Real Estate Jokes
80 real estate jokes and hilarious real estate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about real estate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Real Estate Short Jokes
Short real estate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The real estate humour may include short estate agent jokes also.
- My job is selling houses in places like Narnia, Middle-Earth, Neverland, Oz and Wonderland. I'm a Not Real Estate Agent.
- What do you call a real estate agency opened by a detective? Sherlock Homes
(I don't know if it was posted before but I found the joke by myself ) - Need advice A bit hesitant to invest my money into this dubious Egyptian real estate company.
I am afraid it might be a pyramide scheme. - Women are always impressed when I tell them I work in real estate. And to think, my friends almost talked me out of becoming a grave digger!
- I'm moving to California to become a real estate agent... I heard the market is on fire!!!
- The price of real estate in my neighbourhood has become so expensive only cats can afford it. You need 9 lives to pay it off.
Ps - should this be in /showerthoughts? - Excuse me, are you a booming real estate property? because I'm about to pump my liquid assets into you
- Why did the Real Estate Agent fail to sell the house next to a horse stable? Because his clients were worried about the neigh-bors.
- Honestly, im glad Trump became president, crime dropped his first day on the job. Real estate fraud worldwide dropped within 24 hours
- Why do members of the LGBTQ community invest in commercial real estate as opposed to residential? Because commercial real estate is non binary
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Real Estate One Liners
Which real estate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with real estate? I can suggest the ones about housing market and buying a house.
- Get in on Syrian real estate now! The markets are exploding!
- What does a british real estate agent care most about? His proper tea
- An armed man ran into a real estate office He shouted, "Nobody move!"
- Why did the mathematician buy a 7-11? Because it was prime real estate
- What do you call a detective in the real estate business? Sherlock Homes
- I hear it's a good time to buy real estate in Texas! The housing market is flooded.
- When it comes to board games about buying real estate... Hasbro really has the Monopoly.
- I'm a British real estate agent I only drink propertea.
- What does an amateur Mexican real estate agent say to his clients.? Hey look, homes
- Real estate available on Guantanamo Bay! Don't worry about rent - Boarding is free!
- You can't trust real estate developers. They're always busy with plots and schemes.
- What's a real estate agents favorite song? For lease navidad
- As someone who invested in real estate last year.. I appreciate depreciation.
- I just got a great deal on some real estate in California. It was a fire sale!
- What's the most important part if Japanese real estate? Radiation radiation radiation.
Real Estate Agent Jokes
Here is a list of funny real estate agent jokes and even better real estate agent puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I want to get my real estate license and never ever ever tell anyone... That way I can be a secret agent.
- I want to be a horticulturalist and a real estate agent. That way I can be both a grower and a shower.
- Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on. - As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers... Cause once you've seen one, you've seen a Mall!
- I asked a real estate agent if I could see the pamphlet for the open house "Brochure"
Real Estate Investing Jokes
Here is a list of funny real estate investing jokes and even better real estate investing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call alligators interested in real estate? A: Invest-igators
Howlingly Hilarious Real Estate Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about real estate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean estate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make real estate pranks.
He comes from a long line of real estate people...they're a vacant lot.
I was chatting to this extraordinarily attractive girl the other day...
"What do you do for a living?"' I asked her.
"Real estate, you know, selling houses, apartments etc, What do you have?" she replied.
"At the moment', I replied, "I just happen to have a semi".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Irish friend p**... just told me that he robbed a shop last night.
"What did you get?" I asked.
"26 pictures," he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one is worth over $180,000."
I said, "Dude, these are from an real estate agents."
True Story from South Carolina
A real estate agent said she saw a for sale sign leaned against a stump in front of a house. She saw a car in the driveway and decided to stop and inquire about the property. She rang the bell, an old man appeared, she explained who she was and asked how much the house was listed for. The old man laughed and said "Lady the house aint for sale, the stump is."
What are the 3 rules to buying real estate, the difference between jock itch and athlete's foot, and breastfeeding and a glass of milk?
Location, location, location.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A conversation I just had.
Friend - "My Dad just bought a condo in Afghanistan, what an idiot."
Me - "Are you kidding? Those real estate prices are set to explode."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My gay friend told me never to invest in real estate.
He's super homophobic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I work as a real estate agent, so Im often in charge of lots of different locations for resale. Unfortunately, in recent weeks somebody has been dumping wet mud and dirt onto one of my empty properties that is waiting to be built upon...
***the plot thickens***
You know what they say about location in real estate?
Not much but they say it three times.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his real estate agent to his bedside. Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the f**..., each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.
Well, since we're confiding in each other, said the doctor, I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."
The real estate agent was aghast "I'm ashamed of both of you, I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
LAWYERS DON'T LIE
A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.
He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers cannot and do not lie.
So, he had an idea: he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children. He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent. He liked one of the homes and the agent asked, "How many children do you have?
He answered : "12 children.
The agent asked "Where are the others?'
The lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the cemetery with their mother.
And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.
Don't forget the 3 most important factors in choosing the right words for a ubiquitous real estate mantra:
Locution, locution, locution.
*twitter: @chippedbeef*
Do you know anything about real estate?
"Points to groin" Can you tell me if this is a "lot"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife Mei said to me, "You just rike Trump."
"Confident? An alpha male?" I said.
She shook her head.
"Real-estate savvy? A canny businessman?"
She looked at the floor and sighed.
"Proud father of - "
"No Steve!" She said, slamming the knife down on the counter. "Both roose e**...!"
Jane and Enzo are on a date...
They're walking down an empty beach on a Saturday night talking about eachother.
"I'm in Real Estate," says Jane. Enzo replies "That's right! I've seen your name in front of some big houses in this town!"
Jane replies "Yeah I bet, I'm pretty good at my job."
Enzo says "I'm a ghost hunter."
Jane looks at him and starts laughing at him saying "That's your job? a Ghost Hunter? Hahaha, I've never even seen a ghost before in my life!"
to which Enzo replies "Yeah I bet, I'm pretty good at my job."
Why is the real estate market in Gungan City so bad?
The housing bubbles burst
A man was trying to subdivide a large piece of property he owned in Manhattan.
But no matter how many ways he tried, he was unable to split it up into any number of equal sized parcels. He asked a realtor if she could help, but the realtor said there was simply no way to do it.
The problem, she said, is that's a piece of prime real estate.
My buddy gave me an inside tip on real estate in Hawaii
Yeah I guess the housing mark is really hot right now.
What kind of tea does a real estate salesman drink?
Proper tea
Markiplier: exists
Darkiplier: it's free real-estate
I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt's Valley of the Kings
but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme
I heard it's a great time to buy in California.
Real-estate's on fire there!
Can't sleep but thought of a funny joke. What the most important part of Japanese real estate?
Radiation radiation radiation.
A Bel Air estate once owned by country singer Kenny Rogers lists for $65 million.
$15 million of that is for beard hair removal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's important to remember when buying real estate in Japan?
Look Asian, look Asian, look Asian.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four men are at a bar bragging about how successful their sons are
One says"my son is a successful brick layer and he bought his friend a Lamborghini just because"...the second man says"my friend is a successful real estate agent and he bought his friend a yacht just because"the third man says"my son is a great lawyer and he bought his friend a mansion just because"....their was a minute of silence and the second man asks the fourth man what his son does ...the fourth man replies"he's a gay stripper"..the third man says"oh you must be ashamed I'm sorry"which the fourth man says"not really his three boyfriends bought him a Lamborghini,a yacht,and a mansion just because"
[Long] [Kinda British] There was a man in search of the dumbest pun in the world.
He travelled the globe for months and finally stopped at a campsite with 26 tents. The man went into the first tent, tent A. Three men came in to talk with him and they told jokes for a while. Two of the men said they knew what the dumbest pun in the world was. "It's in tent A!" they said. The last man whispered in the man's ear "It's free real estate."
(NOT THE ACTUAL JOKE)
The last man went to the back of the tent A, dug around for a while and said,"The other two are lying," and tossed a piece of paper at him. It read, 'Pun not in tent Z.'
Real estate mogul Donald Trump announced this week that after 3½ years of marriage, he is seeking a divorce from wife, Marla Maples. According to Trump, Maples violated part of their marriage agreement when she decided to turn 30.
