Read Jokes

Funniest Read Short Jokes

Short read jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The read humour may include short write jokes also.

1. If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called, 'Mark has read'.
2. If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm– –BODY ONCE TOLD ME…
3. Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as... "The most violent book I have ever read"
4. I've just started to read a horror novel in braille. Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it.
5. My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...
6. I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die". I was pretty surprised that "yell for help" wasn't one of them.
7. Me: The earth isn't flat! fiat earther: correct
   me: huh?
   fiat earther: it's the shape of an Italian car
   me: what?
   fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn't you?
8. They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader
9. I feel like, in mythology, Neptune is just a copy of Poseidon Like whoever created neptune literally read what Poseidon's main powers were and was like Ctrl C
10. If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris

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Read One Liners

Which read one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with read? I can suggest the ones about listen and rite.

1. What I if told you You read the title wrong
2. Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other… …the NSA will finally read it.
3. "Do not touch" Must be the scariest thing to read in Braille.
4. I just read through six pages in a dictionary. I learned next to nothing.
5. 1984 is a great work of literature. I think all kids should be forced to read it.
6. My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read any of it.
7. What did the 0 say to the ten? Thanks for reading my joke.
8. Kim Jung Un loves to read books, what does that make him? A glorious reader.
9. I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed... how could anyone stoop so low
10. I've been reading a book on euthanasia... It's so good I can't put it down.
11. I read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. At first I hated it, but by the end I loved it.
12. My girlfriend started reading Bill Cosby's biography... But it put her to sleep.
13. Whenever I'm sad I just read my blood donor ID. It always says B positive .
14. I was shocked to read this. Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy
15. Adam & Eve The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

I Want To Read Jokes

Here is a list of funny i want to read jokes and even better i want to read puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I just read a long article about Japanese sword fighters. If you want, I can samurais it for you.
• My wife thinks I don't respect her boundaries I was so shocked, I didn't want to read her diary anymore.
• My friend wants to read the Dune books because he heard they're really good. I heard they're a little dry.
• "Granny, why do you read obituaries every day?" "Don't worry grandson. I just want to see who is single again."
• I want my tombstone to read.. When I said I wanted to be buried under an apple tree, I meant AFTER I was dead!
• I wanted to read more Now I watch game of thrones with the subtitles on
• Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
• When I want to read fiction, I go to the library. When I want to read nonfiction, I go to the truthbrary.
• I'm reading a book about sufferers of tourettes syndrome... I want to know what makes them tic.
• I read that conservatives want to ban CRT. I'm not happy with that. I can't afford a new television right now.

Read Write Jokes

Here is a list of funny read write jokes and even better read write puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I keep reading about all these patriots, draped in bright colors and repeating exactly what is said to them, though without any real understanding. Did they maybe mean to write "parrots?"
• Why do Russian police officers always work in groups of three? One of them can read, and one of them can write. The third one is there to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.
• From what I've read, people were a lot more serious about invasive plant species 30 or 40 years ago. A lot of people were writing about stopping the spread of the Soviet onion.
• I always wondered where those little cans of soda came from until I carefully read the writing on one... ...it said, "Made in Halfcanistan"
• Why does the Trump campaign hire people in groups of three? One who can read, one who can write, and one to keep an eye on the other two "elitist intellectuals."
• Mom writes to her son in Poland's army: "Dear Son, I am writing this letter ever so slowly..... ....because I know you cannot read fast"
• Moscow cops Did you hear the one about why Moscow cops patrol in threes?
  One who can read, one who can write, and another to keep an eye on the other two "dangerous intellectuals".
• Boss: If I knew your writing was so small I'd never have hired you Me: Well it was on my resume, you should have read the small print
• Cake Q: Why do people like writing on their birthday cake?
  A: Because they can have their cake and read it too!
• My girlfriend is writing a book on contemporary feminist literature, and she let me read the manuscript And I got to tell you, it's— it's pretty good for a girl.

Read This Out Loud Jokes

Here is a list of funny read this out loud jokes and even better read this out loud puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• If I were to invade Djibouti... Do you think Greece would help? [read out loud]
• Did you hear the one about the shark that liked to eat people wearing jeans? It sounded something like
  Den-im...
  Den-im...
  Den-im Den-im Den-im
  denimdenimdenimdenim
  (Read it out loud)
• Why Can't Thor play Piano? He hates playing the Lokis.
  (I know it's bad plus it's better read out loud)
• I don't know who needs to hear this but I'm not going to read it out loud
• Canada was originally supposed to be called Canad. But whenever anyone spelled it, it came out as:
  C
  A
  N
  A
  D
  Eh.
  If you don't get it, reading it out loud might help.
• Why do Catholics not fight during church? Because Mass-Debating is wrong
  (read it out loud)
• A blonde is at the diner A blonde is at a diner and when the waitress comes to take the order, the blonde reads the name tag out loud:
  'Debbie, how sweet.... what do you call the other one?'
• Names that when read out loud sound dirty Hue Janis
  Hue Jazz
  Dixie Normous
  Jack Mehoff
  Mike Hawk
  Phil Mahooters
  Philip Mabung
• Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4. Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...
• Why did the wine critic get kicked off the nudist beach? Because he was wandering around with a semillon.
  (best when read out loud)

Read Out Loud Jokes

Here is a list of funny read out loud jokes and even better read out loud puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A baby grabs his mom's phone and types "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" The mom reads it and says, "For crying out loud, use your voice"
• Alpha Kenny Wun Write that "name" down and ask someone you know to read it out loud during class.
• I used to be a werewolf... But I don't think I am anymoooOOOOOOOOOooore
  (Note: I'll see myself out. It's better when performed out loud and not read!)
• Why was Sherlock Holmes such a successful detective in Australia? Because he had a good eye.
  (Read out loud)
• This usually needs to be told in person, so just read it out loud ————— What do you call a fish with no eyes ? Astyanax mexicanus
• Read the following word out loud. "Cashew" Bless you.
• Driving through the Country My boyfriend saw a farm as we drove by and read the name out loud- "There's Falak Farm."
  I replied- "Yeah, they must grow cucumbers and eggplant there."
• What do you call a epileptic roman emperor? Just had a Seizure.
  (too those who dont get it read it out loud quickly)
• A joke I made up What happened to wendy on her way to neverland?
  She peed her pants
  (read out loud)
• Read these place names out loud to your friends... 1) Isle of White
  2) Isle of Dogs
  3) Isle of Tefon del Boules

Heartwarming Read Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about read you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean study jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make read pranks.