Read Write Jokes
90 read write jokes and hilarious read write puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about read write that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Read Write Short Jokes
Short read write jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The read write humour may include short write jokes also.
- My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...
- Why did KGB officers always travel in threes? One who could read, one who could write, and the third to watch over those two dangerous intellectuals.
- I keep reading about all these patriots, draped in bright colors and repeating exactly what is said to them, though without any real understanding. Did they maybe mean to write "parrots?"
- Why do Russian policemen go around in threes? One who can read.
One who can write.
And one to keep an eye on the intellectuals. - Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three? One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.
- Why do soviet policemen travel in groups of three? One to read, one to write, and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.
- Why do Russian police officers always work in groups of three? One of them can read, and one of them can write. The third one is there to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.
- Q. "Why do the KGB operate in groups of three?" A. "One can read, one can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals."
- From what I've read, people were a lot more serious about invasive plant species 30 or 40 years ago. A lot of people were writing about stopping the spread of the Soviet onion.
- I always wondered where those little cans of soda came from until I carefully read the writing on one... ...it said, "Made in Halfcanistan"
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Read Write One Liners
Which read write one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with read write? I can suggest the ones about reading and rite.
- If lovin' you is ROM... ...I don't wanna' read-write.
- Did you hear about the horse that could read and write? He was a stable genius.
- I have no empathy for those with read-only access It's my Write Privilege
- I have a class in school where we read stories and write reports on them. It's lit
- In my spare time I like to read, write, and fall in love with unavailable people.
- I learnt the 3 Rs when I was younger. Reading and Writing.
- Did you read the article about the automated journalist? The story writes itself.
Cheerful Read Write Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about read write you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wrote jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make read write pranks.
Place:mental hospital
Doctor:what is wrong with you?
Patient:I wrote a 500 page book
Doctor:what did you write about?
Patient:I wrote a king started going to the jungle with his horse and in the last page he arrived at the jungle
Doctor:what did you write in the other 498 page
Patient:tigdik tigdik tigdik
Tigdik tigdik and so on the other 493 pages
Doctor:you idiot.who will read it
Patient:I will put it on watazapp and some idiot will read it
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes?
A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
A young man is writing his grandmother a letter
His friends sees it and asks him: who are you writing that letter?
My grandma, the boy replies. Why are you writing so slowly? His friend asks him.
She can't read very fast!
Money was a little tight, so I entered a pun writing contest...
I read the rules carefully, and it turns out that there was no limit on the amount of times you could enter, so I submitted ten separate entries.
I thought my chances were good, but I just looked at the contest winners to see if any of my entries won, and unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A Woman Who Reads
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
Young man goes off to university
A young man goes off to university in a town several hours drive from where his parents live. Two months later, he write to his folks. The letter reads, "Dear Mom and Dad, I'm having a great time! I've enclosed a picture, as you can see I've grown a nice goatee! Don't I look like a Count?"
The father says to his wife, "Well that's upsetting. We spend all this money sending him to school, and he can't even spell."
Black sheep
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child.
The Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'
s**... Math Time
So a 54 year old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying that he has been sleeping with an 18 year.
The 54 year old wife reads the note, shrugs and writes one of her own.
When her husband gets home he reads the note, it says:
I know that you've been cheating on me with an 18 year old, but I have an 18 year old of my own and we all know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.
Little John in 1-minute Composition
The teacher asked the class to write a composition that involved at the same time s**..., royalty, and religion.
Not even two minutes had passed when Little John handed in his.
The arm of the teacher still raised to stop him, but she stopped the gesture as she read what he wrote:
And the queen said: Oh, my God, so good!
A teacher, in an attempt to get more enthusiasm from her students, asked them to write a summary of a baseball game.
Within minutes, the first one was handed in. It read, "Rain. No game today."
A woman is having a party and sends out invitations to her friends.
One of the replies she gets is hand-written by a doctor friend. Of course she can't read it so she thinks "I'll take it to my pharmacist. He's the only person I know who can read doctor-writing." The pharmacist reads the note, disappears into the back room for a few minutes and comes back and hands her a bottle of pills.
The Albino and the Black Sheep
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child.
The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Ok, ok, you no tell anyone, I no tell anyone."
An aspiring writer once said, I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!
He now writes error messages for the Microsoft Corporation.
A man is getting prepared to go on vacation
A man is getting prepared to go on vacation, his wife writes him a checklist of everything he needs
He starts to read it out
"Pack clothes? Check"
"Pack toiletries? Check"
"Grab electronics? Check"
"Laptop? Check"
"Know where you're going? Czech"
A little girl writes a Christmas letter to Santa
"Dear Santa, I want a fur coat and a scarf for Christmas." She goes to the post office and sends the letter. Next day the postman reads the letter and decides to give the girl a scarf for christmas. After christmas the postman gets another letter: " Santa, thanks for the scarf, but i bet the mailman took the coat!"
Alpha Kenny Wun
Write that "name" down and ask someone you know to read it out loud during class.
A priest and a shepherd...
... from Australia participate in a gameshow on TV. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It's a city in Africa.
The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:
"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "
The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his poem:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three ladies cheap to rent.
But they were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "
Why can't Ray Charles read or write?
Because he's dead.
If you thought this was going to be a racist or blind joke, shame on you.
A lawyer's dog
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded.
The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher receives a mail from the lawyer.
The contents read
"Pay Consultation fee: $25.00."
Mom writes to her son in Poland's army: "Dear Son, I am writing this letter ever so slowly.....
....because I know you cannot read fast"
Why does the Trump campaign hire people in groups of three?
One who can read, one who can write, and one to keep an eye on the other two "elitist intellectuals."
5 Tips To Improve Your Writing
1. Contractions aren't necessary.
2. Do not overuse exclamation points!!!!!!
3. Don't be redundant, because it can be boring to read the same things over and over again, just restated.
4. Do not appear condescending to your readers. "Condescending" means to look down upon someone.
5. Do not leave hanging prepositions around.
[True Story]: I was following a semi-truck full of coffins...
I tried to get as close as possible to read the bumper sticker on the back. When I could finally see the writing, it read "Drive safely. Yours may be on this load."
I was walking today when i saw a man writing something on top of a lamp post
So i asked: "what are ye writing, mate?"
"Climb up here and read" - he answered
So i climbed up, read it and really shocked. It really said "climb up here and read"
The privileged hangman is a sophisticated fellow.
He can read, write and has a permission to execute.
Moscow cops
Did you hear the one about why Moscow cops patrol in threes?
One who can read, one who can write, and another to keep an eye on the other two "dangerous intellectuals".
My friend's son really has trouble reading and writing.
I told him he's probably quite unliterate.
A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.
One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, s**... and mystery.
The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"
A man writes a paper
A man hands his wife the paper and asks her to read it. She reads it for five minutes, quietly. Then suddenly she lets out an extremely s**... moan. She then hands the paper to her husband and says it was awful.
He responds how did you come to that conclusion?!?
I'd like to apologize if this isn't original but I came up with it yesterday so I'm gonna say it's original content
There once was a young man who wanted to become a great writer...
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Reading The Fifth
I'm writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: I heard from this guy who told somebody …
Don't you love it when you get beautiful texts from someone that cares about you?
So eloquently written, it ties your stomach in knots. Writing so succinct and captivating it gets your heart pounding and racing. Using words that convey such great ideas. I got one like that one today. It read
"Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill."
Truly powerful words. They **blew** me away
An essay by lil Johnny
The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
Trouble reading white names
have a hard time reading white names.
Ideally, you should write names in black or another darker color, white just blends into the paper.
Why are the secret policeman in communist countries always in groups of three?
The first one can read, the second one can write and the third one is there to watch over those intellectuals.
My parents read the book I was writing. They said the man character wasn't likeable...
So, yeah, now I have a new hiding place for my diary.
We have updated our Privacy Statement and Terms of Service
I didn't bother writing a punchline, because you're not gonna read it anyway.
OLD romanian JOKE ABOUT COMMIES
Why do policemen(considered idiots) walk in groups of 3?
One knows how to read, one knows how to write and the other one oversees the intellectuals.
Why do North Korean police travel in groups of 3?
You need one to read.
You need one to write.
And you need a third to keep an eye on the intellectuals.
My friend just finished writing a book called how to make money. But he needs money to publish it.
I told him to read the book.
American School System
5th grade: You better learn cursive, because in middle school; all your work will be done in cursive!
6th grade: Just write print it's easier to read
Highschool: You better learn these core classes because they'll be required to know before college!
College: You have to retake and pay for these Core Classes for your Degree
A teacher was getting fed up with one of her student's bad hand writing-
She said Your hand writing is absolute chicken scratch! I can barely read it. How are you going to get a job if your employer can't read what you write?
He said Don't worry, Miss. I'm going to be a doctor.
Why do cops always walk in groups of 3?
One knows how to read, one knows how to write and the third is protecting the two scientists.
Once Seth low & Seth Teddy visited a town
Where there was a race(marathon) , they participated & it was a tie between both of them , they both divided the prize amount & went on their way.
When the local newspaper heard about them winning , they divided to write an article about it, the only problem was they didn't know their first names.
So the next day's newspaper read "S.low & S.teddy win the race"
Boss: If I knew your writing was so small I'd never have hired you
Me: Well it was on my resume, you should have read the small print
David wanted to be a writer!
There was once this young man who professed his desire to become a great writer. Say hello to David. When asked what he wanted to write, David would say with great enthusiasm, " I want to write stuff that the whole world will read. Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
A decade later, David did fulfill his dream:
David now writes the error messages for Python interpreter.
My wife and I played that game where you write down 5 people we're allowed to sleep with
Ourside of our marriage
She gave me her list and I scoffed at the predictability
Celebrities, athletes, she didn't stand a chance!
However as she read mine a look of complete horror swept over her face
And I was grabbing my coat when she screamed "where the h**... are you going?!"
"I'm going round to see your sister," I said "good luck getting through to George Clooney's agent"
Cake
Q: Why do people like writing on their birthday cake?
A: Because they can have their cake and read it too!
why do kgb agents work in groups of three?
one reads, another writes and the third keeps an eye on these 2 intellectuals
The teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
My girlfriend is writing a book on contemporary feminist literature, and she let me read the manuscript
And I got to tell you, it's— it's pretty good for a girl.
Can't come in
A theatre manager was worried that his headlining act hadn't turned up yet. His assistant came up to him.
"Sir, you just received this letter from the headlining act"
The manager took the letter and read it.
"Dear sir, I am afraid I cannot come in for the show tonight as I have..."
The manager stopped reading and kept staring at the letter.
"I can't read his writing, is that an I or an O?"
The assistant looked at the letter.
"It's an I"
"Thank goodness, I thought he'd shot himself"
A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.
They were wearing robes and sandals, had s**... heads and holding up signs.
One sign read "The End is Near!"
The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"
He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.
He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.
One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said "Maybe we should simply write 'warning: bridge ahead closed'"
Old Soviet Joke
Picked this up from a collection of Soviet-era jokes
\*\*\*
Q: "Why do the secret police patrol in groups of three?"
A: "That way there's always one who can read, and one who can write."
Q: "What about the third?"
A: "Someone's got to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals."
Old soviet joke
The new soviet leader has just taken power.
The former leaders says to him 'I have left you two letters. When you get into problems open the first letter. If you still have problems open the second letter .
About 1 year into his leadership things are going badly for the new guy. He then remembers the words of the former leader and opens the first letter, which reads 'blame all your problems on me'. The new guy does this and everything is fine for a little while.
But sadly things go from bad to worse, so he opens the second letter, which reads 'sit down and write two letters'.
An old farmer writes his son...
An old farmer writes his son (who is in prison) a letter and he tells his son that he won't be planting potatoes this year because there is no way he can dig up the field by himself. His son writes back and tells his his dad that there's no way he can dig up the field cause that's where he hid all the money he stole. Well, the cops read that letter and the next day the cops sure dug up that field good and proper. The same day the cops got to digging, the son writes his dad again telling his dad to go ahead and plant his potatoes and that is the best he can do from in here.
The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny.
"He stopped calling for help yesterday
Why did Soviet policemen always walk around in groups of three?
One could read, and was needed to read ID documents in case of an arrest.
One could write, and was needed to write down the names for punishment.
The third one was needed to keep an eye on these two dangerous intellectuals.
Aspirations
A young boy one day decided to make his desire to become a big writer.
"I want to write things that the people will read all around the world, something that the people will react with a very high emotional level such as scream, cry, get mad and make them suffer" He said.
Now he works at Microsoft and he writes error messages.
My 1st cake day, here's my favourite joke for you all:
Graffiti artist writes on the wall: Person who wrote this is brilliant and person who read this is a idiot.
Dave (you know Dave, everybody knows Dave) who used to walk by this sign everyday got angrier and angrier whenever he read this sign.
So one day Dave got an amazing idea, so that night he went to that wall. He cleared up the graffiti and wrote.
*Person who wrote this is an idiot & Person who read this is brilliant*
Pardon me but I live in France and am writing this by Google Translate. Thank my God for modern day technology. I am speaking French into my phone this moment and I get the English translation. Father, if you are reading this, I need to tell you about my true sexuality and why I have no girlfriend.
I like ten.
The kidnap
A blonde is running a little short of cash, so she goes to the playground and kidnaps Johnny.
She takes him to her home and writes a note:
\- If you want to see Johnny again, leave $10,000 in unmarked bills in a plain paper bag by the merry-go-round at the playground by 8 AM tomorrow. Signed, A Blonde.
She pins the note to Johnny's shirt and sends him home.
In the morning she goes to the playground, and sure enough, there is the plain brown bag containing a large stack of bills, along with a note that reads,
\- How could you do this to a fellow blonde?
In the early 90's, a lonely stray dog wanted a friend and got an idea when reading an old paper...
So the dog walked into the local paper to place an advert in the social column. "I'm lonely" advised the dog "please place an ad that reads: *Woof woof woof. Woof woof. Woof woof woof woof woof woof. Woof. Woof*."
The sales consultant writes it all down before offering "I'll let you in on a secret, for the same price, I can actually add two more woofs?".
Came the reply from the dog "But - then it wouldn't make sense?"
Hey guys, just wanted to wish you all happy holidays.
Reddit is filled with ready-made messages that you don't even read, you just copy and paste to every subreddit, I don't like that, I like writing from my heart. Our friendship, from the deepest to virtual, is very important to me and couldn't ever be represented by a cookie-cutter message from anywhere. So, I'd like to thank you all, you're the best Dave & Buster's subreddit I've ever interacted with.