Reaching Jokes

Sometimes, life can be difficult as we reach milestones such as 65 or 60. Instead of looking at it as a difficult task to achieve, we can laugh instead! Here, we explore how 'reaching jokes' can help make the process of reaching milestones a bit easier and show how laughter can be tightly woven into the process of reaching our goals!

Humorous Reaching Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

A Texan and a New Yorker are sitting in a bar.

The Texan, feeling boastful, says, "Back home in Texas, I can get in my truck at sunup and drive a straight shot until sundown without reaching the edge of my property."

The New Yorker nods sympathetically and replies, "Yeah. I had a car like that once."

A preacher is reaching....

...the end of his sermon. He tells the congregation "Now for next week, I need everyone to read Leviticus chapter 28. It ties into my sermon" A week passes. The preacher reached the pulpit and asked "How many of you read Leviticus chapter 28?" Everyone raised their hands. The preacher looked and said "Ladies and gentlemen, there is no 28th chapter to Leviticus. Now let me start my sermon on lying."

Getting punch at a party.

A drunk stumbles into a party and gets in line to grab a drink from the punchbowl. Upon reaching the terminus, he spills the entire bowl all over the table and those closest to him in line. A bouncer seizes him by the scuff of the neck and angrily declares: "Look what you've done! You've screwed up the punchline!"

jokes about reaching

Escalator Literature.

a step by step guide to reaching new levels

Black Santa reached into his bag of presents...

He may have been reaching for a weapon. An officer involved shooting occurred.

I could never fist a girl

My hand would always be reaching for a Pringle.

Reaching joke, I could never fist a girl

I was walking down the High Street with my wife...

... and upon reaching a corner, we saw six men beating up someone. I was going to turn and lead my wife away from the crime happening before us, but suddenly she exlaimed

"Oh my god it's mom! Quick quick! Go and help!"

I turned to her and said

"Nah. I think 6's enough."

My local hardware store was closed, so I travelled 2 hours for a wrench

Now I'm reaching new Lowe's.

When reaching a high shelf, do you jump up to get it, or stand on a foldable tiered platform?

Because most people prefer the ladder.

Have you heard about the airplane industry?

Its really taking off and reaching new heights.

You can explore reaching reach reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean reaching rises dad jokes. There are also reaching puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Three Chinese went to America..

Three Chinese named Chu, Bu, and Fu went to America.

Upon reaching there they decided to Americanise their names.

So Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck..

And Fu decided to return to China.

Jeb! should be called WTC 7

Never reaching the heights of his namesakes, and falling down without being hit by anything.

What is the best thing about having sex with a transgender?

Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

I shook hands with my Congressman yesterday...

I didn't mean to, I was just reaching for my wallet.

Finding Money

Reaching into a pair of pants and finding a wad of money is a great feeling . . . . until the person wearing the pants starts screaming.

Reaching joke, Finding Money

The Australian border patrol is so good...

they even stop the good internet from reaching Australia.

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

What's the best part of having sex with a transvestite?

Reaching around and imaging you are poking through

Old guy at work told me that hahaha

A mountain climber's dog falls off a cliff just before reaching the peak. He says...

"Dog gone."

Is your business interested in reaching a larger and wider audience?

Pm me for my ex wife's email address

Given the choice between reaching for things and using a tool to climb to them...

I'd prefer the latter.

Crime

A bus conductor was making his rounds for collecting fares. On reaching a mischievous boy, the conductor asked the boy for his fare.
Boy: My name is crime.
Bus Conductor: Who cares?
Boy: Do you know that crime does not pay?

What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal?

A keeper

Once a terrorist blows himself

After reaching Allah's gate he asks for his 72 virgins

Allah replies" You misunderstood me my son,there is only one Virgin and she is 72 Years old"

The god of thunder rides to the top of the mountain atop his noble steed.

Upon reaching the summit, he gets off his horse, raises his hammer to the sky and yells, "I am Thor!"

The horse turns around and says, "That'th cuth you forgot your thaddle thilly!"

Reaching joke, The god of thunder rides to the top of the mountain atop his noble steed.

Why did Yoda need a stepladder in the chocolate shop?

Because he was reaching for a galaxy far, far away.

Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville Dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

Nasa just declared an apocalyptic asteroid is reaching earth in 10 minutes.

Melania: So what do we do?

Donald : Sex?

Melania: What about the remaining 8 minutes?

A sad day indeed

About a week ago I was walking my dog Fido through the park and a mentally disabled kid ran up to us. Immediately upon reaching my dog he started petting him. My dog is not a violent dog by any means but he was spooked and bit the kid. After this incident he ended up getting put down. It saddens me deeply but at least Fido is ok.

TIL climbing Mount Everest with a partner and having sex share a common crucial point

if you choose to take a small nap while close to reaching the summit, you will never wake up.

Stalin ruled Russia with an iron fist...

The arm of the law it was on, however, had a very hard time reaching us.

Isn't the pull out method a little barbaric?

Literally reaching in to pull out the fetus seems painful

The police never get tired...

They're always getting arrests.

(a bit reaching I know)

If Cats Never Existed...

Then Donald Trump would have nothing to grab on. It would be like reaching out to thin air.

A doctor rushes out of the hospital to sign a contract at his lawyer's office. Reaching into his jacket pocket he pulls out a rectal thermometer...

"Dammit, some asshole's got my pen again!"

What do modern universities and Cersei's womb have in common?

kids coming out of them have no chance at reaching adulthood.

My wife got a giant new back massager the other day.

I haven't figured out yet how she's reaching her own back with it, but I hear her using it all the time and she hasn't asked me for help once.

The best way to prevent Hurricane Jose from reaching the US

Is by building a wall along the boarder.

I jumped into a taxi with my date last night.

I said to her, "What would you say to a blow job when we get back to my place?"

She said, "You seem like a nice guy and I've had a good time... so why not? Okay!"

"Great!" I replied, reaching over to the taxi driver. "Is that okay with you mate? I'm broke."

RIP Hugh Hefner

Through his death, I'll be reaching for tissues in his honor for the rest of my life.

Reaching 3rd base in the back of a car, she stops me and tells me she wants to be safe

I put her seatbelt on.

George R. R. Martin found dead after reaching peak popularity.

Just like his characters.

I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

When he came back he handed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Can you help him?

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

A drill seargant walks up to a recruit

and asks, "Private! Do you have change for a 20?"

"Sure buddy", replies the private, reaching into his pocket.

"Thats no way to speak to a superior officer!" Bellows the seargant,"Lets try again!Private! Do you have change for a 20?!"

The private snaps to attention and replies "Sir! No sir!"

How do the blind know when they're reaching the ground on a parachute jump?

The leash goes slack

A little girl was sitting on her granddad's lap while he read her a story. She kept taking her eyes of the book and reaching up and touching his old, wrinkled face.

After a few times doing this, she finally asked, "Grandpa, were you made by God?"

"Yes, dear." he replied. "I was made by God a long time ago."

The little girl paused for a moment and then asked, "And did God make me?"

"Of course, dear." replied her grandfather. "God made you not long ago."

The girl felt her own face and then her granddad's again, thought for a moment and then said, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

Relationship Status

Just reached for my dog's paw and he pull it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote

Three men were sentenced to death.

The day of their execution arrives, the first man was hanged but fortunately the rope loosens and he fells into the water below the platform. The same happens with the second man. It was now the turn of the third man, but before reaching to the pole he requests the person in charge, "You better tighten that rope of yours because I don't know how to swim."

Did the band Earth, Wind, & Fire even know...

...how close they were to reaching the Avatar state?

"What's gonorrhea?" asked my girlfriend.

"Let me show you," I said, slowly reaching down. My girlfriend began to frown

Then I pulled a dictionary out of my pocket.

Just finished no legs November

This month I will focus on reaching my ultimate goal, no legs 2018.

If people clap after landing in a plane...

Why dont people clap after reaching a bus stop?

How can you scare people with your impression of an elephant?

Turn both of your pants pockets inside out, and say, hey, you ever seen my impression of an elephant? while reaching for your zipper.

"Captain, a battalion is reaching towards us."

"Friends or foes?"
"Well, they must be friends, because they're coming all together."

Emma was not like the other girls. She didn't know why all the others were crazy about Derek. She felt more intimate with Jessie and the cheerleaders than with another guys. She was reaching a moment in her life when she had to ask herself the question.

Emma gay

The big race

It was the day of the big race. Usain Bolt was going to run against a cheetah, the world's fastest animal, capable of reaching speeds of up to 70 mph!

People knew Usain didn't stand a chance, but watched anyway. At last, they were off, and in a matter of seconds the race was over - amazingly, Usain Bolt came out victorious!!!

Because...cheetah's never win.

A preacher and a young boy were sitting at a bus stop.

The boy had a bottle of clear liquid and he kept shaking it up, looking at the bubbles. The preacher asked the youngster what he had in the bottle. "Preacher man, this here is the strongest liquid known to mankind, Turpentine!"

The preacher reaching into his vest pocket, "Young man, I beg to differ! This here is holy water! You put some of this on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a baby boy!". The boy replied, "Heck preacher, that ain't nothing! You put some of this on a cats ass, it will pass a motorcycle!"

Dad Joke of the year!

# To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!

Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?

Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..

Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.

A man asked his wife what she would do if he won the lottery

I would take my half and leave you , his wife said.

The man pondered for a minute before reaching into his pocket. He then handed his wife a $5 bill. She gave her husband a confused look and he said, I won 10 bucks on a scratch off today. See you around.

My nurse wife told me this one a while ago

Why can you never get any painkillers in the jungle?

Cus parrots eat 'em all



This one always puts a smile on my face, even when I'm reaching for painkillers with a headache.

Recently, my husband put his car in reverse and accidentally drove it into a wall...

He took it to his mechanic, who replaced the dented bumper.

A few days later, he did it again. "I'm so embarrassed," he moaned, reaching for the phone.

"Why not tell her it was me this time?" I suggested.

"Maybe I will," he said while dialing. "It worked the last time."

my brother and i are totally failing at reaching out to women's groups to let them know of new vaccine availability

not one response to our invitation to a johnson & johnson injection

My relationship status:

I just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away, so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

A man wins a horse race

A man won a horse race after the other horse dropped dead before reaching the finish line.

However, the winner had a hard time enjoying his victory, because it's no fun beating a dead horse!

The Last Fight

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. They saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

With their dwindling energy, they let out another strained cry for battle, and lifted their chipped tools, charging nearly head first into death.

The final line proved too brutal for their torn souls, slipping from the elbows of war and plunging hard into the revolting, fetid puddle beneath them.

This is the last time I wear long sleeves while doing dishes.

A husband and wife give up their identical twin boys for adoption. They name one of them Juan and the other Amol

Years later the wife receives a letter from Juan reaching out to her, he included a picture. Elated she showed her husband who was excited to see his son doing so well in life.. weeks later they receive a letter from Amol telling them how well he is doing and also included a picture. Wife asks hubby " do you want to see your sons picture?" hubby replies "Why? if you've seen Juan you've seen Amol"

The husband gets a love bite on his neck from his secretary

He goes home quite worried, but suddenly gets a brainwave! Upon reaching his house, he allows his pet dog to jump on him and shouts:

"Honey, our dog bit my neck!"

The wife removes her bra and says:

"See what he did to me!"

A lawyer goes to attend a function in his BMW.

On reaching there, he meets a friend and starts talking, his car parked nearby. A car suddenly comes crashing into his BMW, nearly taking a door off. The lawyer, howls at the top of his lungs, "LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO MY BEAMER!!" His friend remarks, "You lawyers are so pathetically materialistic, you didn't even notice that he ripped your wrist off!" The lawyer looks at his bloodied hand, and nearly fainting, exclaims "WHERE'S MY ROLEX?!"

The Irish farmer

While on a trip in Europe, the farmer from Texas was driving through Ireland. He came to a farm and saw a man repairing a fence by the road. The Texan stopped and asked the man if this was his farm. Oh yes answered the Irish farmer, everything you see from the river down there to the hills up there is mine. The Texan smiled and said – well on my farm back in Texas I can drive my car the whole day without reaching the other side.

Now it was the Irish mans turn to smile while he said - Oh, I used to have a car like that too.

See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!

Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?

Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..

Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.

(True story) After reaching the height of his fame, Alec Guinness went into a restaurant and dropped his jacket off at the reception..

When it was time to give his name, the Receptionist told him it wasn't necessary. Feeling flattered, Alec went to his table..

At the end of the night, he went to pick up his jacket. In the pocket of his jacket, there was the ticket stub. On the ticket stub, where his name was supposed to be, it said old man with glasses .

A fan emailed Bethesda about Starfield

A fan emails Bethesda and asked if the game would contain any Huge Insect Aliens like in Starship Troopers.

A few weeks later he gets a reply back stating the following:

Hi
Thanks for reaching out.
While we can make no promises of insects in the massive universe, we promise Starfield will be full of bugs!

The entire crew of the first manned mission to Jupiter died upon reaching the planet...

I guess nobody quite understood the gravity of the situation.

A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building

So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.



The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.



The last one is the Christian man. He jumps and starts praying: O u r F a t h e r i n H e a v e n, hallowed be your name. YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL... BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the reaching atop puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working reaching reaching 60 piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes