Read Aloud Jokes
26 read aloud jokes and hilarious read aloud puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about read aloud that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Read Aloud Short Jokes
Short read aloud jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The read aloud humour may include short read out loud jokes also.
- How do you tell a chemist from a syndicated worker? You ask them to read "unionize" aloud.
- I asked a hippy if he wanted to leave the party we were at. Know what he told me? Nah, imma stay.
(Works better if you read it aloud) - What do you say when you are trying to scare your girlfriend? Boo bae!
(Read aloud please) - Italian Wedding Invitation (must be read aloud, including punctuation marks) **You, wedding Rosa mister.**
- A quote best read aloud.. *"I really hate small trees. I hold many prejudiced opinions about them"*
**- Bigger tree**
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Read Aloud One Liners
Which read aloud one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with read aloud? I can suggest the ones about read this out loud and say out loud.
- Melania Trumps RNC speech just leaked on live TV It was read aloud by Michelle Obama.
- Whats a grecian urn About ten fiddy an hour
Has to be read aloud - How can you tell that truckers like nuts? They always have pecans!
(Read aloud) - Read aloud and quickly: "One smart feller, he felt smart" Freudian slip?
Comical Read Aloud Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about read aloud you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aloud jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make read aloud pranks.
My wife is planning a day of debauchery for a friend, otherwise known as a bachlorette party
. A pole dancing class is going to be part of the festivities and the warning on the website is "Classes are not suitable for pregnant women who have never poled before." My response to this being read aloud during the planning "Wait, then how did they get pregnant?"
There are three skunks. Mama, In, and Out.
In always stays inside, and Out always stays outside.
One day In went out and Out went in.
Mama soon called for the boys, but only Out came.
"Go find your brother." she ordered.
Out came back with In in less than five minutes.
"How did you do it so fast?" Mama asked.
Out simply replied, "Instincts."
(if you dont get it, read it aloud.)
My attempt to translate an old Polish joke to English
> A policeman approaches a man drinking beer in park and asks him for his documents. Student hands him the documents and the policeman begins reading aloud:
> -ahh, I see we don't have a job.
> -no, we don't.
> -we're jerking around all day.
> -yes, we are.
> -Oh! We are students!
> -No, only I am.
Not 100% sure if I translated it well, improvements welcome:
George bush was attending a morning press conference...
Donald rumsfeld read the daily briefings aloud
"This morning, 3 Brazilian soilders were killed"
"OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE" Screamed the president
The room went silent, everyone was stunned by the presidents emotional outburst.
A moment passed when George asked in a quiet Texas tone "how many is three brazillion?"
Lil' Rascals
read aloud for best effect ...
Teacher stands in front of the class full of the Lil' Rascals.
She asks Darla to spell dictate.
Darla, "dictate: d-i-k-t-a-t. Dictate."
Sorry Darla that is incorrect.
Teacher asks Buckwheat.
Buckwheat says, "dictate: d-i-c-t-a-t-e. Dictate."
"very good Buckwheat," says the teacher. "now can you use it in a sentence?"
"Sure," says Buckwheat, "Darla says my dictate good"
A woman whose husband had entered the Navy, gave the pastor of her church a note just as he was mounting to the pulpit one Sunday morning.
The note said John Anderson, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.
The minister in haste picked up the slip and read aloud,
John Anderson having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safely .
Panda
Two guys are walking in a bamboo forest when the spot a panda. One says to the other "Dude, that panda just ate an entire bamboo shoot!" The panda then pulls out a gun and shoots the one man. The other man says "Why did you shoot my friend?" The panda tosses him an encyclopedia and says "I'm a panda, look it up." The panda bear walks off as the man skims through the pages. He finds the panda entry and reads it aloud. "Panda Bear: Eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves."
A Man Walks Into A Bar.....(Read this one aloud)
A man is working his job as a bartender one night. A man comes into the bar and sits down near him. He pulls a tiny piano and a 12 inch man out of his shirt, and begins to listen as the little man plays piano. The bartender says, "That's amazing! Where did you meet this guy?" The man responds, "Oh, a genie gave him to me. He's down the street right now, giving out free wishes".So the bartender took his break, and went down the street to meet the genie. The man found a person sitting on the street and asked if he was the genie. "Yeah" said the genie. The bartender immediately said "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a huge flock of ducks flew out of the sky and began attacking him. He ran back to the bar, where the other man was drinking his beer. "That genie s**...! I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!" The man looked at the bartender and said "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
John was on his deathbed
and his family was gathered near. Then his best friend Jim arrived and stood close to him. John's condition rapidly deteriorated and he motioned to something to write with. When offered, he quickly scribbled something and gave it to Jim. Out of respect, Jim placed it in his pocket as the nurses desperately tried to save John. A few seconds later, they declared that he had died.
At John's f**..., Jim was about to give the eulogy when he remembered the note. He told the gathered mourners: "in his last moments, John wrote something to me, that I am sure will inspire me and countless others for years." He took out the note and read aloud "you're standing on my oxygen tube"
Courtroom
At a r**... trial the young victim was asked by the D.A. what the defendant said before the alleged assault. Too embarrassed to answer aloud, the victim asked if she could write out the answer. After reading the note, the judge instructed the jury foreman to read it and pass it among the rest of the jurors.
One juror, who had dozed off, was nudged by the woman juror
sitting next to him. He took the note from her and read, "I'm going to f* you like you've never been f*ed before."
The juror smiled at the woman and slipped the note in his pocket. "Will juror number 12 please pass the note to me!"
ordered the judge.
"I can't, Your Honor," the juror answered. "It's personal."
The Florist
I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'
When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
Just where do you think you going? she asked.
What do you mean? I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: Thanks for putting up with me. So long.
A priest visits a man on his deathbed...
When the priest walks over to the hospital bed, the man's condition worsens rapidly. He tries to speak, but can only produce a faint wheeze. Realising that the man is trying to utter his final words, the priest reaches for a pen and paper and gives it to him. As the man slowly hands the note back to the priest, he passes away. Rather than read the note there, the priest tucks it away in his pocket.
Several days later, while the priest is delivering the eulogy at the man's f**..., he realises that the note is still tucked away in his pocket.
"...Just before he passed, Fred handed me a note that I'd like to read to all of you here today. Knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of wisdom to be found by us all."
The priest unfolds the note and reads aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
What's the stupidest joke you know?
Here's mine:
A panda walks into a bar and orders his food and drinks. When he's done, the panda gets up and pulls out a gun, which he then shoots into the ceiling. He promptly leaves.
The next day, the panda goes into the same bar, at which point the bartender says, "Hey! You can't come in here after what you did yesterday, you didn't even pay!"
To which the panda says, "bartender, look up the definition of a panda in the dictionary."
The bartender opens his dictionary to "panda" and reads aloud, "panda - eats shoots and leaves."