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Real Jokes

173 real jokes and hilarious real puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about real that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Real Short Jokes

Short real jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The real humour may include short actual jokes also.

  1. TIL Albert Einstein was a real person. I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
  2. Just found out that "Aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh" isn't a real word. I can't tell you how angry I am.
  3. Our President Elect is a real tough guy... The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a broadway musical.
  4. How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb? The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
  5. I have an imaginary friend, but he keeps making fun of me. He keeps saying, At least I have a real friend.
  6. I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore... They were real nice. Car started right up, and they even helped me with directions back to the interstate.
  7. I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.
  8. Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women's bodies. Women's heads are much harder to put back on in real life.
  9. The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
  10. I only recently found out that Albert Einstein was a real person.. All this time I thought he was only a theoretical physicist

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Real One Liners

Which real one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with real? I can suggest the ones about fake and proper.

  1. If Jesus was real they wouldn't call it the crucifixion... They would call it crucifact.
  2. Just found out that 'aaaaarrrrggghhhh' isn't a real word I can't tell you how angry I am
  3. Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? Because he isn't real.
  4. Why did the polynomial tree fall over? It didn't have any real roots
  5. Why are relationships complex? Because you're real, but your girlfriend is imaginary
  6. Too bad Anne Frank never watched Home Alone. It could have been a real game changer.
  7. I have a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.
  8. I have a stepladder... ...because my real ladder left when I was a kid.
  9. My relationship with my girlfriend is quite complex. I'm the real part.
  10. Anyone see 50 cent perform at the Super Bowl? Inflation is real
  11. Did you know vampires aren't real? Unless you Count dracula.
  12. I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
  13. Everyone's excited for the new Minecraft movie. It's sure to be a real blockbuster
  14. I have a step ladder I never met my real ladder .
  15. If you meet a woman, start talking about global warming. It's a real icebreaker.

Real Life Jokes

Here is a list of funny real life jokes and even better real life puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life. Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.
  • A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed ...just because I re-posted it.
  • Bigfoot is like a father to me... ... I've only ever seen him in photos, never in real life.
  • My friend asked me what I was being for Halloween, and I said "Nothing." He said "No, that's what you are in real life, you have to wear a costume."
  • Despite always being made fun of on the internet, I've never seen a fedora-wearing neckbeard in the real life. I guess that means the stereotype is true.
  • We play GTA because it let's us do things we wouldn't even think about doing in real life... Like golf, tennis and yoga.
  • Why do console gamers use their in game names in real life? They don't have anti-aliasing
  • The cast of Friends got shipwrecked on an deserted island... Monica, Joey and Chandler were left behind because in real life David is a Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.
  • How do you use calculus in real life? You integrate it
  • My buddy feels like life's always peeing on him He's a real pissimist.

Real Good Jokes

Here is a list of funny real good jokes and even better real good puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When I was at the diner tonight my waitress had a black eye. When I ordered I ordered real slow because apparently she don't listen so good.
  • I hear it's a good time to buy real estate in Texas! The housing market is flooded.
  • What's it called when you make sure you smell real good before getting a camera shoved up your bbutt? Cologne-oscopy
  • Do you know the real reason Bigfoot is so good at hiding? ...he owes Chuck Norris money
  • My company recently hired Frankenstein's monster to run our HR department. He's surprisingly good at it. Turns out he's a real people person.
  • Remember when nostalgia was good? Those were some real good times, they really bring me back
  • What type of number is good at swimming? A Real
  • Is it for real what they say about dropping the soap? Sounds too good to be true!
  • My wife is really good when it comes to bread baking competitions She's the real bread winner in our household
  • what makes a good pun? An amazing PUN-chline.
    it has to be a real knockout
Real joke, what makes a good pun?

Real Estate Jokes

Here is a list of funny real estate jokes and even better real estate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Get in on Syrian real estate now! The markets are exploding!
  • What does a british real estate agent care most about? His proper tea
  • An armed man ran into a real estate office He shouted, "Nobody move!"
  • My job is selling houses in places like Narnia, Middle-Earth, Neverland, Oz and Wonderland. I'm a Not Real Estate Agent.
  • Did you hear about the armed man who ran into the real estate office and shouted, "NOBODY MOVE!"
  • What do you call a real estate agency opened by a detective? Sherlock Homes
    (I don't know if it was posted before but I found the joke by myself )
  • Need advice A bit hesitant to invest my money into this dubious Egyptian real estate company.
    I am afraid it might be a pyramide scheme.
  • Women are always impressed when I tell them I work in real estate. And to think, my friends almost talked me out of becoming a grave digger!
  • Why did the mathematician buy a 7-11? Because it was prime real estate
  • I'm moving to California to become a real estate agent... I heard the market is on fire!!!

Real Bad Jokes

Here is a list of funny real bad jokes and even better real bad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • It's getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. "It was pump #5," I replied.
  • People with bad teeth are the real winners They even have the plaque to prove it
  • Did you hear about the Italian kid who hurt his hand real bad? His mom took him to the doctor and asked if he would ever be able to speak again.
  • I got a real bad tan Sun of a beach
  • I've got a brother. He's in prison, and stutters real bad... It's really sad knowing that he'll never finish his sentence.
  • You know, I have a neat step ladder But its too bad I never got to know my real ladder.
  • I was already on stage when I realized Take On Me was a bad karaoke song for me to sing... It was a real Aha moment.
  • They say creaming you pants is bad... But the real problem is the coffee.
  • Double amputees must be real bad at arguments. After all, they don't have one leg to stand on
  • Trump's first tweet on his first day as president. Just visited Area 51. Aliens are real! Government has been lying for too long. Very bad!
Real joke, Trump's first tweet on his first day as president.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about real can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of real puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Giggle-Inducing Real Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about real you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean actual good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make real prank.

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .

When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us...

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, "are you dumb? this is not real money." Little Johnny responds, "You're s**..., neither is the car..."

My Girlfriend's Got A Puncture

My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh John!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."

This was my grandma's favourite joke

Jenny walks into the doctor's office for a checkup, and the doctor needs to check her heartbeat.
"Pull your sweater up real quick, and I'll use the stethoscope.
There we go, thank you. Big breaths, Jenny."
"Yeth, I know, and I'm only thixthteen!"

Marriage, the real story

A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."

I'm not worried about Muslim s**... b**...

They can only do it once. Those Hindu s**... b**... are the real threat.

A plane was going down....

A plane was going down and the captain said to the passengers "I'm sorry everyone we are going to c**... in a few minutes" The passengers looked at each other in fear. One woman got out of her seat and yelled "Before I die I want a man to make me feel like a real woman!" a man a few rows back got out of his seat and said "I will!" she smiled and ran up to him. He then took his shirt off and said "Here, iron this"

I really wish some of the fantasies in 50 shades of grey were real...

like how she got a job right out of college.

Husband: Honey why are there broken condoms on the couch?

Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.

So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder...

The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"
"Africa!", says the parrot.

Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason l**... use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.

Me: s**... isn't real, right? It's just u**..., right?

Interviewer: I meant any questions about the job.

I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. So I shot him.

Judge gave me 30 years.
So I mean who's the real winner here?

My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65....

Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is

I'm not gonna make fun of my grandfather's driving skills anymore.

Apparently parking zones disease is a real thing.

I didn't realize how cold it was outside today...

... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets

I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I can take a look around, but they said "no" and slammed the door on me

My parents can be real jerks sometimes.

I went to a restaurant last night where none of the food was real; it was all just special effects.

CGI Fridays.

My brother got fired from his job because he had s**... with one of his patients...

its a real shame as he was a great veterinarian

The internet is so full of people making up fake stories for fake internet points that no one is giving any credit to the real heroes anymore...

Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano

I don't understand why some people say, "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican."

It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.

I hate women who lie over the smallest things.

My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.
Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.

I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".
"Is that your real name?", she asked.
I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."

I'm always frank with my s**... partners.

I wouldn't want them to know my real name.

I should never have given my real email address to Rolex.

Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.

1948; "Did you hear,the Jewish people finally got their own country? Is this real?" "Yes,it is real!"

My best original joke, taa daaa. !!!

If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world

The ending would be a cliffhanger.

I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'.

And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'.

I went to a brothel and met a p**...

I asked her what are the prices?
She said:
£20 for a h**...
£50 for a b**...
£80 for s**...
And for £120, i'll do anything!
Anything hmmm....
She's now fitting my downstairs bathroom and repainting my living room.
You can ge some real bargains if you shop around!

How do you know a g**... Tinder is real?

When they ignore you.

I have come to the realization that I am, in fact, a man trapped inside a woman's body…

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have put the l**... next to the glue…

Just realized I really like Eggs Benedict when they're served on disposable dishes..

There's just no plates like foam for the Hollandaise

Whenever people tell me smoking is bad for me, I tell them that my great Grandmother lived to be 100 years old.

And when they say "did she smoke her whole life" I say "no, but she was real good at minding her own business"

A man is sunbathing on a n**... beach

To prevent a sunburn, he covers his most important o**... with a hat.
A woman passes by and notices the hat.
She says, "Sir, a real gentleman always lifts his hat in front of a lady."
The man replies, "Ma'am if you were a real lady, the hat would've lifted itself."

How do you know that your dog loves you more than your wife?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for a few hours and your real bestfriend will be the one happy to see you.

I'm having some real trouble mending my broken fence.

Can anyone here give me some tips?
I was told you guys are the best at reposting.

Son, you are adopted.

Son: What?! I knew it! Where are my real parents, I want to meet my real parents!
Dad: Oh, no no. We are your real parents! The new ones will arrive in 20 minutes.

I looked her square in the eyes and said, "s**... isn't real, right? It's just u**..., right?"

"I meant any questions about the job." the interviewer sighed.

I always wanted to be an exorcist

So I studied and worked real hard to become an orcist. Then I quit.

I taught my young daugther to switch out the discs in my PS4 for me.

It was a real game changer.

What's the difference between my parents and my girlfriend?

I don't need to take my pants off to disappoint my parents.
Also, my parents are real.

I've realized that s**... would solve all my problems....

...if I could just get the right people to try it.

What do girls with a daddy k**... call their real dad?

Nothing, it goes straight to voicemail.

I told my friends I have a girlfriend...

They all laughed at me and told me she is isn't real.


Well Jokes on them because neither are they

Father: Son you were adopted

Son: I knew it I want to meet my real parents
Father: We are your real parents your new ones are coming in 20 minutes

I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.

Oh well, hindsight is 1.

My friend was showing me around his toolshed

Pointing to a ladder he said, "That's my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder."

Why use shampoo...

...when you can use real p**...?

My 4yo's first real joke: Why did the clown go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling funny!
#prouddadmoment

Four men are at a bar bragging about how successful their sons are

One says"my son is a successful brick layer and he bought his friend a Lamborghini just because"...the second man says"my friend is a successful real estate agent and he bought his friend a yacht just because"the third man says"my son is a great lawyer and he bought his friend a mansion just because"....their was a minute of silence and the second man asks the fourth man what his son does ...the fourth man replies"he's a gay stripper"..the third man says"oh you must be ashamed I'm sorry"which the fourth man says"not really his three boyfriends bought him a Lamborghini,a yacht,and a mansion just because"

A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.
The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."
The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so I laid down on the railroad track. The train did not come. Wanted to hang myself - the rope teared. Wanted to shot myself - I ran out of ammo.
From my remaining money I brought a beer, tipped some poison into it, and now you drank it."

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.
Ah, he said, That's my altar ego.

Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.
He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.
He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"
The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"

I realized that I can't take my dog to the park anymore. He keeps getting attacked by ducks.

I guess that's the last time I buy a pure bread dog.

two h**... trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .
God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .

I didn't realize how bigoted my family was until I brought my gay black boyfriend home

My parents were fairly upset but my wife was absolutely livid.

Do you think they would write a book about Ellen Page's transformation into Elliot?

They really should.
It would be a real Page-turner

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?
God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought.

During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney

It's a huge act, man..

Real joke, During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney

jokes about real

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these real jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.