of time'

Reality Check

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
Do you know her? the wife asks.
Yes, the husband says. She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
My goodness! the wife says. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?

I realized that Oprah is one of the few celebrities to live up to her name.

Because her audience members Winfrey stuff.
***I reposted because of typo in title.

I realized why priests always have s**... scandals with boys

There are women around but they don't want nun

Just realised that the mirror on snow white is Sir Mix A Lot

Because it likes big butts and it can not lie...

I realized that whacking off helps me fall asleep much faster

This whole time the cure for insomnia was within my grasp

What does reality and an MMORPG have in common?

You never get invited to a party

I never realized British coins were so heavy

They can really add up to pounds.

Just realized I used my old spirit week shirt from school as a fap rag.

It was my Homecumming shirt

I've realized that s**... would solve all my problems....

...if I could just get the right people to try it.

I just realized it's much safer to drive drunk

Because you see the street signs twice and you don't miss them.

I just realized the sub's logo is a microphone.

There's no joke. Just wanted to let you know.

I didn't realize the ancient Egyptians were so concerned with information security.

Everybody who was important got encrypted.

The 1 reality that survived Infinity Wars..

..was the one where Thanos didn't know how to snap his fingers.

I realise I was Dyslexic and gay...

When I was in daniel.

I realized today that I really only have two options when it comes to a career path.

I'm going to end up in jail or working at Olive Garden. Either way endless salads are getting tossed.

I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.

Oh well, hindsight is 1.

I just realized today is my cake day

I Must of been high to Join Reddit

I realized why I can't get an Asian girlfriend

They really are smart

I've come to realize if I ever had an e**...

I'd lose all of my personality

I just realised something really coincidental.

Units of time can correlate to words of inferiority. For example,
* second = second (second place)
* week = weak
* fortnight = Fortnite

I just realised you can't smile while blinking super fast

Not even a joke.just wanted you to smile

I realized that I can't take my dog to the park anymore. He keeps getting attacked by ducks.

I guess that's the last time I buy a pure bread dog.

I actually just realized that cake day is your reddit anniversary and not your birthday because of a notification I just got

It's me. I'm the joke

I didn't realize how bigoted my family was until I brought my gay black boyfriend home

My parents were fairly upset but my wife was absolutely livid.

You do realize that Vampires aren't real...

Unless you Count Dracula.

I didn't realise how difficult it was being an electrician until I tried it myself

I was shocked

I just realized that since my hair is thinning, my scalp may shine through in photographs depending on the lighting, and possibly blind the photographer.

Just some random reflections off the top of my head. Thanks for listening.