Read A Book Day Jokes
39 read a book day jokes and hilarious read a book day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about read a book day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Read A Book Day Short Jokes
Short read a book day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The read a book day humour may include short book week jokes also.
- I was reading a book about Stockholm Syndrome the other day. It was really bad to begin with, but by the end I quite liked it.
- Gave my blind mate a cheese grater the other day... He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
- imortal dog I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day
It was impossible to put down. - A self-help book sold 3000 copies on the day of its release. A self-help book sold 3000 copies on the day of its release because of a typo error.
The title read 'How to change your wife'. - The other day, I was reading this great book about an immortal dog. It was impossible to put down.
- Give a teen a basketball and he would have fun for a day Give a blind man a basketball and he would read it like a book
- Just the other day I was reading The Art of the Deal Good book, but the book abruptly ended at Chapter 11
- Santa used to work alone and was overwhelmed, but one day his life changed. He read an elf-help book.
The only problem is, now he has to pay elf-employment tax. - My wife was blocking my way one day, reading her book on sheep, when I was desperate for the toilet. I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went on a rampage.
- I was reading a book on c**... addiction the other day After the first few lines I was hooked.
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Read A Book Day One Liners
Which read a book day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with read a book day? I can suggest the ones about reading week and library books.
- I read a really good book about gravity the other day. I just couldn't put it down.
- I read a book the other day, it said 3-4 years on it but it only took me a week.
Read A Book Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about read a book day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean book club jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make read a book day pranks.
One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Inspiration.
A priest sees a young man walk into his church. He's downtrodden, shabby-looking, obviously in distress.
"My son, what's troubling you?"
"Oh, Father, I'm at my wit's end. I got fired, the bills are piling up, my credit cards are maxed out, I'm about to lose everything. I don't know what to do!"
"Take heart, my son" the priest says. "All shall be well in the fullness of time. Go to a nice, quiet park, where you can be at one with nature. Set your bible on a table, contemplate your trials and tribulations, and wait for the wind to flip the pages of your good book. Read what it says there, and you shall find your inspiration."
The man leaves, and the priest does not see him for several weeks. Then one day, the young man pulls up to the church driving a new Porsche, wearing an expensive Italian designer suit, obviously on top of the world.
"My goodness, son, you've certainly turned your life around!"
"Yes, Father, and I owe it all to you! I did what you said-when I looked at my bible, I knew I had found the answer!"
"That's wonderful, son. But if I may ask, what was it that you read?"
"Chapter 13."
A Woman Who Reads
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
So people are loading into an airplane
And the pilot of this airplane is blind. At the end of the take off s**... is a huge lake. All the people on the plane are relaxing reading books and talking to each other as the airplane starts to roll down the s**.... A few people see that they are heading towards a lake but they assume the pilot knows what he's doing. The airplane is going dangerously close to the lake and the plane is still not taking off, at this point people are starting panic. The plane is still not taking off and it's way too close to the lake. At this point everyone on the plane is screaming and yelling because the plane is about to plunge into the lake at the end of the s**.... The plane is about 10 feet away from the lake then it lifts off the ground and takes off. The passengers calm down slowly and return to reading and talking . In the front of the plane the pilot laughs to himself and mumbles "one of these days the passengers won't scream and we'll all die."
It's the first day of 3rd grade...
Their teacher wanted them to behave more grown up since they were no longer in second grade.
As such, the teacher told them to use grownup words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
Susie went first and said she went to see her Nana.
The teacher said, 'No, no, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown-up word.'
Next Samantha said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. Once again the teacher again said, 'No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown-up word.'
Then the teacher asked Johnny what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and, in a very adult way, replied, 'Winnie the s**....'
I'm not fishing
A woman had become tired of the family stressing around her, so she went to the nearest lake and borrowed a boat, sailed out to the middle of the lake, throws in the anchor and sits down and starts reading the book she brought with her.
Ten minutes later a boat aproaches and she notices it is the sheriff.
"Do you have a fishing permit?" the sheriff asks
"no, I'm not fishing I'm reading my book"
"but you have the boat full of fishing equipment, there's nothing to stop you from fishing when I turn my
back on you. So I will have ask you to follow me to the shore, so I can write you a fine for i**... fishing"
"If you do that I'll yell r**..."
"r**...?"
"yeah you got the equipment for it, there's nothing to stop you from using it when I turn my back on you"
the sheriff tips his hat to the lady "Enjoy the book, and have a nice day"
*edit spelling*
A teacher assigns her students to read a chapter of a book.
"Class, I want you to read chapter 31 of the book I assigned you. Understood?"
The entire class agreed. "Okay. Class is dismissed. Remember to read it."
Skip to the next day in the classroom. "Okay, so whoever read chapter 31, please stand up."
Every student stood up. "Now, all of you go to the principals office."
Every student is shocked and confused.
"Why, you ask? There isn't any chapter 31!".
Never argue with a woman
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out herself.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read a book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish & Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that quite obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I am reading!'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up a ticket.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
You've Been Programming Too Long When...
When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.
The best day ever....
The best day ever is *tomorrow*. Tomorrow we will all enjoy a workout, begin to learn, work hard, stop drinking and smoking, begin to read some book, stop to eat after six in the evening: But everytime one wakes up, is it always TODAY !!!
It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year.
To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, "I went on a choo-choo train ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a train ride."
The second child says "I went on a tug-tug boat ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a boat ride."
The third child says, full of pride, "I read a book." "Which one?" asks the teacher.
"Winnie-the-s**...!"
A joung Jew loved to read books
He loved to read so much that he read all of the books in the library in his town. So one day he went to a bookstore and asked if they had a book that he haven't read yet. An old Jew that worked there said yes and handed the boy a strange, covered in dust book titled "DEATH". He said to the boy:
"Here is the book that you've probably never heard of. I can sell it to you for $10 if you promise me to never, ever open it at the last page."
The boy agreed and bought the book. He read it and liked it very much, but, as promised, he didn't open it at the last page. One day he could bear it no longer and checked the last page. "Suggested Retail Price: $5".
Frog reads a book
There's a man who goes to the library and sees a frog there, who takes out 10 books.
The next day, the man goes back to the library and sees the frog return the ten books, and check out another 16 books! The man is very curious to how the frog reads these books so quickly so he decides to follow him home...
THe frog gets homes, sits down, picks up the book and goes "Readdit" Picks up the second book and goes "Readdit!" and so on....
A father regularly tells bedtime stories for his son
One day, the son asks the father if he could finally choose the book he wanted his father to read for him. The father reluctantly agreed and the son points to a book with a clock on the cover. The father immediately puts away the book, saying that he was saving it for later on.
Months pass when finally, the father retrieves the book. The son questions the father about why he has decided to bring it out now and the father responds, "it's *about time*".
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that
a chimp was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the chimp, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...
One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"
"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother."
The sad truth
When you get your cake day at 2 am and can't post until and everyone after don believe you the sad truth
But anyways a friend asked me what i was reading and i said to him
Me: a anti gravity book and i think it's so intresting and impossible to put down
He didn't talk to me one week after
Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...
I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.
My parents' Christmas gift for me.
When Christmas day arrived, I was so excited to open my gifts that I woke up before my alarm. I went down stairs and opened a thin, rectangular box. It was a book! The title read, Anti-gravity. I read that book the whole day as I couldn't put it down.
Next time you're feeling down remember life is all about perspective
I have a friend who has s**... 2-3x a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison
Next time you're feeling down, remember that life is all about perspective.
I have a friend who has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day and reads two books every week yet he always complains how he much he hates prison.
Life is Perspective...
Next time you're feeling down, remember life is about perspective.
I have a friend that has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week, yet everyday he complains how much he hates prison.
Life is all a matter of perspective
For example, I know a guy who eats three square meals a day, reads two books a week, works out twice a day, has s**... every week...and STILL he complains about being in prison!
Life is all about perspective. Take my friend for example...
...The guy has s**... at least twice a week. He works out like everyday. He reads a book at least every few days... but the guy is constantly complaining to me about hiw bad prison is.
LPT: If You're unhappy with your life, remember it's a question of perspective, my friend has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises daily, reads two books weekly, but he's still complaining about his life
...in prison
