Real Life Jokes

119 real life jokes and hilarious real life puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about real life that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Real Life Short Jokes

Short real life jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The real life humour may include short true life jokes also.

  1. Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women's bodies. Women's heads are much harder to put back on in real life.
  2. My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life. Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.
  3. A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed ...just because I re-posted it.
  4. Bigfoot is like a father to me... ... I've only ever seen him in photos, never in real life.
  5. My friend asked me what I was being for Halloween, and I said "Nothing." He said "No, that's what you are in real life, you have to wear a costume."
  6. Despite always being made fun of on the internet, I've never seen a fedora-wearing neckbeard in the real life. I guess that means the stereotype is true.
  7. We play GTA because it let's us do things we wouldn't even think about doing in real life... Like golf, tennis and yoga.
  8. The cast of Friends got shipwrecked on an deserted island... Monica, Joey and Chandler were left behind because in real life David is a Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.
  9. My most dad joke for real life eye rolls. *giving someone a gift card for a specific shop*
    Don't spend it all in one place! ;)
  10. Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president. We need Batman now more than ever

Share These Real Life Jokes With Friends

Real Life One Liners

Which real life one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with real life? I can suggest the ones about reality and live action.

  1. Why do console gamers use their in game names in real life? They don't have anti-aliasing
  2. How do you use calculus in real life? You integrate it
  3. My buddy feels like life's always peeing on him He's a real pissimist.
  4. What did one math book say to the other? When am I ever going to use this in real life?
  5. I saw a microbiologist is person today... He was much bigger in real life
  6. I have discovered real life magicians Whenever the police appears, people vanish.
  7. What does 1 HP of damage in real life? This trend, every time I see it.
  8. Play a real life version of 'Grand Theft Auto' By spending the day in Manchester.
  9. Life is complex... it has both real and imaginary components.
  10. I'm a tire in real life It's a wheel hassle.
  11. Whats a great game on paper, but awful in real life? Hangman
  12. If someone cheats on you in real life then: write "-rep" on their Facebook profile.
  13. Why are anti-vaxxers so hard to meet in real life? They're always at their kids funerals
  14. GTA san Adreas in Real Life
  15. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Amusing Real Life Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about real life you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean real jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make real life pranks.

Sometimes it's tough to tell who your real friends are throughout life.

A good friend will come bail you out of jail. A great friend will be sitting in the jail cell with you saying, "That was fun!"

Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time.

.. then they met Chuck.
There can only be 1 living legend.

I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?"
I said "Because he didn't die in real life"

Chuck can use "save" in real life.
But he doesn't need it.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

Some people only gets called by their nicknames.

Usually it sounds weird to even say their real name.

Me: Real women don't care about romantic clichés.

My internal voice: Please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers, please buy me flowers.

You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.

Got a neighbor who's a real patriot? Always flying the flag? Sneak out late at night and replace it with a large pair of boxer shorts.

r**... Logic Joke

Two r**..., Hunter and c**... decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.
"What's logic?" the c**... asked.
The counselor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a w**... eater?"
"I sure do."
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the counselor.
"That's real good!" said c**....
The counselor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, c**... said, "Amazing!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"
c**... was catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the counselor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"
c**..., proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Hunter was still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked Hunter.
"Math, history, and logic!" replied c**....
"What in tarnation is logic?" asked Hunter.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a w**... eater?" asked c**....
"No," Hunter replied.
"Then you're gay."

Ebay products are like s**...

You look at it online a lot but never see it in real life

Math in the real world

Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."

A real cowboy?

An old cowboys goes into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboys and asks "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am".
She says "That's cool. I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women".
The young lady finishes her drink and leaves and soon after a couple sits down next to the cowboy and the man asks him "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian".

A man looking for work

A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"

A real man can feel embarrassed only two times in his life...

the first time when he can't manage the second time, and the second time when he can't manage the first time.

This week President Obama became the first president to get a life-size 3D-printed portrait done.

It looked so real that Joe Biden argued with it for 20 minutes that Peeta is better than Gale.

Biden then realized his mistake, . . . and admitted Gale is the clear choice.

A Job Interview... "What is your biggest weakness? What is your biggest strength?"

In my job interview, the interviewer told me I had done very well, and he had two final questions for me...
1) what is your biggest weakness?
2)what is your biggest strength?
I said "Well my biggest weakness is that i have trouble discerning between real life and fantasy"
The interview said "okay then, and what is your biggest strength then?"
I replied " Hmm, either that I can fly, or that I can turn invisible."

There's one fantasy scene in 50 Shades of Grey that I'd love to be part of in real life...

...specifically, the part where the protagonist gets a job straight out of college. real life...

Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening and spending time in my pool.
I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them.
And it works.

I already have 3 persons following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.

Gamer's Guide to Real Life s**... Using D20's ages 18+

The ISDS (Investor-State Dispute Settlement) clause of TTIP sounds so crazy that I begin to wonder:

ISDS the real life? Or ISDS just fantasy?

What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get?

Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

Tila Tequila claims to have died and come back to life.

But if she could resurrect her h**..., that would be a *real* miracle.

If life was a video game it would be created by EA

Because you have to pay real money inside the game.

My s**... life (Dirty)

My s**... life is like the Kentucky Derby, four hours of foreplay, and only 90 seconds of real action

the best jokes come from real life right. so i got one.

Today, a black guy gave me a television.

I'm currently playing Pokémon Yellow and I named my character Drunk while I named my rival Sober. Every time they fight then, it's like real life


I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imaginary. It's so complex. I'm afraid his problems will start to multiply exponentially, and he just doesn't understand the root of it all. Pretty soon he won't be able to integrate at all. And just to add to the trouble, those he defines as 'friends' just want to divide his space between themselves. I'm afraid soon he'll go off into the Great Unknown...

Got this new game today called "Real Life"

Tried to login as a female in the china server but it always crashes on the loading sceen

I feel like I only meet people now using hookup apps

the last time I met a guy in real life
I was out drinking
He told me he was a cop
I found that out when he pulled me over

I finally found that "real life" server everyone talks about!

Sadly, its one of those pay-to-win servers.

I was an atheist my whole life until I died, went to heaven, and found out God is real

Well I'll be d**....

A nihilist walks in to a bar

There is no point to this joke, your life is a lie, nothing is real

Real life joke: Call Best Buy on your phone...

...and ask to be connected to the electronics department.

[credit to Mohammed Ali - r.i.p] Mohammed Ali walked on an Elevator...

He sees a guy and a pregnant woman in the elevator.
Ali looks at the guy and says "I swear I never saw her before in my life".
note: this really happened. Older family members who bumped into him in the late 70's to early 80's said he was really funny in real life.

Newspapers represent real life...

There is both black and white, but b**... are the only ones that get sentences

[Nsfw] This girl from Compton had the weirdest IG page. Turns out she was a real life Vampire!

She s**... all the bloods

I thought it would be a cool idea to have sonic in real life

But apparently speed doesn't make animals faster

Whenever people tell me smoking is bad for me, I tell them that my great Grandmother lived to be 100 years old.

And when they say "did she smoke her whole life" I say "no, but she was real good at minding her own business"

I was that kid in high school who would always ask the teacher, "When are we ever going to use this in real life?!" s**... Ed.

It's not true that if you die in your dreams, you die in real life.

However, if you pee your pants in your dreams...

My dad always said that real men have the heart of a lion.

So today I decided that it was finally time to be a real man. I succeeded but I have to go to court for animal cruelty and I received a life time ban from all zoos.

Not many people know that Nelson was 5' 6" in real life. His statue in Trafalgar Square is 17'4"

That's a Horatio of around 3:1

It would make sense if Spongebob was homeless in real life

Because who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

If I beat my meat to Jeffrey Star am I gay?

I mean dudes basically a girl and a real life trap

I just woke up from a dream

I just woke up from a dream
About buying this amazing b**... I can't afford in real life
I guess you could say it's a pipe dream

I was playing roadrash and cop caught me

The game resumes from the checkpoint in real life, if you can tip the cop well.

You ever have those days when real life feels like you were cast in a movie?

Sometimes I'm "Pedestrian #4" and other times I'm "Man on bike".

I found the real life inspiration for the island from Fortnite!

The v**... Islands

My wife is planning a day of debauchery for a friend, otherwise known as a bachlorette party

. A pole dancing class is going to be part of the festivities and the warning on the website is "Classes are not suitable for pregnant women who have never poled before." My response to this being read aloud during the planning "Wait, then how did they get pregnant?"

Q: What do Nickelback and racism have in common?

A: Both are fun to joke about, but I wouldn't want to see either in real life.

I visited a legume museum with a real life peanut gallery

Apparently they're still annoyed with Gregor Mendel not tucking in his shirts.

My math teacher told me to stop copying my homework because I wasn't learning any real life skills

Joke's on him though, I just become a Monk.

A white, a black, and an Asian walked into a bar

The bartender said, "Wow! A real-life panda!"

What did the Queen say when she heard about Prince Harry's plans to marry a bourgeois?

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"

When people ask about how life is going

I tell them that it is so messed up that it can't be real. Therefore I sometimes talk to imaginary people.
That way I am supposedly breaking the fourth wall.

What is true in both Minecraft and real life.

Never waste diamonds on a h**....

You know how TV commercials for burgers places make the burger look much better in the picture than they do in real life?

Yeah, that's Facebook

When you told me, Sorry! Life's just too difficult...

Well, that was a real game-changer

My buddy makes counterfeit life-like paintings of Mongolian battle scenes

He's a real Khan artist.

Bohemia just announced its plans to secede from the Czech Republic.

Is this the real life?

A man walks into a bar for illiterate people. The bartender says, "Don't you hate it when people tell jokes that have specific details about situations that would never happen in real life, just so they can make some dumb pun?" The man, nodding, replies,

"I no write."

A weasel walks into a gas station with a ski mask and a gun, demanding that the cashier puts everything in a bag for him. The cashier says wow! A weasel!! I've never seen one in real life before!

*pop goes the weasel

Chess Joke

You know chess is like a mirror image of real life in a lot of ways. For instance the person playing as black doesn't always lose, but they generally have to work a lot harder.

jokes about real life