One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
...if I could just get the right people to try it.
Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.
Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.
The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.
He keeps saying, At least I have a real friend.
It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."
"I meant any questions about the job." the interviewer sighed.
The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".
"Is that your real name?", she asked.
I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."
They would call it crucifact.
Oh well, hindsight is 1.
It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.
like how she got a job right out of college.
1st get your girl in doggy style and slide in real deep.
Now lean forward and wrap your arms around her real deep.
Now here's the bull part, bring your lips near her ear and whisper another girl's name and see how long you can stay on. Good luck.
its a real shame as he was a great veterinarian
Interviewer: I meant any questions about the job.
Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.
My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.
They all laughed at me and told me she is isn't real.
Well Jokes on them because neither are they
I can't tell you how angry I am
Because he isn't real.
My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh John!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."
Can anyone here give me some tips?
I was told you guys are the best at reposting.
Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.
And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'.
Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is
To prevent a sunburn, he covers his most important organ with a hat.
A woman passes by and notices the hat.
She says, "Sir, a real gentleman always lifts his hat in front of a lady."
The man replies, "Ma'am if you were a real lady, the hat would've lifted itself."
I wouldn't want them to know my real name.
It didn't have any real roots
Son: I knew it I want to meet my real parents
Father: We are your real parents your new ones are coming in 20 minutes
My parents can be real jerks sometimes.
Judge gave me 30 years.
So I mean who's the real winner here?
I don't need to take my pants off to disappoint my parents.
Also, my parents are real.
Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano
Because you're real, but your girlfriend is imaginary
Nothing, it goes straight to voicemail.
And when they say "did she smoke her whole life" I say "no, but she was real good at minding her own business"
... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.
It could have been a real game changer.
My best original joke, taa daaa. !!!
I never knew my real ladder.
Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.
"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.
There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."
"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"
...because my real ladder left when I was a kid.
I'm the real part.
In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have put the lube next to the glue…
There's just no plates like foam for the Hollandaise
I asked her what are the prices?
She said:
£20 for a hand job
£50 for a blow job
£80 for sex
And for £120, i'll do anything!
Anything hmmm....
She's now fitting my downstairs bathroom and repainting my living room.
You can ge some real bargains if you shop around!
The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"
"Africa!", says the parrot.
The ending would be a cliffhanger.
Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.
Apparently parking zones disease is a real thing.
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for a few hours and your real bestfriend will be the one happy to see you.
They can only do it once. Those Hindu suicide bombers are the real threat.
It was a real game changer.
So I studied and worked real hard to become an orcist. Then I quit.
CGI Fridays.
When they ignore you.
Son: What?! I knew it! Where are my real parents, I want to meet my real parents!
Dad: Oh, no no. We are your real parents! The new ones will arrive in 20 minutes.
A plane was going down and the captain said to the passengers "I'm sorry everyone we are going to crash in a few minutes" The passengers looked at each other in fear. One woman got out of her seat and yelled "Before I die I want a man to make me feel like a real woman!" a man a few rows back got out of his seat and said "I will!" she smiled and ran up to him. He then took his shirt off and said "Here, iron this"
It's sure to be a real blockbuster
Because the wall I share with my lesbian neighbors is real thin.
Always asking me if I have a pray station at home.
Well then you know how UK feels
That's because it's imaginary.
I never met my real ladder .
It's a real icebreaker.
part real, part imaginary.
its a nice ladder, but I wish I knew my real ladder.
Dead people really struggle to hold a conversation.
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